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Adult Movies&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;font size=&quot;-2&quot;&gt;STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE&lt;/font&gt;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;/font&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/td&gt; &lt;/tr&gt; &lt;/table&gt; &lt;!-- End Bottom Ad --&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</banner><banner position="inhead" conttype="css"/><banner position="inhead" conttype="js"/><banner position="inbody" conttype="css"/><banner position="inbody" conttype="js"/></banners><story hot="0" editors-pick="0" id="105287" author="205256" category="35" new="0" winner="0" rate="4.43" allow_vote="1" url="https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us" url4url="https%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fs%2Fthe-wuzard-of-us" url4url_full="http:https%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fs%2Fthe-wuzard-of-us" enable_comments="1" nr_pages="4"><name>The Wuzard of US</name><description>A political parody of the Wizard of Oz.</description><date>08/19/03</date><text page="1">Starring:&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Lady Liberty, as herself&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; GW Bush as the Scarecrow&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Dick Cheney as the Tin Man&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Colin Powell at the Bureaucat&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Congress in their entirety as the Wuzard &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The Spook of the Mid-West - Charleton Heston &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Saddam as the Spook of the Mid-east&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Ralph Nader as the Good Spook &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; CHATTY CAPPY:, the US intern&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Yuppies&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The helicopter pilot&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The Press&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; US Soldiers&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Iraqi soldiers&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Protesters&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Lady Liberty stands in the Harbor looking wishfully out towards New Jersey as the story begins.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY (wishfully): Gosh, on a clear day, I’ll bet I could see all the way to Pennsylvania. On a clear day that is (she coughs a little on the morning smog. Then she brushes off flakes of asbestos and other toxic city grime.) My dress just isn’t as green as it used to be. And my arm sure aches from holding the flame. I’m down right tired of carrying the torch of liberty, and I’m sick of tourists and bird shit. I wish I could have a vacation. I wish, just for once, I could be a tourist. I’d go... Somewhere. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Somewhere, over the ozone, song birds flap &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Birds don’t fry in the hot sun&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Out where the waves don’t lap&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Somewhere, over the ozone, kids don’t whine&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Smog lifts, over the ozone out where the bright stars shine&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Some day I’ll wish upon a star &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; and leave the steamy masses far&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; behind me&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Where raindrops don’t corrode my hide, &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; A cooler place where I can bide &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; that’s where you’ll find me&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Somewhere over the ozone&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Folks don’t wheeze&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’ll fly over the ozone&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; off on a cool clear breeze&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; If happy little tourist fly, above the ozone why, oh why can’t &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh my God, what’s that? It’s a cyclone, a hurricane, oh no, its political upheaval. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Help me, help me. What am I going to do?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: The bottom drops out of the stock market. (LIBERTY EXITS ) A whirlwind of slogans and flags and dirty tricks, nasty conspiracies, whisper campaigns and Supreme Court rulings hits Liberty, knocks her to her knees and carried her off into the sky. Her torch is left, flameless on the lawn of Liberty Island. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Gosh, this sure doesn’t look like Manhattan&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Out of the clear blue sky chugs a little solar powered VW bug. It has hippie flowers and peace signs on it. The sun roof pops open and out pops Ralph Nader&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Who are you?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: I’m Nader the good spook of the north. Who are you, and what is your political persuasion?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: What?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Are you a good spook or a bad spook?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I’m not a spook at all.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: If you’re not a spook, why did you kill the evil spook of the Midwest?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I didn’t kill anyone. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: We’ll, I guess that’s pizza pie you’re standing in then.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Liberty looks down at her feet. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh gosh, that’s disgusting. What’s that? Did I do that?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: That, my friend, is what is left of the evil spook of the Midwest &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh no, I didn’t mean to kill it. I’ve never killed a constitutional right before.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Grow up child, that’s not a constitutional right. That’s an evil bogey man, and you killed him. Good going! Now, are you a good spook or a bad spook?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I just told you.... &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh my, what’s that?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Don’t be afraid. That’s just the yuppies. I’m their spook. They called me when they saw you land. They thought you might be another airplane terrorist. They’re all suffering from PTTCS. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YPUUIES: PTTCS, PTTCS&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: What’s that?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Post Traumatic Trade Center Syndrome. They’ve all had a hard jolt to the right, I’m afraid.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh, that’s terrible. Is there anything I can do to help?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Yes. Please, be reassuring, stable, and, um, mediocre. You know, reasonable. It’s all right yuppies (he calls to the suited people peering out from dimly lit bars), you can come out.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Come out; come out, where ever you are&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Where ever you are, don’t stay in the bars&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Liberty’s come; she’s come from afar,&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; She tripped on a rainbow and fell from a star&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 1: (Whispers) Rainbow? What’s that? I’ve tried xtc, but I’ve never heard of rainbow. Is that like angle dust? Man, I took some of that when I was a teenager and it took me two years to recover. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 2: Shit, man, you never recovered. He he. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 3: I guess she’s on drugs; she sure looks like she’s on a bad trip, and she’s all green. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 4: She’s sure big. She must be related to the jolly green giant. I’ll bet she’s a terrorist. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 2: No, she’s not a terrorist. Nader wouldn’t have anything to do with terrorists. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 1: But she landed on Heston that makes her a terrorist. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 2: No, Heston was a bad guy, so she can’t be a terrorist, she’s a freedom fighter. She’s a good spook. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 3: You’re wrong, Heston was a good guy, remember? The Wuzard liked him. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 4: I’m so confuse.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: She fell from a star and she missed all the bars&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; she landed on Heston and that’s where we are&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIES: She fell from a star and she missed all the bars&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; She landed on Heston and that’s where we are&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE ONE: Oh well, happy hour’s over, who wants to pay 5 bucks for a beer? Let’s see what’s happening on the street.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE ONE: Hush, its time to sing a song&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIES: We represent the arms industry, the arms industry, the arms industry&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; and on behalf of the arms industry&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; we’d like to welcome you to yuppie land&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; We represent the oil interests&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; the oil interests, the oil interests&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; and on the behalf of the oil interests&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; we’d like to welcome you to yuppie land&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Suddenly, right in the middle of the sidewalk a man hole cover blow and a huge ball of fire bursts forth. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; EVERYONE: Eeek, Help! The evil spook’s coming, and so on…&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Everyone runs back into the bars except Liberty and Nader.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Saddam, the bad spook of the Middle East jumps out of the manhole cover .&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: Where’s the evil imperialist who cut off my weapons supply. Where is she? Is it you?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Saddam points at Liberty)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I didn’t mean to. There was this political upheaval and I got blown off my island and I landed here and, I didn’t even know he was down there. I didn’t know I was going to crush poor Charleton....&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: You didn’t mean to.... Of course you didn’t mean to. And I suppose you didn’t mean to destroy my economy either.... you big bad lump of lime colored lead. I’m going to throw some anthrax at you. Better yet, I have my mobile bio-chemical lab here somewhere. I swear I have one. I really do. I read it in your Daily News so it must be true. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh my God, we’re all going to die!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Calm down, Liberty. Everything’s going to be all right as long as no one goes off half cocked. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Nader looks at Saddam. ) &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Aren’t you forgetting something?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: Forgetting something? What do you mean?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: What about sanctions and the weapons agreement? &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: (Saddam's eye’s light up with greed) Ah yes, the weapon’s agreement...., the sanctions. Give them to me, they’re mine.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Nader laughs.)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Forget about it. You didn’t negotiate. You weren’t straight with the arms inspectors.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Heston’s corpse shrivels up and turns to black, gooey tar. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Narrator slips behind Liberty, pulls out the papers and puts them into a new torch which he hands to Liberty.)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: Curse you, and all of your relations and their ancestors. (He says to Nader.) &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Turning to Liberty) &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: And you, my pretty. You may think you’re safe, but I’ll get you yet.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Blow it out your ass Saddam. Better look out. I think I see the empire state building heading this way. There’s political upheaval everywhere.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Saddam looks up at the sky in horror. Seeing that the sky is clear he realizes Nader is merely taunting him&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: Two can play that game. You’re pathetic, Nader. You’re as full of wind as your friends on the hill. But I’ve got things to do: weapons to assemble, oil to pump. I’ll be back. And when I do, you, Liberty, are going to give me everything I ask for.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (With a blustery bow and a swoop of his arms, Saddam jumps back into the fiery manhole yelling)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: JIHAD&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY (worriedly): Oh dear, that doesn’t sound good. What are we going to do?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: We!? Uh uhh, hombre, I’m outa here. This is getting kind of heavy for me to handle. You’re going to have to call on more commanding forces than I have available. You’re going to have to go see the Wuzard. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: The Wuzard? Who’s that?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Not who, my dear, what?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Well.... What then?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: The Wuzard of U.S. Congress, I mean. The bad boys on the Hill. Everyone knows about the Wuzard. The Wuzard acts on everyone’s behalf. Everything that happens here in Yuppie town and everywhere else that counts has to be approved by the Wuzard. You oughta know that.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Liberty was offended.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I didn’t come from a corn field you know. I come from New York City.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER (impressed): New York City. Oh. Well that explains it.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: So how do I get to the Wuzard?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: It’s a long, twisted way you have to go, poor child. You wouldn’t happen to have any money with you, would you?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: No&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Too bad. That’s a problem. It’s really hard to get to the Wuzard without money these days. That’d have been a great help. I used to take the grass roots route but I ran out of grass back in the eighties. Do you have any grass? I could sure use a hit or two. (Nader asks hopefully)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Grass? You mean marijuana? Of course not, I’m a good girl. I stand for truth and freedom and liberty. Marijuana rots your teeth and funds evil heathen terrorists.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Billy Clinton didn’t inhale, either&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Exactly!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: (Rolls his eyes and shrugs) Well, you don’t have any money and you don’t have any grass. I guess you’re going to have to get to the Wuzard the hard way.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: How?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: You’ll have to go in person.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: But how do I get there? I don’t know my way around this town.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: (Pointing up and right to the road) See that road over there? That’s the oil slick roads. You must follow the oil slick road to get to US.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: The oil slick road?