Thirty ThreebyMr. Unsexy©
"Wake up, you fuck."
Jeff opened his eyes and saw the barrel of a gun pressed against his forehead. Before Jeff could even see a face, the trigger was pulled and everything went black.
Jeff sat up drenched in sweat. It was only a dream, but it was the same dream he'd been having for the past week. The dream was always exactly the same, always very short, always a gun to his forehead, and he never saw the face. After a few heavy breaths Jeff was finally ready to get back to sleep. He looked at the clock however, and it was almost time to wake up for work anyway. He cursed under his breath and got out of bed. Then something hit him. He was always waking up at Five forty. That really annoyed him, being robbed of twenty minutes of sleep. "Fuck that," he muttered to himself.
He groggily stepped into the shower, his body still infected with sleepiness. He never wore night clothes of any type to bed; he liked to think that this put him a step ahead of everyone else in the morning. Whenever he was in the shower, he sooner or later found himself thinking of his ex-wife. God, what a beautiful woman she was. Her peaches and cream tan, her hard, thrusting breasts, her legs that just went on for days, and her hair. Her hair was almost waist level, dark brown, and was the single best smelling thing he'd ever taken in. She was gone, though. She had died in that car wreck mere weeks after their wedding, and he hadn't thought of another woman since. He'd gone three years all alone, and every single morning he found himself here, in the shower, thinking of her, and masturbating.
It was rarely the same memory he thought of. This morning it was their fourth date, the first time they made love. Her father was out of town and didn't know about him. She invited him over and when he arrived he found little notes she had left to guide him to her. Another great thing about Daphne was that she always left her panties lying around when he came over. She knew he had a wild panty fetish and was more than happy to feed it.
That night, Daphne had left three pairs of her panties in a trail for Jeff to follow to the back yard. He picked up each one separately and brought them to his face, deeply inhaling and losing himself in the odor of Daphne's musk. By the time he got to the back yard, he was mad with lust. Then he finally found her waiting for him in the jacuzzi, tastefully surrounded with orchids, and she was nude.
As Jeff came, he realized how sad his life had become. He had to stop this. He needed to find someone new. He was thirty three, not exactly in his prime, but he'd heard a lot of rumors flying around at work about female coworkers talking about him. Jeff thought long and hard as he dried himself. Maybe it was time he find someone new. Pining away was no way to live life. Yes, he thought, today he would implement a new mindset. He was going to find someone new and it was all going to work out wonderfully. Though he didn't sincerely believe this, he felt that optimism counted even when it did nothing but mask a biting depression.
At work, Jeff sat at his desk and watched the women passing by. Some were attractive, but none really caught his eye. He couldn't help but compare them to Daphne, and she was the height of pulchritude in every way to him. Surely these women here were special in their own right, but Daphne was the ultimate woman in his eyes. Before he knew it, Five o clock arrived and he'd had no success. He hadn't even done any work, but it was the least of his worries. He trudged to his car in the parking lot and the drive across the traffic ridden freeway was worse than any other. He got home at Seven and saw his neighbor Barney arriving home at the same time.
"Hi, Barney. How're things?"
Barney furrowed his unibrow. God, what an ugly motherfucker. With an ugly bitch wife. Okay, his wife was actually very nice, as was Barney, but damn, were they ugly. "Well, pal," Barney began, "My wife and I are leaving town for the weekend. I wanted to know if you'd watch over Karen."
Two things hit Jeff then. First he thought, 'Well I'll be damned, it's Friday', and then 'He's that protective of his dog?'
Barney shuffled his feet. "I think your poodle will be fine by herself for the weekend, Barney," Jeff laughed.
"No," Barney went on. "Karen's my daughter."
Jeff laughed even more, slightly embarassed but even more suprised. "You have a daughter?!"
"God," Jeff went on, "I've known you for three years and I knew all about your dog, but I had no idea you had a daughter."
Confusion swept over Barney's face. "You've never seen her?"
"Hmph," Barney mumbled. "Well, now you know what I'm asking. Could you?"
Jeff nodded. "Sure," he smiled. "It's not like I've got the most startlingly important agenda."
Barney smiled. "Thank you, Jeff. Just check on her at night, please. She slept over at a friend's house once and there was a break in. She kinda spooks really easy, you know?"
That's fucked up, he thought.
"It's cool," Jeff answered. "I'll take care of it. Just you and Betty enjoy yourselves."
With that, they parted. Once inside, Jeff began laughing uncontrollably. He pondered about how ugly she must be. With those parents......ugh! He shuddered at the thought. According to his watch, it was Seven fifteen. He had plenty of time for a couple Heinekens and a couple hours of shitty television. Another night like this, he thought, and he'd go insane.
