Things My Mother Told Her

"Are you threatening me?" I asked.

"Take it any way you want it," she said. "You either get everything you've always had including me, or you don't get shit. I'll take it all."

"Fuck you, Kathy," I sneered. I got up so fast that the chair I was sitting in clattered to the floor behind me. I walked out of the office and left with Kathy screaming for me to come back.

I was far angrier than I'd thought I'd be. Since the beginning of this farce, I'd done the same thing that a lot of men do. I'd tried my best to just keep moving. It's one of the things that men do. We are told from an early age not to show weakness. "Don't ever let 'em see you cry, son," our fathers have always told us. We all knew that if we let even our friends know that we had even a shred of emotion, that like wolves, they'd turn on us and eat us alive. And they'd do that whether with serious intent or just the ribbing that long time friendships breed. So we learn to bottle our emotions and keep it all inside.

Shit, I loved Kathy. I loved her enough to compete with Josh over her for my entire God damned life. But once I married her, the competition was supposed to be over. You can't live with someone and eat and piss and sleep and fuck with them for over twelve years without having some kind of emotional connection.

You don't stay with a person for years and watch them change and grow without loving them. Even as Kathy changed over the years, I still loved her. As her mind grew narrower and her ass grew wider, my love for her only matured. Though I'd tried to hold it in, the pain of her betrayal intensified every day. Up until that day, my goal was to just work through it, get the divorce and get her out of my life so I could grieve and start my life over. She wasn't allowing me to do that though. She kept calling me and showing up and it just got worse and worse.

In fact, it was beginning to make me hate Kathy. After all, I'd gotten my revenge on Josh. I'd kicked his fucking ass and changed his life forever. I'd also in a way, made things better for Pearl because Josh wouldn't be cheating on her again. But Kathy was supposed to be my wife. She was the one whose betrayal cut the deepest and all I'd done was to try to stay the fuck away from her. My mind, my spirit, my honor cried out for punishment for her as well. But I just couldn't bring myself to do anything.

When I got home, I went out for my run, my mind was still working over time trying to figure out a way to A) force her to sign the God damned divorce papers; and B) to agree to a settlement that didn't involve giving her an unfair amount of my assets. Why the fuck can't women who are divorced or divorcing work? For thousands of years, women have been carrying the torch claiming that they are equal to men, right? So, why the fuck is it that when a couple divorces, even women who work, need something from their husband?

As I pondered this and other questions, the miles melted away and with them some of my tension. As I finished my run, I was feeling better. A lot of my stress was gone but the questions I'd been pondering still had no answers.

The old guy I always ran into in the park was gesturing for me to come over. I wasn't in the mood for another dose of his life story, but I went anyway. It's a dead area in my DNA. I always have to talk to other runners and anyone who drives a Mustang. It's like we're all one large fucked up family.

He looked at me like he'd come up with the answer to world peace. "Remember what you told me the other day?" he asked. I nodded.

"Remember how you were talking about how you wanted to just disappear?" he asked.

"Yeah, but that was a fantasy," I said. "She'd still track me down as soon as I tried to get a job. That is, unless I wanted to work as a migratory farm worker or something else where I got paid under the table. I have to admit that I am far too fucking spoiled to do that. That was why I went to college. I'm addicted to shit. There are things that I need to make my life worth living. Kathy wasn't necessarily one of them, but I needed cable TV. I need my Mustang. I need Wi-Fi. I need a certain standard of living, to be happy. I know it's stupid, but it's me."

"But do YOU have to be YOU?" he asked smiling. I started wondering if that aneurysm had nearly snapped the rubber band that powered his brain. Seeing the puzzled expression on my face, he held out his hand.

He handed me his dead son's social security card and driver's license and my mouth dropped open. He also handed me a folder that, as I looked through it, turned my slack jawed expression into a smile. I hugged the old man and thanked him profusely. Then I jumped into my car and sped off. I had it all. I had a degree that wasn't too far away from the one I'd actually earned. I had a military record. I had full school records. I even had a couple of outstanding school loans I could start paying off as soon as I got a new job. The old man had given me a new life and on my way to that new life, I was going to give Kathy hell.

