tagReviews & EssaysThe Worst of Red

The Worst of Red


The following is a self-review of my lowest scored stories. I am once again participating in the Literotica 2012 Survivor Contest, where authors attempt to write as many stories in one year, in as many different categories. I reviewed my top stories back in 2006, so I figured why not review the worst in 2012!

Here's the layout of the review.

Place in the top 10 - Story Name -- Score -- Genre

Let's get started! The number ten slot for Red's worst scoring story belongs to:

10. Your Welcome Home -- 4.09 -- Erotic Couplings

An author's note lets the reader know that this is my first attempt at writing a story in second-person narrative. I also ask for constructive criticism -- looking at the comments that were left everyone seemed to like it, so the score is a tad bit deceiving right?

The story is a slow moving, easy loving write that begins with "You" coming home from work and watching your lover approach. She's dressed provocatively; the house is empty of distractions. Supper is ready and so are the two of you. After a lovely meal, some sinful bites of dessert, and heated glances paired with tender touches, you and your lover take things to a more intimate nature.

I would say for the most part the grammar isn't too distracting. If you can get past the use of scones instead of sconces on the wall and a few "too and to" mix-ups, I think this is a good read. It's probably one of the more "flowery" stories I've ever written. As I read it, I saw it more as a poetic and romantic piece, more than an Erotic Coupling.

9. Hollyquirk Studios Week 05 - 4.08 -- Chain Stories

Okay, this was painful to read in regards to errors. It's full of them -- my apologies and someday I will most likely edit that story and resubmit it. The story itself is a good, dirty tale. Hollyquirk Studios was a short-lived chain story that had a lot of potential, but unfortunately didn't take off as well as we'd all hoped.

This particular chapter to the chain revolves around Reese, a young star who is working her way through the camera and lighting crew so she can guarantee the best shots for a film that is currently in production. Her nemesis is Susan, an older and more experienced actress.

Week 5 shows a woman willing to do anyone to get ahead and if you can bypass the spelling and grammar issues, it too is a quick read. It does contain anal, so if that isn't your thing, you should probably stay away.

8. Portraits for Her Husband - 4.05 -- Loving Wives

I battled an inner demon with this story, not a serious one. It isn't a real story, but the demon was there. I had so much going on, that I wasn't sure where to place the tale once it was complete. Portraits is about a woman who arrives at a photographer's studio. She's there to have pictures taken of herself in erotic positions, so that she can give them to her husband. I know it sounds like the typical "cheating" wife and photographer story -- but it isn't.

If you take the time to read the story, you'll see that isn't the case at all. This story is told from the wife's point of view and she really does love her husband. I know that the category is one that is often "trolled" by readers, simply because they assume the wife is going to cockold her husband.

Read Portraits because it is anything but typical. The story contains, exhibition/voyeurism, masturbation, erotic couplings as well as romance. In the end though not all tales come with a big red happily-ever-after bow on top -- or do they?

7. Goodbye - 4.05 -- Letters & Transcripts

This story was another "first" for me. It is a telephone conversation between two lovers who connected on the web, and then moved their relationship into verbally communicating over the phone. Both were married to other people, but over time they developed deep personal feelings for each other.

Their "dirty little secret" is exposed when the wife of the gentleman picks up a downstairs phone and hears him confess his love to someone other than her. What happens within the household makes it painfully obvious that the phone conversations must cease. The man and woman decide to have one last telephone conversation where they confess their love, but also accepting that this is their last time to fantasize for and with each other.

I know this story isn't everyone's cup of tea, and even now, years later, after reading back through it I can see why. It is a bit difficult to read, though the text detailing who is speaking is offset by one person in italics, the other not. If I were to do this story again, it would be with richer detail and less use of the words "I love you..."

The lesson learned: Sometimes it's better in your head than in print.

6. 24 Hours: 2pm -5:15pm - 4.03 -- Erotic Couplings

This submission is written in first person and comes from a series I posted that covers a 24 Hour fantasy between two people who met online. Both desired to share 24 hours with the their online lover without there being any repercussions to the people they love. After the full circle is complete the story ends -- or does it. The reader gets to decide.

The hours between 2pm and 5:15pm are spent with the narrator of the story reminiscing over what her and her lover had done up to that point. The true story begins when they leave for an afternoon matinee at a local theater. Inside the matinee the narrator begins to pleasure her partner with her mouth and breasts.

The descriptions are full of erotic words that make my pulse race even now -- and I'm the one that wrote it! With that said, there are too many "My" this and "My" that, which can be distracting. If I were to rewrite this, the scenery wouldn't change, but the words would flow more consistently. I think I, like many new writers sometimes do, tended to write this story in fragmented sentences, but I feel I've improved greatly since August 2005 (3 months after beginning my writing journey on Lit.)

