Three's a Crowd

Early on a Tuesday evening in a trendy bar in central London, 2 women are having a drink together. The place is quite busy, but not crowded, and the women have one of the good tables by the window. The women are Americans on a short holiday together, a 4 day break from their usual routine back home in Chicago. They arrived pretty late last night and so this is their first full day. Flying back on Friday afternoon, so lots to squeeze in.

The women look of similar age, one of them maybe a couple of years younger than the other. In fact, they are both 37. One of them, the slightly younger looking one, is called Joanna Ford ... Jo to her friends ... and the other is Martha Fitbody.

Which is quite ironic because, of the pair, it's Jo Ford who is far and away the more appealing to the eye. Jo is medium height and slim, with the sort of sexy figure that men notice. She has luxuriant, wavy brown hair, flawless skin and a strikingly attractive face. She's perhaps not quite what you'd call drop dead gorgeous but she's a real looker. Martha Fitbody, on the other hand, is anything but. Her name, something of a burden to her, could hardly be more inappropriate. She also has nice skin but, other than that, it's bad news. She's short and dumpy and she has a face that passes as plain, and only on a good day.

Jo and Martha are friends, have been for years, but they have a rather unbalanced relationship in which Jo tends to call the shots. Neither would put it into words but they both know the reason for this is the contrast in their looks. It's surprising, in many ways, that they still hang out together, especially in the case of Jo Ford who has a fair few other friends and doesn't really need the company of Martha Fitbody. Somewhat perversely, however, Jo likes to spend time with Martha precisely because Martha is so ugly ... it makes her feel deliciously attractive by comparison. She's conscious of being a very good looking woman, of course, but sitting in a bar next to Martha Fitbody, as she is now, she knows she looks like a world-beater.

One of their recurring conversations is the never married Martha bemoaning the lack of a man in her life whilst Jo, twice divorced and never short of male attention, gives little tips on how to put that right. It's a conversation that Jo always enjoys because it allows her to regale Martha with stories of her own considerable success in that field. She's not averse to the occasional one night stand with men, more than occasional if truth be told, and she often makes a point of telling Martha all about it afterwards. It amuses Jo to imagine how sexually frustrated Martha surely is, and how terribly jealous of her she must feel.

As for poor Martha, well, she has no other friends and that's why she clings to this so called friendship with Jo Ford. Jo is aware of that too, of course, and it explains the superior and patronising manner she tends to adopt when she's with Martha.

Like now, for example, Martha is wittering on about going to Westminster Abbey tomorrow morning and Jo, feeling bored, is making no effort to even pretend to listen. She's gazing around the bar, smoking a cigarette, just kind of waiting for Martha to run out of steam.

"So what d'ya think, Jo?" Martha is asking.

"Bout what?"

"About that for a plan?"

Jo doesn't answer. She's noticed a rather dishy looking thirty something man at the bar, having a drink on his own.

She turns back to Martha. "Sorry, tell me again."

Martha doesn't complain about Jo ignoring her, she just starts chattering again about the same thing.

This time, Jo does look at her, pretending to be interested, but she can sense that Mister Tall Dark and Handsome at the bar is glancing over occasionally and she's far more interested in that.

Jo leisurely sips her drink and continues the pretend conversation. "Sure Marth, why not?" she drawls. She's feeling relaxed now. In particular, she feels secure in the knowledge that, if TDH is looking their way, he'll only be checking out one of them and it won't be the little dumpling sat opposite.

The beauty of going out with Martha, she smiles to herself ... no competition.

"And what about the afternoon?" Jo asks, because she's happy for Martha to keep chuntering while she concentrates on other matters.

More important matters like TDH.

Martha has clearly already thought about tomorrow afternoon. "Well, there's that show playing in this theatre pretty close to our hotel. Y'know, that one that's been running for about 60 years and I thought we could ... you know ... get tickets for the matinee maybe. And then, after that, we could maybe ..."

Oh, what a bore she is ... thank god for distractions!

Jo lights another cigarette, uncrosses her legs and pretends to rummage around in her bag for something. As she's doing that, she shifts the position of her chair and angles herself away from Martha, more towards the bar area. She puts the bag back on the table and then she slowly, sexily re-crosses her legs. She's wearing a close fitting skirt, that's also quite short, and the way she's sitting now, the hem has slid revealingly about half way up her thighs. Jo knows she's got extremely nice legs and she likes everyone else to know it too. Especially handsome men in bars!

