The Weight of the World Ch. 01

'Oh, God, I tried to kiss him!'

She was ashamed. She never came on to a guy that fast, especially one that looked like Caleb! She never thought about dating someone that looked like him, but the more she thought about it, the more she began to wonder what exactly was so wrong with it. After all, for a large man, he was kind of cute. He wasn't exactly Colin Farrell, but she could definitely see handsomeness in him. He was just like a big teddy bear. But she never thought about FUCKING a big teddy bear before!

She removed the sheet and blanket from her body. She went to bed with her clothes on--a rarity for her. She looked around Caleb's room in natural light for the first time, but there didn't seem to be any distinguishing characteristics—a TV in one corner, closet, dresser drawers, white walls, no posters, a window...pretty bland setup, actually. She opened the door and saw that Caleb was not on the couch.

"Caleb?" she said loudly. No answer. "Caleb!" Again, no answer. 'Must not be home,' she thought as she took her first true look around the apartment. She opened the bathroom and glanced inside before going back to the living room. As she looked around, she noticed something VERY curious, something that was not the norm--the walls were virtually empty. There was a light switch beside the front door and a clock above the TV, but there was almost no décor to speak of on the plain white walls. The only other things distinguishable were the three pictures sitting on top of the television. The one on the left was of a middle-aged woman, maybe 40 or 50. The one in the middle was of a younger girl, 14 or 15 or so, and the one on the right was of two much older people in formal wear, as if in a church photo. "Grandparents," she thought out loud.

Changing her mind about checking out the kitchen or any other nooks and crannies, she decided to head to the bathroom and clean herself up. She first went into Caleb's room and opened the second drawer of his dresser, checking out his wardrobe. She lifted out a black Pittsburgh Steelers T-shirt that couldn't have been any smaller than a 3XL. 'Fuck, this thing'll swallow me whole!' she thought before throwing it over her shoulder. Closing the second drawer, she opened the third drawer, which had his pants. Looking for anything small, she saw a pair of blue shorts with an elastic waistband and a drawstring. 'Better than nothing.' She headed for the bathroom.

* * * * *

As she exited the shower, her nubile frame dripping from head to toe, she started to smell something, faint yet appetizing. 'Caleb must be home,' she realized, as she dried herself off in front of the mirror that stood over his sink. Caleb was nice enough to leave some things out for her--a comb, toothpaste, a toothbrush fresh in the plastic, a bottle of mouthwash, and a cup for rinsing. 'He sure acts like he gets a lot of company.'

Her hair combed (but still wet), her teeth brushed, her breath fresh, she grabbed the shorts that she picked out. Pulling the drawstring on the shorts as tight as she could, she tied it off so they wouldn't fall down. She then opened the shirt and put it on—the shirt engulfed her, going down to almost her knees with the sleeves barely (but successfully) reaching her forearms. She almost felt like she wasn't wearing anything, what with all the free space between her and the fabric, but she was covered up, at least.

She opened the door and headed into the living room, allowing the smell to become stronger. She walked toward the kitchen to see Caleb standing at the stove, flipping something.

"Morning," she said, proclaiming her presence.

He turned his head around for a second to greet his guest with a smile. "Hey! Good morning. You hungry?"

"Starving."

"Have a seat--breakfast is almost ready. You in the mood for eggs?"

"Sure. How you making them."

"Dippy."

"Yum." She walked over to the table in the room and sat down at one of the chairs. "You cook, huh?"

Without looking away from the food he was preparing, he smirked. "Am I that transparent?" He flipped two eggs onto one plate, two eggs onto the other, which already had two slices of toast on it. 'POP' went the toaster as two more slices came from the top. Caleb grabbed them and placed them on the first plate.

"Where'd you go this morning?" she queried.

"Store. Had to get some stuff." He grabbed the small tub of butter on the counter and placed it in the middle of the table. He grabbed two forks and two knives out of the drawer, giving one each to Sera and putting one each near his place.

