This Isn't a Romance Novel Ch. 04

Nia woke up with a groan. Her head was pounding and she was disorientated. She realized she on was on the ground in the middle of the woods and her hands were duct taped behind her. Then her last memories came rushing back. Her mother was the Booty Slayer. It wasn't some horrible dream.

"It took you long enough to wake the fuck up," Donna said putting a shovel down. She was digging a hole. Evidently to put Nia in. Donna wasn't a young woman, so she was perspiring heavily.

Nia got up on her knees. "Mom, you don't have to do this. We can get you help!"

"Little girl, the only thing I need help with is digging your grave, but obviously you can't be trusted to help do that, so sit your ass down," Donna growled.

"Why? Before you bury me alive, I just want to know why?" Nia asked sadly.

Donna turned to face her. "Why? I'll tell you a story just like I used to. Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Donna. She didn't know who her father was. Her mother couldn't tell her because apparently she was too loose to narrow it down. All the other little boys and girls would tease Donna. They might not have a daddy living with them, but they knew a name. Skip a head to high school when Donna's hoe mama got caught fucking the white principal in his office by his wife. Big scandal! Even Donna's church friends snickered about Donna's mama being a white man's whore. Two weeks later, Donna's mother fell down the stairs of the apartment building snapping her neck. Just clumsy!"

"You killed grandma?" Nia yelled interrupting Donna's third person recounting of events. Nia had obviously never met the woman and only knew what little Donna had told her, but it was shocking to hear someone confess to killing her own mother in a roundabout way. Nia suspected her mother was using third person to distance herself from the events. Like it was some other person doing it.

"I don't interrupt me, little girl. Then Donna met Milton Johnson. He was a little older than her, so he seemed mature and like he could take care of Donna. Then came marriage, nursing school for Donna and two beautiful girls. But Milton couldn't seem to keep it in his pants and everyone whispered about it. Donna couldn't go to the grocery store without a cashier giving her a pitying look, but Donna took it. She told herself this is what men do. They cheat and she had to endure it so her daughters wouldn't have to be mocked in school. But then Milton said he was leaving Donna for some tramp in Springfield. A white girl named Autumn who was only 20 fucking years old. He said he'd do his best with child support, but since he was planning to start a new family with Autumn and her tight cooter, not to expect much. It is one thing to get cheated on. It is another to be left. A woman who is cheated on at least has a husband. A divorced woman might as well stick her head in the oven. So Milton had to have a fatal heart attack and Donna made sure his Homegoing was lovely and that her two daughters felt loved in a way Donna had never felt herself."

Tears fell down Nia's cheek. She knew her father had cheated, but she didn't know he had been planning on abandoning the family. Her mother was definitely the more active parent. Her father was always distant like he was going through the motions. It was devastating to hear this and know her mother killed her father.

"Life went on. LaToya become a P.I. and met some pompous white lawyer. He seemed to look down on Donna, but since he treated her daughter like she farted rainbows, she put up with it. Even when they got married in a courthouse like some homosexual couple with no money, Donna only made a minor fuss. Then her favorite daughter Nia got engaged to a weatherman named Earl. Sure, he was light-skinned, but he didn't look at Donna like she was annoying and stupid. He treated her with respect and even was willing to get married in her church. Everything was going great for Donna. Then some little Wendy's burgers looking bitch had her face in his booty and humiliated Donna in front of her family and friends. The whispers and pitying looks were too much for her to take."

Nia knew her mother cared a lot about what other people thought of her and Nia and LaToya, but this was nuts. And probably where Nia got her people pleasing tendencies. If she survived, she was making an appointment with a therapist.

"Donna had a spare key made on sly after her daughter moved in with Earl. She had done so with her other daughter and ended up seeing a big white penis and getting yelled at for it. She didn't go to Earl's townhouse to hurt him. The opposite. She wanted to see if he could try to convince Nia to take him back. She heard from a co-worker who was eating at the sports bar with the horrible name that her daughter was dining with a handsome white man. Donna put up with one daughter marrying a white man. Two daughters marrying white men would reflect poorly on Donna. Like she had raised them to reject black men and her community," Donna said in a choked voice.

Nia braced herself for the next part of the story that she was coming. What she had already heard was enough to keep her in therapy for the rest of her life.

