Therapist Kuczynski - Steven's Case

A knock on the door and Dr. Kuczynski promptly opens it. He welcomes Steven Novak.

— Good afternoon, Steven! — Said the doctor with a calm and warm voice.

— Good afternoon, Doc. — Said Steven sounding dried out.

Dr. Kuczynski offers a comfortable chair. Steven and the doctor sit down at the same time.

— So, Steven. I see you changed a little bit since last time. Tell me what's going on.

Steven was still trying to find a position to sit down comfortably. Due to his large body, pretty much all the chairs can be incommodious.

— Yeah, a lot has changed in these weeks, doc. — Steven said feeling like crying.

— It's ok, Steve, we're going through it today. — Kuczynski's warm voice came out of his mouth traveling smoothly into Steven's ears.

— Okay — Steven sighed — I think I need to tell you the whole story. — Steven said.

Dr. Kuczynski nodded his head waiting for Steven to begin. Steven sighed again.

— Everything was going well in my life. I had the woman of my life, I was starting to accept my body and my condition. But this was a very low blow in my self-confidence. It destroyed everything we've worked out here, doc. — Steven said trying to remember all the jargons he learned from Dr. Kuczynski.

— Go on, Steve. We're going to fix this, no matter what. — Doctor tried to calm him down. — Just let yourself out.

It was hard to convince Steven to open himself. Steven was a hard-working man. He worked in his father's workshop in his teens and the half of his adulthood. Now he owns his own. To make this hard man sit down in this psychiatric office and let himself say the things that bothered him, things that made him happy, dreams he couldn't pursue seemed like it was impossible. But Kuczynski, somehow, made it.

Steven is 49 years-old has no kids, but not for choice. Steven never had married, until there was Denise DuPont. She was his girlfriend from Junior till Senior in high school. They had even gone to prom together.

But life managed to separate them. Denise's parents could pay for college, different from Steven's family. While Denise was moving from Phoenix to Williamstown to go to college, Steven had no choice but to stay in town to work at his father's workshop.

— I had told you about Denise, the girl I dated at high school. We had met in 2017 in the 30 year reunion. She told me she was divorcing Fahim Aziz, a man she met at Williams College. After the meeting, we went out for some drinks and I walked her to her hotel. We exchanged phone numbers and ended up kissing. A month later she called me saying she would be in Phoenix and wanted to hang out with me. I was happy that she wanted to see me, specifically me. — Steven smiled. — When we met, she told me her papers were to be signed by Fahim and she would be free to be with me. I found that pretty odd, because other than that kiss, I had never expressed I wanted to be with her. But that made me excited to know she still loved me.

Steven felt his weight hurting his lower back, forcing him to re-accommodate in his chair.

— The only thing I know is that 3 months later she was moving in with me. She opened her architecture office in town. We were living like a married couple. That was a dream coming true in front of my eyes so suddenly I couldn't even see it happening. So I decided to take this step further and proposed to her and in the next month, we were signing the marriage papers. All those years of depression and loneliness ware cured by Denise. — Steven once again smiled. — Although we were too old to have children, we started planning to get pregnant or in the worst case, to adopt a child. — Steven stopped and looked out the window in a far distance glancing the trees outside. — We soon found out I was sterile.

— Is that the problem, Steve? — Doctor Kuczynski asked calmly.

— I wished, doc. — Steven let it out under a breath. — We could do insemination or even adopt. At that moment all that mattered was that I had Denise by my side. — Steven stopped once again — Well, doc, I had to forget Denise. It was hard during the following years of our breakup. When I got over her, I noticed the state my body was. I mean, I was chubby during my teens. I noticed that it was keeping me from getting girls. It's not that they would reject me every time I tried, but a good amount of times I felt humiliated. It's hard to explain. — Steven said.

Doctor Kuczynski kept looking inside Steven's eyes pouting his lips while he took notes of what Steven just said.

— I noticed that I was nearly 50-years-old and had never had a family of my own. Denise was a far cry of my past. When I had potential, I had a decent GPA, I could play football... — Steven had one droplet of a tear about to come down from his eye. — But my father ruined that all. He obligated me to work for him. I never put myself out there because I was afraid of failing. And when I have everything in hands to finally be happy, life takes it all from me — Steven finally cries.

— Let it out, Steve. Don't be afraid of letting it come. — Kuczynski comforted Steven. — Your father didn't ruin your life, after all, you have a good profession. You employ a lot of people. You feed their families, you are doing a great job.