"Orange juice?" he asked. She nodded. "All I have is with no pulp. Is that OK?" When she nodded again, Caleb went to the fridge and got out the carton, went to the cabinet and got the glasses, placed them where they were supposed to go, and poured them accordingly. After doing all this, he finally presented one plate to Sera.

"Dippy eggs. Enjoy."

He finally sat down at his place, putting his plate down in front of him.

"This is really great, Caleb. You didn't have to do all this."

"You kidding? I'm happy to do it."

As Caleb used his fork to pierce one of his eggs, allowing the yellow yolk to run out, Sera used her knife to scoop out some butter, then to spread it onto her toast. Caleb dipped his toast into the pool of yolk in front of him.

"Do you an--well, I should say 'DID' you and Johnny live together?" he inquired.

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Well," he began to respond. "I was thinking that, maybe I should go and pick up your things."

"Oh, no," she quickly retorted. "I didn't have very many things. I can buy more."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Let him keep all that shit. The only thing I really had over there that I give a shit about was my grandmother's necklace."

She put both her knife and toast down, without having some of the latter.

"Thank you."

Caleb looked up as he bit into his toast. "Hmm? Oh." He waved her off. "Like I said, happy to do it."

"That's not what I mean. I meant about last night." She clasped her hands and rested her elbows on the table, on either side of her plate. "There aren't many guys out there who would have passed up an...'opportunity' like that. They would have jumped my bones the first chance they got. But what you did--well, what you didn't do--it was very noble of you. I appreciate it."

Caleb swallowed, then hesitated before answering. "Well, I was tempted. But you're welcome."

She smiled, and his heart fluttered a bit. God, that smile...Caleb could feel his barriers lowering.

"And for the record," he mindlessly continued. "I meant every word I said last night."

As he dipped and bit again, she took a sip of her juice. "So," she continued. "Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well," she figured she may as well probe a bit. "Relationships. You know about mine. What about you?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"Pretty bad, huh?"

"Pretty nonexistent. I never had a girlfriend."

Her eyes shot open. "What?" He shook his head as he took another bite. "You're lying."

"Mm," he mumbled, keeping her attention as he quickly bit and swallowed the bit of toast in his mouth. "I don't lie. Well, except for that Tommy thing. But beyond that, I don't lie. You're going to know me, you're going to know that."

"But, how?" She honestly couldn't believe it. "You're such a sweet guy." He shrugged, giving a placated look. "Have you ever even been on a date?" Now giving a look of disappointment, he shook his head again. "Unbelievable." She thought a little further. "How is it possible for you to make it this far and never even go out with someone?"

"No one ever said 'yes'. And before you ask me," he stated, interrupting her train of thought, knowing her next question. "Yes, I'm a virgin."

Sera was completely flabbergasted. "Let me see if I can get this straight. You're a VIRGIN who had a woman lying asleep in the next room--alone, vulnerable, fragile, and just out of a bad relationship--and you didn't do ANYTHING about it?"

"And before you ask me," he quickly pointed out. "No, I'm not gay."

She stared at him with even more respect than before, if that was even possible. How someone with that kind of opportunity to misbehave was able to keep his wits about him...

"Wow," she blurted. "I guess there ARE still gentlemen in this world."

He blushed. Sera was just surprised Caleb didn't start laughing at her, because she had one shocked-as-fuck look on her face. She lost her virginity when she was 16, and here's a guy at least four years older than that that had never even gotten started! A normal person would have just passed him off as a lost cause. What's worse than that is that whenever he answered a question, he never added any disclaimers to even suggest that something would at least happen someday. He didn't say 'I haven't had a girlfriend yet.' He said 'I never had a girlfriend.' It's as if he gave up before he got off the ground. Here he was, seemingly perfectly content with living the rest of his life alone. Meanwhile, she would have gone crazy if she didn't have someone to talk to at least once a day.

