There's Always Hope

First time I've ever written an explicit sex scene. Feedback is appreciated. Hope you enjoy it!

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I stood quietly beside my friend Daniel as he flirted with his girlfriend, seeming as if he was on top of the world beside her.

I try to ignore the ache in my chest as he laughs at a joke she made and kisses her cheek, affection clear in his eyes as he looked at her. He loves her, I can tell. I would know.

I know what love looks like... because I'm in love with him.

But I know it can't happen. His heart already belongs to someone else... Gina, his girlfriend.

But of course, he's my best friend. He's happy. That's what should matter.

He smiles as she says goodbye, getting in her car and driving away.

"Hey, Wyatt." I'm jolted out of my thoughts by his voice, and I can't help it, my body reacts to him the way it always has. I turn towards him, my eyes registering broad shoulders and powerful muscles and I again curse Gina for taking his heart. But I know it's not fair to do that. She didn't do any of this to hurt me specifically.

"Hello? Are you even listening?" I blink.

"Uh, yeah. What were you asking?" I murmur, finding my voice again.

"I'm planning to propose... what do you think?" He says, sending me reeling from the shock his words cause me.

Propose? My heart cracks a bit more. He loves her that much? I realize that's a stupid question. Of course he does.

"Yeah?" I plaster a fake smile on my face. "That's... great." My voice wavers at the end, and I kick myself internally for showing that weakness.

"Really? You think so? I already bought the ring." He says, sounding very much like a deliriously happy man. I always loved that about him. He was nearly always happy, and he was the only one there for me when I came out 3 years ago.

I smile faintly. "Could you be there? When I propose, I mean?" He asks again, not knowing that I would do anything for him. Anything.

"Of course." I hear myself say faintly and he whoops and says "Thanks man, I really appreciate it." I tell him it's fine. "That's what best friends are for right?"

He grins and says "See you tomorrow! " As he gets in his own car and drives away.

Now that he's gone, I'm free to show my feelings. I feel the fake smile slide off my face and the normal façade I hide behind fading, leaving behind a lonely, heartbroken man.

I climb into my car and drive to myhouse, feeling my chest ache again with the thought of Daniel marrying Gina.

'Stop it.' I think. 'You're supposed to be happy. He's happy.' But I know I'm just lying to myself. If Gina says yes, I know exactly what Daniel will ask of me.

I'm going to be the best man to a wedding.

Just Fucking great.

*A week later *

I wake up suddenly to the sunlight shining on my face and someone knocking on the door.

I check myself over and find the remains of another wet dream, and even though the dream is Hazy I know who I dreamt about. Daniel.

I sigh and clean myself up before dressing in a faded brown T-shirt and Jeans. I walk to the door and open it to find a very nervous Daniel waiting for me, fiddling with a box in his hands.

For a second, my heart soars. But then just as quickly, it plummets down again. My barely conscious mind is suddenly alert as I register what I just thought and what Daniel asked me yesterday echoed in my mind.

"Could you be there? When I propose, I mean?" The question echoes inside my head.

I simply ask "Today?" He nods and I step out, closing the door behind me and locking it.

He grins and I smile back sadly, staring into his dark brown eyes.

I lose myself in them for the briefest of seconds, and I say "Well, let's get going." Feeling the fake smile and happy façade returning. He gives me an odd look for a while and walks away with me following him into his car, and I see in his backseat an abundance of beautiful flowers. I climb in, the smell of the flowers drifting into my nose.

I'm lost in my thoughts as he drives to where Gina was usually waiting for him, and he suddenly asks "Is anything wrong?" I stiffen, wanting to say everything. Everthing is wrong.

"No. N-Nothing." I say, and he's quiet.

"You'll always be my best friend Wyatt. Nothing can replace that." He says, taking hold of my hand and squeezing it as he's done for so long, to reassure me. I desperately want the action to be what I want it to be. But it isn't. It never will be.

I feel tears coming to my eyes and blink them back, promising myself to be strong. But I don't know if I can keep that promise to myself.

He pulls over next to a meadow, and I see Gina waiting in the cool shade of a tree near the edge of it.

"Could you give these to her?" Daniel says as he hands me the boquets. I nod and get out for the car.

