The Ya Ya Dildohood

It wasn't like I had any argument against that logic, or even disagreed with it, but I was stunned to hear her voice it. I was 23, and supposedly more open-minded and freer about sexuality, while Maggie who was probably at least twice that, was obviously far more comfortable with her own sensuality, and that of others, than I was.

"Besides, I'd put my tits up against any woman's. I've got nothing to be ashamed of, and for my age, they're still in pretty good shape don't you think?"

Maggie had placed both hands on her hips and had thrust her chest out proudly, even turning slightly to give me a nice side view of her still braless, full, rounded breasts, tipped with large, enticing and slightly erect nipples.

"No complaints from me!" I replied, taking a sip of my drink in an effort to keep the tension and excitement out of my voice, not wanting her to think I was as nervous or uncomfortable as I actually was.

Maggie stared at me for a moment, giggling as she realized that I was nervously looking away from her breasts now, rather than at them.

"I've embarrassed you!" she said. "Don't mind me. I'm just a lonely old broad that hasn't got anything better to do than go around embarrassing young men. Even if they are good looking ones who live next door!"

I had no idea how to respond to that, but Maggie once again showed her comfort with all kinds of situations, pulling out one of the kitchen chairs sitting down in order to enjoy her drink, changing the subject as she did.

"So...why did you decide to buy this house? It couldn't have been because it was so well-kept?"

Glad to turn to a more neutral topic, I sat down as well, letting the conversation turn to a more informal discussion of our lives, where we finally began to ask and answer one another's questions. Before I knew it, it was late afternoon and we'd polished off the entire pitcher of lemonade.

"I can't thank you enough for painting the fence," Maggie told me, preparing to leave. "Are you sure I can't pay you for all the work? At the least, let me pay you for the paint."

"No...really Maggie, it's ok," I said, enjoying the sound of her name as it rolled off my tongue. "It was no big deal, and took a lot less time that I thought it would. Besides, I'd already purchased the paint for my fence anyway, not knowing how much of it I'd really need."

"Well at least let me fix you a nice dinner then," she said.

That seemed like a reasonable enough payment to me, and besides, I was a lousy cook and wasn't looking forward to sandwiches again.

"You like lobster?" she asked.

It had been a month of Sundays since I'd eaten lobster. I was stunned! A lobster dinner, for me anyway, went far beyond "nice!"

"Uh.... sure!" I love lobster. But you sure you want to go to all that effort and expense?"

"They're no trouble. Just stick them in a pot of water, melt some butter, add a little garlic and spices, and viola! Dinner! Besides, I've already bought them. Remember, I said I was going to stop at the store on my way home?" She winked at me, grinning. "I was thinking ahead! I figured you wouldn't let me pay you, but thought that since you're living alone, you might enjoy a nice erotic dinner!"

I stared at her, mouth open, wondering if I had heard her correctly. But her immediate dark red blush told me she'd had a slip of the tongue. She swallowed hard, laughing weakly, trying to regain her composure.

"What I meant was a nice exotic dinner. Though I guess lobster could be considered an erotic delicacy. It's certainly as messy as sex is!"

I let the line drop. There was no way I was going to respond to that teaser!

"Do you need me to bring anything?" I asked.

"Just yourself," she said. "And I hope you like white wine. I have a really good bottle of Sauvignon Blanc that I've been dying to try. But I hate drinking alone, and I hate even worse opening a good bottle of wine just for myself."

I was still a little overwhelmed by her openness and familiarity, as though we'd been good friends as well as neighbors for years rather that for just a couple of days.

"Um, I know this sounds silly, but I've only got clean jeans and white tee shirts. Everything else is still packed and wrinkled. Actually, most of it still needs washing, something I haven't gotten around to doing yet," I confessed sheepishly.

"Come naked if you want to," Maggie said bluntly, once again catching me off guard. Then, as she noticed my shocked face, she smiled and added more gently, "Relax Richard. Jeans will be fine. You don't even have to wear a shirt if you don't want to. The food may be exotic, but the setting won't be. Lobster isn't fun if you can't really enjoy it and the mess it makes. We're definitely talking casual here. No fancy tablecloth, no silverware. Just you, me, and the lobsters." Maggie stood. "If you want to come in shorts and shirtless, be my guest, I'll enjoy the view either way. Hell...after a few glasses of wine, I just might show you my tits, and see what you think of them!"