"I still don't understand, though," she said. "How can you possibly be happy with the idea of being alone?"

"I wouldn't say I'm happy."

"Then what WOULD you say?"

He thought about it and shrugged. "I adjusted. When you grow up alone and friendless and without a snowball's chance of it--"

"Snowball's chance of what?" Her tone was shifting from shocked to pissed.

"Being happy. Sera, I've met me, OK? I may be a 'gentleman' and I may be 'noble', as you've called it, but I also know that I'm not necessarily a people person. Everybody I went to school with, everybody my age that I ever met all taught me the truth."

"What is the truth?"

He paused before telling her, in his most nonchalant tone, as if it was common knowledge, "I'm expendable. It's my own fault, really. I mean, I shouldn't have grown up to look like this," he stated as he motioned toward his stomach and his face. "Nobody really wants to spend any time with me purely for the sake of it, present company notwithstanding, and even THAT'S through extenuating circumstances."

OK, now she was COMPLETELY pissed off, but he continued. "Hell, I used to have dreams, just like everybody else. Instead, I'll be here, in my place, out of everyone's way. This way, I'm not bugging as many people. Every time I think about being social, I just think of another simple way to absolutely screw everything up. I'm not going to take that kind of risk. No one deserves to see that."

As he casually took another bite of toast, she glared at him, torn between whether to hate him for what he thought, hate the people who pushed him to thinking it, or hate herself for even bringing the subject into light. Here was the man who had helped her and sheltered her not 24 hours previous sitting here and explaining to her how worthless he was, and he said it as if it was the most natural thing in the world! How is that possible? How is that fair?

Caleb casually changed the subject. "So, do you work?"

Sera shook herself out of her trance. "Uhm, no," she answered somberly. "I go to school at Penn State."

"When's class?"

"Not till this afternoon." She looks over at the clock, which read '9:56'. "Two o'clock."

"Still got four hours," Caleb observed. "Oh, your clothes. I'll take them down to the laundry room for you in a few minutes. Is that OK?"

"Sure, I guess."

* * * * *

As she put on her freshly-cleaned clothes in the privacy of Caleb's bedroom, she wandered around again, lost in thought.

'How can someone so great think so horribly of himself?'

'Didn't his family try to help him out?'

'What kind of fabric softener did he use? These smell nice.'

'Does he sleep in the nude?'

Wait a minute.

'~DOES HE SLEEP IN THE NUDE?~ Get a hold of yourself, girl!'

She walked over to the window, looking out on the town. The sun shined brightly on the late summer Wednesday. She always loved this time of year--the leaves were changing colors, the air was getting crisper and more brisk...autumn was just around the corner. But her mind wasn't on the weather. Instead, her mind was on other matters. Her mind was on the man that ended her year-long relationship with a man she thought she was in love with. It was on this large, lonely man that didn't want to take advantage of her or violate her, unlike most of her previous boyfriends. It was on this young ascetic who sincerely believed that his place was out of everybody else's, and that he didn't deserve to experience the happiness that everyone else did.

She couldn't shake the feeling that, for some reason, this seemed almost right. Not the way he felt, but the circumstances. He saved her. He helped her. She needed to pay him back somehow. She felt that she now had a responsibility, a duty.

She needed to prove him wrong.

She opened the door to see Caleb sitting on the couch. He turned the TV off and directed his attention to her. "I was thinking," he immediately speculated. "I work at a nearby hotel. I have some employee points saved up. If you'd like, I can get you into a room there. You probably don't want to stay here any more than you'd like, I'd imagine."

"What, are you trying to get rid of me?" she half-teased. "You don't want me around, is that it?"

For some reason, he didn't feel like playing along. "No, it's not THAT. I just meant that--"

"That I don't want to be around YOU," she interrupted.

"Well, that and, in case you haven't noticed, my place is kind of, um," He searched for the correct word. "Depressing."

"No more depressing than staying in a hotel all by yourself."

