Through the Ages

"Do you feel up for continuing our talk, Libby?" her voice is eager. Akiyo pulls a chair from the wall in the room and sits next to the bed.

"Well, you've never gotten comfortable before," I am amused.

"You're still awake, and my shift technically ended fifteen minutes ago. I thought I'd stay and visit for a while. That is if you don't mind."

"Oh, I'd love that!" She is always such a pleasure, to the point of becoming an addiction of sorts. Truth be told, I've been enjoying sharing my life story. I have never gotten to share it with anyone else before.

"As I recall, I was telling you about the men that I began dating, men of strong will and desire. However, I had not found what I was seeking until one gentleman I encountered could in point of fact sense it in me. He told me that there was a specialness to me that he would bring out. I had no clue what he meant. I just knew that I was inexplicably drawn to him. A moth to a flame, as they say. The tone of his voice when he spoke to me, instructed things of me, commanded me, I was putty in his hands. It gave me great pleasure to please him in the bedroom. There were small directives at first. I believe it began with him clasping my wrists above my head the first time we had sex. Then, he told me that I had to keep my hands clasped behind my back when he entered the bedroom. So, if I were in there and standing and he would walk in, I'd automatically clasp my hands behind my back until he told me to come to him." I lift a shoulder, "As I said, seemingly simple things. Then, though, the first time he smacked my rear when we were having sex was such a shock," I lean over a bit to face Akiyo, "and I loved it." I notice Akiyo doesn't blush nearly as much anymore. "It was all very subtle, but still at that time, I think it was around seventy or seventy-one, I had never heard of other people doing these things in the bedroom. Gradually, he instructed me on what he expected of me and how I was to conduct myself in his bedroom. There were rules that I had to follow. To this point, punishments were not given yet. He was easing me into my role as a submissive. I knew I wanted more though, more than what we had done."

Akiyo interrupts, "I don't quite understand. You enjoy being bossed around, controlled and told what to do?"

"It's a bit hard to explain, but no, not in all things. I enjoyed having my free will and autonomy in all other aspects of my life. Except one. For me, it's a turn on in the bedroom, so to speak. There is an innate desire in me to completely turn off my mind and let the other person take full control of the situation, and of me. It excites me to somewhat let them do what they will with me, never knowing what they have planned, whether it will be mental or physical play, orgasms caused from more than just the actual act of sexual intercourse, mixing pleasure with a bit of pain, the surprise of thinking it will just be an evening of normal fun sex or switching into Dominant/submissive mode."

I can see Akiyo trying to comprehend and absorb what I have just said. When she nods her head, I decide to continue.

"One day, I was looking in one of the nightstands, for goodness knows what, when I came across a stack of girly magazines."

Akiyo shrugs at me and jokingly says, "Some things never change, except now it would be his browser history."

I laugh, "True enough. You would think it was no big deal, but these were not run-of-the-mill nudie girls. These were filled with fetish pictures, bondage photos, whipping photos. You may even be familiar with some."

Akiyo's eyes grow as wide as saucers, and she blushes.

I am smiling, "He had some old magazines containing pictures of Bettie Page, her bondage series. They've become so mainstream, perhaps you've seen them."

"Oh, oh, yes, I know her, the pinup with the black hair? Some of my friends have her on T-shirts and what-not. Out of curiosity I looked and found photos of her with whips and things," Akiyo relaxes.

"Yes, she had a series of photos and films that were underground back in the fifties. They've held up to time," I laugh. "Anyway, this gentleman caught me looking at these pictures, and he asked me very gently what I thought of them...would I like to try any of it?

He sat on the bed with me as I flipped through pages of women in corsetry, bound, gagged, being spanked, paddled, eyes covered, strung up...I remember becoming very excited looking at these images. I told him that I did indeed want to do these things. As we sat together with me pointing out scenes that fascinated me, it was evident that he was aroused too." I place my hand toward my lap and raise two fingers in the air, my brows lifting for emphasis. Akiyo giggles.

