There and Back Again Ch. 115-116

Perhaps there hadn't been time for complete forgiveness, but the upcoming parting had made everyone rethink their hostilities, it seemed. Rolan, Alim, Sten, and Loghain retired early to their tents. I got the opportunity to hug everyone leaving us, though it wasn't a terribly sad farewell since I knew we'd be seeing them again before too long.

Finally, everyone settled into tents. I woke early, hearing the packing of the Wardens leaving, and slipped out of the tent I shared with Alistair just in time to see Nathaniel sneak out of Leliana's tent, face sombre. I hugged Jowan, Conrad, and the dwarves one last time and then slipped into Leli's tent.

The bard was laying listlessly on her bedroll, naked, though with a blanket covering her; she startled and tried to cover herself better when I entered, but relaxed when I reassured her it was just me.

"You okay?" I asked her, concerned for the hopeless expression on her face.

She attempted to smile at me, but it fell flat. "I will be fine, my friend." I frowned, and she sighed. "I have an obligation. I cannot stay, any more than he can go."

"Dorothea?" She nodded. "But, Leli...she doesn't own you. The Chantry doesn't. You need to do what's right for you, too. In the game, the next one?" She nodded again. "You're the Left Hand of the Divine. You end up trying to improve the situation in Kirkwall. But Leli...you didn't look happy. You were up to your eyeballs in conspiracies and intrigue, but you never smiled. You were involved with a Seeker doing some rather shady things. That isn't who you have to be!"

"She saved me!"

"And if she knew that what she had planned for you would make you miserable, do you think she'd still insist on going forward with that?"

The bard looked at me, a single tear sliding down her cheek, then turned away, burying her face in her pillow. I rubbed her back, silently offering support, until she relaxed again.

"Perhaps there is a way to aid Dorothea, and still remain yourself. To stay with Nathaniel. Just...think about it, okay?"

She squeezed my hand gratefully. "Dorothea really becomes the Divine?"

I nodded. "In the game, anyway. I suppose things might have changed since then. Justinia, I think. That's the name she takes. You say, in the game, that she's a good person who thinks mages deserve to be treated fairly, who wants to reform the Circles and help people. She sounds...good."

"She is."

"I'm glad. We could use some of that." I slapped her hip with a smile. "Now put on some clothes, lazy girl. You can't just lay around naked all day!"

She laughed and I grinned as I climbed out of her tent. The six Wardens were gone, and Aedan had just started breakfast. With fewer of us – and the troublemakers temporarily separated – we kept just two campfires; while Aedan worked over a pot at one, I started a pot of porridge at the other. Soon the smell of food had Wardens tumbling out of their tents, and we all settled in to eat.

Afterwards, Aedan informed us that we would be leaving for Denerim in two days. "The wagons to transport the injured have arrived, and they'll follow behind, but we will be accompanying Cailan back to Denerim to await the Weisshaupt delegation, Cailan's formal re-coronation, and the celebrations planned for the end of the Blight. Afterwards, Loghain, Riordan, and Dougal will be leaving for Jader, Sten for Seheron, and the rest of us will travel to Amaranthine.

"What about you, Leliana? The Blight is over. What will you do next?"

Leliana wiped her mouth daintily and smiled. "I'd like to come with you to Denerim, if you don't mind, and perhaps to Amaranthine after that for a short time. I have some obligations to a friend in Orlais to fulfill after that, but," she glanced at me with a sly smile, "I think I can delay those for a little while."

"Excellent!" Leliana actually looked surprised at Aedan's enthusiasm. "What? I could use a good archer to train any new recruits. And you tell the best stories."

The bard giggled happily and blushed, and Aedan turned to Wynne, who had joined us for the first time in what felt like months. "And you, Wynne? I know you've been helping out with the wounded. Will you be travelling with us?"

The mage nodded, looking pleased. "I will. His Majesty has asked me to remain at court for a time as a healer, and will allow me to continue working with the soldiers there. After his confrontation with the Grand Cleric, I feel I may be able to recruit some of the other healers and possibly gain crown support to open a free clinic in Denerim. I won't stay there forever – I have some research of my own to do, and Shale and Caridin have requested my help in discovering the key to golem sentience – but I'd like to get things established, perhaps aid in the transition to having more free mages outside the Circle."

