There and Back Again Ch. 008

"You haven't seen Ferelden without a clear line of succession. I have. I've seen the civil war, the abuse, the chaos that follows if you die. You don't get to be selfish. You get to stay safe inside the palace, or at the back of the army, out of harm's way, letting your men concentrate on fighting instead of worrying about keeping their King alive. You get to die old and toothless, surrounded by grandchildren. You don't have to enjoy it, but your people deserve it from you.

"Do you understand that I risked dying, willingly put myself into the middle of a battle I knew in advance we couldn't win, just hoping somehow to bring you back from the dead? Me, the business consultant, who'd never even punched someone before, never mind held a sword. Tomas almost died for you. Thousands of men did die for you. Some of the people standing here lost everything in the last few days, for you. Don't you dare make it all for nothing. You don't get that right."

Sometime during my rant I headed towards him, and was now standing directly in front of Theron, mere inches from poking his chest every time I made a point. I suddenly realised what I had done, and, mortified at my own verbal diarrhea, I clapped both hands over my mouth, sobbed once, and then turned and ran off into the darkness around the camp. I heard swearing behind me as I ran, and I dodged between trees and rocks as best I could in the moonlight. I ran for several minutes, stopping only when I tripped on something in the dark and crashed down onto my knees.

I curled up into a ball, shoulders shaking as I cried. I tried not to, hating the tears even as they streamed down my face, but I couldn't make them stop. I heard rustling, and felt a heavy, furry body climb over me to squirm in front of me and lay down. I wrapped my arms around the dog and let his thick fur absorb my tears.

I heard someone calling my name after a few minutes, and realised that I'd recognise that voice anywhere. "I'm here, Alistair," I managed to choke out, and I heard heavy footsteps approach. I heard him settle to the ground behind me, and slowly put his hand out to touch my arm.

"So are you the executioner?" I tried to laugh, but it came out a croak. "Make it quick, please. I'd rather not linger, if it's all the same to you."

Alistair chuckled, softly. "I forgot to bring my axe. You're safe."

"Did you get the short stick, having to come find me? I'm sorry."

"You kidding? Everyone is out here looking for you, with the possible exception of Cailan. I'm just lucky enough to have found you first. I owe you...so much. I don't know how, but it's clear Duncan believes you saved them. I owe you everything." He paused, looking at me speculatively.

"When you said some of us have lost everything recently, you meant me, didn't you."

I nodded. "Yes. And Aedan."

"Thank you for that. I've never had someone get so angry on my behalf before."

"Thank me when he agrees to go into hiding until we can safely get him back on the throne."

"Well, if anything was going to scare him into it, I think seeing you in a rage would probably do it."

"He needs to grow up, there's no question. But really, you'd think I'd know by now that screaming at petulant children doesn't tend to make them do what you want them to." Alistair barked out a laugh, and I grinned. "I wish I had learned how to guilt people into doing things from my foster mother. She was amazing. She never yelled once, just gave you this face that made you feel like a terrible disappointment. I bet that would work on him pretty well."

"She sounds like the Revered Mother during my templar training. The way that woman wields guilt, she should have been in the army." We both chuckled, and fell silent again. Finally, he stirred. "So. Want to go back and face the music?"

"Not particularly. I think I'll just lay here for a while, if you don't mind."

"Oh, uh, okay. Should I stay? Or..."

Suddenly Tomas stepped out of the shadows, and Alistair and I jumped. He hadn't made a single sound.

"You go back to camp, Alistair. I'll stay here for a bit."

"Alright, Du...Tomas." I grinned at the same mistake I'd been making for days.

I rolled onto my back, slightly, and poked Prince in the ribs gently. "Go back to camp with Alistair, Prince. Go find Aedan." He whined, but I shooed him away, and he eventually fell in step beside Alistair as they trudged away.

"You never stop taking care of others, it seems." He watched Alistair disappear into the darkness, a fond smile on his face. He settled down onto the ground beside me. "You know the dog can find his way back to camp. You worry Alistair can't."

I grimaced. "Stop doing that. I'm trying to be all mysterious, here." He laughed. I sat up; running my fingers through my hair, I discovered and tried to pick out leaves and twigs that had tangled there.

"You made quite an impression back there."

"It was stupid. I'm sorry. I know it's going to make Cailan...sorry, Theron even harder for you to manage. Honestly, sometimes that man makes me feel like we're herding cats. He just gets under my skin! I may not like her, but with him on the throne, Ferelden is damned lucky he married Anora, or it all would have fallen apart in weeks after his coronation."

"It's alright. Sometimes things need to be said. And I might not have worded it exactly that way-" Duncan grinned slightly, "-but I don't disagree with anything you said. He needed to hear it, and I do actually think it will do some good. He wanted to come out here to find you and apologise, but Aedan and Leliana cornered him and asked him to imagine what your opinion would be of the King wandering off, alone, into the forest at night, when there were other people better equipped to check on you. He grumbled about it, but he stayed put."

"Will miracles never cease? Man, I knew I'd love Leliana."

Tomas laughed. He reached out and took my hand, squeezing it gently. "Sierra? You know that I'm not...well, that I don't..."

"...want to sleep with me? I know."

"It's not just you. I'm not..."

"...interested in women? But what about that mage - back before you went to the Deep Roads with Maric?"

"It's not so much women as...well, honestly I've just had too much to do. Meeting the Architect, seeing what it did to my Commander...Sex isn't high on my list of priorities. My life has been all about darkspawn. And besides, I'm a hair's breadth from my Calling - it's not like there's a future in a relationship with me."

"Don't worry. I'm not looking to fall in love with you, just trying to avoid a confrontation with Theron."

"I thought as much. So, given that, it seems to me that perhaps the one thing you might need right now is some simple comfort. And since I can't offer you tea, or a warm bath, or any of those other comforting things, I thought that maybe I could just sit with you and let you fall asleep feeling safe..."

I leaned over and interrupted him with a kiss on the cheek. He shuffled around to put his back against a tree stump, and lifted his arm to offer me a place to curl up. I put my head on his shoulder, and he draped his arm around me. I thought that his armour might make an uncomfortable pillow, but I was wrong. Or I just didn't care. I'm not sure which.