"Well, you can't stay here."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm sure you've got friends you'd much rather stay with."

"Well, I do. I used to live in a dorm with my best friend. I suppose I could always move back in with her."

"There you go. Problem solved."

"You're wrong, though." She was hesitant, but she pressed on. "I WOULD like to be around you."

It was Caleb's turn to be shocked. "Uhm--"

"Look," she stated as she slowly approached him. "Caleb. I know that you don't exactly think highly of yourself, but..." She sighed heavily, and her speech got softer. "Do you have any idea how many guys would have helped me out the way you did last night?"

"I'm going to say upwards of 'any'."

"None that I'VE ever been with. Think about it, Caleb. If you truly WERE the man you thought you were, your instincts wouldn't have said, 'Help her.' They would have said, 'It's none of my business.'"

He looked around himself, thinking. Was she right? Was she?

She pressed on. "You said that the only reason you've never gone out with someone was because nobody ever said 'yes', right?"

He nodded.

"Well," she continued, almost flirtatiously, but unusually shy. "You've never asked ME."

Caleb's eyes widened. Was she asking HIM to ask HER out? What the hell was going on here? He may never have dated, but under normal circumstances, a man asks a woman out BEFORE they sleep in the same vicinity.

"Well?" She popped her eyebrow up a bit.

He looked down shyly. "U-um, heh." It's very obvious to realize why he couldn't get this out. It's not very often that he's 'propositioned' quite like this. "Sera? Uh--Goddamn, I know you're going to say 'yes' and I'm STILL embarrassed." Sera's laugh gave him a vote of confidence. "Do you want to go out sometime?" he finally blurted.

She smiled even wider. "Yes. Absolutely." Caleb couldn't hide his happiness. "Tell you what. Let me call my friend--she'll pick me up here and take me to her place for a bit, so as I can get ready. I'll be back here at 8:00. Say, you pick where we have dinner and, afterward, we'll go to a club?"

Caleb nodded and shrugged. "Sure."

"Awesome." Sera grabbed Caleb's phone off the receiver and dialed the requisite seven digits before listening. Six seconds later--

"Hey, Val, it's me." "Yeah, I know I wasn't there--look, it's a long story. I need you to pick me up." "No, no, I'm not there. I'm at 623 14^th Street." "Yeah." "Yeah, bring your purse." "OK, bye."

She turned the phone off and put it down. She turned to see that Caleb was sitting on the couch, looking forward at nothing in particular.

"Something wrong?" She queried.

He looked at her. "It's just a new feeling to me, is all. Looking forward to something like this. It's just not everyday I have something to lose."

She didn't show it, but Sera felt a small bit of pride well up in the pit of her stomach. She's had four steady boyfriends--all handsome with the requisite washboard abs and six feet in height, but never before has she been more inexplicably nervous for something in her life. She understood that he wasn't experienced. She knew he was going to fumble at least once, and she didn't care. She wanted this. She wanted to go out with this recluse, if only to show him beyond a shadow of a doubt that he meant something, if only to one person.

"Tell you what," she finally uttered. "I'm going to wait outside for Val, and I will see you tonight."

"Sure. Can't wait."

"Me, neither." She went and opened the door. Before closing it, she stood in the threshold and turned around, grinning. "Oh, Caleb?"

He raised his head slightly, acknowledging her.

"Don't forget the condoms."

His eyes widened, all train of thought flying out the window upon hearing this sentence. "C-condoms."

Her voice grew softer. "I know you're scared. And I know that you're going to be scared, no matter what I say." He nodded emphatically. "Well, even so, I just want you to remember that, tonight," She bit her lip and looked at him seductively. "You have nothing to lose." Her gaze only broke when the door she was closing got in its way. She walked toward the apartment's main entrance and waited for her friend's car.

"Wrong, girl," he said on his couch, still staring at the door that the goddess just closed. "I've got one more thing."