I looked at the healer in shock. "I thought it might be nasty, but I never heard what happened with Cailan and the Grand Cleric. I assumed they hadn't talked yet. What did happen?"

Aedan laughed. "It was marvellous, Sierra. I wish you'd been there. Cailan was furious, and he had most of the nobility standing with him, looking supportive even if they didn't all totally understand what he was up to, or agree. He called her a 'self-serving, shrivelled-up, power-hungry hag,' wasn't it?"

He looked at Zevran for confirmation, the elf blushed slightly and nodded. "Exactly so, amore mio. I wasn't aware you knew of my...presence."

I raised my eyebrow –Zevran had snuck in, and been caught? Hysterical– but Aedan just laughed. "I know you, Zevran. Anyway, Cailan accused the old bitch of murder, and told her he was going to make a plea to the Divine to have her replaced."

Leliana interjected. "The Divine will have little to do with it, no? Most Holy is getting on in years, and will likely have forgotten that Orlais no longer rules over Ferelden."

Aedan nodded. "Her advisors, the most senior Grand Clerics, will have to deal with it – it will be interesting to see what happens there. Anyway, Cailan told Elemena she may remain in Denerim for now, but that he would consider exiling her completely if she did anything to undermine him or the Wardens again. And he demanded that she grant the Circle some independence – he didn't threaten it, exactly, but the implication that he'd place the Circle under secular control if she didn't agree was certainly obvious. Greagoir didn't say a word, but it was clear even he approved. So now the Circle is going to train mages, but they'll be permitted family visitors when they're young, and will be allowed to leave the Circle more permanently after they're Harrowed if they apply for permission. They'll have to check in at the local Chantry wherever they go, and it only applies in Ferelden, obviously, but they'll be able to live outside direct templar supervision."

I snuck a look at Wynne, surprised at her beatific smile. She'd always seemed so fanatically religious before, and I thought she might have been worried about allowing mages too much freedom.

She returned my look with a wink. "What? Some very wise person I know convinced me that I have to look at what the Circle is attempting to accomplish, and decide if the current status quo is achieving that. It is not. I saw what desperation drove some mages to in Uldred's uprising. He may have been possessed, but the rest were just...desperate. I'm an Equitarian, Sierra – we need the Circles, but not as prisons. You were right."

I blushed. "I distinctly don't remember saying that."

She chuckled. "I may have paraphrased a little."

Anders looked absolutely astonished, and I giggled at the open-mouthed expression on his face. "The Circle is independent?"

"Well, not totally. But more than it was, yes. There'll still be Chantry oversight, and not all applications to leave the Circle will be approved if the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander don't think the applicant is stable, but some mages will be allowed to live on their own." Aedan looked pleased, proud even, and I knew he was as impressed with Cailan as I was. Taking away the Circle entirely was a recipe for disaster – mages did need somewhere to go and learn to control their powers, and those who'd been living in Circles shouldn't be dumped out unceremoniously with nowhere to go – but the way things were just wasn't going to be sustainable.

Over the next two days, we ended up spending some time with Sereda – who was engaged to a Deshyr's son, one of Harrowmont's supporters, not the former casteless she'd taken on as her second – and heard about how the changes had been going in Orzammar. They'd recovered Aeducan Thaig, as a result of the war games they'd used as training exercises for the Warrior and Military Castes, and hoped that by the time they returned to Orzammar, most of the Thaig would have been cleared of the taint and habitable. She'd found some stone masons willing to train some of the former casteless as labourers, and had rebuilt Dust Town, settling it with labourers, military, and servants who needed accommodations. She planned to populate much of the Aeducan Thaig with the former Casteless, who would be allowed to set up businesses and provide services to the few upper Caste families who chose to resettle there – for generous tax advantages, of course.

Gorim joined us, as he was no longer needed on the war council as a liaison, and would be returning to his family in Denerim. He and Sereda exchanged some tortured glances, but he seemed almost relieved to be going home, once she'd left at least.

Dariel came to visit as well, confirming he would be staying with Lanaya's clan. He and Mithra, his new bond-mate, had been acting as messengers between Lanaya and Cailan, but would be heading out to Ostagar with the rest of the clan. He thanked us, again, for sparing his life in the ambush where we'd met, and for introducing him to his new clan. He even shook my hand, despite his fear of templars, and I wished him well. I knew Lanaya would help him with his magic and with proving himself to the clan.

