The Writing Desk

"What, honey,?" she quizzed.

"The store closes in a half and hour and we have a desk to buy," I replied, adding that I, for one, wasn't going to welsh out on the deal.

I drove to the mall, pulling up my pants and tucking in my shirt, as she got herself presentable in the back of the van.

We arrived a few minutes before closing, and quickly Patty staked out her coveted desk.

"Here it is. Isn't it a beauty?" she cooed

"Yes, honey, it sure is," I replied, smiling to myself as I looked at the sign which stated that an additional 10% could be taken off any of that day's purchases. Yes, it was my lucky day!

Patti and I strolled around the store as the saleswoman began the paperwork. My mind was elsewhere, thinking of our encounter in the van, but Patti was looking intently around the store. "Honey, don't you think this chair would go perfect with the desk?" she asked.

I couldn't believe my ears. Me thinks she is taking advantage of me.

"Oh, I don't know, honey."

The saleswoman, hearing our comments, mentioned that she could hold the chair for us until midweek, and that she would still give us the sale price.

"Oh, you have a lay away plan?" I said, smiling at my wife, who shrugged knowingly at my silent suggestion.

Lay away indeed!

Epilogue

We moved the desk to our van that night, and all the way home Patty kept teasing me about the lay away comment. "Geez, my price is going down, cause that chair cost less than half the cost of the desk," she joked.

"Well, honey, a deal is a deal!" I replied. "It wasn't so awful, was it?"

"No, honey, it wasn't. Maybe one day we can bargain about a new golf club or something and I will be able to have my way with you....for a longer time," she joked.

Who knows, maybe this would be the beginning of a rekindled sexual relationship?

The following week I stopped at Starbucks, where I saw my neighbor Jonathan, a 20-something guy who loved a good talk and who was as nosey as all get out. He would tell me who was behind in their mortgage payments, who was cheating with the milkman or whoever, and who was a lousy tipper, as if I cared.

"How are you," he asked.

"Great, Jon, how have you been?"

We spoke for a while, trading information without telling a lot, when finally he asked how things were getting along between Patti and me. "Great," I said, "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

He had peaked my interest. "Come on, Jon, what are you getting at?"

It's a good think this one wasn't a spy, because just the threat of anything unusual would have him blabbering each and every one of our nation's secrets.

"Well, it's just my nephew, the one who is in Patti's young charges in her tutoring class, said something strange to me Sunday afternoon."

"Well...."

"Well, I don't know how to say this, but he says her van was parked up by Seaview, on one of the side roads?"

"What?"

"It was Saturday night, and, well, he saw the van, said he was sure it was hers because of the license plate: "Patti's Jeep".

Oh geez, the high beams, I thought to myself.

"Well, I thought you should know. They saw her on top of some guy doing the nasty, and it's just not right, her cheating on you. I'm sorry, I just had to tell you. I hope you aren't mad."

"Mad, Jon, no I am not mad." I paused for effect. "Jon, can you keep a secret?"

His eyes widened. "Of course."

"That wasn't Patti."

"You mean...."

"Yes, I was in the van, and I won't tell you with who, but you know her. Now whatever you do, don't tell anyone, Patti is very jealous, she would kill me," knowing full well that my admitted tryst would be common knowledge around town by the end of the day.

Later that evening, I mentioned my meeting to Patti, who began laughing out loud. "You are kidding, you stood up for my reputation while putting a blemish on your own?" she asked.

"Well, honey, I guess...."

"Wait a minute," she said. "You weren't trying to let everyone know you are available, were you? Just a darn minute. I have plans for you. Let me give you a preview."

With that, she led me by the belt upstairs.

And she didn't even ask for a tip.