With a final wink and a wicked grin, Maggie picked up the pitcher and glasses heading out the back door. I was about to ask her what time when she turned back towards me.

"See you around seven." I heard her softly laughing to herself all the way across the yard, and wondered what I was in for that night, having dinner with my beautiful, sexy, outrageous and obviously hot next-door neighbor.

Glancing at the kitchen clock, I discovered that seven was a little less than three hours away. I still had to clean up, and though she'd said not to bring anything, I decided to take a couple of bottles of wine anyway. Maybe they wouldn't be as expensive as what she'd be serving, but I was sure I could find something for us to enjoy and sip on later on in the evening. A shower was next on the agenda, though I promised myself that I wouldn't jerk off again, even if I did get another erection. For the first time I wondered if there was any truth at all to the old wives' tale about masturbation making you go blind. Then I figured I'd that I'd only do it until I needed glasses. Laughing at my own stupid joke, I hurried upstairs to take that shower. I was surprised at how giddy I felt, thinking about the evening ahead and the adventures it might bring. It was almost like getting ready for a date, though of course, there was no way in hell that this was even close to a date. But date or not, I was both anxious as well as excited, and wanted to be on my best neighborly behavior!

But I couldn't forget Maggie's last comment. 'Hell, after a few glasses of wine, I just might show you my tits!' I didn't believe her of course. I knew she'd just been kidding. But the idea of actually seeing them, naked and close-up was something that I couldn't quit thinking and wondering about. "And what about after she showed them to me? What would happen next?" I wondered.

As I'd expected, dinner was delicious, fabulous in the most relaxed and informal way. Maybe the lobsters didn't take any work, but she also served a tossed salad with pine nuts, blue cheese, and the lobster was followed by fresh strawberries sprinkled with an orange liqueur. There was no doubt she was an incredible cook! I knew already that I would never turn down an invitation that included food, no matter what time of day! Conversation flowed easily and so did the wine. We finished her bottle of wine, and gotten half way through one of the two I'd brought along when it was obvious that our evening together was coming to an end.

I'd had no expectations of anything happening of course, just fantasies. As I thought about it later, after I was back home, we'd had a very relaxed evening together, but nothing else, and nothing of any sexual nature was even discussed. Though I wasn't exactly disappointed, I was surprised at myself to discover that I was slightly annoyed that we hadn't at least done a little flirtatious bantering back and forth as we'd been doing earlier in the day. Even as I headed upstairs to my bedroom to turn in I couldn't help but walk to the window glancing down. As I did, I saw that her blinds were completely shut, causing me to feel more than just a little nervous.

"Had she realized I could have been watching her?" I wondered. "Had she made that discovery earlier this evening before my arrival? Is that why she acted so differently?"

If so, it could have been the reason for our impersonal and less than stimulating dinner conversation. Maybe she had sensed something, or saw her blinds still partially open, realizing that from my bedroom window, I would no doubt have been able to see down into her living room fairly easily. Now I was no longer annoyed, but fearful that she'd think that my observations of her had been deliberate, instead of accidental. But I told myself firmly that she hadn't spoken or acted any less friendly than she had been, except for the lack of anything private or sexual in nature. I shook my head. I was mentally overreacting and decided to let it go at that. If Maggie had any concerns, problems, or fears, I was sure that eventually she'd let me know about them one way or another.

Nearly an entire week passed with very little contact. I had started my new job, and was gone during the day, arriving home mid evening, so I hadn't seen or spoken to Maggie for several days. I was starting to feel slightly paranoid, thinking that she had somehow figured things out, or at the very least decided that maybe I was showing far too much interest in her, though for the life of me I couldn't recall saying anything that would lead her to believe that.

Finally, Friday evening came and as I pulled up into my driveway, I saw Maggie heading across the yard in my direction. Her wide and genuine smile quieted my fears at least momentarily. "Hi stranger!" she called out to me. "Bet it's been a busy week with the new job. How's it going?"

Climbing out of the car, I returned her friendly greeting, glad to see her, and more than a little relieved that obviously I hadn't said or done anything to put her off. "Yeah, it's been a long week, that's for sure. Still getting used to things I guess, but all in all, I think I'm going to like it."