Jo glances over at TDH and sees that the guy is ogling her. He's toying with the last of his drink and he's looking at her legs, obviously liking what he sees.

Exactly what she was hoping, in other words ... expecting, let's face it.

She catches the man's eye and smiles at him.

It's a smile Jo has perfected over the years. She's been flirting with men since forever and she knows exactly what she's doing. The little smile says I know you're checking me out and I like it. Carry on.

Martha is still chattering away. Jo doesn't know if the silly cow realises that her attention is elsewhere and she doesn't really care. She keeps Martha primed with the occasional "oh really?" and "uh uh," and "guess so," that sort of thing, but what she's mainly doing is communicating subtly with the dishy man at the bar.

He's ordered another drink, she's pleased to notice, and he's definitely checking her out now. Every time she glances over at him, he's looking at her. He smiles when he catches her eye and Jo can tell he fancies her something rotten.

Jo likes the look of him too and she's enjoying the situation. It's always fun when an attractive man gives her the eye, and she particularly loves it happening when she's with Martha because it plays to her feelings of superiority. Course, this same thing happens a lot when the 2 of them go out back in the States but, somehow, it feels more exciting in a foreign city. One big thing, for example, that's different, is she and Martha are sharing a hotel room and Jo, pretty sure now that the man is genuinely interested, is plotting something rather wicked for the rest of the evening, and for later on.

She can tell that Martha has finally picked up on what's going on with the man at the bar. Sensing that she's fast losing the fight for Jo's attention, Martha is gabbling faster and she sounds a bit breathless. Jo keeps half an ear tuned to the increasingly desperate wittering ... how nice the red buses look ... isn't the bar filling up? ... what about dinner? ... blah blah blah ... but she's pretty much ignoring Martha now. She keeps looking over at TDH, basking in his admiring attention, enjoying how he seems to be mentally undressing her. He's gazing at her more or less constantly and she's guessing that he's already fantasising about going to bed with her.

Jo, blatantly teasing now, keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs in her sexy little skirt ... slides a finger up and under the hem to scratch an imaginary itch on her thigh. She plays with her hair, toys with the buttons of her blouse. She slides her feet in and out of her shoes, dangles one of them on her bare, red painted toes. She keeps smiling invitingly at the man, giving him the signal that she's not just a tease, that she finds him desirable.

Jo looks at poor Martha, who never gets to do any of this fun, sexy stuff with men ... never experiences the thrill of what she herself does so often ... is doing right now. Martha is chattering on even though Jo is obviously in full tease and flirt mode with the handsome stranger. Jo wonders what it's really like for her, having to put up with watching this. Must be so dispiriting for the poor thing.

"Jeez, there's a guy over there just can't stop staring at my legs," she says to Martha, rubbing it in, "you don't think my skirt's a little short, Marth, do you?"

"No way," says Martha, "just wish I could wear things like that."

Jo just nods and smiles, "yeah, it's fun to tease the guys now and again ... y'know ... make em drool, poor dears."

Christ, Martha really is pathetic, Jo thinks to herself. Just look at how the ugly bitch is dressed. The usual shapeless, baggy top, the very unflattering jeans, the cheapo trainers.

She chuckles as she recalls a phase Martha went through a while back, when she started trying to look a little more feminine and sexy ... wore above the knee skirts a few times, and frilly little blouses. Jo had encouraged her in this, because it amused her no end to see the poor cow looking so ridiculous, but the jeers and insults of other people, especially some of the cruder men they ran into on their nights out, rather undermined her efforts and Martha soon gave up.

"Hey Marth, you look nice in that top ... is it new?" she says, inwardly giggling.

"Yeah, bought it 'specially for this trip," beams the poor cow, oblivious to the sarcasm. "You look good too, Jo ... but then you always do, of course," she says, with an ingratiating smile.

Jo smirks but doesn't reply.

Martha looks at her watch. "So anyway, what should we do about dinner? There's a place that's pretty good apparently, it's just ..."

"Can I buy you ladies a drink?" comes the deep, male voice.

Martha looks up but Joanna, of course, doesn't need to. She knows who it is.

"Well, we were just thinking about going to ..."

"Love one," cuts in Jo, looking up and grinning at Mr TDH. "We're on the Chardonnay."

"My pleasure," says TDH.

"I'm Mark, by the way," he says when he returns with a bottle of Chardonnay and 3 glasses. "You girls American, then?"

