Thirst Ch. 02

Leaving Bim in the bath downstairs, I prepared another pitcher of herbal tea. I made up my way upstairs with the tray that held the pitcher, two tall glasses and a stick of butter. As I set the tray on the side table next to the bed, I caught myself humming a long forgotten tune. As I took the shower, my mind was exulting over the delicious events of the afternoon.

Leaving Bim behind by himself was an effort. I wanted so desperately to get in the bath with him and run soapy hands over each other to savor the wet, warmth of skin against skin. But, I felt it better to give him the time and space by himself to reflect and absorb what we had experienced. After all, even if it was not a complete surprise, he had come unprepared for what I had laid out for him. He needed to come to terms with this sudden reversal in our relationship. Besides, there was the business of the red bag. I smiled as I toweled myself dry...

After all these years of separation, I had been thinking more and more about him of late. When he called, it was as if it was destiny that made him responded to my yearning. Once he accepted my invitation, I knew that I had to use the visit to resolve our dormant relationship one way or another. I wanted to find out where we stood with respect to each other. I wasn't sure that he'd be interested in getting together again, despite my renewed feelings for him.

Needless to say, I was nervous for the past few days, the same old questions plaguing my thoughts. Did he still want me in his life as I wanted him in mine? Did he feel that loneliness and sense of loss that I did about the past few years where we had lost touch with each other? It was clear to me that what we had shared was genuine enough to have been derailed by the sort head games we seemed to have unintentionally drifted into. It was as if we had engaged in a battle of egos, giving and taking pain, sulking at each other. In the process we had lost each other and the sense of connection that seemed so true when we were still lovers. I was determined to see if we could end all that when we got together. Was he willing to work past all our troubles from the past as I was? Or, had he changed over the years to a point where it would be untenable for us to get back together?

Of course, part of the blame for our separation was mine for not paying attention to his admission of interest in watersports. At the least, I should have acknowledged it and asked for time to think it over. In the past, even when his suggestions had seemed extreme to me, he had been more than willing to let me come to terms with them at my own pace. But, that night, something between us had gone awry. Still, it surprised me that we had drifted apart so easily on account of that single incident. In retrospect it seemed all the more inexcusable since we had time and again overcome so many difficulties and differences.

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In fact, at an earlier time, Bim had brought up his interest in anal play and I had told him that I felt squeamish about it and needed time. The sense of dirtiness and vulnerability which overwhelmed me felt real enough. Even though I already knew enough about anal sex, and had even fantasized about it, I was uncomfortable doing it with another person. So we had discussed it at length, tried to learn as much about it, and were quite comfortable before trying it. He was more than willing to bide his time until I was comfortable enough. He had let me set the space and it had worked out well. But, I reacted strongly this time, as if something had changed between us.

Perhaps it was because of when and how it all happened. Even if I wasn't necessarily turned off by his abrupt confession, it took me by surprise. In the normal course of things, I would've tried to understand his needs. But, at that time I was trying to deal with the impending move and the subsequent challenges that it would put on our relationship. It felt as if he was fixated on his needs when I was struggling with the move. He wanted me to accept it all unconditionally, as if he wouldn't go forward if I didn't. For my part, I was looking for his reassurance that he wanted our relationship whether I liked everything he did or not. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me for who I am -- even though I knew fully well that he did -- and that he would do all he could to continue to make our relationship work, despite the challenges of separation and distance. Perhaps that support and reassurance is something a woman wants more than a man. Then again, it might have been partly my immaturity. In any event, I had held back as much as he did.

Truth be told, a part of me had wanted to go out with other men. Bim had only been the second significant lover in my life. After Bim's visit to my new home, that's exactly what I proceeded to do. I had gone out with Pete, whom I had met in the course of work. At first I really liked him - he was decent and well meaning enough. But, despite feeling sure that I'd put Bim behind me when I started with Pete, it turned out more to be a "rebound" relationship than anything meaningful. Not surprisingly, he lasted all of six months before we realized that each of us saw the world around us and life very differently. A few more men followed over the years in aimless relationships that began with excitement and inevitably ended in disappointment. However, they did fulfill my sexual needs. But without fail every single one of those relationships lacked the intense connection that I had felt with Bim.

