Three Finger Bobb, Space Trooper

Green Armed Penis, Loaded for Hookers

Chapter Three

Trooper Bobb entered the "No Shit" platoon capsule under the sign that said.

No Poopy

No Gas

All shitter's must ring the shit bell

"Hi, Top Shit. Trooper Bobb reporting for duty, Sir."

"That's Mr. Top Shit to you. Welcome aboard Trooper. If you ever call me Sir again I will kick you so hard in the weapons loading area that you will pray that you can wipe your ass again. My rank is WO-3, warrant officer grade three. That means that you can call me Mr. You can call me Gunner. Do not call me for chow. My ass is a certified class three weapons loading system, with the beta upgrade to warning sensors and ECC electronic counter countermeasure detectors and ADS active dispenser systems."

"No Shit, Mr."

"You are now the lowest ranking weapons man, and the dumbest in my unit. I hear that the Commander likes you and wants you on the front line ASAP. Are you an ass kisser? Do you puff peter? I think that you are a major sycophant. Are you trying to pull rank on me?

"Gunner, the last time I shit was when I took my battle dump. I think that was about two weeks ago. I was chopping up them Greenie's like an auto feed Morbark beeveer 12 chipper.

"No Shit"

"No Shit"

"Let's see what like of weapon you are packing, whip it out."

Bobb demonstrates his fast unholstering technique. His three fingered green penis immediately pops the one finger salute (Bird) to the Gunner.

"Holy, No Shit! You got an "88" that's the Top Gun during WW11 before the Greenie's."

"My penis is fully articulated, hydraulic loaded. Fires a 5.62 tungsten ceramic dovetail. Cartridge system is internal and auto reloads the cartridge charge on a rotating carousal. I can carry an external pod pack of three thousand detonator tips that load where my asshole used to be. My power pack is certified for 100 years or 100 battles whichever comes first.

Gunner nods his head and says, ""Yeah, the "No Shit" days of friendly battles where we chop each other up and battle patch and heal are over. You are going to put a lot of space holes in our little green battle buddies.""

""Gunner is everyone in your unit "No Shitter's" like me.""

"Yeah, they tore you a new ass hole. They threw out your stomach and guts. Your hearts new side kick is the 100 series power pack. Your entire stomach cavity is the weapons storage and control area. Your green alien arm penis has been bore hardened and liquid cooled."

"What the hell happened to my balls? My pecker wasn't the biggest in the battle pod but I had a major set of balls."

"Most likely they are residing under the chin of some battled hardened Greenie. That's the favored spot the Greenie's like the planet of surgeons to heal them to. I guess the Greenie females tickle the males chin and they spit in her face."

"Damn that's sad, the hookers used to call me Bobb the Wad, I kept them supplied with face and eye wrinkle remover protein hormone extract."

"No Shit."

"No Shit."

"Let's do a scan and see what you are packing."

The Gunner's penis sweeps back and forth several times. The Gunner looks at his palm reader.

"Trooper Bobb, the Commander loves you like a son. You are fully loaded for the planet of the hookers."

"You get your reload-able ass over to the pre-hooker briefing center. They will load you with everything you need to know for effective fucking. They will teach you how to pee."

"Gunner, what do they got loaded?"

"The entire hooker pleasure load, hardware only. You got, pre-cum lube deluxe squirt package, with the nipple extension. Different favored cum cartridge, looks like 30 packs of each flavor. Titty lube, ear lube, hand lube, butt lube. Viagra auto loader. Erectile tissue moisturerizers. Tongue ring wax. Pheromone mist."

"Sign out a medical hooker kit. It will prevent you from getting, NSU, clap, syif, V-warts, clamie, shankroids, crabs, herpies, A-AIDS and green crud."

"How long do I have on the hooker world?"

"100 hours or 100 hookers, whichever comes first."

"Damn it sounds like space trooper heaven. Why am I not all hard and horny, and shooting a trooper load in my space holster right now?"

""No Shit, you really are dumb. Get your stupid "No Shit" ass over to the software capsule they will dump in the hooker planet software. Tell them you want the 100 hour trooper package, with the rubber sheet special.""

"Trooper, several things you need to know." You will be refresh/loaded with this info at the departure gate."

1. The commander does not like you. He likes your penis. You fuck up, he gets your dick.

2. Do not go into the off limits Greenie area.

3. Remember that your ass is a top secret classified weapons port. Keep your ass covered at all times. Your ass is chip loaded for "need to know" only. Any thing that attempts an entry will blow up your ass.

4. If your ass blows up, you will pay for the rebuilt with personal battle funds.

"Trooper Bobb are we clear."

"Clear as space, Gunner."

""Gunner I heard that these hookers are "penis picked" in Thailand. Is it true? Is it true they have no hair on their snappers? Is it true that they can do the "Thai squeeze" while reading a book and smoking a thumper cigar.""

"Trooper I feel sorry for you ignorance, so I will share some space thoughts. Thai hookers are the salt of the galaxy. They have a heart of gold. They will steal all your money and return enough to get you to the space gate. They will never steal your ID or attempt an illegal entry into your ass. They will love you longtime, GI. They will give you everything you want."

"Thanks for not answering any of my questions, Gunner. I'm going to turn my Greenie loose. I'm going for "88." I figure that's what my penis tattoo is all about."

""No Shit." Wrong again. That "88" shows that the Greenie that you and the Commander both shot the hell out of is a natural born killer. He has got "88" confirmed kills on troopers. "He is so tough that he eats the buggers out of a dead trooper. He is their top gun.""

"Greenie's tattoo is changed everytime he pops a trooper. That means they set up the green viper centipede with a food trail over the number they want erased. Tattoo centipede chews off the tattoo and his green slime trail and barbed pedes/plunger system pokes in the new color. Then Greenie has the new tattoo viper slimed colored in. You got to be more then drunk to take the pain."

So "88" is the record for the Greenie's, Gunner.

"Don't know, 88 side ways is the sign for double infinity. It also is the number used that fills up the most space. Maybe he got tired of the pain. Maybe he is the president of the 88 club. Maybe he has two eight inch dicks."

"Thanks Gunner, for answering all of my questions. I got Thai hookers waiting to exercise the squeeze option. I got a rubber sheet with my name on it. The next time you see me I'll be as dry as a popcorn fart."

"No Shit."