Over the next few days, I had an entirely different lease on life. Kathy and her lawyer called for meetings and I laughed and hung up the phone on them. I listed my house with a real estate agent and asked for a quick sale. I started looking around for a different city to live in.

I put Kathy off for a week or so until my dad came to see me. "Brian, Kathy is going crazy," he said. "She spends half of her time screaming at everyone and being a bitch, and the rest of it she spends crying. She really does love you and she wants to get back with you."

"Dad, this is my life. I need you to stay out of it," I said.

"Brian, don't try to turn this into a discussion of your not approving my choices," he told me. "Just talk to her. You guys have been married for twelve years. You owe her that much."

"I don't owe her shit, Dad," I snapped. "What about what she owed me. What about not fucking other guys. Did she owe me that? Cause if so, I'd say we're about even then."

"Just think about it, Son. Whatever you decide in the end, I know you'll make the best choice for yourself. But at least talk to her. Who knows, it might change your mind."

"I'll talk to her dad," I said. "Tell her to come over tonight after my run. But I'm not talking to her because I owe it to her. The only thing you owe a whore is the amount you settled on before-hand. I'm talking to her because I owe it to you, Dad."

I'd been thinking about it for days and though he'd never told me, I figured something out at that moment. Seeing my dad come over here with his tail between his legs to beg for something that meant nothing to him had told me everything I needed to know. I love my dad but up until I figured out what was behind his actions, I didn't respect him. I think I understood him more now and my respect had grown accordingly. Actually, it was something Pearl had told me that convinced me that my dad was more of a man than I was.

When I got home that day I was very tense. I wasn't looking forward to the drama that I was sure Kathy would bring. I got a call and was surprised to find Pearl on the other end of the line. "Brian, can we come over?" she asked.

"Define, we," I said.

"Brian, you know what I'm talking about," she said. "We, means Josh and me, just like always. We're still married, just like you and Kathy are. He has some things he wants to say to you."

"Alright," I said. "But just so you know it, Kathy and I are still married only because she won't sign the fucking papers." There was silence on the line for a second and I realized what I'd done. For most of the time that I'd known her, Pearl didn't curse or use any kind of bad language. She'd slipped a couple of times during that problem with Josh but that was understandable.

"Sorry, Pearl," I said quietly.

"We'll be over shortly," she said.

I started to do my weight workout but I just didn't have it in me that day. I was almost glad when the doorbell rang and I had to answer it.

Pearl was just as beautiful as ever, but Josh had changed a lot. It looked like he'd put on at least ten or twelve pounds over the past few weeks. He looked different too. It seemed as if he was far more timid.

"Brian, I wanted to apologize for everything," he said.

"Uhm, I guess I over-reacted," I said.

"No you didn't," he said. "Under the circumstances I guess I'd have done the same thing. But that wasn't what I was apologizing for. I was apologizing for everything. Since we met back when we were kids, I've never been a very good friend and I'd like to erase all of that and start over." He held out his hand for me to shake. I was shocked.

I shook his hand and almost threw up a little bit in my mouth. His hand was clammy and soft. It was the dreaded dead fish handshake. I'd been expecting Josh to try to break my God damned fingers the way he always did, but this was clearly a different Josh.

"Brian, don't rush to start having sex with Kathy again," he said as they got ready to leave. "I haven't been a very good husband either. I had a couple of STDs and Kathy may have them. But I want you to know one thing. This time it wasn't just me. Kathy came after me. It seemed like she was desperate to have an affair with someone. She just picked me first because we knew each other and were comfortable with each other. If it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else. And luckily, you caught us the first time. There has to be something motivating her because it sure wasn't the sex." He shrugged his shoulders and they left. Pearl hung back for a few minutes.

"Well, Brian," she said. "All's well that ends well. And I owe it all to you." She smiled at me but there was something going on behind those beautiful eyes.

They left and I was still puzzled as I went out to run. I had a great run but I didn't see the old man. I wondered where he'd gone to but I didn't dwell on it.

