The Way You Say My Name Ch. 21

Megan was lying in the same position, the bed covers clutched around her like a shield. “Hello, Heath.”

Heath swallowed so hard, Dillon could hear it. “Hi, honey. How are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess. The doctor says I’m healing. No sign of infection near my incision, and my vital signs are good, whatever that means.”

“That’s great, Meggie. I . . . Oh, hell. I was never good at polite conversation.” He came forward and stood beside the bed. “Baby, I’m so damn sorry for this. For leaving you like I did, for the miscarriage. All of it.”

Megan held herself with such brittle control, Dillon thought she might shatter. “It wasn’t your fault, Heath, especially not the miscarriage. According to Dr. Byrd, that would have happened no matter what.”

Heath sank down in the chair beside the bed while Dillon stood on Megan’s other side. “Maybe so, but I should have been there to see you through it.”

“Why? You didn’t even believe there was a baby.”

“Honey, you have to let me explain. See, there was this girl a few years back. When things started cooling off between us, she lied about being pregnant to trap me into something I wasn’t ready for.”

“And you thought I’d done the same thing?” Megan closed her eyes. “You must not think very much of me to believe I could do something like that. Is that why you dumped me, because I was so unworthy of your love and trust?”

“No! Dammit, Megan, I’m trying to tell you that you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who fucked up. I care about you, baby. I didn’t even realize how much until I found out you were in the hospital.”

Megan opened her eyes, and Dillon was shocked to see how hollow and empty they were. “Nothing’s changed, Heath.”

Heath tried to take her hand, but Megan pulled away. “You’re wrong. We’ve been given a second chance. We can start over, do this thing right. I’ll treat you the way I should have in the beginning, show you the respect you deserve.” His voice dropped to a low murmur. “And I won’t rush you into bed this time. I’ll be careful with you, angel. No more babies until we’re both ready.”

“There won’t be any babies for me, Heath. Not now, and probably not ever.”

“I know you feel that way right now, but, in time, you’ll change your mind.”

Megan’s small hands knotted into fists as she clutched the rough blanket. “You don’t get it. When Dr. Byrd went in to fix the damage caused by the ectopic pregnancy, he had to remove one of my tubes. That cut my chances of getting pregnant again in half.”

Heath wasn’t giving in. “Fifty-fifty isn’t so bad. When the time comes--”

“Let me finish.” Megan’s face was turning red and her breathing was shallow. “I have scar tissue left behind from the surgery, but they won’t know how bad it is until my wounds heal. It could very well thicken, maybe even block my uterus and my other tube. According to Dr. Byrd, I have less than a thirty percent chance of getting pregnant without more surgery or some type of assisted reproduction technique.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. We have plenty of time.”

“You’re the one who’s not listening. We’re out of time. It’s too late for us.”

Heath didn’t budge. “I refuse to believe that, Megan, and I don’t think you really believe it, either. You’re letting your anger and grief do all the talking.”

Megan’s face contorted with some of that anger Heath had just mentioned. “What would you know about my grief? I’m the one who lost the baby.”

“It was my baby, too, honey. You’re not the only one who’s suffering.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Heath must have seen the fire gathering in Megan’s eyes because he moved back a little as she sat up and unleashed all the pain and self-loathing she’d been carrying inside. “What are you trying to say? That you’re all torn up over the death of a baby you didn’t even think existed? Bullshit. You’re glad it’s dead. Glad to be rid of it. Of me.”

“That’s a lie.”

“Yeah, well, you know all about lies, don’t you? All those times you pretended to care for me just so you could get laid. All the sweet words you’re spewing out now. You feel guilty because you didn’t believe me, and now you’re trying to make up for it by acting like you actually have real feelings for me.”

Heath stood up and leaned over the railing of the bed. “I never pretended to care about you, Megan. I didn’t have to. I’ve always had feelings for you. I . . . I . . .”

Dillon willed him to say the words. Tell her you love her, Heath. Don’t blow it now. But it didn’t work. Heath balked, and Megan clenched her jaw as she confronted the truth as she saw it.

“What are you trying to say? That you love me? Is that it? Cause if it is, you look more like a man who’s just had a root canal without anesthesia than a guy who’s about to declare undying love.”

Heath clutched the plastic rails so hard they creaked. “I don’t know anything about love. Hell, I’m not even sure it exists. Not the kind of love people are always spouting off about, anyway.” He leaned down to better see her face. “That doesn’t mean you and I can’t have something special. I’m sure as hell willing to try. We had fun together, remember? We can again.”