Just a few feet away from her she notices me and I give her the flowers as soon as she's in arms' reach. I simply say "Wait." And she looks at me quizzically, confused.

I hear Daniel approaching and see him in a suit (how'd he get dressed so quickly?) and he begins speaking to Gina. I tune them out, knowing his words will be those of love for her and that they will just break my heart even more, but I can't tune out the last words he says as he gets on his knees.

"So... Gina Clarine Benett, will you marry me?" I hear an excited sob, and I know she is crying tears of joy.

"Yes, yes, yes! A million times yes!" She screams as she burrows into his arms.

I feel tears coming to my eyes, but not ones of happiness like Gina's.

I mutter a quiet farewell and wish them both good luck before turning and going back to Daniel's car, getting in and letting my tears flow. My heart fractures just a little more and I know that it can't take much more of this before it breaks.

I sob quietly until I see Daniel and Gina both approaching, and I wipe my tears away and put on my fake smile. The next words are the words I dread.

"Wyatt, you're my best friend, and you've been with me in everything for so long now. Would you... would you be my Best Man?" He says.

'Anything.' I think. 'Absolutely anything.' And I can't help but say yes and see the man who owned my heart's eyes brighten as he pulled me into a strong embrace.

"Thank you Wyatt." Gina also says, smiling gratefully at me. I cannot bring myself to care. My insides are suddenly numb as my world falls apart slowly around me.

I nod numbly. I don't feel anything anymore and I suspect that the pain will come back even worse someday.

I could feel it.

*A month and A week later*

Today's the day.

The day I see my best friend getting married.

The day I see the love of my life getting married to someone else.

The day that they'll remember as one of the best in their life.

The day I'll remember as the worst in my life.

I'm still numb, but I know it won't be for long.

I dress up and look at myself in the mirror. My short brown hair is starting to grow slightly over my forehead and the tuxedo I rented looks a little ruffled, but I don't care.

I walk to my car, reviewing the invitation I got. Once I was sure I knew the address, I got in and drove to the church where they were getting married.

It wasn't a big wedding, just a few members of Gina's and Daniel's family, and I.

I saw Daniel standing nervously at the altar, and my body reacts to him again as I see him in a tux. He looks so handsome, so very handsome.

I've long since resigned myself to the fact that he will never love me. Never. And the thought has caused my chest to ache, and my eyes to water, but now it simply causes a slight tightening in my chest as I walk down the aisle to meet him.

In my head I'm imagining he's waiting for me, that I'm the one he asked to marry. I'm the one he loves. But that fantasy is shattered by the time I meet him at the altar.

"I'm so nervous." He says immediately when I'm close enough to hear him.

"Hey, you're getting married. Nothing's going to go wrong. Or did you forget your vows?" I joke halfheartedly.

He smiles a little bit, and we talk until the wedding starts and I take my place beside him.

There is silence as Gina, looking stunning in her wedding dress, walks towards the altar, her face hidden by a veil. I take one look at Daniel and can tell that he's happy. He is staring at her with all the love in the world.

I wish he looked at me like that.

Unbidden, I felt tears coming to my eyes and the pain, the familiar pain in my chest returning. I blink the tears back. I will not break down now. Not now, in front of so many people. Not when doing so might ruin my best friend's wedding.

I keep up my happy mask as she stops in front of the priest and Daniel lifts the veil on her face, and even I'm taken aback. She is beautiful.

I swallow the lump in my throat as the priest begins to recite words of love and commitment from the bible. I close my eyes and think: 'This is it. This is where I lose the only man I've ever loved.' As they exchange vows. I hand the rings to Daniel, and he smiles at me, that one smile containing so many emotions except the one I want from it.

I wish for pain other than the one in my chest. A migraine, a broken arm. Anything to take away the pain in my chest. Because I know that it will be worse than any sort of physical injury.

"You may now kiss the bride." The priest says, and my heart shatters as Daniel leans down and kisses Gina passionately on the lips.

I nearly fall to my knees at the pain, and it's only getting worse as Their families cheer and I clap, tears streaming down my face.

*A few minutes later*

I sat outside, lost in my thoughts and the pain deep in my soul as everyone else dances and laughs and congratulates Daniel and Gina inside the church, while I sit alone on the steps.

