- Erotic Horror
- Thirst
- Page 4
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Over six centuries later and I and my love are still together; both as young and beautiful as the day were turned. It had taken several days before the transformation was complete and Kate became a Vampire but even as I told her what I had done; she never complained. She just insisted that she was happy to have someone who she loved and who loved her in return. She would then kiss me and drag me to bed. And here I thought I was the insatiable one.
When I was a boy I believed that the world had been against me, when I had been bitten I thought that I must have offended god for he seemed so determined to punish me; now I don't really give a damn. All I care about is Kate and no matter what happens to the world around us; we shall forever be together.
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The End
AN: This is a slightly altered version of my DBZ fan fiction 'Thirst', to make it an original work. I had considered rewriting this without the first person but then I decided against it as this would forever remind me why I don't do First Person stories, I just suck at it to be blunt.
I hope this version goes down better than the original so...
Please Review!
- COMMENTS
wish_thinkerover 1 year agoOutstanding! I will read this again. An editor would help, I had the feeling the original was in a different language or translated incorrectly. Some words which sound alike but have different meanings were found. For instance, leaving her "bear" should have been leaving her bare. Loved this and will read more of your stories! Thank you.
Ramjet57almost 2 years agoA decent Vampire story, though I don't read them much. I found it plausible and read the entire story.
HiFrancabout 2 years agoI wonder how well you understand history? The Victorian period was late 19th Century (ie 1800s) to early 20th Century. Unless the the story is set in the future, there is no way that an educated person from that era would talk about centuries.
In medieval times, books were expensive things because they had to be hand written so it is unlikely that a poor person from a millennium ago would be able to read. It was the invention of the printing press in *around* the 15th Century that democratised reading. Even then, that didn’t extend to those who practiced manual trades (was still unusual but there would be one who could read things to his colleagues) until later.
A big push in that direction came when the coffee shop was introduced to England in the 1700s (a traveller brought the concept back from Turkey).
I put this timeline together just from things I heard on the radio/in podcasts and saw on TV.
I couldn’t get past the first page because of the errors in history.
Anonymousover 8 years agoHonestly, your first person parts were not that bad. I've definitely seen worse. If you focus on your grammar and basically use spell check before you post, I think you'd have a fair shot at getting published. Just saying.
Anonymousover 8 years agoThe sex was crap. Brilliant up until it. But the sex was absolute garbage.
