There and Back Again Ch. 045-046

His face was drawn, expression sad as he thought about what I'd said. I wanted to take his pain away, but knew only time could do that. I leaned in and kissed him softly.

"I know you feel grateful to Eamon, and I commend you on your charitable attitude. Personally, I'd like to kick him in the unmentionables with steel-toed boots on. That's one of the ways I know you're a better person than I am." I grinned, and he smiled weakly. "But the fact remains, you are a good person, an incredibly strong person, as well as being gorgeous and sweet and thoughtful and extremely good in bed. How about you just stop thinking of yourself as being undeserving, or I will have to spank you. And while Zevran might think that sounds like fun, I can assure you, you won't enjoy it."

He laughed, and something in his face changed. I knew he hadn't taken it in, hadn't accepted everything just yet, but at that moment I knew he would, eventually. And I couldn't have been more proud.

"Speaking of..."

"You're really going to start a sentence with 'speaking of spanking'?"

"Just shut up, woman."

He kissed me then, and the passion was undeniable. As sore as I was, when he took my nipple into his mouth and started stroking my clit, I couldn't have said no if my life depended on it. After I came on his fingers, he rolled between my thighs and didn't stop until I was screaming his name.

As I shuddered to a halt, he asked me about my strange outburst in the night.

"What's that hall thing?"

"Hall...? Right. Hallelujah. It's...Hmm. Hallelujah is something people on Earth say when they are praising God for something. 'Hallelujah, we are saved!' But it's also a song, and the words of one of the verses just seemed really appropriate."

"Well now you have to sing it for me."

"Maybe later. Or, you know, not. But the verse I was thinking of goes like this: Remember when I moved in you, the holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah?"

He kissed me softly, and I smiled into his mouth. "Maybe I'll teach it to Leli later."

Chapter Forty-Six: The Morning After

I fell asleep again, I assume, because when I woke up I was being very gently washed. Alistair knelt on the bed beside me, an intense look of concentration on his face. Seeing that I was awake, he encouraged me to roll onto my back and spread my thighs, and he wiped away our combined secretions from first my thighs, then even more gently from my groin. I watched his face, admiring how beautiful he was, wishing I could show him what he looked like from my perspective.

His eyes went wide, and his absorbed look was suddenly replaced with a frightened expression.

"Alistair, what's wrong?"

"I...you..." He gestured helplessly at the cloth he was holding, and I looked down to see traces of blood staining the fabric. "You told me I didn't hurt you." Self-recrimination was obvious in his voice.

"It's okay. I'm not injured, Alistair. It's just that...well, you know that I have a different body, back where I came from, right?"

He nodded, still frowning.

"Well, it was that body that had sex before. Not this one. It's normal for a woman to bleed a small amount after the first time."

His frown lifted, and he finally met my eyes, seeming to judge the truth of my words.

"I'm not in pain, love. A bit stiff, I have to admit, but nothing like what I would feel if you had hurt me."

He relaxed, finally. "Maybe we should have Wynne check you out, just in case?"

"Again, what would I say? I fell down the stairs, could you see why I'm bleeding from the-"

"Okay, okay!"

"Are you that embarrassed by the word?"

His expression became evasive. "What word?"

"Vagina."

Evasive gave way to beet red. "Ah! Don't say that."

"Really? You're perfectly willing to play with it, but you can't say it?" I giggled. "Vagina. Vagina vagina vagina."

He put his hands over his ears, and started humming to himself. "La la la, not listening!"

I cracked up, and he finally joined in with a small chuckle when he saw I was laughing too hard to keep saying the word. "Remind me to talk dirty next time we're-"

He leapt out of bed, talking over me in a desperate attempt to block out what I was saying and change the subject. "So I suppose we should get dressed, I bet Aedan is waiting for us downstairs."

I giggled, but let the subject change stand. Getting up, I realised I was quite a bit more stiff than I'd let on, but determined not to let it show. Stretching triggered an appreciative groan from Alistair, and I ignored it, picking through my clothes and chose a shirt and pair of pants. I got distracted watching Alistair shimmy into his own pants, blushing and hurrying to slip into mine when he caught me staring. When I grabbed my bra, I had to stop and show Alistair how the clasps and the elastic worked; he was fascinated by the garment. Finally putting it on, I felt the need to run my hands over his strong chest one more time before he got his shirt in place, and he blushed.

