Monday morning was great. I went into work early and ensconced myself in my office hoping to avoid any unnecessary contact with anyone. - That didn't work out too well.
Mighty-mouth Alan was obviously spreading the word as I had a steady stream of employees and well known customers 'needing' to see me on one pretext or another (the git really would suffer later, we had a delivery of organic manure coming soon and there would be no-one else available to unload it, ha-fucking-ha!!!). Anyway, around lunchtime, I heard a timid knock on my office door and invited whoever it was to enter. Little Angie, our green-fingered - (she really can get anything to grow anywhere) - garden centre manageress, popped her head around the door and immediately burst into tears when she saw my battered features.
"Oh god I'm so sorry Jim, I had no idea...." she cried as she ran into the room and gave me a hug.
"Hey Angie, don't worry about me love" I replied as I patted her back, moved as I was by her concern, "I'll be fine, I just hope I can find the bastard who did this and sort it out once and for all."
"That's the problem Jim, I know who it was who hit you." she mumbled in-between sobs.
"What?... How the hell would you know that? You weren't even there on Friday and you certainly haven't seen the video of what happened."
Pulling away from me, she sat down on the chair at the other side of my desk. "I'm so sorry Jim," she again sobbed "You don't understand...."
Looking quizzically at her, I asked "I don't understand what?.... Angie?" inviting her to carry on.
"Please forgive me Jim, it's all my fault..." she cried, tears flooding down her cheeks.
"I think you'd better settle down and explain yourself little lady," I replied, intrigued by what she was saying, "How on earth can it be 'your' fault?"
"He's my husband Jim....It was my fucking husband who came after you!"
"What?.... Your husband?...But why the fuck would he think I've been sleeping with you?" anger rising in my chest as sat there, totally baffled by what was happening, "I know I'm just a dumb ex-jock but I'm damn sure I would have remembered if we'd ever done the dirty together."
Angie was close to being hysterical by then, recoiling from my anger with her head buried in her hands. She spread her fingers and peered at me through them before speaking again.
"Please Jim, let me explain...."
"I think you'd better girl, now stop fucking crying and tell me why it is your husband got the idea that I've been shagging you."
I rose to my feet and poured us each a cup of coffee from the perculator that was permanently brewing on the cabinet at the rear of my office (I need a lot of coffee OK?). Tossing her a box of tissues I had in my desk drawer, I sat down again and placed her coffee in front of her.
"OK Angie, now explain." I said sternly, "I hope it's good because let me tell you, I am really pissed off over this. I've got a broken nose, stitches in the back of my head, and eyes that belong on a giant fucking Panda." she appeared to sink deeper into her chair as I carried on, "And on top of all that, my wife has left me because she thinks, understandably I might add, that I've been FUCKING CHEATING ON HER!!!....."
I could see my secretary Maureen, 62 years old and as nosy as fuck, ear-wigging at her desk and trying to appear as though she was busy doing secretarial things.
"Maureen!..." I shouted through the closed door, "Go get yourself a cup of tea or something"
"Yes Jim," she replied as she scuttled off, no doubt to tell the rest of the staff what she had overheard so far.
"OK Angie, explain to me how it is I've managed to shag you without me knowing any damn thing about it."
The pretty little 25 year old blew her nose like a trooper on a tissue before speaking.
"Jim, you don't know my husband do you? He's such a jealous person, always has been."
"I'm sorry about that Angie, but what gave him the idea that we'd....you know?"
"He has been accusing me of having an affair for months now, I haven't Jim, I swear on my mother's life," the poor girl sobbed, "he just wouldn't believe me, and on Friday he came home from the pub drunk and started on me again."
"But what made him think it was me?" I enquired, beginning to dislike this 'husband' of hers.
"He beats me Jim!....he beats me so bad." With that she lifted her shirt and showed me her badly bruised rib area, red, blue and black mixed with the yellow of older healing bruises.
I thought back to how we'd all noticed that Angie had started wearing heavier make-up several months ago, and how we'd all thought it was just a fashion thing. "Bloody Hell Angie!!!... Why didn't you tell someone?" I said softly to her. I fucking hate men who abuse women like that. I had enough reasons to want give Diane a slap a few years ago but it never crossed my mind to sink that low (her fucking dim-wit boyfriend, now that's another matter).
