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She went on to describe the entire ghastly encounter, filling John with sympathy for all the horrendous abuses she had suffered. To his astonishment and great relief, she was able to make it all the way through without her voice breaking once.
"You really did it," Rachel murmured, staring at John in awe. "How did you know how to help her like that?"
"Tashana's incredibly powerful... she just needed a gentle reminder," he explained, smiling as Irillith ran to her sister, tears running down her cheeks as she hugged Tashana tight.
- COMMENTS
Anonymous5 months ago"Dana's face lifted into a smile of profound relief. "So they really did deserve it? I wasn't sure if you were just telling me that to make me feel better.""
We did this scene before, a couple chapters back. Dana said almost the exact same thing.
Anonymous7 months agoIsn't even on the table because he needs to protect the people he can mind wipe with some jizz?....
I pray this beta male bullshit gets resolved with his progenitor problem.
Anonymous11 months agoWhile your story is AMAZING, I find myself needed to reread, and sometimes self correct errors like 5/7/20 mentioned, or just trying to figure out who is supposed to be speaking, I need to go back a see what line I glanced over in pretty much each and every chapter at some point. I forgive your using British spelling since you ARE writing this in English. I also forgive all that sashaying ( even the Mech for gosh darn ), but I really have to stretch my forgiveness by trusting that it is the Aliens watching a lot of Terran entertainment allowing them to quote, and misquote the way they do. You are doing fantastic, an the small criticisms are just a bit of envy and wishes for complete perfection with this incredible storyline. Please continue, this TSM story is Sooo good!
Anonymous11 months agoThat's right," he agreed, his lips lovingly brushing her skin. "I love you... and so does Calara, and so do the rest of the girls. We'd stop at nothing to protect you if you were in danger."
Alyssa arched her back, a soft sigh escaping her flushed lips. "We're all so lucky to have each other..."
BREAK
WHAT JOHN SHOULD HAVE SAID HERE:
Lucky? It has nothing to do with luck. After all I left you in charge of recruitment.
WHAT JOHN SHOULD HAVE SAID HERE - END.
MAYBE ALYSSA SHOULD THEN ANSWER:
Alyssa chuckled. " You better not forget that when I have another recruit." Alyssa looked at him fondly. "You always know what to say to cheer me up."
MAYBE ALYSSA SHOULD THEN ANSWER - END.
BREAK
He blew on her tummy and she giggled when he found a ticklish spot. John propped himself up on an elbow to smile at her. "Feel better?"
My comment:
I love your story. Your characters stay true to themselves and your story is so logical and you follow the laws that you made up.
It just felt like it would have been a great chance to add this here. A recognition of Alyssa. A pebtalk.
If you read this and have time, and if you agree your characters would have said this or something similar, please feel free to add it in.
Thanks for your story!
Anonymous12 months agoI love this story, and its everything i could want in a great story. With that said i spotted an error. John was in his walk in on deck two, he traveled down to deck 2 to visit the lagoon on deck 3. Not a complaint just wanted to point it out to you.
Alone at last, John entered the walk-in-wardrobe and threw on some comfortable joggers and a t-shirt. After fighting a battle in a tight-fitting bodysuit and Paragon armour, it felt nice to relax in some baggy clothing.
Descending in the grav-tube to Deck Two, he found himself wondering how Helene was dealing with seeing them in action. He grimaced as he imagined a worse-case scenario; the aquatic girl horror-struck and terrified by the slaughter she'd witnessed, and wanting nothing more to do with any of them. Fortunately, Faye's description of Helene's recent behaviour seemed to indicate quiet introspection, rather than that kind of extreme reaction.
Taking a deep breath outside the door to the Lagoon, he pressed the button and entered the tropical paradise, the sound of splashing and girlish laughter echoing around the room.