Going down stairs proved to be quite uncomfortable on my hips and groin muscles, and I bit my cheek to keep from grunting in pain. Happily the stairs were narrow, so Alistair had to descend in front of me and couldn't see my face. We found most of our companions at a round table in the corner already stuffing their faces; the place was otherwise nearly deserted. Leliana looked at us suspiciously, breaking out into a full smile when she saw me grinning; Aedan refused to make eye contact, and Wynne greeted us absent-mindedly, her nose still in her book. Zevran was across the room talking to someone, nodding as the other man gestured. He was tall, at least by comparison to the elf, but his features were obscured by a hood. Zevran was the only one in armour; everyone else wore simple clothing. I shrugged and sat, Alistair on one side, a gap and then Aedan on the other.

Aedan waved at Sanga and she nodded, I assumed understanding she was to bring us out plates as well. There were something that looked like scones, jam, sausages, and even pancakes; I was suddenly starving. Too much exercise last night...I heaped my plate full when it was presented to me, triggering a peal of laughter from Leliana, and an irritated grunt from Aedan. I couldn't figure out what his problem was, until I noticed his ears were red and a vein pulsing in his forehead. He must have guessed what happened with Alistair and I last night...I wondered if he'd come to knock on the door at an inconvenient time or something. I decided to ignore it and hope he got over it.

When Zevran returned, he sat beside me with a flourish, taking my hand and kissing it ostentatiously, like he hadn't done since shortly after we first met, calling me his 'beautiful dove'. Alistair didn't even stiffen -- I guess his confidence is in better shape than I thought! - but I was confused, until I felt something being firmly pressed into my hand. When Zev released me, I had a small bottle in my grasp. I held it down, between him and me, and glanced at it surreptitiously, only to realise it was a healing potion like he'd given me after my tattoo, like the ones Wayne used to give me after training to treat pulled muscles, only empty. I raised my eyebrows at him, but he just smiled innocently and nodded toward my mug. I hadn't even seen him dose my drink!

Does everyone know we had sex? I sighed, but took a big sip of whatever it was. It tasted horrible, but I wasn't sure if it was the watered ale or the potion causing the problem. I covered my gag and slammed the rest of the contents back. Within a couple of minutes, my stiffness eased off, and some stinging I hadn't even noticed disappeared. I grinned at Zev, and he grinned back.

Once everyone had eaten, we started discussing plans for the day. Leliana claimed me for some shopping; Aedan wanted Zev, Alistair, Wynne, Prince, and himself to go find themselves some work, though he was a bit vague on what they would do. I mentioned Sergeant Kylon, and he nodded; they also thought they'd try the Chanter's board. While they were out, they were going to scope out the street where Marjolaine was staying, and Leli and I had strict orders to stay well away. We decided that Leliana could go as my bodyguard, and therefore wear her helmet, much to the bard's dismay, but we figured it was safe enough for my face to be seen -- Loghain knew nothing about me.

Alistair, Aedan, Leliana, and Wynne headed up to their respective rooms to gear up, while Zevran and I stayed in the common room and chatted for a while since he was already in armour, and I was in no rush; I'd need another bath before I could possibly pass as a Ferelden noblewoman. As soon as everyone cleared the room, I turned to Zev, determined to get some answers.

"Okay, so what was that all about last night with Alistair? What did you give him?"

Zevran's eyes sparkled mischievously. "Our beloved Warden merely asked me if I knew of anything to improve his performance in the bedroom, bella donna. He was nervous that he might not be able to please you. And it worked, did it not? You certainly look...pleased, yes?"

I stared at him for a moment, still startled beyond compare that Alistair would have gone to the assassin for sex advice. And then the rest of what he said filtered in, and I face-palmed.

I hissed under my breath, not wanting anyone to hear my response. "You gave him Viagra? Are you kidding me? Six times, Zevran. I had six orgasms in about four hours! I was pretty sure I'd have a stroke, at one point in there. You could have at least given him a half-dose, for the love of God."