On the trip home, the call that I'd been waiting for came in. My realtor had a firm offer on the house. I told her to take it and work out the details as quickly as possible. When I pulled up in front of the house, Kathy was waiting for me.

She'd dressed up again and had her hair done again. She was wearing a skirt that on a slimmer woman would have been attractive, but with an ass as big as hers, just looked cheap. She had stockings on. They were the type with the garter belts and as she sat on the porch I was looking straight up her skirt. It really looked as if she didn't have any panties on underneath all of that finery.

I started laughing. "What's so funny, Honey?" she asked. Then she noticed where I was looking.

"See anything you like?" she asked coyly. "If you try hard enough you might be able to convince me that we should talk in bed. It's been a long time for both of us and there's no reason we can't relieve a little bit of tension while we figure this out."

I laughed even harder. "Kathy, you came here to talk," I said. "Your inability to keep your legs closed was what got us here in the first place. Ever since I caught you and Josh you've been telling me that you needed to explain this to me. This is your chance to give me this big explanation to make sense of this. I'm waiting to hear the awesome revelation, because for the life of me I can't understand why you did what you did. Kathy, our life wasn't perfect but it was a good one. I loved you more than you'd ever know. So let's hear why you ruined us.

She just looked at me for a while. Then one tear rolled down her cheek. "Brian, I love you too. And like you said our life was good. We had our arguments and all of that, but it was a good life. I just wanted it to be better. For a while now I've looked at some other couples, one in particular. Some of their relationships weren't as good as ours. But there's this one couple that I am so jealous of.

They go EVERYHWERE together. They do EVERYTHING together. If she gets her hair done, he goes to the beauty shop with her. He takes her along when he gets his hair cut. On his poker nights, she's the hostess. It's so romantic that I could just die. You can imagine the two of them together forever. That's what I wanted us to be like, Brian," she said.

"Who the fuck, are these weirdos?" I asked.

"They're the weirdos who raised you, Brian," she said. I started laughing my ass off. She just looked at me.

"I want us to have the kind of marriage that your parents have. I asked your mom for some advice. I thought that maybe they had something that we had lost. But after talking to her, I realized that we were stronger than they are. Your mom told me that she used to feel the same way I was feeling. She thought that they were going nowhere and she was just bored. She made a mistake. She fell for some slick con man's line and she ended up having an affair with him. Your dad found out and they had a really rough patch, but they ended up back together because they loved each other so much. And even now, years later, they're still stronger for it. I think that maybe before her affair, the two of them were in a space where they took each other for granted. But they grew to realize that they loved each other far too much for that, so now they live each day like it was their last." She was looking at me wistfully and she had a gleam in her eyes.

I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I fell over onto the floor laughing. When I looked up at her she was still sitting there with that dumb ass look on her face.

"Is it really that funny?" she asked. After a few more laughs, I wiped the tears from my eyes and got back into my chair.

"Okay, you've had your say. Can I have my divorce now?" I asked cheerfully.

"Brian, you're not making sense," she said. "Why do you still want a divorce? Can't you see that this was all about making us a better couple?"

"Kathy, we've been married for twelve God damned years," I started. "Have you ever seen or heard me, even talk to my mother?"

"Well no," she said. "You do love your father though. But you and he have a weird relationship too."

"That's because my father fucked up," I snapped. "My mother cheated on him. She gave you the Disney version of what went on. My father was out busting his ass everyday while she sat around on her ass watching soap operas and eating Bon-Bons. I was in school most of the time so the bitch had nothing to do. That's why she was bored. When my dad found out, they didn't have a rough patch. He threw her cheating ass out and she came crying back to him. Her affair had gone on for months when he found out. When dad threw her out, she found out that she couldn't make it on her own. Her lover didn't want her. It's a simple rule, just like the one with you and Josh. Why own the cow when you can get the milk or in your case, the pussy, for free. Josh is married to a woman who is better looking and nicer than you are, Kathy. For him it was never about you or even the sex. It was about him proving that he was better than me. He wanted to prove that he could take something from me. And he did. Unfortunately for him, it changed his fucking life." I looked at her and she shrank away from me.

