They're All Crazy

The question shocked him, and Wyfrost studied her eyes for a minute to see if she was joking. "Yeah," he said, "That'd be nice. Thanks."

She helped him build up the pile of wood, then Wy looked in his pack for his tinder box. Before he even got his hands on it, their campfire burst into light and heat. He looked at Mila with an obvious question in his eyes.

By way of an answer, she flourished her finger to her lips and blew on the end of it. Grinning she said, "See, I'm not completely useless."

He found himself returning her smile. "Never thought you were useless." Her smile grew brighter at that. Then he concluded, "Just annoying." Mila dropped her grin and stuck her tongue out at him.

Wyfrost built a small lean-to with pine boughs, and Mila helped there as well. With a small flourish and a few elf-words, the foliage thickened against the wind. In a matter of seconds, she'd reinforced the little structure, and Wy couldn't help but be impressed.

She bedded down on one side of the fire, and Wyfrost on the other. The weather was still fine on this side of the mountain, but nights would get a lot colder as they went further north. The elf would need his heat if she wanted to survive. That was a fight for another time, however. Wy pulled his cloak over his head and shut his eyes.

Later, his eyes snapped open. Something was off. He lay still and silent, listening to the sounds of the mountain at night. There was the pop of their dying fire, the call of a distant owl— and a wet squelching sound. He listened longer, and could hear Mila panting. No, he thought, there's no way...

Slow and silent, he moved his hands just enough to pull the cloak from his eyes. He kept his head still and looked at her from the corner of his eye. She lay on the top of her blanket, nude, and her legs splayed. With one hand she thrust her dildo in and out, and with the other she rapidly fingered her clitoris. She bit her lower lip, trying to pant through her nose, keeping as quiet as possible while she masturbated.

Wy mentally admonished his own manhood for rising to an occasion it was not invited to. She also wasn't putting on a show, and he should close his eyes, but Wy wasn't that polite. He watched her, admiring more than the warm glow of her pale skin in the firelight. Her slender fingers worked with purpose, her full hips moving with her thrusts. Mila's beautiful body writhed in her self-induced passion, and Wy enjoyed every moment of it.

Her abdomen tightened, and her mouth opened in a silent cry. She kept her hands moving through the high point of her climax, and then she stilled. She lay there, with her eyes closed, just trying to catch her breath. Wy knew she'd open her eyes soon enough, so he closed his and pretended, for all he was worth, to be in a sound sleep.

He heard her get up and move toward the edge of their campsite. He figured she cleaned her toy and herself in the snow. He took the opportunity to roll on his side, effectively hiding his body's natural reaction to spying on her playtime. He was still awake when she added a bit more magic to their fire. Then he listened to her put her clothes on, and she went back to bed.

Wy was awake for some time after that. During those last few minutes, he'd forgotten how irritating Mila was. He wouldn't be able to look at her the same way again, but he had to at least try.

The next day, Mila was all smiles and good cheer. She helped Wy break down their camp, and she got moving without the slightest complaint. Who knew a little self-indulgence could make such a big difference? If he'd only known, he might've suggested she get laid before they'd started their journey. Wy grinned and snickered at his own musings.

"What's funny?" she asked.

"Nothing. I was just thinking you've got a pretty smile. It's nice to see you happy."

"And that's... funny?"

"Yep." He wasn't about to get himself in trouble by admitting what he'd seen, or that he hoped masturbation was daily habit. She'd probably magic him blind, and that would put a damper on his entertainment.

They got through most of the day without any whining, and Wyfrost began to think the trip wouldn't be so bad. When her bitching did start, he just replayed the memory of the night before and smiled through it.

*****

Three days out, and Mila's nightly habits and daily rants wore on Wyfrost's nerves. At night he was kept awake while she played with herself, then he had to wait for her to go to sleep so he could sneak off to relieve some pressure. He wanted Mila, while at the same time, he just wanted her to go away. Wy was frustrated and exhausted.

On top of that, the portents mentioned by Vala Gudny had grown more insistent. There were extra stars in the sky, and they moved in ways they shouldn't. Prey and predator alike ignored him and each other as they trekked ever northward. And Wyfrost couldn't shake off the feeling that someone or something was following and watching the two of them.

