Three Guy Weekend

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Tango tries online "dating".
817 words
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I decided to join an online dating service. OK, to be real, an online fucking service. I had never been any good at dating. I could never figure out the rules: who is supposed to call who when, who pays for dinner and a movie, how many dates until it is appropriate to have sex, etc. But fucking? Hell, there are no rules when it comes to fucking. At least not the way I do it.

How to get started? I recalled seeing some sponsor's ads on my favorite adult movie website, so I started there. After a couple of hours (hey; I got distracted, OK?) I was a brand new member of Snatchmaker.com. According to Snatchmaker's statistics, there were 5 male members for every one female member...so I would have plenty from which to choose.

Now the difficult part: creating a profile. I submitted my basic information (name, date of birth, ability to lift a bottle of water without using my hands) and waited for a response.

Instead, I received a questionnaire:

1. Question: Is your name really Tango? Answer: What do you think?

2. Question: What is your real name? Answer: Who cares? 3. Question: What are you looking for on Snatchmaker? Answer: Fucking.

4. Question: What are your interests? Answer: Fucking.

5. Question: Why did you join Snatchmaker? Answer: To find guys to fuck me.

Who wrote these things, anyway? But the Snatchmaker gods must have liked my answers because within an hour I not only had an account, I had 27 brand new emails from potential fuckbuddys. Now THIS is what I'm talking about!

I made plans with three different men, one each on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, then immediately went out and bought: 5 boxes of condoms, 4 scented candles, 3 bottles of wine, 2 new tubes of lube and...a black skin tight skirt to fit me!

Date One: Friday night, my apartment. Yes! The Professor had a beautiful, thick head of hair, gorgeous hazel eyes, and a great body. Beginner's luck? I fetched us both a glass of wine and sat him down on the sofa; however, within minutes we were in my bedroom. On my bed. Naked. I was ready to get down to business, but, as I quickly discovered, the Professor liked to talk. And talk. And talk. He spent close to an hour talking about his previous Snatchmaker exploits, particularly about a threesome he had orchestrated the previous Monday morning at 8:00 am. OK, first: I'm a firm believer that sex is a participatory sport and not a spectator one - I would much rather be fucking than listen to somebody talking about falking. Second: I'm barely conscious on Monday mornings at 8:00am. But whatever. I kept looking at the beautiful hair and increasingly erect cock and was able to tune out most of what the Professor was saying. Good choice on my part because the Professor turned out to be a define fuck. Note to self: next time, jump on the Professor right after opening the door, kiss him so he can't open his mouth (at least not to talk, anyway) and lead him right to bed.

Date Two: Saturday night. Fireman arrived at my apartment at the specified time. I had high hopes for the Fireman: he looked divine in the pictures he sent me, and, to my delight and increasingly wet pussy, the pictures had not lied. I led him to bed straight away. Quel horreur! He fucked me like an actor in a porno movie...just banged away in the missionary position while saying over and over "you like that big fat cock, don't you?" He definitely seemed very impressed with...ahem...the length of his hose. Finally I rolled him over, yelled at him to be still and ground myself to a somewhat unsatisfying orgasm (an oxymoron if there ever was one).

Date Three: Maverick seemed promising. Great voice on the phone, handsome in the pictures he sent. Even though he lived almost two hours away, I decided to give him a shot. We sat down on the sofa and he immediately began telling me about the woman to whom he is engaged, and with whom he wants to breed. However, she was not very "sexually adventurous"; ah...I guess that's where I came in! Unlike, the Professor, Maverick was a man of few words in bed, and he got right down to business. He didn't last very long, but he was extremely good at what he did...and we both came at the exact same time. Which feels just about the best that anything can feel: each person at the height of sexual hunger and passion, cock buried as deep in pussy as possible. Good job, Maverick!

So...I was two for three - two good Snatches to one not-so-good Snatch. But maybe more importantly, I was up 6 orgasms.

I decided to keep my membership.

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4 Comments
FizzEddFizzEddover 12 years ago
Hussy

Tango, you middle of the toothpaste squeezing, sheet stealing hussy you.

Laugh out loud funny.

estragonestragonover 12 years ago
Cute and Funny

Tango is one hot babe, and I got so into the story I didn't even stop to quibble. But by the way, what is a "define" fuck?

annanovaannanovaover 12 years ago
Ah, questionnaires...

Yeah, sometimes I wonder what kind of mind-numbing drugs they give people to come up with them, too. Hilarious story, as always, tango. If the three guys could somehow be grafted together, it sounds like they'd make the Perfect Man! ;)

NerdGuy11NerdGuy11over 12 years ago
Creative

That was quite funny to read and would love to hear about further exploits if there are any more.

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