At Ten, he figured that now was a decent time to go check on Slymenstra. He walked over there and knocked on the door. As expected, a gawky, freckled, glasses and braces adorned girl answered. "Hi," she said, her voice so nasal that he nearly laughed in her face. "You must be Jeff."
Jeff nodded, holding back his snickers. Then he saw the girl behind her. Her flowing black hair was almost enough to get him hard on its own merit. Her bright blue eyes, cute little mouth, and tight body wrapped up in a tight blouse and skirt helped, too. 'Damn, he thought, 'Karen's friend is hot.'
"Wilma, what the hell are you doing?" barked the more attractive of the two girls. "Sorry, Karen," the other girl shrunk back. A big smile smeared itself on Jeff's face. Karen glanced up and down Jeff's body, and quickly looked back at Wilma. "Don't answer my door!"
Wilma shrunk back further. "Sorry..."
"So," Jeff began, "I'm sure you know why I'm here."
Karen flipped her hair and got Jeff more erect than he'd been in years. "Yes," she smiled. "I know. I really appreciate it. Dad gave me your number, so I hope you don't mind if I use it."
Jeff tried unsuccessfully to deflect her contagious grin. "Hey, that's what I'm here for," he said. "Well, I'm just checking up on things, so I guess I'll go."
"No," Karen replied, grabbing his arm as he began walking off. He couldn't tell if it was just that it had been so long since he had been with a woman or that her skin really was that soft. "Why don't you stay for a bit?"
"Well, it looks like you're already in the middle of something," Jeff uttered. "I wouldn't want to intrude."
"Don't be silly," Karen said, pulling him into the house.
She shut the door and smiled a sultry smile at Jeff, though it was very brief and very subtle. "You want you watch TV with us?" she asked him coyly, her finger in her mouth. Wilma was already seated at the couch in front of the television, occasionally stealing a glance at the two of them. Karen arched her back to flatter her chest and moved a little closer to Jeff. Everything about this girl he just met was driving him wild. That was the key word, though; girl. She was just too young for him. "Uh...can I use your bathroom?" he asked nervously. She nodded dreamily and he rushed into the hallway in search of it. Once he found it, he closed the door and locked it. His cock was burgeoning in his pants, and his arousal was beyond his own comprehension. Then he saw them - a pair of panties on the floor. Immediately he dropped to his knees and brought them to his face, sniffing voraciously. They reeked of a distinct musk that only a young gorgeous girl can produce. With that, he unbuttoned his pants, pulled his throbbing member out and started beating away. With her panties in his face, he came in no time, experiencing what was easily the most intense climax he'd had in a very long while. He absent mindedly slipped the panties into his pocket, flushed the toilet, and walked out. She stood at the end of the hall as though she had been waiting for him. "So, you want to stay?" she asked.
"I-I'd better not," Jeff stuttered. "I'll see you later, Karen."
With that he left quickly and hurried into his house. He pulled the panties out of his pocket and brought them to his face again. God, they smelled so good. He was already getting hard again and he had just jacked off. Jeff rushed upstairs and looked out the window to see Wilma leaving. He started chuckling to himself, having thought she was Karen. He couldn't stop thinking about her. Even the sound of her name was orgasmic. Karen. Karen. He kept thinking it to himself until the word lost its meaning and all he remembered was that gorgeous body. As he got into his room, he looked out his window and got even more excited. Her bedroom was directly across from his, and apparently she was getting ready for bed. He didn't bother turning the light on for fear that she'd see him. He also cursed himself for not noticing this sooner. It wasn't like he had a wife who'd yell at him.
She casually unbuttoned and removed her blouse, heading to a dresser and she began rummaging for something. In the midst of this, Karen slipped out of her tight black skirt, shaking her ass seductively as she did so. Her pert tits filled out her black brassiere nicely, with mounds of flesh filling up the top. Her matching black panties were occupied by a plump, juicy little ass that Jeff ached to reach out and grab. And the skin, that beautiful, creamy skin from the bottom of her bra to the top of her panties. He remembered when she grabbed his arm, how smooth her skin was. Her belly was ever so slightly rounded, and her petite little belly button was in the midst of this sweet perfection. She reached back and unsnapped her bra and kind of posed, with the bra in one hand, as her tits came free. Jeff didn't dare touch his cock during any of this because he knew he'd cum the second he'd rub it. Her breasts were positively perfect. They were high and firm without a hint of sag or over fullness, adorned with rosy nipples, each one surrounded by a perfect pink ring. Jeff was in heaven.