"You don't know Jim, very few people do; I was brought up in an orphanage after I'd been abandoned as a baby. I don't have any family Jim, no-one to turn to. I was ashamed to tell any of my friends what had been happening, I didn't think anyone would believe me. He's such a nice man when there are other people around, and he's such a big man you know. I'm so frightened of him Jim...."
"How long has this been going on Angie?" I asked quietly, feeling an urge to give this poor little girl a cuddle, "When did he start beating you like that?"
She wiped her eyes and answered, "Since he first lost his job, about 2 years ago now. He started drinking heavily and got in with a rough crowd of heavy drinkers and even though there was never any truth in it, he started to imagine that I was cheating on him at work. I tried my best to reassure him that I really loved him and would never cheat, but those bastard so-called mates of his used to take the piss out of him, telling him that I had no respect for him since he lost his job and would be looking round for someone better like all 'fucking women' do when their man no longer does it for them."
She started crying again, sobbing like a baby into her hands, "The stupid thing is, now I really don't love him any more. It's all got too much and any love I originally felt for him, he's beaten out of me."
I walked round my desk and pulled her to her feet, giving her a big hug as I tried to console her, "Why didn't you just leave him girl?... Why stay with him if you don't love him any longer? You don't have any kids so that wouldn't be a problem."
"As I said Jim," she sobbed into my chest, "I was an orphan and don't have any family at all. All our money is tied up in the house and I literally have nowhere else to go."
"Why didn't you get the police involved? I'm sure you could have got a restraining order on him. Hell, Diane got one on me years ago and I never even touched her."
"I'm so frightened of him Jim; he's threatened to kill me if I do go to the police. He says they can't watch him all the time and sooner or later he would get to me and finish me once and for all."
The poor girl was sobbing her little heart out by then, clinging on to me like a terrified child.
"This stops right now Angie; you leave that bastard to me." I said as I let her sit down again, then went back to my side of the desk.
I sat quietly, trying to get my inner rage under control, wondering just what I was going to do the help her. Slowly, from the depths of my razor-sharp mind, I realised something.
"I understand all that Angie, but why on earth did he think that you and me....you know... I may be an insensitive prick at times, but even I would remember shagging a lovely girl like you and I certainly don't."
Bursting into floods of tears again, she hid her face in her hands and replied, "Last Friday afternoon, after I got home from work, he was waiting for me, drunk again. He was in a foul mood and started on me as soon as I walked through the door, demanding to know who it was I was 'fucking the arse off' and threatening to kill me if I didn't tell him. I tried to tell him yet again there was no-one else but he just didn't believe me. He thumped me in my stomach then slapped me hard enough to knock me down. Then he started kicking me in my ribs."
My face was as dark as thunder now as she carried on, "I honestly thought that this was it Jim, and he was finally going to kill me. I was laying there in terrible pain as he grabbed me round the throat. I'm so, so sorry Jim. You shouldn't have to get involved in my life like this. I just said the first name that came into my head and that was yours.... I'm so sorry Jim!...." She cried into her heaving chest.
Now I was beginning to understand it all. That no-good arsehole must have followed me and Anne to the supermarket on Friday night. Well he sure as fuck was going to pay. Not just for breaking my nose and causing my wife to believe I was stepping out on her, but for what the wife-beating bastard had been doing to the distraught little lady sat in front of me.
Looking at my watch I saw it was now just after 3pm. I knew Anne would be back at her parents by then, so I began to hatch a plan.
"Angie, I want you to come and stay with us for a while. Give me chance to sort all this out for you." I declared.
She visibly picked up when I said that, the relief that she was no longer alone with her problems rapidly spreading over her tear-stained features. "Oh My God Jim!!!.... Thank you so, so much. I really don't deserve to have friends like you!" she sobbed quietly.
"Just one thing first though. I want you to come with me and explain all this to Anne. She still seems to think I have been cheating on her, and I need to sort that out before I do anything else."
"Oh Jesus Jim, I'm so sorry to have caused you so much grief. Of course I'll talk to her. Let me explain just what a loving, caring husband she has."