"Hungry? I'm willing to bet you're about ready for a nice dinner."

"Sure! I'd never turn down one of your meals. What time?"

I groaned mentally. There we were again. Or there I was anyway. Was I hearing what I wanted to be hearing, or was Maggie simply being herself, and I was reading all these hidden little innuendoes into things that simply weren't there? I couldn't help but wonder whether she meant what I heard or not.

"Would you like me to get us some more wine?" I asked.

"Soon as you can get undressed and come over," she said with a wink and a grin. "We still have half a bottle from the last time, and another one we never even got to. If we'd started in on that one, I'll bet I'd have shown you my tits!"

She sounded suggestive, enticing, just as she had before our dinner together, and as if almost a whole week of silence after that dinner hadn't even happened. What did she mean? Why was she acting so sexy? What was she trying to tell me? Confused, not knowing what to say, I simply stood there looking at her. "No, on second thought, why not? I headed upstairs to undress-or redress-more casually for our evening together. At the last minute, I'd headed to the store picking up another two bottles of wine.

I arrived an hour later to the delightful smell of hot spicy sausage and garlic simmering in a pan on the stove. Maggie had fixed us a pasta dinner with all the trimmings-salad, garlic bread, and fresh cannoli for dessert-and I was glad I had chosen a couple of bottles of good Merlot to go along with what she'd made. Dinner conversation was light, mainly focused on my new job and the work I wanted to do on the house, and the wine was perfect with the spicy pasta.

"Damn, Maggie, that was really, really good!" I said, finally sitting back, half tempted to undo my belt in order to make myself a little more comfortable. "I'm totally stuffed, but having a chance to eat what you cook was well worth it. Any time you want me, I'll be here!" (I'm not bad at innuendoes myself, and the wine had helped me relax.)

"So you got enough to eat?" she asked.

"Oh heavens yes, more than enough in fact. I'm about ready to burst through my jeans. I was even thinking about loosening my belt to make room."

"So make yourself comfortable," Maggie told me. "I already said you could show up at the door naked, and I'd still invite you in."

"Ah...I don't think you put it quite that way," I told her. "And I seriously doubt that you really would let me in if I did show up at your door naked."

"Oh? Wouldn't you be surprised!" Maggie shot back at me. I watched as she picked up the still un-opened bottle of Merlot, and headed into the living room. "Grab our glasses and come on in here," she tossed over her shoulder.

I followed her in where she turned, handing me the bottle to open.

"Go ahead and pour us a glass. I for one am going to make myself a little more comfortable. I enjoy sitting around the house in the evening with very little on, so I hope you don't mind too much."

"It's your house. Wear, or don't wear, whatever you want to," I challenged her.

For the first time Maggie gave me a look that was more serious than teasing. "Don't tempt me Richard. It's been too long as it is, and you might find yourself with your hands full!"

Now it was my turn to laugh, but I did so with a great deal of nervousness, something that she picked up on right away. "Ah huh... just as I thought."

"What?"

But she just shook her head as though agreeing with herself about some point I had missed, disappearing down the hall towards her bedroom.

When Maggie re-emerged, she was wearing the exact same nightgown I had seen her wearing that night I'd been spying on her. Like I said, it wasn't exactly meant to be sexy, but it still was anyway. Seeing her up close like this, it was semi-sheer enough to reveal the fact that she had nothing on beneath it. "This too much for you?" she questioned me coyly. "I can always put on something flannel, I guess. Like I told you, I prefer to be comfortable, very comfortable, in the evenings. But if this bothers you too much, I can go back in and change into something a little less comfy!"

"Maggie, come on... like I said, it's your house! And to be blunt, you could have walked in here naked, and it wouldn't have bothered me in the least!"

"Oh?" She shot me with an almost wounded look on her face.

And then I realized the way that must have sounded. "That's not the way I meant to say it," I stammered out apologetically. "What I meant to say was..." But her burst of laughter told me she was only messing with me, immediately letting me off the hook.

"It's a good thing that I did know what you meant to say. And Richard, if I wanted to, I would walk around in the nude. But under the circumstances, that would be rather rude of me, since you're still fully clothed, don't you think? And seriously, if you do want to make yourself even more comfortable, and take off some of those clothes, please feel free to do so. I told you once, I'd enjoy the view!"