5. Business Begins: Jill's Turn - 4.03 -- Non-consent/Reluctance

The second installment of the series Business Begins takes the reader through another chapter of the conditioning of Katie, a young girl who was caught shoplifting. Jill plays the biggest role in this story concerning Katie. Jill is Master Adam's pet and she has been given Katie to "play with". The story is not a romance, and not a soft read. Katie doesn't want to be there, and has no true desire to participate in the acts. She does only because she is blackmailed.

I reread this, looking for the reasoning behind the low score. I think it has to do with the category more than anything else. The scene is harsh, but it isn't over the top nasty. Jill isn't a kind Mistress, and Adam is a manipulative Master, not a caring one. The idea though is that this girl -- Katie -- she's a pawn in a bigger game and she's being "broken in" for a more profitable reason than either Jill or Katie realize.

If I rewrote this story, it would be strictly to put even more erotic details into the print, as well as to fix the grammar errors that occur when a person starts that first journey into writing.

4. Enchanted Twelve: Cecilia 01 - 4.0 -- Chain story

A chain story is a story that is written by 3 or more authors here on Lit. and this particular one was probably the most difficult to coordinate because of the number of writers, and the number of characters.

Cecilia is the youngest of 12 Princesses, who are trapped between two worlds. During the day their lives consist of "normal" Princess duties. At night they spend hours frolicking in a world that is full of wonder and magic. When they wake up, the sisters don't recall what they were doing the night before, but realize their gowns are soiled and the soles of their shoes worn through. Yes, this is a twisted spin on the fairy tale: The Twelve Dancing Princesses.

In this segment, Cecilia learns that Prince Cassius, the man she adores, has met with the Angora, the witch of Oarthland. He is hoping to strike a bargain with her, that would give him access to Westingfield. Westingfield is where Cecilia resides during the day. She is concerned and frets over the price the Prince may have to pay in order to get his wish to come true.

I believe the score for this story is low because it is a short and simple story. It is more of an introduction to the character rather than an erotic piece, or detailed adventure. It seems well written, though brief, which may have turned some folks off.

If someone does decided to read the Enchanted Twelve chain story, I suggest you do so by going to this link: http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=24649288&postcount=1 and following the order the stories are placed in. It is much easier to comprehend the complex web of mystery, magic, and mayhem.

3. Something About Nothing - 3.94 -- Celebrities

The Celebrities category is not my favorite. Probably because I really don't fantasize about celebrities. True there are some good looking ones out there, but they are very much "unreachable"; to fantasize about them seems pointless -- but that's my opinion. I have written one where I do place myself in the arms of a popular female actress, but it really isn't something I fantasize about.

With this story I wrote about the characters of Seinfeld and if you can make it past the introduction of a "surprise" relationship, then you will find a masturbation story revolving around Elaine.

I'm not going to even try and defend the score on this story. It is just awful. The scene is rushed, and the errors many. The word "cunt" is over used and it's a word that doesn't even feel right for some reason. I think I will re-write this story, not as an edit, but as a new submission -- yes, it's just that bad! Let's move on...

2. Stay-at-home Mom Goes Out - 3.62 -- Non-erotic

This is a silly, ridiculous story and if you don't mind the "rushed" feeling, you really should give it a try. The submission is written in first person and covers what happens when a stay-at-home mom snaps. She's had enough and has decided that various people in her community are against her. She rushes around planning out how to catch certain individuals in lewd and immoral acts. Her plans go awry throughout the course of the day.

It probably scores low because it is non-erotic and just funny. There is no sex, not even a hint. The opening author's note warns the reader that the story is jumbled and fragmented sentences take the reader on a fast-paced ride. If you have a couple minutes to spare and want to look into the mind of a paranoid mom who lives her life in the safety of her home, take a gander at this low scoring read.

--- And the number one worst scoring story for Red is... ---

1. A Few Lamps From His Collection - 3.59 -- Illustrated

My only illustrated story for Lit. is one that is a heart-warming tale about a mother who has inherited her father's oil lamp collection. She shares stories with her daughter about each one. The photos are non-erotic, the story is as well. The pictures are ones that I took of my father's oil lamp collection. He has many -- too many in my opinion -- but all are unique. I chose the ones I thought that would make the best stories. With the proper placement in and around my father's home I was able to take some really nice photos.

The story is the lowest and most viewed submission I have. It is the most viewed, in my opinion, because folks are looking for the illustrated aspect of erotica. It is the lowest scored, in my opinion, because it has no eroticism in it.

Even with those things going against it, I still have readers who will send me feedback telling me how much they enjoyed the soft emotional connection and the memories of a daughter. They also share with me their own memories of collections inherited from loved ones. If you're browsing my story page, looking for something, but not sure what, this is a nice-peaceful write that makes a person sigh and reflect at the end.

--- * ---

So that's it, those are my lowest scoring stories. It was fun to go back through and read the older pieces and compare them to the newer ones. The scores may be low, but my writing has improved quite a bit. Each one, even the ones that need rewritten, still make me sit back and think "I did that!" Good or bad, they are my stories and I am happy to share them with you. I may not always get a coveted red "H" for my submissions, but that's okay. I'm very glad there is someone around to share my work with.


~ Red

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