"I'm Jo and this is Martha," Jo smiles, "and yeah, I am American."

Mark grins at Jo. The way she's just said I and not WE is confirming something he's already guessed from observing them last hour. Looks like the hot one really knows she's the hot one. He's happy with that because it will probably make things easier.

"Short for Joanna?" asks Mark.

"You got it."

"Very pretty name for a very pretty woman," he grins, pouring the drinks.

"Why thank you!" pouts Jo in a sexy, little girl voice.

"But I bet guys tell you that all the time, yeah?" he smiles at her.

"Now and again."

"Only now and again? Now why don't I believe that?"

Jo giggles and does her leg crossing thing, enjoys the way his eyes linger on her exposed thighs.

"And what about my friend? ... not forgetting your manners are you, Mark?" she teases, a slight mocking tone in her voice.

"What was your name again?" he says, turning briefly to look at Martha.

"Martha."

"Oh right," says Mark, turning back to gaze at Jo. It's very clear where his interest lies.

The way the small circular table is, the 2 women are sitting opposite each other and Mark is slightly off to one side. He manoeuvres himself so he's considerably closer to Jo than to Martha. It's obvious Jo is pretty happy showing off her legs and he makes a point of looking admiringly at them. She knows he's looking and she's grinning at him. He moves his leg so it's touching hers and she doesn't pull away. It's like they've forgotten about poor, fidgeting Martha already.

"Hey, ask Martha what her surname is," says Jo, suddenly.

"Jo, don't!" pleads Martha, looking very embarrassed.

Mark picks up on Martha's discomfort and he raises an eyebrow at Jo.

"Go on Mark, ask her" says Jo, smirking.

"So ... what is it?" he asks Martha.

"Fitbody" she blurts, willing him not to find it funny.

Mark almost falls off his chair laughing.

"That's hilarious," he says, grinning back at Jo, "and what's your name, gorgeous? ... Crapbody?"

Martha, clearly hurt, looks down at the table but Jo looks amused ... Mark can see she not only gets his cruel little joke, she rather likes it.

"Marth, sweetie, why don't you run along to the bar and get us some peanuts?" says Jo.

"What about ... err ... dinner?" protests Martha, although she knows she always ends up doing whatever Jo wants.

"Sure sweetie, but it looks like we're hanging out with Handsome for a while, doesn't it?" she says, winking at Mark.

"Peanuts sound good to me," he grins and he pulls a note from his wallet. "Here, Miss Fitbody, and keep the change," he says, holding the note out to Martha but looking at Jo. He has an amused expression on his face. He winks at Jo and she grins right back at him.

Martha doesn't like what's happening but she takes the note and waddles off to the bar. Mark's eyes follow her for a while and he looks thoughtful. "Shit, looks like I've hooked up with Beauty and the Beast," he sniggers, which makes Jo laugh again.

While Martha's gone, Jo and Mark step up the flirting. They know they'll be going to bed together at the end of the evening.

"Can't you get rid of your little fat friend?" he says.

"Not really, we're sharing a hotel room," Jo laughs.

"Do you wanna come back to my place, then?" he asks, "you know, maybe later when she's tucked up in bed? ... just grab a cab, it's only a couple of miles from here."

"Well yeah I'd love to, sugar .... some other time, though ... 'cos tonight I'm thinking it'd be fun if you came back with us."

"Hey look baby, I want to fuck you not her, okay?"

"Yeah, obviously," drawls Jo, looking smug, "but it might be kinda funny having Martha there too."

"Depends what she's gonna be doing," says Mark.

"Well she won't getting a piece of the action, if that's what you mean," she giggles, and Jo tells Mark how Martha hasn't had a man in years.

"You bitch," he laughs, thinking he understands what she's got in mind, "you're hot, she's not and you wanna rub her nose in it, am I right?"

"Yeah," grins Jo, "hunky, naked guy in her hotel room, who she can't touch ... it's gonna drive her fucking crazy!"

"Poor little Miss Fitbody," he grins.

Jo leans over and whispers in Mark's ear what she wants to do, back at the hotel, and Mark shakes his head in disbelief.

"You really are evil, aren't you?" he chuckles.

The bar is crowded now and it's quite a while before Martha comes back with the nuts. She sees that Jo and Mark are sitting very close. He's got his hand on her thigh and they're kissing. She sits down and clears her throat, but they don't seem to realise she's back and they carry on snogging for what seems ages.