Bodahn, who'd evidently made a fortune selling supplies to the army over the previous few months camped in the Bannorn, was heading out – I knew he'd make it to Amaranthine and a boat to Kirkwall eventually.

"I hear the Free Marches will have lots of opportunities for a merchant such as myself, and my boy's never been on a ship before," he declared.

"Ocean, crossing the ocean," Sandal sang to himself, using a small rune he held as a pretend boat floating over invisible waves.

"The Waking Sea," Bodahn corrected almost automatically.

I sat down beside the simple dwarf boy, putting one hand on his shoulder gently. "Sandal? You know the runes that go boom?"

"Boom!" he cried, smiling broadly. "Enchantment!"

I nodded. "Exactly. If you end up going into the Deep Roads, you keep some of those with you, you hear?"

He grinned and pressed the rune he was holding into my hand. On closer inspection, it was smoother and shinier than the usual runes we used; I wasn't sure if it was just a pretty rock, or if Sandal had somehow enchanted it. "Pretty lady."

I pocketed the stone, ruffling the boy's hair and then giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. I turned to Bodahn, giving him a quick hug and making him stutter with a kiss too.

"You meet someone named Hawke, you stick with her, okay?"

"My Lady?"

I was never sure how much Bodahn knew about me; he'd have been able to eavesdrop a few times over the year travelling together, I was sure, but he might have been too polite – and he was too clever to admit it in any case. "You take care up there, okay? I'll miss you." And it was true; at the very least, Sandal's enthusiasm and Bodahn's unending optimism had been worth their weight in gold when things had been difficult during the Blight.

Shale and Caridin were returning to Orzammar with Sereda and the dwarves; they planned another expedition into the Deep Roads to find inactivated golems, and then Caridin wanted to really begin his research into how to make the golems sentient like Shale. And they wanted to go to Cadash Thaig, as well – evidently they'd never made it there before the final battle.

"Thank you, my Lady," Caridin said after he'd said goodbye to Aedan. He held his enormous stone hand out towards me, and I carefully laid my hand on his. "Your foreknowledge has given me a new purpose, and a chance to atone for my terrible mistake. I wish you well."

"You too, Caridin. I hope you and Shale find what you're looking for." I leaned in to whisper, "Take care of Shale for me, okay? She may be made of stone, but that doesn't mean she can't be hurt."

He nodded sagely, then turned and walked away without looking back.

"I find myself wondering if I shall miss It and Its friends." Shale approached me, and I turned to face her with a smile. "It is, perhaps, less feeble than I believed when we met, which was a relief."

"Thanks, Shale. I will miss you. But you can come visit – Soldier's Peak will be in much better shape before long – and I'll probably end up in Orzammar at some point. I'll see you again, I'm sure of it."

"Tell the Silly Warden to take care of It, or I shall find him and squish him."

I giggled, hugged the golem – not that she'd have cared, I was sure, but it made me feel better – and watched her stomp away towards the dwarves.I actually will miss her, stubborn acerbic pain-in-the-ass that she is. Huh.

Teagan was going to Redcliffe to run things in his brother's absence – Eamon was going back to Denerim to meet up with Isolde and Connor, and then I hoped Cailan would find something for him to do elsewhere. I knew Teagan would be much better for Redcliffe than Eamon ever was. The redhead came to bid us goodbye, and I spent a few minutes teasing him about Kaitlyn – until he showed me the ring he planned to give her. "I like your Earth tradition," he whispered as he put the ring away. "Do you think...are you sure..."

I rolled my eyes. "She's going to say yes. Don't be ridiculous. I know you two will be very happy, Teagan. And probably have lots and lots of babies!"

He blushed, and I laughed. He sat with us for the rest of the evening, laughing and carousing, and then he set out at dawn with the Redcliffe forces.