Angie ran around the desk and hugged me again, raining kisses all over my battered face. Laughing gently at her, I pushed her away from me and said, "Angie!!!... Covering my face in your lipstick is not going to help my cause."
"Oops...Sorry Jim," she said, "Let me wipe it all off for you." She then started to rub my face with her tissues, still wet from her tears.
"Bloody hell girl, I've got a broken nose that hurts like fuck.... Stop!.... I'll go to the wash-room and clean up, you go get your things and we'll go to see Anne straight away.... And stop saying fucking sorry!!!..."I admonished as I pushed her towards the office door.
We called at Angie's house before we went to meet Anne, she'd told me her twat of a husband would be in the pub all afternoon so it seemed a good time to pick some of her things up if she was going to stay at our house for a while. Just after 4pm we pulled up outside Mary and Ralph's house. I could see Anne's car in the drive (unfortunately parked behind her father's) so I knew she would be in. Telling Angie to wait in the car while I went to get my wife, I walked swiftly up her parents drive and knocked loudly on the front door.
Mary answered almost immediately, obviously having seen me walking towards the house. This time the security chain wasn't on,
"Is Anne back yet Mary?" I asked politely.
"She is love, yes. Unfortunately Ralph's home too."
"I don't have a problem with that, may I come in please?" I said quietly to my mother-in-law.
"Of course you can." she replied, "But please don't have another argument with him, I don't want to have to come between you again."
Mary's face was betraying the worry she was feeling as she led me into her home. I felt for her at that moment, being stuck in the middle of things as she was, and I gave her a comforting hug and a gentle kiss on her cheek.
"I think everything will be OK in a minute or two, don't worry your pretty little head lovely lady" I whispered to her as we entered the main living room.
Anne was sat facing the door we had entered the room from. Her father was stood by the window, glaring fiercely at me, but being very careful to keep his daughter between me and him.
"What do you want now dickhead?" he snapped at me, "I thought I told you, you weren't welcome in my house any more!"
"I don't want any trouble Ralph; I just want to talk to MY wife." I said quietly but firmly, emphasising the 'My'.
"Well she doesn't want to talk to you, now get out before I throw you out." He replied, moving even further behind his daughter.
"Oh for god's sake dad!!!..." Anne shouted at her father, "How many more damn times do I have to ask you to keep your bloody nose out of my marriage!"
I thought Ralph's face was going to explode as he went as red as the proverbial beetroot, his anger obvious to everyone. Luckily, with a loud grunt, he turned and began looking out of the window towards my car parked on the street outside his house.
"OK Jim, I'm listening!..." Anne said, "Let's hear what you have to say."
"Anne, sweetheart, I've tried to tell you it was all a misunderstanding and now I have proof. Please come out to my car and let me explain in private." I said softly to her, not wanting to antagonise her any further.
Just then the 'arsehole' turned around and spat, "And just who is that 'bird' you have in your car then, you prick?"
"She has nothing at all to do with you." I replied calmly, ignoring the provocation and remembering my anger management routines I'd been taught years ago.
Anne jumped up from her seat and hurried to her father's side. Looking out of the window then turning to glare at me, she asked angrily, "Is that her?...Is that the bitch you've been screwing behind my back?"
"Anne, she's nothing of the sort. Now please come outside and talk to us." I said, still keeping my calm exterior, "Let us explain to you what's been going on."
Again her father tried to interfere, pulling her to him as he shouted at me, "Just get the hell away from us, Anne doesn't want to talk to you or your fucking whore!!!...."
That was it, counting to ten just wasn't doing it for me. I quickly closed the distance between me and my wife, her father recoiling away from my advance, "Anne, you are damn well coming outside with me right now!" I said forcefully as I took a firm grip of her arm. Picking her up like a small doll, I started walking out of the room.
Mary was stood watching all this, her face a mixture of sorrow and fear, "Don't worry Mary, you know I wouldn't ever harm your daughter, no matter what happens." I said, smiling as I passed my worried mother-in-law, walking to the front door before leaving their home and quickly striding down to my car.