Dillon bit back a groan as he watched Heath’s words wash over Megan’s rigid body. He was proud of the self-control in her voice when she spoke. He could only guess what it was costing her.

“Fun, huh. As in the no-strings-attached version of fun we had before?” She waved her hands over herself. “Look at me, Heath. Do I look like I’m having fun? When I told you I loved you and you ran out on me, was I having fun then? When I told you I was pregnant and you called me a rotten liar, was that the fun part? No wait. I’ve got it. The fun part must have been yesterday at the theater when I almost died trying to hold on to my baby, the one thing I wanted above anything else and will probably never have now.” Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears, but she held herself together. “Thanks for the offer, but no thanks. As much as I hate myself right now, even I know I deserve to be more than some guy’s fuck buddy.”

“Dammit, you’re more to me than that.”

Megan shook her head. “Just get out, Heath. Go away and leave me in peace.”

Heath started to refuse, but Dillon stepped in. “You heard her, Heath. She’s had enough.”

Heath thought it over for a tense minute before giving in. “Fine, I’ll go. But I’ll be back, Megan. This isn’t over. Not by a long shot.”

Megan’s lip trembled. “Over? How can it be over when it never even started?”

Heath didn’t reply. He stormed out of the room with his usual flare, but this time, Dillon didn’t bother to go after him. Leaving his brother to whatever demons he faced, Dillon lowered the side rail on Megan’s bed. He sat down beside her and did the only thing he could. He gathered her into his arms and held her while the rest of her world fell apart.

#

Jamie watched Dillon struggle with his tie for another minute before taking over. “Here. Let me do that. We’ll never make it on time if we wait for you to get it right.” Jamie’s fingers wove an automatic pattern of loops and knots over the silk cloth, bringing the tie into a perfect bow.

Dillon stepped back to survey the reflection of Jamie’s handiwork in the dresser mirror. “Next time I have to wear one of these stupid tuxes, I swear I’m gonna get a clip on tie. Where did you learn to do that, by the way?”

Jamie shrugged and grabbed his tux jacket from the edge of the bed. “Aunt Sadie taught me.” He quoted her, his voice a near perfect imitation of Sadie’s refined speech. “’Every decent gentleman should know the fine art of tie tying, Jamie.’” He laughed. “Only took me about sixteen years to get the hang of it.” He pulled his coat on and smoothed it out. “You look awful damn good in that ‘stupid tux,’ you know? You should wear them more often.”

Dillon adjusted his cummerbund. “You look pretty damn fine, yourself. Of course, for what these things are costing us to rent, we ought to look good.” He reached for his comb. “Tell me again why we have to do this?”

Jamie laughed. “Because you were dumb enough to get yourself elected student council vice president, and there’s a good chance the president won’t show, which means you could be hosting the prom all by your lonesome. Principal Ardsley only explained it like five times yesterday when he called.”

“I know, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though. I just hope Megan changes her mind and comes tonight. Not just because I don’t want to give a speech, either. It’s been two weeks since Megan lost the baby. It’s time she came back to the land of the living.” He sighed. “At least no one at school knows the real reason she’s been absent. They all think she’s got some kind of late-season flu.”

“Heck of a bright side. Have you talked to her today?”

Dillon shook his head. “I talked to Gale early this morning. She said Dr. Byrd has okayed Megan to resume all her normal activities, including the prom, if she feels like going and doesn’t over do it. According to Gale, Megan just keeps saying she isn’t ready, yet.”

“She didn’t look so hot when we went to see her the day before yesterday. Maybe she’s telling the truth. And she was rock solid about not going to the prom, then. No reason to think she’d have changed her mind in two days.”

Dillon gave up on his hair and went to work fastening his cuffs. “I know, but a guy can hope. At least it looks like Heath has finally gotten it through that thick skull of his that Megan doesn’t want to see him. Gale says he hasn’t called Megan in over four days.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“Not really. I went by the firehouse to check on him yesterday afternoon when I picked up our tuxes. He looks bad, but he won’t say anything about Megan except that she needs time, and he’s going to give it to her. I guess that’s why he hasn’t called her. Whatever the reason, Gale said Megan’s pretty relieved to have some of the pressure off.” Dillon pulled his coat from the hanger on the back of the closet doorknob. “You ready to go, sexy thang?”