"We did not do anything unusually kinky that day. We did, however, discuss options and parameters because though I was excited to try these things, and highly aroused at the thought of being the woman in those scenes, I was a little apprehensive. I wasn't sure if I was ready to go as far as some of the photos depicted. I explained my nervousness to him, and he assured me playfully that he would not string me up from the ceiling and give me fifty lashes with a whip," I smile and wink, "the first time. He had a way of easing my worries. Then, I just waited, on edge of when anything would happen."

It wasn't until a week later that I had entered his apartment and did not see him in the living area. He had heard me enter though, and called me to him in the bedroom. When I walked through that door, I knew it was time. He was standing with his feet shoulder width apart, arms folded across his chest, eyes smoldering, and a stern expression that I'd never seen before. I immediately dropped my handbag to the floor and assumed the position he expected, and that we'd talked about.

He remained motionless, and calm, 'Undress.'

I slipped off my floral printed maxi dress and let it fall to the floor. I stood there nude, slightly trembling, my hands behind my back waiting for further commands. He circled me like a predator about to pounce on its prey." I feel the chills I experienced in that moment, so many years earlier. Reliving it in my mind evoking the same natural reaction from my body itself. "He then told me, 'On the bed, lie down,' and I did. He pulled out lengths of rope from under his bed and tied me spread eagle to the railings of his headboard and footboard! He stood at the foot of the bed staring at his handy work, me on display, open for his scrutiny. I had a slight moment of panic and humiliation, but only for a fleeting second. As he stood staring between my open legs, my skin began to heat. Goosebumps formed all over my skin. My nipples hardened as if reaching out toward him.

You see, he was not simply staring for the sake of my body, he was also checking for unmistakable signals that I was stimulated," a chuckle comes forth, "and when my juices began to trickle, and my scent rose up, we both knew I most definitely was."

I absentmindedly rub my wrists.

"The rope was soft but still abrasive. The sensation a strange mix of discomfort and bliss. He came to the side of me and from a drawer in his nightstand pulled out a wooden twelve inch ruler, which were very common items leftover from school days, and a large feather. He placed both items on my belly.

First he picked up the feather and lightly glided it up my sides, stopping at my breast to swirl and swirl it over my aching nipple."

"That sounds hot," Akiyo murmurs. Her arms are crossed and she is chewing on her lip.

"Yes, yes, it was hot. If goosebumps could grow on top of goosebumps, mine were. He worked the feather down the center of my body to where I was open wide, stopping just before that little hidden button, and placed the feather back on my stomach. The ruler was used in its place. The rough corner tracing my ribs, the curve beneath my breast, up and over the pointed tip. I remember closing my eyes and relishing the delicate touch of such an object. He took advantage of my distraction and struck my sensitive nipple with the flat side of the ruler. I screeched and tugged to protect my stinging skin, but the ropes held me captive. I breathed in heavy gasps, as the stinging subsided to a burn and pulsing ache. That hot ache made my insides tingle. I became calm and waited in anticipation for the next strike. This time when he smacked the other breast, I rode the wave of sensations up and down, enjoying the decadence of it. Of course, I still gasped whenever the thwack sounded and landed, but each time, the temperature between my legs rose, that heightened sensation of wanting to be touched, and aching for release.

He did not relent so easily though. He wielded that ruler on my thighs, back to my breasts, even against my unprotected womanhood. When he delivered the blow to my hidden jewel, well, I almost came right on the spot. I was moaning loudly, begging him, 'Please, please, please.' Not once did stop even fall from my lips, but he did and teased me with that feather again, caressing all of the spots that ruler had marked.

I was writhing, trapped, but not from the pain. You see, I was wanting so badly." One corner of my mouth lifts, "Horny. He knew it too. He did not even remove his clothing, only undid his slacks. He pulled out his hard cock and thrust into me. It was not sweet and gentle. It was hard, primal. He fucked me, and claimed me.

I was his for a while before we drifted apart. I needed more than what he could give me. We had different desires at that point, yet I was still a bit heartbroken, in some ways. He was the first man who understood my necessities and cravings. But in the end, he wasn't the right one, and we moved on."