Neither of us had air-conditioning, and the swamp coolers didn't do a very good job of cooling down either of our houses early in the evening. I was already wet and sticky from the humidity, not to mention the added heat from Maggie's cooking in the kitchen. "Well, if you don't mind, I really would like to take off my shirt," I told her, suiting my actions to my words.

"As far as I'm concerned, you can take your pants off too, if you like. I know you said you were really full, and my husband always felt better sitting around in his shorts after dinner."

"I wouldn't mind doing that, but you see, I don't usually wear any underwear with Levi's, so that would be slightly different from the way you're dressed right now," I said teasingly.

Maggie sat down on the couch at the far end from where I was sitting, picked up her wine glass and leaned back to take a drink, continuing to look at me, still not commenting on what I had just told her. I didn't meet her eyes, but I couldn't help but look at the way her gown clung even more tightly around her breasts as she relaxed against the back of the couch. The dark color of her nipples showed clearly through the pale, sheer fabric as her breasts pressed against the material. She had extremely large areolas, which I loved, and her hard nipples pressed against her gown, were erect in spite of the heat, clearly showing me her eager, aroused state. The sexual tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. My hard cock was about to explode out of my jeans. I picked up my glass of wine to take a drink, and attempt a comment that might make the situation less awkward than it had suddenly become. But all I could think of was Maggie and how hot and sexy she looked in that gown, and how much better I'd like it if she wasn't wearing anything at all.

Suddenly, she put down her wineglass with a decisive motion, asking, "Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure, I...I guess," I said lamely, confused and more than a little bewildered by the unexpected turn of events.

"I started watching this particular one last weekend, but I never finished it." Maggie stood up, walking over to the VCR. Putting in a tape, she pushed play, and stood with her back to the TV, blocking my view. Her eyes held mine, looking directly at me as I began to hear the telltale sounds of the moving playing on the TV behind her. There was absolutely no mistaking which tape she had put in. Only when she knew that I knew what was playing, did she step away sitting back down on the couch exactly in the same place and same position as I'd seen her in last week. "Hope you don't mind," she said casually, glancing over at me, "but I really do enjoy a good dirty movie now and again."

"Ah no...no, not at all," I stammered. But talk about confused! I honestly wasn't sure about how Maggie wanted me to take anything she was doing. On the one hand, she seemed to be coming on to me, while on the other, maybe she was just simply doing what she enjoyed doing, not caring whether I was there or not.

I briefly considered standing up and telling her that maybe I'd best turn in or something. But I was curious about what was happening, and why. Wanting to see what was coming (and maybe cumming) next. And most important, did she know what I'd done?

"This really is one of my favorite ways to relax at the end of the day," she announced, just as if my being there with her was the most natural thing in the whole world. "I don't know about you," she continued, gently lifting the hem of her gown, "but I really do enjoy masturbating just before bedtime. It helps me relax and sleep a lot more easily." She smiled slightly, her eyes still meeting mine. "If my doing this bothers you, I'll stop. But I really do enjoy watching a good erotic movie, and they always tend to make me exceptionally horny. That, and a good bottle of wine," she added with a wink and an alluringly sexy smile.

Now I wasn't merely confused, I was stunned. Maggie nonchalantly began masturbating, fingers sliding back and forth over her clit, doing it right in front of me, without a care in the world. I was totally mesmerized by her, too absorbed in watching her to even remember to breathe, and still without a clue in the world about what, if anything, I should or shouldn't be doing. If my twenty-three year old inexperience hadn't been showing before, it certainly was now. And I'm not sure if this situation was covered in any books I'd ever read anyway. And I don't think that even the Playboy advisor had an answer for this one!

Maggie lifted up the hem of her nightgown so her smooth, wet pussy was clearly visible, continuing to use her hand and fingers in pleasuring herself with. She slid them into her wet hole, smearing her juice all over her pussy, paying special attention to her clit. A soft moan of pleasure escaped her lips. My cock was rigidly erect, painful as it pushed hard against the confines of my jeans. And still I sat there speechless, wondering what the fuck was going on, and what I was expected to do, or not do, about it. I certainly knew what I wanted to do, but without a specific invitation from Maggie, I hesitated, uncertain. "Enjoying the movie?" she asked, "I am."