He was trying to come up with a way to politely ask Mila to shut up, when he noticed a metallic stench on the breeze. Not far from their path, ravens had begun to cluster together. Something was dead, and Wyfrost moved in closer to see what it was.

There was a sharp tang in the air, thick enough to taste it, and Wy began to question his curiosity. He put a hand on Mila's shoulder to stop her. "Do you smell it?" he whispered.

Ignoring the fact that he'd whispered, she snapped at him, "What?"

Wy looked in her eyes and murmured, "Blood. A lot of it."

"Oh," she said. "Ew." She covered her mouth for a second, then whispered, "I mean, ew."

"Stay here," he muttered. "I'm going to check it out."

"Yeah, okay," Mila replied. But then, as he moved toward the scent, she kept right with him.

With Mila pressed up against his back, Wyfrost sighed and took his axe from his belt. Stealthy as he could be, with a crazy elfess crawling up his spine, he parted a wall of pine branches before him. He saw a small clearing in front of a cave entrance.

Mila tugged at his cloak. "Well, what is it?"

He whispered over his shoulder, "Shut up."

The snow had been trampled and bloodied in an obvious struggle. Two large forms lay still in the midst of it. He turned to Mila, "I'm going to get a closer look. Whatever did this might still be around, so you wait here."

"Right," she replied with a solemn nod.

Wyfrost moved forward, and Mila stuck by him, clinging to his cloak in a tight fist. He sighed and shook his head. "Crazy ass elf," he muttered.

Upon closer inspection, one of the bodies was that of a wyvern. Several parts of its body had been scorched to ash, which was probably what killed it. Before it died though, it had put up a fight. Gore congealed on its claws and teeth and on the knife-like barb of its stinger. Its venom sac was limp and depleted. Wyfrost winced at the amount of toxin its opponent must have taken.

Mila spoke softly, "Wyfrost, look at this other guy. What is he?"

He knelt over the remains of the wyvern's foe. The tall muscular humanoid had been shredded by the animal. The being wore strange armor. Wyfrost didn't recognize the metal plating nor the tough but flexible material at the joints. He picked up a piece that had been sheared off and examined it. "Not tough enough," Wyfrost muttered and shook his head at the mess.

The being had been using some sort of club made of a blackened metallic substance. Curious, he picked up the weapon and examined it. It had to be some sort of magical device, because a club wouldn't turn a wyvern to ash. There were shining prongs on what Wy guessed was the business end. Small buttons he assumed controlled the magic at the other end.

Wy pointed the weapon at the dead wyvern and tried one of the buttons. The thing hummed to life in his hand. He gasped as lightning shot from the end of it to leave a smoking crater in the wyvern hide. He whistled softly and tucked the weapon in his belt.

While he toyed with the magic wand, Mila tugged at the being's armor. She'd gotten its helmet off and a few pieces from its torso. The guy was about Wyfrost's size, but he wasn't Norrhim. He didn't have any horns, and his hair was too dark. Neither was he human or elven. His skin was a deep indigo hue, and his limbs seemed longer than they should be. Wy ran down a list of every sentient race he could think of, but this guy just didn't fit.

Mila muttered something, and Wy asked for clarification. "Giant metal demons," she repeated. Vala Gudny said giant metal demons were taking over the world. Could this be one of them?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I've never seen anybody like him before." Just then a sound came from inside the cave. Wy glared at Mila and pointed to where she stood. "I mean it. You stay. The fuck. Here. Understood?"

"Yeah, whatever. I'm going to cast a spell on the corpse and see if it can tell me anything about what it's doing here."

He stared at her a long while, wondering if elves were born insane or if it came on slowly with age. Finally, he said, "Good. You do that."

Within the entrance of the narrow cave, Wyfrost took a deep breath and held it. Delving into tiny holes in the Mountain was not on his to-do list. In fact, the activity was near the top of his to-don't list, right underneath getting buried alive.

The passage sloped down several yards to a sluggish underground stream. The slope curved left into a shallow cavern. Wy had to let go of the breath that had started to burn in his chest. He gagged as he drew in another that was ripe with rot and wyvern piss.

Another of the animals lay over its nest, gasping and groaning as it was dying. Nearby, a second blue-skinned corpse had died the same way his colleague had. It appeared he'd been loading a large satchel with eggs from the wyverns' nest. Wyfrost spared a bit of air to tell the corpse, "Well, that's just stupid."