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER: The oil slick road. Follow the oil slick road&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NADER AND LIBERTY: The oil slick road&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 1: Follow the oil slick road&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; YUPPIE 2: Follow the oil slick road.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; EVERYONE: &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (The Yuppies spread out and line up along the road)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Follow the oil slick road&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Follow the oil slick road&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Follow.....&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY:&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’m (We’re) off to see the Wuzard&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The wonderful Wuzard of U.S.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I (We) hear he is a wus of a Wuz&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; if ever a Wuz did gush....&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; ( Scarecrow enters with chair and white house prop. Sits on top of chair)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Liberty walks for a while. She pauses in confusion at a fork in the road by the white house&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Gosh, I wonder which way I should go. Left. No right. No left.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Hell. I wish there was a middle of the road.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Then liberty sees GW Bush on a fence with his arms and eyes crossed &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Hey you, up there on the fence. Which way is the way to the Wuzard?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Go left, no, go right. Left is right, I’m sure of it. No. Right is left. Gosh, I don’t know. Everything is so confusing. Don’t ask me, I don’t have a brain you know. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Funny, you don’t look like a blond. Why don’t you have a brain?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: It runs in my family. My father doesn’t have one. Neither do my brother or my children. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Is that why you’re sitting on that fence? &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: No. I’m a politician. I got stuck there by my public&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I guess you don’t need a brain if you’re a politician.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Maybe not. But I want one. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: What would you do with a brain?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would be a better leader&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; or maybe just a reader&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; my job wouldn’t be a strain&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would be a clever laddie&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d get out from under daddy &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; if I only had a brain&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Oh I, would really try&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; to make environmental regulations fly&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; there’d be national health insurance by and by&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The Middle East – a little peace&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would understand the budget&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t have to fudge it&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t be so inane&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Let there be no mistakin&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would out think Ronald Reagan&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; If I only had a brain&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Wow. You’ve really given it some thought. Tell you what. I’m on my way to the Hill to see the Wuzard of US... Why don’t you come with me? If the Wuzard is all he’s cracked up to be he ought to be able to give you a brain.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Tin Man enters back, stage right)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: I would if I could just get down from this damn fence &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Here. I’ll give you a hand&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Liberty lifts Scarecrow down. He wobbles and falls over. She sets him right.)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY. Now then, which way should we go?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: I don’t know. You look like a smart girl. You decide.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: I guess we’d better go right. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Good choice. Left and right are just about the same these days, anyway. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Why do you think that is?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TINMAN: (CREAKS) OIL:&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Money.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Why’s money so important?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Oil (he squeaks)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Liberty and the Scarecrow stare first at him and then at each other.)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY whispers: Good thing we went right. We’d never have found him on the path leading left.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: What did you say?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Oil. What’d’ya have, straw in your ears? I’m dry as a Texas oil well.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Liberty and Scarecrow notice the oil can just out of Tin Man’s reach. Liberty grabs it and oils Tin Man’s jaw. It starts to flap. Liberty and Scarecrow begin to laugh)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Shut up and help me you fools.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: You can call me a fool, but that’s Liberty you’re insulting. You’d better watch it. Who do you think you are anyway?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: I’m Dick Cheney. Who the Hell are you&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: I’m GW Bush. This is Liberty&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Liberty (Politely): How do you do.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: I’d be a whole lot better if you’d stop jawing and finish oiling me&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: (taking the oil can from Liberty): Here, I’ll do it. I have a special interest in oil.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Scarecrow oils Tin Man thoroughly. Tin Man wiggles and rattles and squeaks until his joints loosen up.) &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Damn. This wouldn’t happen if people would pay a little attention to me.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Aren’t you going to thank us?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Hell no, I’m not grateful. I don’t give a fart.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Why not?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: I don’t know. I don’t feel like it, cause I don’t have a heart&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Why don’t you have a heart?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: It was giving me too much trouble. I cut it out when I took political office. Now I’m starting to regret it.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: What would you do with a heart?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN:&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would be so hale and hearty&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Join the democratic party&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; 'though Bush might fall apart&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would be a real peace maker&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d throw out my old pace maker&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; If I only had a heart&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Oh I’d be a nice guy&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; At the thought of mass destruction I would cry&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I guess I’d go to heaven when I die&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t hate&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; the welfare state&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t mind if it were achin'&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d like to feel it breakin'&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t dodge cupid’s dart&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would help the Arab nation&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d be in love with all creation&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; If I only had a heart&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Scarecrow and I are heading to the Hill to see the Wuzard. If you act nice you can come with us. When we get there you can as the Wuzard for a new heart.