tagHumor & SatireThere Ain't No Option B!

There Ain't No Option B!


I wrote this spontaneously as a tribute to those role playing novels that make you choose one action or the other. It doesn't play the same. It's not a game. It's just a parody of the genre. Enjoy.


I was staying down south with a college friend for a week. Barry lived alone with his mum. She had a nice big house a few miles outside of the city in a peaceful rural expanse.

Now that might seem perfect to someone a little older than your average college student. I'm nineteen in August and have no plans to retire to the country when I've picked up my qualifications. But whereas peace and quiet is nice for an easy night's sleep, it's a pain getting to and from a nightclub, shitfaced or not, when you're out in the sticks; and that's what we planned to do lots of.

I've known Barry for just over a year but we're good friends. I wouldn't say we were best friends. We don't hang around all the time outside college but I'm one of few friends he seems to have.

He lives with his dad outside of holiday time and they seem to do a lot together. When I got the invite to stay over, I didn't jump at the chance but considering all else I'd be doing that summer, it seemed a good deal to break up the weeks.

Teresa, Barry's mum, was stunning and even in her mid-forties, which struck me the more I learned about her. I thought single older women tended to let themselves go since they weren't trying to stay attractive.

Well, Barry was quick to fill me in. He had grown accustomed to the fact that she was staying single and playing away or having company whenever she saw fit.

A lot of the time she would work around his absences, but he was no stranger to the close company of strangers, being introduced to them casually as if the only big deal was the fact that he had fuck all clue who they were.

She was 5'4" with short chestnut brown hair with a few graceful streaks of grey. She was pretty and youthful otherwise, with almost flawless pale white skin and an air of contentment about her.

She was so well-drawn with laughter lines, a picture of happiness. And that's where I guessed that money could buy happiness. She didn't seem short of it.

The large house, no husband, financially secure; she was living the dream.

Heading into the weekend before I would leave to go back to work Barry and I spent the Friday out on the town.

In all honesty I was bored. We'd done a lot of drinking that week. I needed to recover more than anything. Meanwhile he was busily getting into some schooly-looking blonde while her awkward, gawky friend rolled her eyes at me and looked the other way every twenty seconds.

Yeah, I thought, biting my tongue. You're the authority on shits and giggles. So what am I?

By midnight I was completely pasted, knocking back drinks to kill the boredom and he had found his next future girlfriend.

I don't think his beer goggles were working properly. All I saw was an overweight, fifty year old village hag with pink hair, dressed like a woman police officer.

'Good luck with that,' Baz, I said under the deafening cacophony of synth, drum and bass. 'Not with getting into her knickers. Getting rid when you see what you've done.'

Do I-

A.) Go back to the house for some much needed sleep?


B.) Watch over my friend dutifully to make sure he isn't devoured whole by the police impersonating raving cockbeast?


I made my excuses and goodbyes and left. I was back at the house by 3pm and the light of the next day was already on the horizon like fading ink.

I snuck in using the spare key, tip-toeing to my room like a drunken ninja to the sound of Teresa breathing heavily in her sleep from within the master bedroom.

The next morning I woke up dehydrated and bursting to use the bathroom, my bladder feeling crippled as soon as I could move. I wasn't sure if I'd heard right. Surely I'd awoken to the sound of splashing water. But as I sat and listened longer, not a sound was made.

Tentatively I crept out of my room and towards the bathroom in the bright sunlight of the morning and found the door partially open. It was then that I heard the water ripple and Teresa rubbing against the bottom of the bath as she ajdusted herself to sit up.

I guess I just couldn't help myself...

Through the crack of the door hinge I could see her lying back in the bath from the waist up. Condesnsation beaded and dripped from her bare flesh as the combination of steam and sunlight held her in a golden glow.

My heart thunked heavily in my chest like a brick. And then my mouth fell open, though I had suddenly somehow forgotten how to breathe.

She had quite pert breasts. Nothing overwhelming, two handfuls. But they were a perfect shape with the most sensual nipples I had ever seen; still very pink and largely protruding, even in the heat of the moment.

I couldn't believe my eyes then, when all of a sudden she pulled out of the water a huge flesh coloured dildo and then lifted her hips up out of the water, exposing her steamy pink pussy. She began to run the head of the toy up and down against her clit and between her labia.

The sound of her wet pussy against that toy, her soft breathing moans - I was matching her gasps breath for breath as I stood watching.