Jamie grinned. “I’ll go, but only if you promise to bring me home and violate me after the prom.”

Dillon reached for his hand. “Count on it.”

#

They’d opted not to spend the five hundred bucks on a limo, even though Sadie offered to pay for it. Dillon’s reasoning was that five hundred dollars would buy enough used books to see them through the first semester of college. Jamie agreed, but he had his own reasons for not wanting the limo. He’d wanted them to take Ben’s Firebird. A final tribute to Ben at the last dance of their high school career somehow seemed fitting.

Jamie had been to the Amory Hotel a few times in his life, but the sheer size of the place always surprised him. As Reed’s only luxury hotel, the Amory served as everything from a prime location for parties, proms, and business conventions, to a haven for folks who were visiting Chicago and wanted to stay somewhere close by yet out of the hustle and grind of the big city. The real attraction of the Amory, for many, though, was the rooftop gardens. Jamie had only been up there once, when he was just a kid, but even then, he’d been impressed.

The main ballroom was packed when Dillon and Jamie got there, even though they were a good half-hour early. They had just enough time to pose for a cheesy picture set against a backdrop of Mylar balloons and crepe paper flowers before Principal Ardsley claimed Dillon for a quick pre-prom, student-council conference. Jamie wandered to the other side of the room, helping himself to a glass of punch while he watched his classmates make fools of themselves on the dance floor. Rooster Carmichael was there, along with his cronies and their dates, the lot of them turning circles around the dance floor in one big, rhythmic heap. Jamie even saw Chad Minton dancing with his date not far from where Rooster and the others gyrated. The thing that caught Jamie’s attention above anything else, though, was the music. He wasn’t sure where the student council dug up that D.J. they’d hired, but if the guy didn’t play something besides crappy ballads and tired dance mixes, soon, Jamie’s ears were going to start bleeding.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder, and a familiar voice said, “I wish I’d brought my Butthole Surfers CD. We could show them what real music sounds like.”

Jamie turned with a grin. “Ash, what are you doing here, man? I thought you’d given up on good ole’ Plunkett High.”

Ash laughed. “I did, but since I’ve completed all the credits I need to graduate, I still have prom eligibility.” He tugged at his highly starched collar. “Proms aren’t really my scene, but when the prettiest girl in school agreed to be my date, even a reformed dick-head such as myself had sense enough to jump at the chance.”

Jamie raised on brow. “Prettiest girl in school, huh?” He looked behind Ash but didn’t see anybody. “So, where is this vision of loveliness?”

“Right there.” Ash pointed to the stage where Megan was making her way to the mike and preparing for her welcome speech. Jamie had to admit, Ash had been dead-on in his description of Megan as the prettiest girl in school. She wore a gown of pale green silk that hugged her slender figure and accentuated every gentle curve. Her hair was bound up in spirals on top of head, soft curls framing her face. The most amazing thing, though, was the change in Megan’s eyes. They were a bright, sparkling blue again, not the dull, lackluster color they’d been the last time he’d seen her. Jamie wasn’t sure what had happened or how Ash had convinced her to come, but he felt like hugging the guy for his efforts. He settled for a slap on the back, instead.

Dillon joined them as the houselights dimmed and the spotlight fell on Megan. “Damn, she looks good. How’d you get her here, Barnes? This morning she wanted nothing to do with the prom.”

Ash shrugged. “It was no big deal. She already had her dress. Did you know women buy those things like, months in advance? Anyway, I went over to her house about three o’clock this afternoon, grabbed her dress out of the closet, and told her either she put it on willingly, or I was going to strip her down and dress her in it myself.”

Dillon didn’t bother to hide how funny he thought that was. “Bet she went ballistic.”

“You know it. She started hollering for Gale, begging her to make me go away. Cussed me up one side and down the other, too.”

Having tasted Megan’s temper once or twice, Jamie could believe it. “What did Gale say?”

Ash smiled. “She’s really the one who convinced Megan to come. Gale told Megan she’d help me stuff her into that dress.”

Dillon nodded. “Sounds like something Gale would say.”

“Yep. It was more than that, though. Gale let Megan spit and sputter for a while, and then she sat down on the edge of the bed, took her hand, and told Megan it was time to get on with the business of living.”