"When Donna used the key to she had made to get in, she didn't expect to hear Earl having sex upstairs. She certainly didn't expect to hear him calling the woman mommy. Donna was shocked. Her daughter had almost married into this family. If anyone found out, it would be bigger than any other scandal she had faced in her life. Incest! She had worked so hard to have a good reputation and she wasn't going to let some perverts make her a joke. Donna hid in the kitchen, but then Carol and Earl started arguing about his drug use and him fucking other women. Carol said he should be mommy's little boy and not a Booty Slayer. Carol left and Earl went into the kitchen to get some water, but he didn't see me hiding behind the island in the kitchen. I saw the rolling pin I got you for Christmas last year and picked it up and whacked him over the head. While he was moaning on the floor, I got my gloves out of my purse and picked up a kitchen knife and got to making my problem go away."

"Why write Booty Slayer in blood on the backsplash above the oven? Why play 'Goodbye Earl' on a loop?" Nia asked trying not to throw up.

"I wanted to make it look like some crazy white guy had done it. I've watched some true crime. No one would suspect a middle aged black woman had done that. Unfortunately, you and your sister had to barge in there after I left and make yourself a prime suspect," Donna seethed.

"Yeah, I was pretty dumb of me to go get my shit and not magically know a dead body was in there. My bad." Donna didn't notice, but Nia had spent the last few minutes using her nails to work on getting out of the duct tape. She bet it was a cheap brand. "What about Patty? How did you even know about her?"

"I put a GPS tracker under LaToya's truck. When I saw her hightailing it out of there, I decided to have a chat with the woman and when she mentioned telling your sister about a sordid accident, she had to die. I couldn't let her repeat that story to the police after I killed Earl to keep people from finding out. I did feel bad about it though. The sponge cake she made was delicious."

"You killed her and ate her cake?!" Killing someone was horrible enough, but taking the victim's food just added an extra layer of insane cruelty.

"You know I don't believe in wasting food, Nia. She wasn't going to eat it, so I did. I think it was respectful of me to honor her baking like that. Now enough talking. I have to dig this hole a little more and then you're going in."

"Mom, people will look for me. You know LaToya and Dillon will ask you where I am and why we didn't attend Earl's funeral. Henry will have questions as well since we're supposed to go out tonight. Not to mention the media will pick up my disappearance. Don't do this," Nia pleaded.

"LaToya and that white bread husband can ask questions all they want, but I'll just say you ran off with some new white guy. The police will believe it because they are very dumb. The media might cover it for half a day, but you're black, sweetie. You're not some pretty white girl who will have people busting their asses to find you. As for Henry, he's only known you for a week. He'll move on. It is too bad you had to be nosey. You could have had some Blasian babies that I could have shown off to all my friends. Oh, well. I guess I'll have to just get my grandbabies from your sister," Donna said nonchalantly while digging.

"So I have to die just so people don't think badly about you?! Mom, everyone has opinions, but you can't let them run your life. That's how I got into this mess. I got caught up in the 'What will other people think?' game that you taught me. If you're just constantly worried about the opinions of others, you aren't living your life. You're living the life you think that other people want you to live. Don't do this."

Donna turned back around. "You talk about it like it is simple. 'Follow your dreams!' 'You're great just how you are!' Life isn't some romance novel bullshit. What other people think of you is who you are. It determines what kind of job you'll get, your dating prospects, where you'll be allowed to live, your friends, whether or not people will call the cops on you for having a barbecue in a public park, whether the doctor will believe you when you say you're in pain. We can't afford to not care about how other people perceive us!"

Nia couldn't argue with that, so she had to tackle this emotionally. "But to kill your own daughter. Mom, I know you love me. I remember you giving me Vapo Rub when I was sick and you'd dig out a bootleg copy of Brandy's Cinderella burned onto a DVD for us to watch together. You're the one who taught me about how to take care of my hair and finding the right bra because the women in our family were blessed and cursed. You were the one yelling 'That's my baby!' after I sang 'Lift Every Voice and Sing' at the school talent show. I love you, Mom. Despite all of this, I still love you."