Steven dried his tears and took a deep breath.

— That's not the real problem, doc. — Steven said. — We were living out the perfect life. I had a beautiful wife, a great house, a decent job... And there comes the lowest point of my life. — Steven re-comforted in the chair. — Four months ago I was coming home at dusk. Turning the corner of my street I see a white Range Rover coming out of my house. I tried not to care about that. But every other day I saw the same Range Rover coming out of my garage. — Steven took a deep breath.

Doctor Kuczynski took notes. He knew where it was going.

— Till the day I came home earlier. I parked my car I the other street and came home walking. I sneaked through the backyard fence, came to the backdoor slowly and I could hear voices. My wife's voice and a male voice. She said "I'm not coming back to you Fahim. This is insane. I love Steve and you are not changing my mind. I don't need to tell you where to shove these gifts you are bringing me". That was relieving to me. Fahim answered "I'm gonna make you change your mind, no matter what. You belong to me". I was ready to break in my house and kick the shit out of his ass. But I made that breathing exercise you told me to do when I'm about to explode. — Steven recalled.

Doctor just nodded proud of the change he made in Steven's personality.

— I sat there and waited Denise to kick his ass by herself. After he was gone, I rushed to my car and drove back home. Like I didn't see nothing happening. — said Steven.

— You see, Steve. There's no need to be jealous, she threw him out herself. — Doctor Kuczynski was interrupted by Steven.

— It's not over, doc. — Steven said — I left it lay low for a couple of days. We kept living how we used to. I didn't notice any difference in her personality. I know I'm real bad in noticing small changes. But there came the day. I came home earlier and saw that Range Rover parked in my garage. I, calmly, turned the other corner and parked my car. I was shaking. Again I sneaked through the backyard fence, crawled to the backdoor. But there wasn't anybody in the kitchen and I couldn't see anyone in the living room. I came in slowly looking around. It was time to go upstairs. — Steven stopped.

Now Kuczynski was sure what was going on. A lot of his clients go through this same problem.

— And what is my surprise, doc? Bed springs squeaking, bed banging on the wall, my wife moaning like I had never heard before. Saying things about his penis, how big it was, how it hurt her cervix, how deep it was. But that wasn't so low till she brings me in between her moans and squeals. How bad in bed I was, how my penis was small, how I couldn't satisfy her with a "puny tiny dick". I seriously thought about killing myself, but I came out through the front door still hearing her ex-husband, Fahim Aziz banging her. He was so rough I felt nauseous.

Kuczynski heard a few hundreds of cases of infidelity, but never on this detail.

— I went to a bar and drank my ass off. I came home late, didn't exchange a word with Denise. I think she knew I was there since I left the front door opened. I didn't talk to her the next day till she tried to explain herself. I asked her why, but she didn't answer. She asked for forgiveness. I resisted to forgive her, but she promised she would never do it again, and I believed. I'm lying to her by saying I still trust her. That was a month ago. — Steven said.

Doctor took more notes.

— And why did you didn't come in the last 4 sessions? — Kuczynski asked.

— I couldn't do shit, doc. My depression came down hard on me this time. I couldn't do anything, I just wanted to die. — Steven confessed.

Doctor nodded.

— Well, the worst thing is that... — Steven glanced the trees outside — She's pregnant. She is fucking pregnant, doc. Can you believe this? —Steven started crying.

Kuczynski took the words and digested what happened trying to find the right question to make.

— Do you want to have this baby, Steve? — Doctor calmly asked.

— I don't know if I can, Doc. I mean, I wanted a baby, but not like this. We could make the procedures the right way. Every time I look to this kid I will remember that fateful day. I don't think I can... I don't think I can really forgive what she had done to me. What if she keeps seeing this bastard? I don't think she loves me that much after hearing those words coming out of her mouth like that. — Steven said.

— Listen, Steve. When people are in ecstasy, especially sexual ecstasy, they don't act rationally. She said those things because she wasn't Denise. — Kuczynski tried to revert the situation.

— Doc, there is a saying that goes like this "the mouth speaks what the heart is full".— Steven said.

— Just think about what I said, Steve. That wasn't the real Denise. I know that this biblical saying makes sense to you, but think about what I said. What she said while in ecstasy may not be true to how she feels about you. — Doctor Kuczynski finished the appointment.

— I will, doc. — Steven agreed.

They stood up, shook their hands and Steven went home thinking about what the doctor said, praying to god to be true.

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What would you do, dear reader?