Teresa turned the head of the dildo onto herself then and as she pushed, slowly parting her lips and inviting herself to be fucked she held her breath, and so did I, before the air seemed pushed from her mouth to make room for the phallus sliding so easily into her.

'Oh my f-

She stopped suddenly, turning her ear to the doorway from which the voice came, withdrawing the dripping hard cock from her pussy and lowering herself back into the steaming water.

'Hello?' she called out.

SHHHIT!! I took a few steps back so that my voice would sound more distant, trying to fool her in our unwitting moment of panic.

What do you do?

A.) Answer back innocently and deny everything?


B.) Creep away as if you weren't there at all?


'Morning,' I called out, facing away so that my voice might sound more distant. Hopefully that might fool her. 'Is there anyone in the bathroom?'

'Yes darling, I'm in the bath-

Oh thank fuck.

'Do you need to come in?' she asked, hiding her surprise so very well.

'Nah, that's okay, I can use the one downstairs,' I said before disappearing. I couldn't have waited to hear another word.

I relieved my bladder in the downstairs lavatory then washed my face in the sink. I couldn't believe what my eyes had seen. I could believe even less that I had most likely just gotten caught watching too. She'd wise up, I knew it. I'd pulled off a kid move in my defence.

My cock was so hard though and the excitement ran through my veins - lust-laced adrenaline like no other.

That had to be the most erotic sight I'd ever seen that wasn't on a television screen or PC monitor.

I instinctively dropped my jogging bottoms and doused myself with cold water, then soaped myself up to be rid of the smell of the night before, which didn't help matters. I might as well have been jacking off with a handful of cream and got carried away for a moment.

Eventually the swelling went down though and so I went to the kitchen to drink some water before I retreated back up the stairs to my room. It was no good, I was going to have to work one out properly to get over that.

As I approached the landing, the door was still ajar just the way it had been left all along and I could still hear Teresa splashing about in the water. Sweet fucking Jesus I could barely keep it in my pants as it was and then from out of nowhere she called out my name.

'Could you come into the bathroom for a second, please?'

What do you do?

A.) Go into the bathroom?


B.) Scream like a lil bitch and run?


I paused. Or did I freeze in my tracks and grow roots from my feet to the floorboards?

All I could think was that she had better be clothed because otherwise I don't know what I would have done. My heart was already in my throat by now.

So, 'yeah sure, what's up?' I asked, and walked right in only to see her laid back in the steaming bathtub and covered by the most modest of wet flannel cloths.

It really didn't hide her at all, only her nipples and a little cleavage. I was staring wasn't I?

The priceless look on her face said yes.


'I want you to be honest,' she started, 'were you just looking at me through the bathroom door?'

'Iiiieeee-yes, no, well here's the thing,' I stammered, redfaced. All the while she tried to give me a grave look but it didn't seem to be working. 'I saw you, I'm sorry, but I woulnd't say I was watching. I didn't know you were here and then I saw you before I walked in the door and-

A.) Shut up, fool!

B.) Eat your own foot?

'What exactly did you see?' she asked and waited there with an iron nerve as my eyes begged not to look below her neck line.

It was impossible from where I was standing, just as impossible as it would have been for her not to outline my excitement from where I was stood.

'I caught a flash of you was all,' I said and gulped. Only then she pulled the monster 10" dildo out of the water and held it suggestively in the air.


'Did you see this?'


'Well, did you?' Eyebrow raised as she persisted.

'Yes, I saw that. Didn't need to see it twice, that's for sure,' I grinned, looking away.

'And are you going to say anything?' Teresa prodded.

'Nooo, no, no... nope, nuh-uh!'

'Right,' she nodded, then smirked back at me. She took my breath away that way, even before she stood up and dropped the toy back into the bathwater and then the flannel. Then I really could't take my eyes off her. I was memerised, captivated, hard as a rock.

'Do you want to see what else we can fit in?'






Like a gentleman I was about to go down on her. The sight of her naked wet body laid out on the queen-sized bed with her knees up in the air begged for it, but she assured me that enough play in the bathtub had taken care of any other needs.

She was ready to go. I could see before me that she was as hot and wet as a walk through the Amazon rainforest. I swore I could feel her heat against my cheek.

All she wanted now was to fill her pussy with a real cock, hands free, real flesh and muscle, and to just lie back and enjoy it.

I literally threw off my bottoms and shirt, standing before her with my 8" erection raging like a viking marauder on the beaches of Dark Ages Britain...