Anne was beating my chest with her little fists, her legs kicking crazily, as I carried her to the passenger side of my car. Placing her gently feet first back on the ground, I softly kissed her forehead as I opened the car door and firmly forced her to sit in the near-side front seat. Angie was now sat directly behind my wife, (I thought that best, there was no way Anne could attack her from there). As I closed the door on my wife, I spoke quietly and as lovingly as I could, "Just listen to her Anne, let her explain. I'm sure you'll understand in a minute or two."
I then leant against the closed door, totally preventing Anne from escaping. After a few minutes of my wife's muffled shouting, (good insulation on them Beemers isn't it?) things quietened down and I could then see Angie crying again as she obviously started telling my wife her story.
I had been stood there about twenty minutes or so, smirking back at my idiot father-in-law as he glared and gesticulated at me from the safety of his home, when a police squad car came flying around the corner. Their 'blues & twos' were going full blast so it was pretty difficult to ignore them.
Screeching to a halt in the path of my car, PC Plod, (looked about 14 years of age with spots to match) jumped out of the driver's seat and ran around the front of their jam-jar, drawing and extending his riot stick as he did so.
"Hold it right there fella!...." He shouted, crouching in what was obviously supposed to be an intimidating pose, "Face down on the floor now and stretch your arms and legs out."
I was just about to tell him where exactly to shove his little wand and explain that I would never willingly turn my arse to an obvious shirt-lifter like him, when his mate approached from the other side if their car.
"Whoa there Kevin, don't you know anything?.... That's Jimmy Mack you're talking to. If you don't want to be spitting your teeth out of your dumb arse for the next few days, I suggest you put your stick away and we'll ask him politely what's going on. OK?"
Purposefully putting himself between me and the 'acne' kid, PC Sensible came up to me and asked, "What's going on Jim?...We've just had a report of an attempted kidnapping of some bloke's young daughter at this address... You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"
I immediately looked up at my in-laws house to see fuck-face Ralph smirking at me as he watched the drama unfolding. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten, (this time it worked), I explained as quickly and thoroughly as I could to Tommy. (He'd told me his name by then, big fan of course. - What can I say?...Local celebrity comes to my aid yet again.) He listened carefully, not even making any notes as he leaned against the car with me, his mate having left us on Tommy's instructions to radio in that their shout was being sorted without any problems. He obviously believed my version of events and after apologising for PC Plod's overenthusiastic policing, (he was just out of training school and still wet behind the ears he explained) Tommy then proceeded to go into the house where I could see him giving Ralph the mother and father of a bollocking about wasting police time and money. The stern-faced PC then came back out, winking at me as he stopped with his back to the house. We then had a nice little chat about how he'd been a Saints fan for donkey's years before he asked me to autograph his notebook for him, telling me how his son would be delighted when he told him he'd met me. Then he and his young mate left in a much quieter manner then when they'd arrived. (Yes, of course, he had been there at Wembley stadium THAT day in '98).
A couple of minutes later Angie got out of my car and asked me to allow Anne out too. The two women then embraced and burst into floods of tears swearing undying friendship to each other. - (It's a woman thing, one minute sworn enemies, the next they're best of friends) before Anne turned to me and started slavering me with kisses and hugging me tightly.
"Oh My God Jim!!!....." she exclaimed excitedly, "We've got to help Angie. Her bastard of a husband has been beating her up for no reason.... Can we help her Jim?...Please sweetheart, she has no-one else."
Smiling to myself at the irony of the situation, I replied, "I know love, I've already told her she can come and stay with us for a while until we sort something out. Will you take her home? I just want to sort a few things before I follow you, I shouldn't be too long."
"Oh Jim!!!... I'm so sorry, I never really believed you'd cheat on me sweetheart, it's just, you know what my bloody hormones are doing to me at the moment, I'm so, so sorry...." My loving wife sobbed as she clung around my neck, kissing my battered face repeatedly.
"I understand my lovely girl, don't get yourself in a lather, it'll be OK darling." I laughed as I patted her huge belly, "The sooner we get these little buggers out the better,"
Oh, did I forget to mention we were 6 months pregnant with twins? Hormonal women eh?... What can you do???...
After seeing the two ladies off safely in Anne's car and explaining to mother-in-law Mary, I left on my mission of revenge.
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