Karen pulled a nightie out of the drawer and laid it out on her bed. She examined herself in the mirror, much like Jeff was bathing her with his eyes. Suddenly she bent down for something, her beautiful ass in perfect view. She remained bent over for a good while, and then very slowly rose back up, holding another nightie. She looked as though she was trying to decide which to wear, but then she slipped the first one, which looked much like a red teddy, over her head. God, she looked so hot in it, but something told Jeff to wait a little longer.
Karen sat in a chair facing Jeff's window and reached her hand down inside her panties. Slowly she pulled them down to her knees, and they slid down very slowly. Jeff was sweating like a pig, her musky panties on his ever growing lap. Was she going to masturbate? It seemed certain, and Jeff shivered at the thought.
Then she took the shear nightie off, much to Jeff's surprise. She opened her legs slowly, exposing herself unknowingly(?) to him. Karen licked two fingers and pulled her pussy lips apart, her wetness glistening.
She slid a third finger inside herself and moved it around, her other hand fondling her breasts. Soon the finger came out and moved up the slit to her clit. She rubbed it in small circles, slowly at first, then faster and faster. That was when she opened her eyes, looked up, and looked right in Jeff's direction. Their eyes met and she spread her legs as far apart as she could. She started jerking violently in the chair in orgasm, in Jeff's mind all for him. He couldn't take anymore. He pulled his swollen prick out and wrapped it up in her panties. He started jerking off roughly and came quickly, neither of their glances wavering. It seemed like she saw him, and it excited him even more. This time it was more incredible than before, and Jeff was amazed. Overcome with lust to the point that he didn't know what he was doing, he licked her used panties clean. The mere thought disgusted him normally, but now his body was taken over by a powerful force. "God damn, I need that woman," he muttered to himself.
The next morning Jeff woke up with Karen's panties in his hand. Then he remembered what he did. After running to the bathroom and brushing his teeth three times, he relaxed and sat back down on his bed. He wondered if Karen knew he was watching. No, she couldn't - his room had been pitch black. She had made it evident that she was interested in him, so maybe he had been her inspiration last night. Then he noticed something. He hadn't had that dream. That was the first night in a good week that he'd slept peacefully. Relaxed, he stepped into the shower and for the first time in three years, he didn't feel the need to masturbate. He felt the best he'd felt in a long time. With any luck, his morals would fall asleep at the wheel the next time she called.
Jeff dried off and clothed himself before he heard the phone ring. Cheerfully, he walked over and picked it up. "Hello?"
"Yeah, is this Karen?"
"Yeah. I was wondering if you'd like to come over for breakfast."
"Oh, yeah. Definitely."
"Okay, come on over. Bye."
Jeff hung up the phone and felt like a giddy schoolgirl. He pranced around the room like a fairy and squeaked out ridiculous giggles. As soon as he was able to compose himself again, he walked over to Karen's.
He knocked on the door a tad hesitantly, thinking about the night before. Did she know he had been watching her? He didn't get to ponder these thoughts for long however, as Karen answered the door. She was dressed in tight blue jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt that exposed her navel. She wore no make up, but looked just as good as she had the night before. She leaned against the door somewhat seductively as she smiled at him. "So aren't you going to come in?"
Jeff laughed at his own sudden nervousness. His throat contracted to flush the saliva flowing through his mouth. "Yeah," he finally said. Jeff walked in and she shut the door behind him. "This way," she said softly, leading him to the room past the living room into the kitchen. Her jeans greatly accentuated her lower body and Jeff was having difficulty looking away. Of course, her upper body was an arresting vision as well; she wore no bra, so her nipples poked through the fabric of her shirt. Her bare stomach was possibly the most beautiful part of her, though. Her taut tummy, dressed in white flesh, centered by her tiny belly button. Just absolutely perfect.
Karen led him to a small round table with two plates and a stack of pancakes in their middle. She sat in one of the two chairs and told him to sit as well. "Wow, thanks," Jeff said, bewildered. "This looks really good."
Karen smiled. "Maybe it's just me, but breakfast alone is no fun," she giggled. Jeff grinned in response. "Yeah."
For a good half hour they talked over breakfast. It had been quite a while since Jeff had breakfast with anyone else, and it felt good. Especially with someone like Karen. Not just her gorgeous looks, but her personality matched Daphne's almost perfectly. It had been a half hour, maybe longer, until a silence introduced itself and hung over them like a fog.
Jeff spoke up in an attempt to break the silence. "So, how old are you, anyway?"
Jeff was actually quite surprised. "You're nineteen and your parents have people watch over you while they're away?"
"Well," Karen mumbled, "I'm kind of the jumpy type. I hear noises at night and I freak out."
She wrinkled up her nose. "I know it sounds real childish, but-" "No," Jeff cut in, "not at all." He said his next words carefully. "Barney told me about that night."