“And she was right.” The three of them turned to see Megan standing behind them. They’d been so busy talking they hadn’t noticed that she’d finished her speech and exited the stage. Megan didn’t seem to mind being the main topic of discussion. She greeted Jamie and Dillon with a tight but cautious hug and squeezed Ash’s hand.

“My mom pointed out that it was time for me to rejoin the human race. My baby might be gone, but I’m still here.” Her face darkened, but only for a second. “Throwing my life away is not going to honor my child.”

Dillon slipped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Your mom’s one smart bird, you know that?” He hesitated. “What are you gonna do about Heath?”

“Nothing. At least not right now. I’m not ready to face Heath just yet.” She sighed. “Who knows? I may not ever be ready to deal with him. There’s one thing I do know and that’s I have to focus on getting myself well before I can worry about anything else.”

Dillon gave her a squeeze. “Sounds like a plan. By the way, you saved my ass from having to make a speech. I think I owe you a dance for that one.”

Megan lowered her voice to a loud whisper, using just enough volume to be clearly heard over the music. “What will your date say?”

Dillon’s eyes twinkled. “Who? Him?” He winked at Jamie. “He knows better than to argue. I wear the pants in our family.”

Jamie couldn’t resist. “Oh, yeah? That’s not what you said last night when I had you flat on your back with my d--”

Megan put her hands over her ears. “Whoa. Way too much information, boys.” She grabbed Dillon by the hand and tugged him towards the dance floor. “One dance, coming up.”

Megan’s return--battered and bruised though she was--made Jamie feel like the four of them had reached a turning point. Surely the worst was behind them. All they had to do know was put their lives back together and move forward.

They took turns dancing: Megan with each one of her boys, as she called them, Jamie with Dillon, even Jamie and Ash. The only two of them who didn’t take a turn on the floor together were

Ash and Dillon. Dillon said it was bad for his image. Ash told Dillon he should be so lucky. Between the dancing and the friendly jibes, Jamie was starting to feel positively relaxed.

Half-way in, Principal Ardsley called a halt to the dancing, asking students to take a seat while he announced this year’s king and queen. Jamie and Dillon took one side of a table for four not far from the stage, with Megan and Ash taking the other two chairs. Since votes for prom queen were student based, Jamie wasn’t surprised when Megan’s name was called. Megan, however, was stunned.

“Prom Queen? Me?”

Dillon snorted. “That one was a no-brainer, Meggie. First homecoming queen, then voted girl most likely to succeed. Not to mention student council president. Hell, I’d have been shocked if you hadn’t made prom queen.”

Megan stood and smoothed out her gown. “Yeah, yeah. Just remember, Mr. Student Council V.P., that works both ways.” She patted his head and went on stage.

Dillon didn’t know what she was talking about until his own name was called. “Damn. Prom king?”

“Like Megan said, boyfriend-o-mine, it works both ways.” Jamie nudged Dillon towards the stage. “Go ahead, your majesty. Claim thy queen.”

Dillon gave him a dirty look but did as he was told. After he left, Ash said, “Hey, Jamie? Do you think maybe we could talk?”

“Sure, man. Shoot.” Just as he said it, the music started for Dillon and Megan’s first dance as king and queen.

Ash had to strain his damaged voice to be heard over the blaring love song. “Not here. Do you think Carver would mind if we took a walk?”

“Nah. He and Megan will be busy with their royal duties for no telling how long.” Jamie stood. “Lead the way.”

Ash got up, heading towards the exit at the back of the ballroom where the elevators were. “Ever seen the rooftop gardens?”

“Once, when Aunt Sadie dragged me to some tea or luncheon she was invited too. That was years ago, though.”

Ash stopped at the first free elevator and punched the call button. “My dad entertains clients here sometimes. Me and the mom of the month have to put in an appearance--family unity and all that crap--but after a few minutes of playing the good son, I’m allowed to cut out on my own. I always seem to end up in the gardens. They’re something to see.” Ash stepped into the arriving elevator, holding the doors open for Jamie with his arm. Pressing the twelfth floor command, he waited until the doors closed again and said, “Would it bother you if we talked about Ben?”

Jamie had already guessed that Ben was who Ash wanted to talk about when he’d asked to go someplace private. Once, Jamie would have found it too painful, but not now. With Dillon’s help, the wounds were healing. “No, it doesn’t bother me. I think it’s only right, in a way. Since Ben can’t be here tonight, the least we can do is keep his memory alive.”