I hear footsteps approaching and Daniel sits down beside me, looking extremely happy before he glances at my face.

"Wyatt, you've got to tell me. Is something wrong?" He asks again, as he's asked so many times in the past month.

"I'm fine." I say, and even I admit that I sound pathetic. My voice is wavering, and my eyes fill with tears again as I feel the man who could never be mine put his hand on my shoulder.

"You've been saying that for a while now Wyatt and I know it's a lie." He says "You've been pulling away from me this past month. You always look as if you're about to cry when you see me and Gina together. Do you even like her? If you don't why'd you come with me when I proposed to her in the first place?! Why'd you-" I interrupt him by screaming as loud as I can.

"I HATE HER BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!" I screamed, my eyes closing as I thought about what I just said. That was it. Now I've really lost him.

"What... I..." He stammered, not knowing what to say. "I... Wyatt, I can't... I love Gina..." and I stand up, wiping my eyes and turning around. The first things I look at are the doors of the church. Closed. Perfect. No one would have heard my little outburst.

"I know you love Gina." I said, my voice still trebling from crying. "W-Which is why" I took a deep breath. I had to do this. We could never be just friends again. He would probably hate me. "Which is why... I-I'm getting out of your life. Just forget that I existed. Forget about me and live with her." I smiled bitterly "I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you."

And I around and head to the place where I parked my car, and the pain in my heart worsens as I realize: He's not going to come after me.

I climb quickly into the car, close the door and drive back home as fast as I can.

By the time I get home, the clouds are dark and it's starting to rain. I fumble with the lock of the door and open it, getting in and closing it just as quickly as I release all my feelings in the form of a sad, bitter wail that makes my throat sore and my mouth dry, but I continue sobbing as I head for my room, my eyes perpetually leaking tears as I fall into my bed and pass out.

*Next day*

I wake up to an ache in my chest and immediately remembered what happened yesterday, and being the pussy that I am, I begin sobbing anew.

They are dry sobs, ones that make my body shake and my chest ache.

I stand and walk painfully down the stairs, heading into the kitchen and pulling out a bottle of beer before taking a huge gulp.

A few minutes later, I'm no longer sad. I'm no longer in pain. The alcohol rushing through my body won't allow me to be sad, and that's exactly what I'm looking for.

*3 Years later*

"Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me..." I sing quietly as I walk to my home.

Three years. Six years since I came out. Three years since I was 21, and Three years after I told Daniel I loved him.

My heart still aches for him, his presence. I stop working on the lock of my door to wonder how he's doing. Did he have kids now? Was he happy?

'Stop.' He thought as he felt the familiar pain in his chest again. But it always came back. The longest it was ever gone was a week.

I sighed as I finally unlocked the door and stepped into my home. I needed to replace that lock. I headed to the kitchen to sit down and have another beer, but before that, I looked at my surroundings.

Looking at them, you wouldn't know that the man living inside was basically a wreck. No beer bottles or cans around, no dirty walls, no signs of a man who drank all of his emotional pain away. Daniel always said I was a neat freak.

I sighed and took a swig of my beer. Maybe I should go to the bar tonight. Maybe I'll meet someone who can make me forget about Daniel.

'Fat chance.' A small voice whispered in my head.

I went out again and got in my car. How long would this go on? How long would I go to bars and drink to forget about someone who was totally gone from my life?

I parked somewhere behind the bar and went in through the back door. The bartender gives me a look and sets a drink on the table. He's known me for a long time, seeing as I came here regularly for 3 years.

I sit down and drink. I feel the alcohol rushing through me, and I drank some more. The ache in my chest was still there.

Someone sat beside me, a huge sigh escaping from him.

"What'll you have?" The bartender, Hal, asked him.

"I'll just have a Greyhound thanks." The voice had me stiffening in my seat.

'No.' I thought weakly. It couldn't be.

"Wyatt?" Daniel's voice said.

I blinked once, twice. Fuck, someone get me out of this mess.

"Wyatt... I'm so sorry." He said. I turned my head to look at him and got one of the biggest shocks of my life.

His hair had gotten a bit longer. I noticed that first. His dark brown eyes show a deep sadness there that didn't fit him. He looked the same otherwise, but the look in his eyes said everything. Something had happened.