"Ah, but cara mia, you misunderstand me. He asked for something to improve performance. I did not give him such a thing. I am well-familiar with Grey Warden stamina, my dove. I knew he needed nothing to boost performance except for possibly some confidence. So I gave him some harmless elfroot extract, which at best would have taken care of any minor discomforts he had, and I took the liberty of adding in a...well, it wouldn't do to have a child during a blight, no? I told him it would ensure he was able to perform to the best of his ability, and let him assume the rest. It was not precisely a lie, was it? And I'd say it turned out rather well."

My mouth fell open and I stammered uselessly for a moment before collecting myself again. "You gave him a placebo, and birth control?" I contemplated Zevran's rather thoughtful gesture. A pregnancy definitely wasn't in any of our best interests. But he didn't know that I had an IUD, back on Earth, so we didn't need the contraceptive. Although, that's a different body...maybe we do? But I haven't had my period, since I came here....My head threatened to explode, and I concentrated on Zevran's words.

"I do not know this word, placebo. But if you mean I told him it was medicinal when it wasn't, exactly, then yes. I did."

"And he still...six times?"

"Grey Wardens are marvelous, are they not?"

"Well, at least I know how you knew we had sex last night."

"Ah, well, I hate to disagree with a beautiful woman such as yourself, but bella donna...I am certain that everyone within three blocks of this establishment knows you were, shall we say, busy, last night. You are not precisely...quiet."

My face felt hot, and I buried it in my hands, rocking in agitation. "I...we...were that loud?"

I risked a glance at his face, and he gave me a wicked smile. I groaned. "No wonder Aedan was so weird at breakfast!"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, well, that was one reason, I suppose."

"One reason?"

"I rather think he was concerned about running into a certain lusty pirate queen."

"Where is Isabela this morning, anyway?"

"I imagine she crept into her own room to try to catch a little bit of sleep."

Something in his voice made me suspicious, and I turned to look at Zevran, puzzled. "She was awake all night?" He nodded, his expression, if possible, even more smug than normal. My eyes widened in horror. "You didn't. Zevran! Please tell me you did not debauch my brother with Isabela."

His grin widened slightly, and then his innocent look slipped into place. "I did not. Your brother was three sheets to the wind, and he and Isabela managed to...'debauch'...all on their own, really. I mostly watched -- the first time, anyway." The glint in his eye belied his Chantry-goer expression.

I stammered again. "I was joking when I suggested it!"

His innocent façade slipped and he actually giggled. "Well, perhaps you should be careful what you joke about, yes?"

And then I knew why Isabela hadn't stayed in the common room for the brawl. She had somewhere else to be. I groaned again, hiding my blushing face in my hands yet again. I'll never be able to look Aedan in the eye again. Wait...

"Zevran?"

"Yes, cara mia?"

"Wasn't that his first time with a woman?" After he had admitted to his sexual preference, Aedan and I had a few frank discussions about his experience, or lack thereof prior to Zevran, which basically consisted of some hidden, furtive groping sessions with Ser Gilmore.

"I believe so, yes."

I slapped my forehead again. "You let him...his first...Isabela?" I couldn't even talk, between mortification and righteous indignation.

"I don't believe he had any complaints. Of course, he wouldn't admit to such with her right there, I suppose..."

"Zevran, I'm going to kill you. One day, when you least expect it."

"What did he do now?" Leliana plopped onto the bench beside me, expression amused.

"Never mind. I need to have a bath."

"Wait. Before you go...well, here." He handed me a small bottle, filled with a grey powder.

"What's this?"

"The...medicine, I told you about. For Alistair. A small pinch per day, yes?" Zevran grinned cheekily.

I hopped up, slapped Zev lightly on the back of the head, earning myself a lascivious chuckle, and then headed up to the bathing facilities. I ran into Aedan and Alistair, getting a hug from the first, and a rather enthusiastic kiss from the second. I reminded them both to stay safe before they left to do their recon and make some money. Leliana must have warned someone about the bath, because the boy was leaving the bathing chamber as I arrived, and the sunken tub was steaming.

I washed my hair, then soaped the rest of me, enjoying the feeling of ridding myself of the sweat I'd earned overnight. One of the little bottles near the tub smelled sort of like conditioner, so I put some in my hair, and to my delight, was able to easily comb through my usually tangled hair. I decided to ask Sanga if I could buy some later. I slipped into my fake-velvet dress, tied my hair up in a braided bun, and headed back down into the common room. Leliana waited there alone, and when I arrived, she slipped on her helmet and escorted me back to the market.