Donna was weeping as she was digging the grave and paused. "I love you too. You're my baby, but your death is what's best for the family. What will happen if I'm arrested? You and LaToya will be the daughters of a serial killer. You will be shunned. People will wonder if you're like your mama. Dillon made partner at that fancy firm this year. You think they'd still want him there if this became public? He'd grow to resent your sister and would leave her for some 22 year old named Brittany with perky titties. And handsome Henry wouldn't stick around for you. He doesn't need that kind of baggage. You and LaToya would end up alone and working as janitors in some office building. I'd be in prison with no friends and no visitors. Just waiting to die. It is better for everyone that you die. Including you."

There was no reasoning with her. Nia was going to need to save herself. With all her might, she pulled and broke free from the duct tape and stood up the duct tape falling to the ground. Donna heard it and turned to face her daughter. "Maybe next time get a different brand," Nia said squaring off with her mother. She could run and get help, but her mother would get away and could hurt more people. She had to fight her mother.

Donna ran at her daughter and swung the shovel at her head. Nia ducked just in the nick of time. "You think you're bad, little girl? I'll beat the brakes off you!" Donna raised the shovel again, but before she could bring it down, Nia swept her legs sending her spiraling to the ground. Donna's wig flew off as well. Nia grabbed the shovel. Donna got up groaning, picked up her wig and threw it at Nia's face and then made a grab for the shovel. Nia wasn't letting go of the shovel and shook the wig off her face.

"Let it go. I promise I'll make your death as painless as I can manage," Donna promised trying to pull the shovel away.

"Did you tell Earl that before you stabbed him 29 times? Fuck you and your cheap wig, Mom!" Nia's black dress was fairly loose, so she had enough freedom to kick and that she did. Kicked her mom right in her pussy.

Donna stumbled backwards howling in pain and Nia swung the shovel hitting her mother in the head and sending her falling into the grave she dug herself. Nia turned to find two lesbian hikers staring at her horror.

"I promise she was the bad guy in this situation. And feel free to call 911!"

************

LaToya woke up bound and gagged sitting on a metal chair in the Riley family basement. She saw Edwina looking at her smugly and some muscle bound white man with a face that resembled a foot. A woman in a wheelchair got the drop on her. She was never going to live this down.

"Oh, good. Your lazy ass is finally awake. I bet you're wondering why I kidnapped you. Well, my mother is dead set on having a grandson. She wants me to have a baby. Me! I know. What a dumb cunt waffle. But she wants an 18 year old grandson to be banging her in her dotage. I remembered you and that Clark Kent looking husband being handsy at the church last week and talking about breeding, so you came to my mind. If you're already knocked up, I'll just pretend I'm pregnant in public and in nine months, my Dad will deliver your baby. He is an OB/GYN. I know he's a total pussy who let his wife cuckold him with her son, but he's a good doctor. Then after that, well, I guess you fertilize the plants in the backyard. I know what you're thinking. 'Edwina, what happens if I'm not pregnant?' Great question! Then Chet here gets you pregnant. I'd just have to buy him a new TV. I know. It is insulting that he needs a new TV just to be incentivized to rape you, but capitalism. Is that a new dress? Great funeral titties," Edwina said with a laugh.

LaToya was furious and scared. This was the happiest she had ever seen Edwina and it was because she was plotting to steal her baby and murder her. And have her raped if she wasn't already pregnant. If she got out of these chains, she was going to make sure Edwina paid.

Edwina had LaToya's cellphone in her hands. "First we have to ditch your husband. I'm going to try real hard to write this text in your voice. 'Dillon, I'm leaving you. I met this nigga at the bank and he seems real dope. Lets me peg him and whip him. I'm leaving the country with him to purse a career as a dominatrix. I shall think of your big white dick fondly. Xoxo, LaToya' There. I think that sounds like you." Edwina rolled away to the elevator to join the mourners gathered at her house.

LaToya felt hopeful after Edwina sent that text. No way would Dillon buy that bullshit and better yet, she had the phone app that let him know her phone's location.

************

Dillon sat in his office at home catching up on some work emails when he heard his phone ping with a text. The instant he saw the text he knew it wasn't written by LaToya. She would never say the N-word in a text to him. She only used that word with black people she felt comfortable with, so basically only Nia and three friends from high school. She definitely wouldn't be excited by a man that was submissive to her during sex. She'd also never call his cock a big white dick. They both know it is white. It is just redundant to say it. And finally, she'd never dump him via text. LaToya was not a passive person. She'd do it right to his face.