It was hard not to take up what I had experienced with Bim as the measure by which I compared and assessed subsequent relationships with the men who came after him. In that sense, I hadn't gotten over Bim through those years. Every breakup would leave me wondering how things would have turned out had I stayed with Bim. With each relationship, the anatomy of my feelings for Bim began to reveal itself to me and I realized that what I was missing was the magical and mysterious connection that we had shared. A relationship needed that deeper connection which takes root not merely because of "working at it" or by following trite formulas that the pundits and "how to" manuals dole out. There is a certain mystery as to why it happens with a particular individual and not others. Whether there is such a thing as destiny or not, I realized that I simply couldn't will myself to fall into love with other men without first falling out of love with Bim. That gradual realization set me wishing more and more about getting back with Bim.

Bim's companionship was such a delight, whether it was at movies, restaurants, museums, hiking or simply the quiet times spent together. We enjoyed each others opinion and view points on subjects whether they were profound or mundane. Even when we disagreed we were passionate about our respective position without really turning mean spirited - of course, we had our share of quarrels, but seemed to make up rather easily. I had truly felt open with him. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that he was the first lover for whom I felt compassion. That he was willing to show me his vulnerable side had something to do with it.

The big difference between us was his impulsiveness in contrast to my deliberation. Bim just loved to put into practice any idea as soon as it rose in his mind - he'd assume that whatever he wanted to do, I'd be willing to go along with. I, on the other hand, liked to weigh the consequences, understand how whatever he proposed might affect each other's feelings before trying it. Had we been mature enough, we'd have seen that our different approaches complemented each other. I could have gained from trying things without such deliberation and caution. Some amount of forethought and patience would have made his love more evident.

During the years when we were apart, I was also getting in touch with myself, becoming more comfortable with my feelings and desires that I had trouble accepting before - particularly those "darker erotic desires" that I had carefully tiptoed around. I began to realize that they were as much a real part of me and slowly started accepting them. As I grew more comfortable with the truth of my body and sexuality, it became clear to me how alike Bim and I were. That realization gave me an appreciation for what we had shared - something that was well beyond physical attraction. The process accelerated in the last year, since that fateful day at the conference in Detroit, and, now, I was more than ready to accept myself without guilt or second thoughts.

That evening, I could feel that both of us met with a renewed appreciation and love for each other. I had grown to accept my instincts and he had certainly grown more considerate. I found it ironic when he complained about the lack of communication in his relationships with other women. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered his expression when I needled him about it.

Of course, even more amusing was the shock on his face when he took the glass to his mouth and realized just how agreeable his "inclination" was to me. At one level, I still couldn't believe what I did for him, but then again, thanks to my internal transformation in the last year, I could do it with confidence. Besides, I felt I owed him one pleasant surprise in consideration of the wretched way I had treated him the last time he mentioned the word "watersports." And so it had turned out with the glass of "lemonade" I handed to him.

After drying myself, I walked back into the bedroom. The large window above the bed, with a view of the sky, gave the room an airy, open inviting feeling. On the far side of the bed, a couch with couple of cushions sat next to the fireplace, a reading lamp by its side, giving the corner a cozy feel. The four-poster bed was prepared -- a waterproof sheet, topped with beach towels under the cover. Likewise the pillows were in plastic bags and then put in the pillow cases.

I clambered on to the bed and flopped across its width on my stomach as I waited his arrival. Unlike the afternoon, I had no elaborate plans in mind, but just wanted to go with the flow. Come to think of it, even the plan I had so carefully laid out had been hijacked by Bim! In a while, I heard footsteps approaching up the stairs and then he appeared, pausing at the door as he surveyed the room.