"My father follows my mother around everywhere she goes just like you said Kath. But it's not because they're so deeply in love. It's because he doesn't trust the bitch any farther than he can throw her. And with his arthritis, he can't even lift her. Even after all of these years, he doesn't trust her enough to let her out of his sight. That's not the way I intend to live."

"I have never forgiven my mother for what she did to our family, Kath. That's the reason I don't talk to her or invite her over when we have family gatherings. I give my dad presents on Christmas and his birthday and just ignore my mom. The reason my relationship was so weird for years with my dad was because I love him, but I didn't respect him. In the back of my mind, I always considered him a wimp or better yet a cuckold for allowing that bitch to come back into our lives. I've been thinking a lot about it lately and I realize I misjudged my dad. I respect him and I feel so sorry for not doing so for all of those years."

She was still looking at me in shock. "So what changed your mind about your dad?" she asked.

"I was just thinking about it and I realized that there was a difference between Dad's situation and mine," I said.

"You mean your mom cheated lots of times and I only did it once," she smiled.

"No Kath," I said. "My mom admitted that the guy she cheated with was really slick and he kind of tricked her and she just went along with it. Maybe it gave her some kind of thrill but it wasn't initially something she looked for. You, on the other hand, went looking for Josh. So that makes you an even bigger whore than my mom and you know how I feel about her. The difference between my dad and I is me."

"What?" she said. "I don't get it."

"I can easily dump your cheating ass and get a divorce because I have only myself to think about. My dad hated my mom just as much as I hate you, but he had a kid to take care of. In those days there weren't daycare centers all over the place. He had to do the best he could to make sure I was safe and taken care of. So he bit the bullet and took her back. He did it for me."

She looked stunned. "You know me Kathy. You know how much I value loyalty and trust. And now you know why. I feel so sorry for my dad. He's been chained to a woman he no longer trusts for so long just for me."

"But they love each other," sputtered Kathy.

"And I love you Kathy," I said. "I don't like you right now. I hate what you did to us. But I'll never trust you again. And I have no intention of living the way my dad does. Following you around all the time and having to watch everything you do would be like being in prison. The divorce will be better for both of us."

"Brian, I'll do anything you ask. It will never happen again," she said quickly. "I misjudged you. Your mother didn't tell me the whole story."

"Don't try to dump all of this on brainless Betty," I said. "You had a choice. You just made the wrong one. I really think that you saw an opportunity to relive some of the fun you had in the old days with Josh and you took it. You just used the shit my mom spewed as an excuse. So can we both move on with the divorce and our lives?"

"No, Brian," she snapped. "If we end up divorced, I'll take every fucking dime you have. You'll be so much better off keeping me. You'll get to keep all of your stuff. You'll get all the sex you want. All you have to do is just forgive me this one time. I swear I'll be the best wife any man has ever had."

"You should have quit while you were behind," I said. "See you in court. You can come and pick up the rest of your stuff Saturday."

"Nuh unh, Brian," she smiled. "I know that you own the house. You bought it before we got engaged. But it has been my primary residence for the past twelve years. That means that if I get an injunction, I can still live here until the court settles our divorce. So you're going to have a housemate, Sweetie. My lawyer believes he can get the injunction by Saturday. That's only four days away. I'll see you soon, Honey. And Brian I won't be wearing many clothes around the house so I'm sure you'll give in and we'll be sleeping together soon. I'll bet you don't last beyond Wednesday."

"Kathy, Josh told me personally that he had a couple of STDs. There's no way I'd ever fuck you again, goodnight. You really should have taken my settlement offer. I got up and went into the house and left her sitting there on the porch with her mouth open in shock.

The next day, I went in to work and told my boss that because of a family emergency I had to quit and that day would be my last. I rented a U-haul truck and loaded everything I had into it. I drove it to my new apartment in a town four hundred miles south of us. I returned the truck to the U-haul place and rented a car trailer. I hitched the trailer behind my jeep two days later and hauled my Mustang to the new apartment. I drove back and on Thursday I went in to work and picked up my last check. I got the check for the sale of my house as well. I put both in a new bank account in my new name. I silently thanked that crazy old man one more time, then I drove away to start my new life.