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: I don’t have anything better to do. I guess I’ll go along.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: So where do we go from here?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (They gaze down the oil slick road standing down, left)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: It looks like we have to go through downtown to get to the Hill&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Downtown. That sounds scary. Will there be lawyers? (Stepping right)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: I think so. And lobbyists. (Stepping right)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Lobbyists?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: And Beaurocats (Stepping right)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Bureaucrats?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Of course&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Oh my. Lawyers and Lobbyists and Bureaucrats, oh my&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (All three walk towards stage right slowly, while chanting)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Lawyers and Lobbyists &amp; Bureau cats, oh my….&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Our little party of travelers arrive in downtown Washington. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Colin Powell jumps out of a doorway just to the right of center)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; EVERYONE: EEK.(They all run in different directions. Powell isn’t chasing them.) Instead he sits down on a stool and pulls out a lunch pail)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Liberty notices Bureaucat’s not chasing them and turns. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Aren’t you going to chase us?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; BUREAUCAT: Of course not. It’s my lunch hour.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: (Walks towards Bureaucat) You sure are lazy. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; BUREAUCAT: Of course I’m lazy. I’m a bureau cat. I’m a coward too. (Sadly)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: That’s a drag. Don’t you have any courage at all?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; BUREAUCAT: No not one little bit. I sure wish I did&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: What would you do with courage?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; BUREAUCAT: I’d be intrepid if I have courage. I’d be..., I’d.... Well.... (Stands. He is down stage right)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would start an insurrection&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; then I’d win the next election&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d be so proud to serve&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d recommend that we hold back &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; and not shellac the poor Iraqis&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; If I only had the nerve&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Oh I would show some guts&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t be a chicken little putz&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Whenever I was challenged I’d kick butts&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I’d tell the boss&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; “Get lost”&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I wouldn’t give a god dam &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; if we don’t go after Saddam&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; My opinions wouldn’t swerve&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I would have the upper hand &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; and I might even take a stand&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Oh, if I only had the nerve&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Tin Man, Scarecrow and Liberty whisper among themselves a bit &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; (Tin Man, Liberty and Scarecrow walk towards Bureaucat before speaking)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Tin Man, Scarecrow and me, uh, Liberty, are on the way to the Hill to see the Wuzard. The Tin Man’s going to ask for a heart and the Scarecrow is going to ask for a brain. And me, well, I guess I need to find my way back to New York City. Maybe you’d like to come with us and ask for some courage.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; BUREAUCAT: Do you think he’d give me some (Hopefully)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: I don’t see why not. But then again, I don’t see why he would. Don’t ask me, I don’t have a brain.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Oh shut up&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Now boys no fighting. We have a long walk ahead of us. So, Bureaucat, are you in or not.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; BUREAUCAT: (Sits on stool) Let me think, let me think. Okay, I guess. What have I got to loose. I’ve got plenty of vacation coming to me -- use or loose, you know, I was thinking of taking a trip but was scared to what with the state of the world and everything.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: I know just what you mean. You know if Liberty hadn’t come along I might just have sat on the fence for four years or more…. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Liberty (to the group): (Liberty crosses to Bureaucat and pulls him up) TO US?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; EVERYONE: TO US&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; We’re off to see the Wuzard, the wonderful …..&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The curtain falls&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; ACT II&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Saddam is in his compound, watching the progress of the little group on his lap top. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SADDAM: Curses, Curses. The little liberty bitch is going to give me trouble. If she stirs up the Wuzard the proverbial shit is going to hit the fan. I’ve got to stop her. I know, I’ll send out the suicide bombers.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: Winged monkey puppets fly out of the compound and head into the sky.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Meanwhile the little group has just gotten out of downtown and found their way to the Mall. They see the Capitol on the horizon &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; LIBERTY: Look, it’s the Capitol. We’re almost there. It’s so pretty. Hurry&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Lets run &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; NARRATOR: They start running up the mall. All of a sudden a cloud of suicide bombers appears behind them. The monkey-like things land and explode behind and around the travelers &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Liberty and her friends run faster and just barely make it to the no fly zone over the white house. The suicide bombers buzz around a while and then run out of fuel and fall, lifeless to the ground.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TIN MAN: Whew, that was close. If I had a heart it’d be beating a mile a minute&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SCARECROW: Alright gang, let’s get moving. We want to make US by nightfall &lt;br /&gt; </text><pager paramname="page" current-page="1" action="https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us"><text>4 Pages</text><next page="2"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us?page=2</link><title>The Wuzard of US - Non-Erotic</title></next><page page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us</link><text>1</text><title>The Wuzard of US - Non-Erotic</title></page><page page="2" current="0"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us?page=2</link><text>2</text><title>The Wuzard of US - Non-Erotic</title></page><page page="3" current="0"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us?page=3</link><text>3</text><title>The Wuzard of US - Non-Erotic</title></page><options><option page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/the-wuzard-of-us</link><text>1</text></option><option page="2" 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select="$page"/></xsl:if></xsl:attribute></meta> </xsl:template> <!