"After the wedding I... I was so mad at myself. I felt like such an idiot for showing Gina off in front of you while you were just..." another sob as he covered his face with one hand. There was no engagement ring.

"It turns out that she was a bitch anyways. A few months later she cheated on me." I was sent reeling by this piece of information.

A tiny piece of hope blossomed in the ruined remains of my heart.

"I should have told you... I'm such an idiot..." he said, so quietly that I had to strain my ears to hear him. Told me what?

"I'll understand if you want me to go. I was an ass. I know that." He said, tensing as if he was preparing for some sort of outburst from me again.

"I don't." I said, my voice sounding incredulous.

"I don't want you to go." I said. He blinked. Seconds later I was being crushed in his embrace, his strong arms wrapping around me and squeezing me to him. There was something in this hug that I never noticed before, some sort of longing.

The piece of hope in my chest grew into a vine.

Hal put our drinks on the table and we finished them quickly, chatting all the while to catch up.

'Don't get your hopes up. He doesn't love you. He never will.' The small voice said.

I didn't care. As long as he was around I was happy.

"Can we... Can we head to your house?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure." I said, not knowing what to expect. He was... different somehow.

He smiled gratefully, with some emotion hidden deep inside his eyes as we got into our cars and he followed me on my way home.

As I fiddled with the lock- again- I wondered what this new, hidden emotion was that was becoming obvious in Daniel. I had a feeling it was always there, but I never noticed it.

Daniel came up behind me, putting his arms around me and helping me with the lock until it popped open and let us both in. Dammit I need to replace that lock.

Daniel was always a very tactile person, but this sort of thing he never did.

As if we were following our daily routine, we both headed towards the living room. I hadn't changed anything from Three years ago. Nothing was taken out, but a few things were added.

I had painted a picture without much thought a few months back, and what came out was an abstract mix of random colors that somehow reminded me of my time with Daniel. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, so I Hung it up here.

Daniel hummed a tune before sitting down, his lean, muscled form relaxing on the couch.

"Want to do something?" He asked when I sat down next to him.

I shrugged, not really sure of what to do.

"Wyatt... do you... still feel the same about me?" He asked. I tensed. Jesus, at this point my entire body was going to go stiff.

"...Yes." I finally answered after a long silence. I couldn't get over him. No matter what I'd tried. His hand went to my back and my dick immediately went stiff.

"...Why? After everything I've done to you... How could you? You're supposed to hate me..." He murmured, the caressing my back lovingly. This was the sort of touch I'd wanted from him for so long. But why was he like this?

Why now?

"You know, I'm an idiot..." He said "I never told you I was bi. Guess it must have slipped my mind." He said. Daniel was bi? This seemed too convenient.

"I'm not lying. It's true, I'm bi." He said, his other hand gently making me face him. His brown eyes now burned with a sort of determination that had me shivering with arousal.

"Do you still remember when we first met?" he asked "You bumped into me- literally- in the hallway at high school, and then for some weird reason we became friends." He laughed softly. "I should have told you sooner." He said, drawing me closer to him.

"Told me what?" I said as his arms came around me.

"I... I loved you since we graduated from high school." He confessed, my eyes widening at this revelation.

He... he loved me?

"I was too scared at the time to tell you, because you never showed any signs of liking me, or anything. Even after you came out. So I tried to replace you with Gina." Regret sparkled in his eyes. "When we divorced, I realized that I had just lost you. Well, I knew but... the impact just hit me for real then. I was so angry at myself. For losing you, and for even trying to love someone that wasn't you. I loved Gina, but not as much as I loved you." He said, tears spilling out of his eyes.

"No way am I going to make that mistake again. I lost you for 3 years Wy, and I... I can't let you go. Not unless you want me to go. I'll understand. I know, it's sudden, and too convenient, but I can't prove that I'm telling the truth. I just need your trust in me, and I'll understand if you no longer have any trust for me anymore. I fucked up Wy, and I've beaten myself up for it." He says, and I glance, almost as if I was forced to, to his left arm. It's riddled with faint, white scars and I can't help but gasp. He did this to himself?

"Even now, I can't let you go." He whispered now, holding me close to him. "Please. Please give me a chance Wy. Please." He sobbed, burying his head in my shoulder.