Wy stood over the suffering animal and brought his axe down on its head with a merciful killing blow. Though he wasn't sure the eggs could hatch without their parents, Wy broke them as well. He thought about trying to drag the blue-skin back up the slope for closer examination, but the whole situation disgusted him. He could get out of the damnable hole faster without a dead weight.

Outside, he pulled in a great lungful of cold, clean air. Mila asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah. How's your spell working for you?"

She shrugged, "Whatever he is, he's been dead too long. If he's got a spirit, it's departed already. You smell like shit, by the way."

"Thanks. Next time, you crawl around in the wyvern nest, and I'll stand around outside pretending to talk to a dead guy."

She was shrill with her response. "You're the one who told me to stay out here. And I'm not pretending! It's a legitimate spell to speak with the dead. It's quite convenient for finding out how someone really died."

"Here's a little clue," Wyfrost snarked. "Wyvern got him, and his little buddy in there. Are we done here, or do you want to have tea with the wyvern corpse I just put down?"

She crossed arms, nostrils flaring, eyes blazing. "You are an ass."

"Yeah, and you're a pain in mine. Let's go."

*****

The pass was a deep cut right through the mountain. It was a cold and shadowed space, with nothing but sheer rock towering to either side. There were spots where a Norrhim had to turn sideways just to squeeze through. Sound and light were different once a soul was swallowed up in the confined space. Whispers of the ancestors reverbed off the walls. Wy knew too well, it was enough to give some people waking dreams.

He'd been smaller his first time through, and the thought of those great walls pressing down on him made him fearful. He'd been so stressed about returning that all his recent dreams were nightmares. Night after night, the Mountain closed the gap around him. It crushed the breath from his lungs, wrung the life from his flesh, and powdered his bones. He didn't know if he really believed in gods or not, but he thought it best to respect them, just in case. He quietly prayed to the Mountain to let them pass in peace.

Going through a second time seemed like daring the Mountain to kill him. He didn't realize he'd stopped at the entrance, eyes agape, and breathing through his mouth. He wasn't aware that he rubbed sweaty palms on his pants even though his hands were gloved. For a moment, it was just him and the Mountain. Wyfrost was simultaneously too big for the gap and too small for the Mountain.

Mila's voice broke the trance with a casual question. "So, this is it, right? Just a few days through there, and we're on the other side?"

"Yeah." He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to even think about the two or three days he'd be trapped in there with her, pressed together between ancient walls of stone.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Wy was definitely not okay. "Yeah," he replied

He moved with purpose into the chilled shadows. He could feel the pressure on his head and chest. He silently prayed that the mountain would be merciful, even while he imagined it all coming down around him. He needed to get through as quickly as possible, and Wy set a hard pace. Mila kept up with him. A few times, it seemed like she might say something, but she changed her mind, and he was glad of it.

When they took a quick break for lunch, it was for her alone, because he wasn't certain of his belly's stability. Mila ate while Wy worried. Finally, she broke her silence, "What's wrong with you? Your eyes have gone all shifty, and you're really pale."

"I'm Norrhim," he replied. "I'm always pale."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Are you getting sick? If you are, you should tell me. I can help you." She knelt in front of him and touched his face.

His pride may have wanted to pull away from her sympathy, but the softness in Mila's touch was a balm. His fears abated somewhat, and he leaned into her hand.

She said, "Your skin doesn't feel fevered. But maybe we should stop for now and get a fresh start in the morning. The way you've been pushing us along, we've got to be making good time. What's another half day, right?"

While she spoke to him, she kept her hand on him. The feather touch of her fingertips brushed his cheek and his neck. Her thumb glanced off his earlobe, and she felt the texture of his hair. Her kind attention was unexpected, and though Wy enjoyed it, the Mountain loomed over them both.

The thought of spending more time than was absolutely necessary was too much, and he moved away from her. "No. I'm fine. If you're done eating, we should get back to it."

"Fine," she said. "You don't have to be a grouch about it."

She started packing up, and Wy realized he'd spoken more sharply than he'd intended. He touched her arm, then took her hand in his. "Hey, Mila... thanks."

Mila smiled at him, giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. "Yeah, okay."

