There and Back Again Ch. 135

"Where did you say this 'Mother' will be, again, Sierra?"

I shook myself out of my inner brooding. "Um, she has a nest inside some old ruins inside...Drake's Fall, I think. Assuming nothing has changed."

Nathaniel paled. "The Dragonbone Wastes?"

I nodded.

Aedan turned back to a map of the area surrounding Amaranthine that Nate had unrolled from a pile of similar parchments in a trunk in the corner. He pointed at the Dragonbone Wastes in western Amaranthine. "This was where you told us to stay away from."

"I assumed he'd already freed the Mother, and that there would be an army of Children there. But he didn't have enough Warden blood, apparently...and you tell me no new types of darkspawn have been spotted around here?" Aedan shook his head. "Then we have a chance. Now, before she breeds, before she can attack the city or the keep -- we have to destroy her."

"And the Architect, if we have the opportunity," Aedan added darkly. "A being that dangerous, that short-sighted, can't be allowed to live. And no one gets away with hurting my Wardens or my sister."

Trevian objected. "Are you sure? If he wants to end all the Blights, stop the darkspawn from attacking people..."

I got up and stormed out before they could say anything more. I didn't want to hear it, didn't even want to know what they decided. I was angry -- with Aedan, with Alistair, with everyone -- and already sick of the debate...and it had only just begun.

To my relief, no one followed me; I decided to go in search of Avanna. I found my bodyguard polishing her armour in the barracks, and I gestured for her to relax when she leapt to her feet at my arrival.

"I'm glad you escaped," I tried to smile warmly, though the strange look on her face told me I'd failed, "and thank you for bringing the cavalry. Tell me what happened?"

She told me that after I sent her away, she rode westwards for several hours, staying off the road to make it harder for the darkspawn to follow her. "Didn't matter, though," she sighed. "I could hear them behind me, howling and gibbering, you know?"

I nodded, more than familiar with the eerie noises the darkspawn made.

"I could tell I wasn't going to make it. I was tired, and they were getting closer. It was also getting darker, and I remember being told they see better in the dark than us. So I did the only thing I could think of -- I sent Sadie one way, smacked her hard to make her panic and thrash, and I went the other. I got lucky -- they followed the horse. It took me longer to get back to Soldier's Peak, but I didn't see any more darkspawn. I hid at night, walked all day, and finally found one of the patrols. Seneschal Dryden sent a messenger to Vigil's Keep, and the rest of the soldiers and Wardens went looking for you."

I thanked her, truly relieved that she was safe. The horse meat had been a bit of over-the-top drama, but I could only be grateful that we hadn't ended up tripping over her body or having to put a new Broodmother out of its misery. I don't think I could have taken the guilt.

I confirmed with her that she would be travelling with us when we went to the Dragonbone Wastes; she frankly refused to stay put, and I worried she'd follow along anyway if I didn't bring her. I'm not the only one feeling angry; she feels she has something to prove after leaving me to be captured by darkspawn. I did secure her promise to obey orders from Alistair and Aedan, however. The last thing we needed was someone getting in the way -- or getting tainted -- trying to protect me.

Leaving her, I detoured through the kitchen and liberated a small loaf of bread and a leg from the pheasant the cook had just finished roasting; I wrapped them in a cloth and took them with me out onto the roof of the Vigil. I curled up on the floor of the battlements, watching the clouds blow by as I ate, trying hard not to think -- about anything. After a while I must have fallen asleep; I barely stirred when Alistair found me, lifting me carefully and carrying me to bed. When he put me down and crawled up beside me, I curled into him instinctively, pulling the covers over my head and dropping back to sleep still fully dressed.

I woke some time later from a particularly horrific dream of having to kill Faren's reanimated, decomposing corpse; he came for me with a sick, single-minded purpose, eyes glowing red with malice as I chopped him to pieces one by one. I gasped as my eyes flew open, then scrambled out of bed and into the bathroom before I woke Alistair. Trying to sob quietly, I retched into the toilet until nothing was left, then quickly cleaned myself up. Too disturbed to go back to bed, I changed into clean clothes, braided my hair, and went into my office to try and bury myself in work. I wrote a letter to Cailan letting him know about the condition of Soldier's Peak, and another to Sereda requesting help with finding miners who might want to come work for me. I requested another set of armour from Paider -- and offered him double the coin he normally charged to improve my chances of getting it. I wrote up a job offer for Felsi, hoping after we destroyed the Mother, I could have Oghren deliver it.

I was in the middle of calculating the Peak's monthly operating costs and trying to plan a budget when I looked up to see Alistair standing in the doorway. He had bed hair sticking out strangely, and the linen trousers and tunic he wore as pyjamas were rumpled; he was pouting, his bottom lip sticking out and his brow furrowed, trying to hide the look of genuine hurt that I knew I'd caused. He looked delectable, good enough to eat, but even that wasn't enough to overcome the wave of anger that hit me when I contemplated dragging him back to bed for something other than sleep.

"Good morning," he offered cautiously.

"Morning," I agreed softly. "Sorry. Couldn't sleep."

He stepped towards me, stopping beside my desk, nodding. "Nightmares?" He held his arms in front of him awkwardly as though unsure of himself, and oh, how I wanted to fall into them and let him hold me.

"The usual," I lied, nodding. "So what's the plan?"

He turned away, crossing to the window and peeking out through the shutters. "Nate has called for a general muster -- he's pulling most of the army from Amaranthine. They should be ready to march by the day after tomorrow. It will take a few days to get there." He sighed. "We're bringing as many people as we can. The soldiers will hold off any darkspawn, and the Wardens will take down the Mother -- and the Architect if we get the opportunity. But Amaranthine will be safe?"

I shrugged. "Obviously, everything I think I know is up in the air. But I can't see how she could breed an entire army in a week or two -- not that I know how fast Broodmothers can produce a...litter? And the walls around Amaranthine have been repaired, the secret entrances sealed...I can only assume the city will be fine."

He turned to look at me, his face obscured by shadows. "We're leaving the Legion here, along with Anders and Sigrun. Some of the soldiers too, just in case there's an attack on the Vigil. I don't suppose you'd agree to stay?"

I scowled, my ire rising again. He sighed, holding his hands in front of himself in a placating manor. "Okay. I just...I had to ask. I don't like the idea of you near the Architect again, but it's your call." Something in his voice sounded like despair, though I couldn't see his expression to be sure. "I'm going to go help get everyone organised. Do you need anything?"

I shook my head, and he nodded. "Sierra? I'm here if you need me, okay?"

I said nothing, face flushing as I refused to make eye contact, and he backed out of my office; after a few minutes, I heard the door to our suite close behind him. That's probably the first time we've been in the same place and started the day without at least a kiss. He didn't even touch me -- not that I'd have let him. My lips trembled as I wiped away an angry tear, trying very hard not to wonder whether I'd just done irreparable damage to my marriage.