-- edit "page-version" variable in include/headers.xsl --> <xsl:template name="additional-headers"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$sys-combiner = &quot;short&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> <style type="text/css"> div#b-bottom{ background: white; width: 547px; margin: 0 0 0 0; } div#b-top{ background: white; width: 547px; } @media only screen and (max-device-width: 640px) { .btoprel div#w.top-b{position: static;padding-top: 286px;} .btoprel div#b-top{position: static;} div.newbr{position: absolute;width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box;top:0;} } </style> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/common_story_webtv/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/addtofavs_ie6_v15/voting_ie6/relatedstories_ie6/series_ie6/reccomments_ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/addtofavs_ie7_v15/voting_ie7/series_ie7/reccomments_ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie8/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> </xsl:if> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-print/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="print"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <!-- please, update short version above --> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/cmn.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-pager.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_webtv.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-s-story-list.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie6_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/relatedstories_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie7_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie8.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery-1.4.2.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/cmn.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.tools.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.scrollTo-min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.cookie.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/autoresize.jquery.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/user.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/classes/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/invoc/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/addtofavs-jq_v15.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/votes-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/reccomments-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/b-pager.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/report.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-print.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="print"/> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <link media="screen" rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/colorbox.css?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/jquery.colorbox.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/story-colorbox.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/body"> <body class="t-storypage font-set-1 c{current-category/@id} btoprel"> <xsl:call-template name="emergency-underbody"/> <div id="fb-root"/> <div id="w" class="top-b"> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-top" style="width:100% !important;"> <ins data-revive-zoneid="40" data-revive-id="8ae265101a05bd53e45d50e5004a0297"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - End ****************** --> <div id="root" class="ss2 story-{story/@id}"> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- <xsl:call-template name="rltr-common-sidebar" /> --> <xsl:if test="1 = 0"> <!-- disabled --> <div class="b-box b-user"> <div class="b-box-header"> <div class="b-user-avatar"> <a href="#"><img height="35" width="35" src="/imagesv2/avatar-mini-2.png"><xsl:attribute name="alt"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute></img></a> </div> <!-- <b></b> is IE7 hack element --> <div class="b-user-name"><a href="#"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a><b/></div> </div><!-- b-box-header --> <div class="b-box-body"> <p class="b-message-anonimous"> <small>Submit Your Story Now For <span style="color: red;">Free</span>:</small><br/> <a class="loginlink" href="/members/main.php">Login</a><span style="color: gray;"> or </span><a class="signuplink" href="/stories/signup.php">Sign Up</a> </p> <br/> <p> <a href="#">Edit Profile</a><xsl:text> </xsl:text><a class="logout-link" href="#">Logout</a> </p> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-user --> </xsl:if> </div> <xsl:call-template name="header-logo"/> <div id="main" class="story"> <div id="content"> <div class="b-breadcrumbs"> <span class="ico"><a href="{$site-root}/index.php"><img src="/imagesv2/icons/i-home.gif" alt="tag"/></a></span> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="splited-index-special-h1"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <a href="/s/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <a href="/p/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <a href="/i/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <a href="{current-category/@cat-url}"><xsl:value-of select="current-category/name"/></a> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page &gt; 1"> <a href="{story/@url}"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></a> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:value-of select="$page"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </div> <div class="b-story-header"> <h1><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></h1> <!-- "-y", "x-r15" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r22"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span> </div> <!-- "-x", "x-r15" and div added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-story-body-x x-r15"><div> <p><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/text"/></p> </div></div> <!-- **************** pager ***************** --> <div class="b-story-stats-block"> <!--<xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages">--> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <p class="b-report-problem"><a class="b-report-problem-story" href="{$site-root}/report_story.php?id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow">Report Story</a></p> </xsl:if> <!--</xsl:if>--> <!-- "-y", "x-r50" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r50"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text> <xsl:apply-templates select="story-stats"/> </div> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- ******************* share ******************** --> <xsl:call-template name="share-love"/> <!-- ******************* related stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <!--<xsl:call-template name="format1"/>--> <xsl:apply-templates select="relatedstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* series stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* tags ******************** --> <xsl:if test="tags"> <xsl:apply-templates select="tags"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* bug report ******************** --> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Report a Bug</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <a href="/stories/quest/bugs.php?id=3&amp;url={story/@url4url}"><strong>Submit bug report</strong></a> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </div><!-- b-sidebar --> <div id="sbar-l-wrp"> <xsl:if test="story/pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="story/pager"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$preview = &quot;preview&quot;"> <div id="preview-back"> <p>If you want to make changes or to publish story click "<strong>Go Back to Edit or Publish</strong>" button.</p> <form method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="return" value="{$preview-backurl}"/> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="dummy"/> <input type="submit" class="i-button" name="edit" value="Go Back to Edit or Publish"/> </form> </div> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* vote ******************** --> <xsl:if test="story[@allow_vote = 1] and $page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:call-template name="vote"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** Add to favs buttons ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-favorites c"> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Story <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this story!