"Enjoyed the shower?"

"Of course! Refreshed and raring to go!!" He looked teddy bearish in the white bathrobe as he walked around the bed, looking around "Very nice, Sheel. You always had very good taste."

Taking off the robe, he carefully laid it over the couch. His tanned, darker Asian skin shone in the pale light of the shaded lamp. He leaned on to the bed, his slightly muscular limbs extended from a hairless torso. The dark nipples were set off on a sculpted chest that hinted of the gym routine. His adorable, deep navel vanished into darkness into the center of the toned belly. As he put one knee on the bed, his shapely buns stuck out - firm and always a delight to squeeze and fondle -- and flexed as he lifted each leg on to the bed. His sleek hands and long, slender fingers, which I thought moved with certain artistic flair, walked him until he was next to me. Further down, his pubic hair, trimmed to a dark lawn, framed his uncircumcised cock that was beginning to show hints of hardness again. I patted the space next to me and flopped down and gently kissed me. The lively, twinkling eyes and gentle smile told me that he felt as I did about reconnecting with a long lost soul mate.

I poured a glass of the mint tea for each of us as he flopped on his stomach next to me. He smiled slyly at me as he took the glass, knowing full well what it was intended for. I ran my hands along the length of his back, and tousled his hair, as if to prepare him. A faint pleasant smell of patchouli oil wafted from his body. He understood my need to talk and quietly sipped the tea, waiting for me to start.

"Bim, I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to find that we still have such strong feelings for each other despite all these years apart. I had thought that we were finished when we broke up, but lately, I've caught myself thinking of you - of us - wishing for us to be together again. When I saw you today at the door, I knew that the longing I felt was not just wishful thinking on my part."

He nodded in agreement.

"I owe you an apology for the way I treated you before I moved here. It must have been a struggle for you to tell me about your 'inclinations in watersports.'" I smiled and paused briefly, before continuing, my hand still caressing his hair, "You were trying to be straight with me, even though it must have been confusing and even scary in some ways to admit such things. I want you to know that I appreciate that openness, even if I didn't when you tried to tell me and botched the whole thing by ignoring it. I can't tell you how sorry I've felt about it through these years. Bim, I want us to be partners and lovers like we used to. I've really missed you and don't want us to grow apart again."

Bim leaned forward, pulling me to him and kissed my cheek, his hand rubbing my forearm gently.

"My darling Sheel. I was also to blame for rushing it on you in the midst of your move -- I owe you an apology for that. I should've been a bit more patient and trusting of you. But, now, I too feel that we are being truly open with each other. I came here hoping to find out if there was the possibility of regaining your friendship. Even though I knew that we've always cared for each other deeply, I can't explain why I didn't have the gumption to call you up, apologize and tell you how much I cared for you," he sighed, and then concluded, "You can be sure that I'll do my darndest hereon to not do anything foolish like that again. I don't want to loose you ever."

His regret for our separation was as much as mine. All this while, he had wanted us to get back together as much as I did. Taking my hands in his, he kissed them in turn, placing them on his cheeks and moving them across his skin. We realized that the mutual understanding and acceptance we held for each other had never disappeared; it had always been there, waiting to be expressed again. We knew that the trust we now felt would serve to anchor our relationship and prevent us from drifting apart again. I continued, my fingers gently caressing his cheeks.

"You know, I wasn't sure whether we should have had a heart to heart talkfirst thing after you got here. I was really nervous and dying to find out if you were as interested in continuing the relationship as I am. But, when I saw you, it just felt so comfortable - I didn't feel like dragging all that stuff back out and mope about it. I hope I didn't upset you too much by jumping right into it?"

"God, Sheel, what you did was so powerful! In fact, it just removed the doubts that had been nagging me all these years. It reassured me of your acceptance of my kink in a way that no words could have expressed." He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he asked: "Hope I didn't take control of the situation too much? Didn't ruin your elaborate scheme, did I?"

