Thorne Ch. 10

"Are you saying that your family doesn't love you?" Adrianna asked.

"I'm not saying that, but they want me to be something that I'm not. I am who I am and if they love me they have to accept that."

"So they're supposed to accept your behavior because they're family and it's alright for you to continue to act like a bitch? I don't know, but that doesn't sound right to me. At any rate, I have an observation for you- you don't like yourself. It's more than that- you don't love nor do you respect yourself. The way that you treat others is a projection of what you feel for yourself. I've also noticed that on several occasions, a nicer you appears and you're actually likable. Then something happens and it goes back into hiding... it's almost like you become afraid to be that person... why is that?"

"Don't you have a paper or something to write?" Barb interrupted uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Actually, I do," Adrianna said with a smile, "but allow me to leave you with this one piece of advice- talk to someone. It doesn't matter whether they're human or vampire. What's important is that you begin to deal with your fear..."

"I'm not afraid of anything," Barb said firmly.

"You should be," Adrianna said as she stood up. "I'm going to take a shower- Cheung-my mate will be here shortly."

"Cheung?" Barb asked. "What kind of name is that?

"My mate happened to be Chinese," Adrianna replied. "I'll be back shortly."

After Adrianna left, Barb tried to go back to her online shopping. She gave up after a few minutes and opened her documents.

"Stupid," she muttered as she read through her plans for trapping Thorne. "Stupid," she muttered again as she read the next document. For the first time since arriving in California; she began to accept her part in what happened in her life. It wasn't anything that anyone said exactly. It was the fact that Thorne had never laid the entire situation at her feet as she had tried to do with him. It was the fact that Gene accepted his part in the failure of his marriage and his life. Even Leon acknowledged that he had done wrong and had hurt their parents horribly. Then there were the Sinclaires. They were a family of rapists. That they were taught that it was their right and whatever other crap they were fed didn't change what they were but- but yet they announced it to the vampire world how wrong they were and took responsibility for it.

The question she asked herself was why she couldn't do the same. Why couldn't she say that much of what happened to her was of her own doing?

"Because it's much easier to blame others," the voice said softly and went silent.

Barb deleted the documents without rereading them and looked at the phone. She stared at it for several minutes before she picked it up. When it rang for the first time, she hung up. Several minutes later, she picked the phone up and dialed. Once again she hung up. The third time, she let it ring and waited for it to be answered.

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