A shrill noise interrupts me. "I'm sorry, Libby. If they are buzzing for me it must mean that someone didn't show up for a shift and they know I'm still here. Now do you see why I have no social life? If you're still awake later, we'll pick up right where we left off, okay?"

I wave with one hand for her to go. "I know the drill. I'll buzz if I need anything," I tease her. It is not very long after she disappears that the deep pharmaceutical slumber envelopes me once more.

CHAPTER FOUR

My tests keep coming back with slight improvements. The doctors and nurses tell me that's a good sign. If things keep improving, it's possible that I could be discharged in the next two to three weeks. It's the antibiotic resistant infection that still needs to be monitored, as the infection had previously also entered the blood stream. However, they say that I am responding to all treatments very well.

Akiyo's day off, but she came to visit. She's such a sweet girl. Today she has brought a bright bouquet of flowers. I think she feels a little badly that I have had no visitors.

Akiyo makes herself comfortable in the empty chair completely armed with a soda and bag of candy ready for more of my tale. "You know Libby, you are amazing. It's like you've led this completely secret and separate life. I would have never guessed that you were this wild woman. I mean, you look so poised and classy. Who knew that underneath you were so sinful?" Akiyo giggles.

"Poised and classy? Is that your way of saying that you can never believe that this old lady used to be young and kinky?" I laugh along with her.

"No! and yes," Akiyo is still laughing. "But Libby, you know, you're still pretty. You are one of those ladies who hold that beauty even as they grow older." I let a little 'ha' loose. "Libby, I look forward to hearing you every day because you are truly like no woman I have ever met. Your life, it's like a fiction book or movie or something. So, tell me what happened next? I'm dying to know."

"I spent the rest of the seventies, I suppose you can say, being trained. I moved within circles where the lifestyle was common, even being taken to homes or establishments to learn, watch, talk, mingle, being introduced and interviewed by potential Doms. You have to remember at that time there was no internet, no specialized websites for alternative lifestyles. BDSM was called SM and very much considered a perversion, so interactions had to be developed and found underground, of sorts. It was a chain of knowing people who knew people. Being invited to gatherings in homes or back rooms of clubs. You lived the lifestyle secretly.

With each man or woman..."

Akiyo cuts me off, "Woman?"

"Well, yes, Dominants come in both sexes, as do subs. A woman can be just as assertive and desire a relationship with a sub as much as any male Dom. I had experiences with both, and with each came a greater expanding of my knowledge, and desires, as every new one would push my limits a little further. But it seemed as though I never found my match.

At times, we just grew bored of each other. Some did not want to go further in my exploration. Some wanted to go drastically beyond what I imagined that I wanted or could want. Then, there were those that I enjoyed all of the sexual play with, but outside the bedroom we just did not enjoy each other's company in normal circumstances.

You see, this type of relationship requires so much more than a normal connection. A bond between a Dom and his sub goes even further than just love. The sub gives more than romantic love of herself. She gives all of her being to her partner. She allows him to have her mind, body and even soul, and there is an absolute trust between them. There has to be.

It was the very end of the seventies when I began to notice Jimi. One could not ignore his presence. He was extremely attractive, movie star worthy. To me he looked like Warren Beatty, simply gorgeous.

I had heard whisperings of him, a very strict and demanding Master. He had never met any sub that he wanted to keep for very long. None withstood his tests over time. Needless to say, the unattainability of him made him even more desirable to me and other girls.

At the time, I was unclaimed. I was curious about him, began to wonder what exactly he required. I knew that he had women throwing themselves at him all the time, in the normal world and the subversive. I believe it turned out to be the fact that I did not flaunt myself, and availability, in front of him when he was around that was eventually what led him to me.

I would stay in the background, subtly observing at events. If by chance we made eye contact, I would lower my gaze. I was quiet, only speaking when I was spoken to by other Doms. I chose to begin sitting almost hidden in the corners, not only to avoid the attention of those seeking a girl, but to also learn about Jimi. I watched his gestures, his face, his body.