"Oh." She smiled weakly and nodded. "So.. are you finished?"
Jeff helped Karen clean up, thanked her once again, and left rather happy. 'Damn, she's nineteen,' he thought. He couldn't believe she was legal. He didn't know what to do about it, though. Once he got inside his own house, he marched up to his room and grabbed her panties. He pulled his pants down in his bedroom and rubbed his cock with them, thinking about what it would've been like if he'd just thrown all that shit off of the table and took her right there. Her panties felt really good on his rod, and he wondered why he didn't try to get another pair. He decided that the next time she called, he'd go over there and get some more, a pair that had a fresh helping of her wonderful odor. As he came he thought of what her face looked like the night before, when she brought herself to an orgasm seated in that chair.
Karen called again at about the same time he went over the night before, around Nine. She was really the only one who would call him, so when the phone rang he grew very excited. "Hello?" he answered. "Hey, Karen replied. "Look, I heard something, could you just come over and check it out real fast?"
Jeff couldn't refuse. After all this was what he'd been asked to do. "Sure," he told her. "I'll be right over."
He hung up, grabbed a flashlight from the closet, and headed over. Her house was completely dark except for her room, and she stuck her head out the window. "I think it was in the back yard," she called. Jeff nodded and walked around to the back. Not surprisingly, it was their dog. It was chasing a cat around the back yard and then the cat finally ran off. He walked back to the front of the house to tell her that it was nothing, but her light was off. Soon after he noticed this, a light went on in the living room, and the front door opened. There she stood in the doorway, looking relieved that Jeff was there. "Well, what was it?" she asked. "Nothing," he responded. "Just a cat and your dog."
"Oh," she said. "Well, I was about to have a cup of something warm, I'm not sure what yet, though. You want to join me?"
Jeff smiled at this. "Yeah, actually I would," he told her as he stepped inside. "I'm not sure if I'm in the mood for coffee or hot chocolate," she grinned. Jeff was in heaven just looking at her, clothed or not. She just had such a beautiful face, set off by the most gorgeous cascades of black hair imaginable. Her bright blue jewel eyes shone like a rat's in the dark, but in an exquisite manner. Her lips, even, were of utmost perfection; puffy and full, and yet her mouth was so petite and adorable. Yes, her heart shaped face was simply immaculate. Jeff had difficulty averting his eyes, but he managed to do so to deliver a fitting response to her statement. "Hot chocolate would probably taste better," he suggested. "You know what, you're right," she told him.
With inadvertent grace she walked into the kitchen. Every movement her body made shackled his mind and had him mesmerized, not necessarily with lust, but an extreme infatuation. "You know, you can sit on the couch or something," she called back. Feeling silly, he sat. Soon she returned with two steaming cups. Karen placed them on the coffee table in front of the couch and sat beside him. She hadn't changed since breakfast, and all those thoughts about ripping those particular garments off of her on the kitchen table were still fresh in his mind. She took a sip of her drink.
"Thanks for coming," she told him in between sips. "Thank you for the drink," he replied, taking a sip himself. Tension built up inside him like a steam-powered engine. Nothing was said, they just drank their hot chocolate and caught each other glancing at one another. As Jeff neared the end of his drink, he mustered up the testicular fortitude he needed. He continued looking up and down her body, and this time when she caught him, he didn't look away. Their eyes met, and within seconds Jeff leaned over and kissed her. He kissed her with a passion that he could only get from her, and as she writhed pleasantly underneath him, he could tell she felt the same way. As their lips encased their dueling tongues, Jeff lowered his hands to Karen's jeans, while hers lowered to undo his own. As he pushed her pants down, he sat up, looking at her. "God, you're so beautiful," he breathed. Karen pulled her shirt off and stretched out beneath him, lifting her waist up against Jeff's crotch. Her panties were lacy and red, and they looked really hot. Nearly shivering in excitement, he reached for Karen's waist. The feel of her skin against his fingertips sent a shock up his arm. Her skin was so creamy and soft, and the feel of it almost burned his fingers. Jeff hooked his thumbs in the elastic of her panties and started pulling gingerly. The thought burned his mind; that he was going to have sex for the first time in years, and it was going to be with this goddess. As they came down, a warm musky smell he recognized emanated from her quim. As he pulled them down more, the smell intensified, getting Jeff harder than he ever thought he could get. He felt like he could drive nails with his hard on. Her vaginal lips were puffy and a little wet. Jeff was in a reverie. He got her panties down to her ankles and pulled them off, quickly bringing them to his face. Masturbating just didn't do justice for how her panties smelled. Slightly dizzy from sensation, he pulled his engorged cock out of his boxers and gently pressed the head against Karen's clit. "Oooh," she gasped. "That feels so good."