We shopped for the morning, buying me two pairs of sensible shoes, and each of us one pair of completely frivolous fancy shoes. She insisted on ordering me a new dress, a proper Fereldan noblewoman's dress, though I gathered the fashions were not quite to the bard's standards. I thought it was beautiful; it was a deep burgundy with gold accents, was going to be tight through the bodice, and then flow to the floor and swish when I walked. I had no idea when she thought I would wear it, but I couldn't dissuade her.

No one in the market bothered us, though we saw plenty of mercenaries who watched us appreciatively; I guessed Leliana being clearly armed to the hilt discouraged any harassment. We ate meat pies bought from a street vendor for lunch, and despite having no idea what sort of meat they contained, I managed to get mine down without problems. Leliana clearly wanted to quiz me about the previous evening, but it would have looked strange for a bodyguard to be giggling with her employer, so she decided to wait.

I looked for a red-bearded dwarf in the market, but didn't find him; I hoped nothing had happened to Gorim, with all the changes that had happened since my arrival. I resolved to take Aedan and find him the next day.

Tired from the lack of sleep the night before and from the walking, we headed back to the Pearl in the early afternoon. Isabela was in the common room, eyes puffy and red, sipping at some broth, and I had to laugh. Apparently Aedan wasn't the only one who overindulged last night! The pirate invited Leli and I to sit with her; by mutual unspoken consent, we sat together opposite the Rivaini.

We chatted for a while, before it occurred to me that there were some things I wanted to tell Isabela. I thought about it while we talked. I didn't want to warn her off the disastrous slave transporting job she would take after the ending of the Blight -- who knew what would happen to those poor people if someone else took the contract, and had less conscience -- but I did want to stop her stealing the Tome of Koslun, if at all possible. Then it occurred to me that if I stopped her, Castillon might hire someone else to steal it instead, and it could be an even bigger political disaster with the Qunari. In the end, I gave her a vague warning about finding someone named Hawke, and trusting them with whatever trouble she was in. Perhaps if Isabela opened up to Hawke sooner, she could prevent some of the worst of the destruction. Isabela was suspicious and a bit creeped out, I think. I couldn't help it; I wasn't about to explain to her what was going on.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I couldn't save everyone, even with all my knowledge, and I knew that; it didn't make it any easier to live with.

Once Isabela had excused herself to head to the docks and check on her ship, I peppered Leliana with questions about mailing letters to people, and she assured me that she could ensure any letters I wrote found their intended recipients, for perhaps two sovereigns per letter. I thought about what I wanted to say to whom for a long time, but didn't come up with anything definitive and resolved to think about it a while longer. I had plenty of coin, at least; Aedan had continued Duncan's habit of splitting our coin between himself, Alistair, and me, as well as making sure our companions had enough to buy whatever they needed, but then always paid for things out of his own purse anyway, so my stash probably amounted to more than thirty sovereigns.

Leliana then started quizzing me about my night with Alistair. Much to her chagrin, I refused to give her any details, but she knew without being told that we'd finally had sex. And the shit-eating grin on my face must have given something away, because she was blushing and giggling almost as much as I was.

I went up to the room I shared with Alistair and had a nap; the sheets had been changed, and the room aired out. I could get used to this...but I'd better not. When Alistair came in, a few hours later, his armour covered in gore, I scrambled out of bed in a panic.

"What happened? Are you alright?" I immediately started checking him over for injuries. "I hate not being there. I should have been. Why did I let you go without me?"

He tried to push away my hands, eventually grabbing my wrists to still them. "I'm fine! Sierra. Look at me. I'm fine. None of this blood is mine. We're all fine. We did some work for the Chanter's board. And there's a group of mercenaries trying to clean up some of the problems in the Market District, and it's been a mini-civil war in the back alleys. We helped out some group called the Black...something. I don't know what good it will do, but it paid well, so good enough."

I stopped. "The Blackstone Irregulars?"

"That sounds right. You know them?"

"A bit. I don't remember exactly... Let me think. They'll have all sorts of paying work, though at some point the leader's son will attempt a coup, and try to hire you to assassinate his father, or something. Don't do it. The son is a creep."