"Oh, yes! You sure did hijack my plans." I squealed, "But, I hadn't done this sort of thing with anyone else, so I wasn't sure how it was going to work out. In fact, the way you stepped in was reassuring, not to mention delicious and naughty. As for the torture you put me through, I'll have to take my revenge, don't I? You'll just have to wait and see what I'm going to do to you. But, you know, being with you felt quite different this time around, though."

"Different? How do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't sure of how the years we had been apart would affect our meeting again and what I had in store for you. As it turned out, all the things we did today felt so right. We seem to trust each other more, despite all these years apart. It just felt so right between us - even more so than before. Don't you think?" I wanted him to know that I felt it at a far deeper level, deeper still than the intimacy we had achieved earlier on.

"Yes, I noticed that too Sheel - I felt so certain about everything. In the old days, I was so unsure of your feelings, worrying whether I was asking for too much. It didn't feel like that at all this time - it was all so natural and free. I felt your acceptance and that helped me express myself completely, without any hesitation. We've never been so much at ease with each other before, no?"

It was clear that he understood. There wasn't much else I had to say. So, I stretched out on my side next to him, with my upper leg across his back and buns, rubbing my pussy against his thigh. The wetness of the swollen lips rubbing off on his skin intensified the tingle that had been building up in my quim and it started insistently radiating into my belly.

"Was there anything that I did that surprised you, good or bad?" He asked as he pushed gently against my grinding hips.

"Hmm. I liked everything you did. But, I especially enjoyed how you caressed my ass - it was so delicious to feel your tongue and finger in me, sliding in and out," The recounting made me shiver, ""It was quite intense."

"Oh, yeah. I think I really got into it when you...," he paused, searching for words, "...you know... how you... held yourself open..."

There was still a residue of fear in him that he might offend me if he stated plainly what he wanted to say. I wanted to push away any lingering doubts and make him understand that I was not the woman he once knew, the one with hangups and fears that held her back at times from admitting her own desires. I wanted him to feel completely at ease about anything he wanted to tell me.

"Bim, sweetie, we just agreed to be open with each other, yes?" I said, kissing his shoulder, and looking straight into his eyes said as steadily as I could, "Are you trying to say that you liked the way I pulled my ass cheeks apart? So that your tongue could get in deeper in my rosebud? Hmm?"

He rolled on to his side, facing me now, his stiffening rod pressing into my belly.

"Right," he started, gazing steadily at me and with a certain determination in his voice, "I was so turned on when you pulled your ass cheeks apart, as if encouraging me. It felt like we were working together, as a team, to help me get in deeper. I felt incredibly close to you then. And, my heart was pounding so hard, I thought I was going to have a coronary!!!"

We both laughed. His cock was now almost fully erect, and looking down, I could see the foreskin pulled back to expose the stretched, shiny, pink head with the slit at it's tip oozing glistening precum. Extending my arm, I gently let my fingertips graze up and down the length of his hardness.

"Yes, there's a certain exhilaration I felt with that openness as well. There seemed such intensity to each and every thing that we did. I really loved the way you took your time. The way you were forcing your tongue into my portal felt so very intimate. it's something I've been fantasizing about you doing to me. Are you comfortable with it?"

"Oh, yes, I really loved it, don't you doubt it! And the earthy, erotic smell! Like roasted coffee beans, or the forest floor after a rain shower. The texture and the taste are so exquisitely arousing. The way you tightened the ring when my tongue was in, as if trying it to hold it captive and keep it in," his eyes shone with the lust and passion I had seen earlier during the day as he continued, "Sheel, I want to do it again with you. I love to lick and taste your asshole. I've fantasized about it too, you know."

My heart beat faster like an engine stoked by the flames of lust his words aroused in me. We were sharing our desires, unabashedly and openly, and I felt wonderfully free. The tingle in my pussy was insistent and the heat radiating from it palpable.