Obviously looking to plunder pussy, because can you imagine a group of dicks trying to invade a country full of twats?

Well, there's always one pedantic bastard who says otherwise in the comments section!

'You'd just better be ready to run for cover if that boy comes back home any times soon,' Teresa advised, then leant back on her elbows to enjoy the show.

I positioned myself at her dripping pink entrance then took her thighs in my hands, holding her in place as I began to stab and tease at her kissing hungry lips and the silky tunnel beyond.

'I've done all that darling,' she purred. 'Feel free to just slip right in and enjoy.'

'Mrs Barry's Mum,' I chided feigning shock, 'if you say so.'

Eight inches later and her dark strip of trimmed pubic hair was nestled up against mine and I was delighting in the snugness of the fit and the look of approval smiling back at me.

She then watched, fascinated, as I began to withdraw and slide back in deep, her tight pussy offering just enough resistance for me to feel her every twitch and pulse as I slowly glided back and forth.

'You look so good on the end of my cock,' I told her as she purred away approvingly, and then, 'I couldn't help but notice how much you enjoyed that monster in the bathtub.'

'Yes, god bless that wayward son of mine for so rudely leaving such a strapping young man home alone,' Teresa remarked, pushing herself down onto me and then pinching at her perfect nipples.

She then reached down and took my thick shaft in her fingers and motioned as if to attempt shallower strokes before begging me deeper again.

'He's with a girl/woman/thing,' I explained. 'Who knows, maybe he'll stay with her again tonight...'

'So what if he isn't?! You're clearly an expert at sneaking up on people,' Teresa remarked, taking me by the hips and initiating us into a faster pace to meet my deepened strokes.

'I didn't mean to. Did you even know I was here?'

'I honestly didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have,' she laughed. 'And then I'd have missed this, I suppose.'

Her smile faded, flushed out by the glowing red blush coming up in her cheeks, her neck and her chest. I didn't know what that was...

Do you:

A.) Keep fucking?


B.) Ask if she has a cock allergy?


'Are you okay?' I asked, letting her thighs fall free so that I could couple closer with her. We were inches apart, eyes gazing when I continued to bump hips with her. I could have kissed her. I so wanted to, but it seemed so casual and unattached that I didn't dare.

'I'm better than okay, baby,' she said breathlessly, chest now heaving. 'I'm just cuhh...'

'Having a seizure?'

'Huhhhh... MMMMING,' she struggled.

'I don't think you know what that word means!'

Rudely awakened, she gritted her teeth and slapped me hard on one arm. 'Goddammit I'm COMING! FUCK ME FUCKING DEEP AND MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR ME!'

Because she was so wet now there was no resistance, zero friction. My cock was coming out dripping and my balls were soaked and sore. I mashed myself up against her clit, grinding our hips together and making sure to bump her to orgasm along with every stroke, harder and faster as we climbed.

'I fucking miss hands-free,' she groaned, her eyes glazing over. So close, so close!

Then the sound of Barry's voice from downstairs:

'Hello? Mum?'

'Fuck,' I said. Then immediately after me, 'oh fuck,' she said. Our eyes meeting in a panicked wide stare. 'Oh fuck,' I said, about to fulfil both of out desperate needs at the worst possible time.

'Oh fuck, oh fuck,' we both agreed, scrambling to get up as Barry's footsteps began to echo up the stairwell.

She was still on the end of my cock when the moment came that I couldn't pull back.

He was mere feet away. If I did pull out then he would see nothing but me firehosing his mother's room down with thick white gobs of spunk from the end of my rampant cock; no hiding what we did.

Or I could stay inside her and shield his eyes therefore from the sight of said rampant cock, but leave him with the trauma of seeing his mother being well and truly seeded by his own friend.

And make no mistake, I knew at this point that I was a bad friend. But anyway...





'What the fuck?' I heard Barry cry out from the landing, just beyond the bedroom door.

As the door flew open and my friend appeared in full view, his mother's sopping snatch was wrapped around my cock and impaled halfway, still struggling to get off me.

To make matters worse/better I was in the process of dumping a gallon of spunk in her love canal. Finally she managed to pull free in her panic, yelling for her son to get out of the room, not to see her like this.

'Oh shit,' I stammered as my cock sprang free and sent a jet of pure white come shooting up against the wall behind the bed.

And then the icing on the cake? More like what was left of it hitting Baz square in the chest with a splat.

I was royally fucked. Just not the preferable kind.

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