Dillon went to the Where My Bitch At?! app and saw that LaToya's phone was at Robinson Street. It took him a minute, but he remembered that was where Earl's parents and Edwina lived. He dialed 911 quickly. "Hi, my name is Dillon Wilson and I have reason to believe my wife is being held against her will."

***********

Nia sat in the exact same police interrogation room she had a week ago. She really hoped this was the last time. It was bad enough she'd probably end up talking to Keith Morrison on Dateline about her mom being a serial killer, but having to explain to cops who just happen to be very dumb the situation is nerve racking.

Henry entered. "We really have to stop meeting like this, Nia," Henry joked, but then grew serious wincing at the bruising on Nia's face. "How's your head?"

"I haven't had any complaints and I hope to show you soon. I can't blow you in a police station, can I?" An EMT had already cleared Nia and she didn't have a concussion, so she felt free to joke.

"Unfortunately, no. It is frowned upon for clients to fellate lawyers in a police station. Prudes! Now tell me everything about what happened with your mother and then we'll clear it up with the detectives and then we'll get some food. I take it you aren't up for the five star restaurant I was planning for our date?" Henry asked.

"Nope. I want Chipotle. And you will pay extra to get me guac on my burrito because I'm worth it," Nia grinned feeling happy for the first time since her confrontation with her mother.

An hour later, Henry walked Nia to his car. Thankfully, the cops believed Donna was the killer. It helped that Donna still had the poison she used on Patty in her purse. When Henry opened the passenger side door for Nia, his phone pinged with a text that he cursed at when he saw. "Nia, Chipotle is going to have to wait. Dillon thinks the Riley family has kidnapped LaToya."

"Well, then I guess we're going to rescue my sister."

*************

"The police aren't going to do shit. They say LaToya hasn't been missing long for a Missing Persons report and that text really could have been from her, which we all know is bullshit. The only reason I haven't stormed in that house is I'm 100% sure they'd call the cops and I wouldn't get her back. I can't lose her," Dillon said with tears in his eyes.

"I've got an idea. I'll go in and tell Carol and Andre about Mom being the one who killed Earl. You two will come in with me like you're emotionally supporting me. Henry, you distract Edwina by hitting on her. Dillon, while the weirdos are distracted, you take the elevator to the basement which is the most likely place they'd have her with all those guests," Nia ordered.

"Why do I have to be the one who hits on Edwina? Won't it look strange that I'm hitting on a wheelchair bound woman after her brother's funeral? I've never even met her," Henry protested.

"Henry, a man hitting on a woman during a completely inappropriate occasion is the most natural thing in the world," Nia said patting his arm. "Just don't poke her, British bastard."

Dillon looked at the two of them like they were stupid. "Inside joke," Nia explained. "Now lets get in there."

Nia rang the doorbell with Henry and Dillon by her side. Carol opened the door. "Nia, you missed the funeral! And I don't see any oatmeal raisin cookies," Carol chastised.

"I'm sorry, Carol, but my Mom was the one who killed Earl," Nia cried.

Carol acted surprised, but she already knew. It wasn't her or her husband or daughter. Nia didn't have the temperament for cold-blooded murder. LaToya and Dillon had an alibi. Matt didn't have a reason to kill Earl despite the prostitution ring that he made to get new clients. Carol figured it out after the witness of the car accident that paralyzed Edwina was murdered. Donna was the only person left who made sense. And she actually appreciated Donna murdering Earl. He was getting out of control with his drugs and whoring. Better to wait for a new family member to satisfy her. She could be patient.

Carol ushered them in and took Nia off to talk with Andre. Henry looked around for Edwina and saw her in a corner dipping Pringles into a tiny bowl of mayo. Instead of wearing a Halle Berry wig, Edwina had switched it up with a Beyoncé wig that you'd probably find at Party City for $20. Henry sighed as he braced himself to pretend he was attracted to her.

"Thanks for taking one for the team, man. Remember, use protection. You don't want to be tied to this family," Dillon joked patting Henry on the back and laughing.