Poor Martha feels very uncomfortable but she doesn't know what to do. She wants to leave but she can see how much her best and only friend is enjoying herself. Finally, she says something.

"Jo, I've got the nuts."

Jo and Mark break off snogging and look at her. They both look highly amused.

"Oh yeah," says Jo, "trouble is you were so long getting them, I'm not hungry anymore. Are you hungry, Mark?"

"Not for food, baby," he leers, stroking Jo's thigh underneath her skirt.

"Hey, down boy!" giggles Jo ... but she doesn't ask him to move his hand, or stop what he's doing.

"Can you believe this, Marth? ... you meet a guy for 10 seconds and he's got his hand up your skirt and he's stroking your thigh!"

Martha gives a weak and wistful smile, thinking it would be very nice if, just once, that happened to her.

"Well, not your thigh, my thigh as it happens," Jo adds, cruelly. It's as if she can read Martha's exact thoughts.

Jo gets up from the table, announcing she's going to the bathroom to freshen up.

"Don't be too long, gorgeous," says Mark, "me and Martha might start something while you're gone, you know."

"I'll risk it," she jokes, and she sashays off to the bathroom, wiggling her sexy arse as she goes.

Mark watches Jo walk across the room, clearly lusting after her, and he's not the only man in the bar doing that.

"She is one hot looking chick, isn't she?" he says to Martha, who doesn't reply.

"Don't you think, Marth?" he prods.

"Yeah, men always fancy Jo," she mumbles, looking down at the table and fiddling with one of the unopened packets of peanuts. She's hating this situation, not least because Mark is very good looking and she can't help fantasising about kissing him herself. Martha would love to kiss a man, even an ordinary looking man, but it never seems to happen. It's always Jo who gets the attention, the compliments, and it's the same old story this evening.

Mark has turned to sit facing her, legs wide apart, and she can see he's got a bulge in his trousers from the all the sexy stuff he's been doing with Jo. It's making poor Martha feel flushed and uncomfortable. Mark observes that she's noticed his hard-on. He looks straight at Martha and gives himself a little squeeze.

"Can't wait to fuck her later," he grins.

Martha looks down and says nothing.

"Hey you don't mind me coming back to your hotel, do you?" he asks.

"Guess not," mutters Martha, who's actually rather dreading the prospect.

"Pity about the nuts," he says, looking at the unopened snacks.

"I only got them 'cos Jo told me to," blurts Martha. It's as if she's apologising.

"Well, you look like you can skip the odd snack," sneers Mark, openly insulting now. The comment upsets Martha and her eyes are glistening, on the verge of tears.

Jo returns from the bathroom, smiling expansively, knowing she's looking even better now than she did before ... the confidence that comes from being blatantly ogled by at least half a dozen men on her walk back to the table.

"Okay let's go," she says, like everything's all agreed.

She grabs her bag, links arms with Mark and they walk out of the bar without waiting for Martha, who has to run and catch up. They go back to the hotel, Jo and Mark strolling together, laughing, flirting, touching each other, and Martha tagging along a couple of paces behind, like she's not with them.

The room is quite large and has 2 double beds next to each other, no more than maybe 3 feet apart. It's perfect for what Jo has in mind and she wastes no time in getting started. She's really looking forward to this.

"Martha, you know how you're always fantasising about having sex with a hunky guy?" she says, as Mark strips down to his boxers.

The 2 women are sitting, facing each other, on their respective beds.

"Um, okay," says Martha, blushing. She's embarrassed at Jo's comment but she's also a little excited about what it might mean. Is Jo going to share her conquest, perhaps?

"Well, here's your chance," grins Jo, relishing the eager look on Martha's plain, chubby face.

Jo winks at Mark and he goes and sits next to Martha, puts his hand on her leg.

Martha can hardly believe it! Something about the feel of Mark's strong, masculine hand on her thigh and the close up aura of his near naked, muscular body is making her feel dizzy with desire.

Jo stares thoughtfully at Martha for a few seconds, then she says what Martha was hoping she might.

"I mean, I get all the men don't I? ... just thought it might be nice if you got a look in for a change."

Oh wow!

Martha is beaming with delight, waiting for Mark to make the first move. What will it be? Will he kiss her like he was kissing Jo in the bar?

Oh god, and he's so good looking too ... she's beside herself with anticipation!