We finally got underway for Denerim much later in the day than we planned. I'd already discovered travelling with nobles was irritating, and though I'd blamed it entirely on Isolde before, it became obvious that pretty much the entire nobility was just as bad. Some of them rode horses which had to be saddled for them, several insisted on carriages, and none of them were willing to wake a few minutes early so their things could be packed. Many of them had carried ridiculous amounts of stuff – I saw two full-sized mattresses being loaded onto a cart, as an example – and no one wanted to carry or pack anything of their own. The few servants were being run off their feet, so some of the soldiers were having to help out which made them cranky, and the whole thing was complete chaos.

Aedan and Alistair decided the Wardens would scout ahead, and so we split into teams of two, slowly meandering through the wilderness of the Southern Bannorn, aiming for the main highway leading to Denerim. A group of soldiers had been assigned to clear the way for the carts and carriages, cutting down inconvenient trees and creating a passable path, so we all kept an eye on them to ensure they weren't accosted by any darkspawn stragglers or local wildlife.

It had taken two weeks for us to get from Denerim to the Bannorn – travelling only with Wardens was a huge advantage – but it looked like it would probably take close to four to get back, between late starts and slow-moving carts. Things went a little better on the highway, with the carts able to travel more efficiently than on uneven ground, but summer was almost upon us by the time we made it to the city.

Denerim was still all but abandoned when we returned. Messages had been sent out to those evacuated before the battle, but it took time for people to return, and the city was like a ghost town. Walking through the market, only a handful of people – those too stubborn or too sick to leave – stared suspiciously at us, giving it a surreal feel. The market stalls were vacant, some of them sagging, with torn awnings swaying in the slight breeze.The stalls look almost depressed, or...lonely. Strange thought.

The only redeeming feature of the creepy, empty streets was the smell; for once, Denerim didn't smell like human waste and rotting corpses. There was a lingering, unpleasant odour when the air stagnated, but the light wind kept it moving, and for once I wasn't forced to breathe through my mouth to avoid nausea.

We marched straight through the city, the fastest trip across I've ever made, to be sure, and finally arrived at the gates to the Palace. There were a handful of servants with us, and another handful who'd either managed to return faster than the rest of the evacuated residents, or who had stayed put when everyone else left. There weren't going to be enough though – not for Cailan, and all the other nobles, never mind the wounded. As a group, we watched the chaos as Cailan tried to organise the few servants they had to getting everyone settled; to avoid making it worse, we decided to take care of ourselves. We helped ourselves to the rooms we'd held previously, putting away our things before meeting for a supper of leftover trail rations in the little dining room we'd used before.

Anders and Wynne excused themselves to help with setting up an infirmary, and after bidding everyone goodnight, I decided to have a long hot bath. Grateful to Sereda for about the millionth time since leaving Orzammar, I filled the tub and slid in, submerging fully before almost falling asleep in the warmth. I didn't stir until Alistair joined me, and after spending far too much time ensuring we were completely, squeaky clean, we both collapsed onto the bed and fell straight asleep.

We were all surprised to wake up and find elven servants bringing us breakfast and offering to run baths for anyone who needed them. The confusion only lasted a few minutes, until Kallian arrived, and the elves all jumped to attention before rushing away breathlessly to start hauling water.

"Kallian?" Wulf stood immediately, staring at the beautiful elf with dark, uncertain eyes.

Ignoring his obvious discomfort, or perhaps nervousness, she pulled the former werewolf into a hug, pressing her forehead against his sweetly, and the battle-hardened Grey Warden practically melted.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be on a boat, or in the Free Marches." Wulf shook her slightly, and she chuckled.

"What can I say? I've never been good at following orders." Wulf growled, and she winced. "Look, a bunch of families from the Alienage wouldn't leave. They were afraid being loaded onto carts and forced to leave together was an excuse to sell them to Tevinter or kill them outright. So they stayed. But there were looters, and then a fire, and they were in danger. When I realised I couldn't convince them all to go, I stayed too, and brought them here. The guards recognised me and let us in. There was food, beds, and plenty of places to hide if the darkspawn had come. And together, we helped the guards keep the looters out of the Palace.

"In return for being safe in the Palace, I convinced them that if I was right, and that the King wasn't selling the rest of the elves or hurting them, they'd all help out here until the servants came back."

"You could have been killed!" Wulf was squeezing her waist now, angry and worried and completely exasperated, and she kissed his cheek as she slipped out of his grasp somehow.

"But I wasn't. I'm fine, Wulf. And now we have people to help out until everyone gets back."