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Poem <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this poem!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}"> Favorite Illustrations <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this illustration!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> </div> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** comments ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:if test="(author/@allowfeedback = 1) or (story/@enable_comments = 1)"> <div id="tabs" class="b-tabs"> <dl> <xsl:if test="story/@enable_comments = 1"> <dt class="selected"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Recent Comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></dt> <dd class="selected"> <div class="dd"><div class="b-tabs-content"> <xsl:apply-templates select="recent-comments/comments"/> </div></div> </dd> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-comment-form"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="author/@allowfeedback = 1"> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-feedback-form"/> </xsl:if> </dl> </div><!-- b-tabs --> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </div><!-- #sbar-l-wrp --> </div><!-- #content --> </div><!-- #main --> </div><!-- #root --> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-bottom"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone18" data-zone-id="18"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - End ****************** --> </div><!-- #w --> <div id="b-footer"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone42" data-zone-id="42"/> <xsl:call-template name="tags-footer"> <xsl:with-param name="mode"><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;">stories</xsl:if><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poems&quot;">poem</xsl:if></xsl:with-param> </xsl:call-template> </div><!-- #b-footer --> <xsl:call-template name="iphone-message"/> <xsl:call-template name="rltr-login-in-div"/> <script async="async" src="//poetry.literotica.com/www/delivery/asyncjs.php"/> <xsl:call-template name="r1-banner-init"/> </body> </xsl:template> <!-- **************** vote template ****************** --> <xsl:template name="vote"> <xsl:comment> // VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> <div id="voting"> <form action="{$site-root-dynamic}/vote.php" method="post" id="voteform"> <div> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="page" value="{$page}"/> <input type="hidden" name="pagehint" value="{$page}"/> <p id="votemsg"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">showstory-please-rate</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>:</p> <fieldset id="votefset"> <label for="v1">1</label> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="1" id="v1"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="2" id="v2"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="3" id="v3"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="4" id="v4"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="5" id="v5"/> <label for="v5">5 <span>(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">best</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">best mark</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</span></label> </fieldset> <input type="submit" name="Submit" id="submitbut"> <xsl:attribute name="value"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Submit Vote</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute> </input> </div> </form> <div id="votingform"><p id="v_caption">Please Rate This Submission:</p><ul id="v_list"><li><strong id="lv1" title="I Hated It!">1</strong></li><li><strong id="lv2" title="I Didn't Like It Much.">2</strong></li><li><strong id="lv3" title="Liked It - Keep On Writing.">3</strong></li><li><strong id="lv4" title="Really Liked It - Good Read!">4</strong></li><li><strong id="lv5" title="Loved It - One Of The Best!!">5</strong></li></ul><div id="loading"><img src="/imagesv2/voting/animation.gif" width="13" height="13" alt="Please wait"/></div></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> loadForm(<xsl:value-of select="story/@id"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>); //</xsl:comment> </script> <xsl:comment> // END OF VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** tags template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="tags"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"> <h3>Tags For This Story<!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Story Tags For This Submission:</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">story-page-bottom</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>--></h3> </div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-story-tag-list"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="tag"> <li><a href="{$site-root-tagsportal}/{name-encoded}"><xsl:value-of select="name"/></a><xsl:if test="position() &lt; last()"> – </xsl:if></li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** related template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="relatedstories"> <xsl:if test="story"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Similar stories</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "rt-65" added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list rt-65"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="b-s-story-list-link"><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> by <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={@author}&amp;page=submissions" class="b-s-story-list-user"><xsl:value-of select="@author-username"/></a> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;">  <span class="b-s-story-rating"> <xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0">  <span class="b-s-story-comment"> <xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** series template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="seriesstories"> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> var series_page_count = <xsl:value-of select="@pages"/>; // </xsl:comment> </script> <div id="b-series" class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Also in this series</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "t-4ut" and div with comment added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list t-4ut"><div><xsl:comment> // </xsl:comment></div> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories-page"/> <!--<div class="b-pager">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-prev"></span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-next"></span>--> <!-- <div class="b-pager-pages">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-page">1</span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-active">2</span>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</div>--> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> <!--<xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 1">--> <!-- <div class="pager">--> <!-- Page:--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="prev"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('left');</xsl:attribute>&lt;&lt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:for-each select="seriesstories-page">--> <!-- <span>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesChangePage('<xsl:value-of select="@page" />');</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="id">series_pager_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page = 1">--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="class">current visible</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 1 and @page &lt; 6"><xsl:attribute name="class">visible</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 5"><xsl:attribute name="class">hidden</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:value-of select="@page" />--> <!-- </span>--> <!-- </xsl:for-each>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="next"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('right');</xsl:attribute>&gt;&gt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</xsl:if>--> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="seriesstories-page"> <div class="frame"> <!--<xsl:attribute name="id">series_page_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page = 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">show</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page != 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">hide</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <!-- "i-18k" and comment added to kill Android App --> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="ser_link i-18k"><xsl:comment> t </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> <xsl:text> </xsl:text> <span class="b-s-story-stats-block"> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-rating"><xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-comment"><xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </span> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** 1format1 template ******************* --> <xsl:template name="format1"> <div class="b-1f1 slow-animation active-on-visible sen-05 template-5"> <p class="a-right small ad-name">advertisment</p> <div class="b-1f1-top"/> <div class="b-1f1-body"> <div class="b-1f1-ba"> <div class="b-1f1-ba-t"><em class="b-1f1-ba-tl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-tr"/></div> <strong>related to this story:</strong><br/> <div class="big banner-text"> <a href="#">Pipedream Products Nipple</a><br/> <a href="#">Chain Clips Sex Toy Kit</a> </div> <div class="b-1f1-ba-b"><em class="b-1f1-ba-bl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-br"/></div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-v-bar"> <p class="indent message"/> <div class="b-1f1-v"> <a href="#" class="button b-no"><span>No</span></a> <ul class="voting-bar"> <li class="vb-1"><a href="#"><span>1</span></a></li> <li class="vb-2"><a href="#"><span>2</span></a></li> <li class="vb-3"><a href="#"><span>3</span></a></li> <li class="vb-4"><a href="#"><span>4</span></a></li> <li class="vb-5"><a href="#"><span>5</span></a></li> </ul> <a href="#" class="button b-yes"><span>Yes</span></a> <p class="small tcenter voting-bar-rating">4.5</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-bottom"/> </div> <div id="format1-banners"> <div id="format1-banner-1"><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a><br/><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-2"><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a><br/><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-3"><a href="#">Dave moved his hands...</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-4"><a href="#">Very big ti...</a></div> </div> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="membername"> <xsl:param name="uid"/> <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={$uid}"><xsl:value-of select="//member[@id = $uid]" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="no-comments"> <p class="morereccomments"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this illustra</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <span class="loadmorecomments"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Show more comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></span> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <a href="{$site-root}/storyfeedbackboard.php?id={@story}&amp;pagehint=6"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">comments-read-all-comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> (<xsl:value-of select="@total"/>)</a></xsl:if> </p> </xsl:template> <!-- special pager-new.xsl override method to always show pager --> <xsl:template match="pager"> <div class="b-pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="previous"/> <xsl:apply-templates select="next"/> <div class="b-pager-pages"> <xsl:if test="text"> <!-- "-t", "r-d45" and comment added to kill Android App --> <span class="b-pager-caption-t r-d45"><xsl:comment> x </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="text"/>:</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:apply-templates select="page"/> <xsl:if test="//pager/next"> <xsl:apply-templates select="options"/> </xsl:if> <!-- <xsl:if test="not (//pager/next)"> <span class="fblike"><fb:like layout="button_count" show_faces="false" colorscheme="light"></fb:like></span> </xsl:if> --> </div> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_hcount" displayText="Tweet"></span>--> <!-- <span class="st_email_button" displayText="Email"></span>--> </div><!-- b-pager --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="story-stats"> <span class="b-story-stats"><xsl:value-of select="@comments"/> comments<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@views"/> views<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@favs"/> favorites</span> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="share-love"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Share the love</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-share-love"> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_sharethis_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> <span class="st_facebook_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> --> <!-- Place this tag in your head or just before your close body tag --> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"/> <div id="gplus"><div class="g-plusone" data-size="medium"/></div> <div id="tw-share"><a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-text="{story/name}" data-url="{story/@url}">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"/></div> <div class="secline"> <div id="add-this"><a href="https://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/share.gif" width="16" height="16" alt="Share"/></a></div> <div id="add-email"><a href="https://api.addthis.com/oexchange/0.8/forward/email/offer?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/email.gif" width="56" height="18" alt="Email"/></a></div> </div> </div><!-- b-share-love --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="i18n"> <xsl:param name="key"/> <xsl:param name="hint"/> <xsl:param name="param1"/> <xsl:param name="param2"/> <xsl:param name="param3"/> <xsl:param name="param4"/> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Page&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Page</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Recent Comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Recent<br/> Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;showstory-please-rate&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please Rate This Submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;best&quot; and $hint=&quot;best mark&quot;">best</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Vote&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Vote</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;There are no recent comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">There are no recent comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;n older comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> older comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this poem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this illustra&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this illustration</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;or-conjunction&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">or</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Show more comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Show more comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-all-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;literotica-copyright&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark.<br/> No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Home&quot; and $hint=&quot;http://www.literotica.com/&quot;">Home</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Stories&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Stories</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Webcams&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Webcams</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Forum&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Forum</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Adult Store&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Adult Store</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Report A Bug&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Report A Bug</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Next&quot; and $hint=&quot;next page&quot;">Next</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Previous&quot; and $hint=&quot;previous page&quot;">Previous</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Go-button&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Go</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-n-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-click-to-leave-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to leave your own comment on this submission!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-be-first-to-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Story!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Poem!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Poem!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Illustra!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Illustration!