Wy wanted to keep hold of Mila's hand, but he thought that was childish and stupid. She seemed to really sense that he was off though, and she kept near him. When she started talking again, she had no rants or complaints. Mila told him stories about her life with the other witches. The jokes and magical mishaps gave him something to laugh about, and Wy had never been so grateful for babbling.

The weather had been getting colder, and night within the pass would be unbearable for a lone elf. Already, Mila's skin appeared paler, even after the exertions of their hike. Her lips had a slight blue cast, and Wyfrost was concerned. The Norrhim body was designed for the frigid northern climes. Wy knew he would be fine, but if he couldn't convince Mila to bed down with him, she would freeze.

They built a fire together, and Mila leaned in close in an attempt to warm her icicle fingers. Wy warned, "Hey, you're going to burn yourself."

Through chattering teeth, she replied, "Better than freezing to death, right?"

"No." Wy sat close beside her and took his gloves off. He took her frozen fingers between his palms, and Mila didn't try to pull away. Wyfrost cupped her hands in his and brought them to his lips. He blew warm air on the delicate digits, and Mila gasped at the warmth he offered.

"How come your hands are so warm?" she asked, accusation in her tone.

"I guess it's just the way I was made."

"I like it." She leaned closer to him, so close he could smell the scent of her skin wafting from under her cloak. "The way you were made, I mean."

Feathery lashes fluttered around doe's eyes, and he could've sworn she was flirting with him. She took her hands from his only to bring them up to either side of his neck. Her chill sent goosebumps shivering all over his flesh. Her touch was soft and intimate as she lightly tangled the tips of her fingers in his shaggy hair.

"Gods," she said, "You're so hot."

Wy didn't know if she meant his skin, or if she was talking about him in general. "Mila, what... what are you doing?"

She moved closer still, practically climbing into his lap. Fingers explored his scalp while she answered him. "I'm getting warm. Why? What do you think I'm doing?"

"It feels kinda like maybe you're coming on to me." He put a smile on the end of his statement. If she didn't want him, they could both laugh it off.

She moved her hands higher and gripped his horns. She crossed her leg over, seating herself on his lap. Her face was very close to his then, and he couldn't look away from her eyes. "'Kinda maybe'? How can I make it more obvious?"

Her hips moved suggestively, and he gasped, "Oh, fuck."

"Yeah," she whispered. He could feel her breath on his lips, "That's kinda maybe what I had in mind."

He dared touch her, letting his hands glide down her back and slip beneath her cloak. "Is that right?" he asked.

Mila answered with a kiss. Her cold lips warmed quickly. While their tongues met, she continued to grind on him. The harder he got, the more she wiggled in his lap. Wy figured she must have gotten bored with her toy.

For the moment, Wy set aside his fear of the canyon and his misgivings about their dubious quest. He didn't even care that his traveling companion was the worst pain in the ass he'd ever met. He did remember the cold. Though her skin was soft, she was as cold as the ice and stone around them.

She dropped her hands to the front of his shirt to tug on the ties that held it closed. Wy gently took her wrists to stop her. "Just a minute." Though Wy was as anxious as Mila, he wasn't about to be stupid.

He stood up and tended the fire, adding more wood. Then he grabbed her blanket and his. She took off her cloak and lay back as Wy pulled the blankets and cloaks over them. Nestled in their dark cocoon, they kissed and caressed in between fumbling one another's clothes off. Skin to skin and breath to breath, her body heat rose along with their desire. It was there that Wy found all sorts of things to like about Mila.

Wyfrost let his hands roam up and down her body, enjoying the way the fullness of her curves fit his palms. He was cautious with her at first. He'd only been with Norrhim women, and the elven beauty laid out beneath him was smaller and seemed more delicate. In time, her hands moved with his, gently guiding him to the pressure she wanted.

His cheek brushed against a stiffened nipple, and Mila dug her fingers into his hair. Accepting her invitation, he swirled his tongue over the bud and sucked it between his lips. Mila moaned, "Teeth."

"Hmm?" Wyfrost questioned, because he'd been careful not to graze her with his teeth.

Then she gasped, "Bite it."

The elf witch was not as tender as she might appear. Obliging her, Wyfrost pinched her nipple between his lips and teeth and gave a gentle tug. Her immediate response was to arch her back, putting her chest closer to his face. "Oooh, yeah, like that." she moaned.