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;more...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">more...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send-br-Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send<br/> Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-pri-ano-feedbk-to-author&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send private <strong>anonymous feedback</strong> to the author</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-post-public-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to post a public comment instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title your feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title your feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your feedback to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback to</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;ifyouwouldlikearesponse&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Please type in the security code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please type in the security code</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;listen-secret-code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You may also <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>listen to a recording of the characters<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Feedback sent successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Feedback sent successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send Your Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send Your Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-privacy-note&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Note: Literotica values your privacy. No email addresses or names are ever saved from this feature. Once the mail is sent, all information is purged completely from the system.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Thanks!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Thanks!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-sent-to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback was successfully sent to: <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-click-for-more&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to check for more submissions by <xsl:value-of select="$param3" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-emailstory-return-to-the-story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to return to the story.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-click-to-recommend&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to recommend this story to a friend.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Add-a-br-Comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Add a<br/> Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Preview&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Preview</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;thisis-preview-if-it-looks-good-click&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">This is a preview of how your comment will appear. If it looks good, please<br/>click the</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;below to post the comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">below to post the comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Edit comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Edit comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Posting...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Posting...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Comment posted successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Comment posted successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to view it&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to view it</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;post-public-comment-on-submission&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Post a <strong>public comment</strong> on this submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-send-private-feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title of your comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title of your comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your public comment about&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your public comment about</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Post comment as (click to select)&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Post comment as (click to select)</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Preview comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Preview comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;You are logged in as&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You are logged in as</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;As user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">As user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Username&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Username</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Password&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Password</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;makecomments-edit-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Edit Your Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;makecomments-submit-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">SUBMIT Your Comment!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Login&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Login</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Sign Up&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Sign Up</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Terms Of Services&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Terms Of Services</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Report A Problem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Report A Problem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Forgot your password?&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Forgot your password?</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Security code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Security code</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Change picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Change picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your current user picture, all sizes&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your current user avatar, all sizes</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Default size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Default size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Default (75x75) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Default (75x75) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Medium size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Medium size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Medium (48x48) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Medium (48x48) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Small size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Small size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Small (24x24) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Small (24x24) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Tiny size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Tiny size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Tiny (16x16) size User Picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Tiny (16x16) size User Picture</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;You have a picture waiting&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Select new user picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Select new user avatar</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Upload and save&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Upload and save</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Upload successful&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Upload successful</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;User picture uploaded&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Close-avatar-dialog&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Close</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;change-picture&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">change picture</xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise>I18N: "<xsl:value-of select="$key"/>","<xsl:value-of select="$hint"/>" NOT FOUND</xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> </xsl:stylesheet> =========================================