He was very much unlike anyone that I had met. He was very stoic and aloof. I found he did not smile. He was dismissive of those who would present themselves to him standing with a lowered head or even kneel before him. He was very hard to read indeed. I was not sure why I continued, or even that I would ever try to engage him. And so I sat, watching, waiting, for months."

"For months? You hung out where he was without ever doing anything?"

I laugh a little, "Yes I did. Sounds silly doesn't it? It wasn't like I was out every night. On weekends, I would attend gatherings and hoped that he may make an appearance. It had become a pursuit of patience for me, and a challenge. A challenge to see if I could attract one of the most wanted Doms in town. I don't think that I had thought much past that point really.

Then one evening, I was ready to admit defeat. I was walking to my car to go home when he stepped out in front of me and spoke two words, 'Your name?' I was stunned into silence momentarily and whispered, 'Libby.' He gave a curt nod, turned and walked away."

"That's it? Nothing else, he just left?" Akiyo is shocked. I nod, and grin as she continues to snack on a bag of candies.

"That was it. He progressed at a snail's pace with anymore interaction. I didn't know what to think. But eventually, about a year later, he said that he wished a trial period with me. I agreed.

He was unlike any other Dom that I had been with. There was very little if any personal conversation. To begin with we spent time just discussing my limits and boundaries. Thinking back, it was all very clinical, purely exchanges of information. Once he decided that we could move to the physical aspects, we never did spend the night together.

Most often, my phone would ring close to the same time every time. He would give me instructions. I would leave my door unlocked and wait for him however I was ordered. Afterwards, I was left alone. He was never an affectionate man. In my mind, I thought this was all another way to push my limits, become an even better submissive.

Then, he did something that he had never done. He began to take me to gatherings, on his arm. I was displayed as his. This was a big deal as he had never claimed a sub publically before. I have to admit, it gave me great pride.

In eighty-four, he presented me with a task that was different from any proposed to me before then. He wished to mark me."

Akiyo's eyes pop, and she claps her hands, "The tattoo?!"

I sigh, "Yes, the tattoo. Taboo. Besides the fact that women simply didn't get tattooed, there were many areas that women were not even allowed in tattoo shops. That is why Jimi had an acquaintance do it, but not in the way that you think." I have to shake my head and inwardly snicker. "I guess you'd call it a jailhouse tattoo because the man used a needle with thread wrapped around it and a little cup of India ink. He poked and poked with the needle, little dots making the lines. It was a painstaking process. One I actually didn't mind."

"Why'd you let him do it, Libby?"

"I wanted to continue to be a perfect submissive. This was another confirmation that I was true in my desires to serve. I suppose that I passed the test because he proposed to me that night."

"What?"

"We got engaged, yes, but our arrangement remained the same."

"You said yes, but...why?"

"Well, I had never had a relationship quite like that one. I thought that I was being a good sub, besides, I had never steadily seen one person for such a long period, much less years. I believed it was the logical next step."

"You say, logical, not love...You married him? Tell me, what happened?"

"Don't jump the gun, Akiyo," I cannot help but laugh. It's somewhat like I am a one woman play, and Akiyo is the excited, interactive audience.

"As I said, our arrangement was still pretty close to as it had been, except we began venturing out in our play, so to say. He arranged what would be my first group scene. I had never actually been involved in a group adventure, been a spectator, yes, but to actually be part of one, no. I was terrified and eager.

There were to be six of us including a female Domme, her female sub, and two male Doms who were free. I was made aware of some of the rules ahead of time. I was allowed to service any of them, and I could be used by everyone however they chose, with the exception of my limits which all were given beforehand as well.

The location, well, it was a swanky nightclub. Though Studio 54 had closed years before, the spirit of excess and debauchery was still alive and well. We were in a private room with private, and discreet, staff to serve our needs. As does now, money talks in all situations. Besides, I don't think they minded as they had a free show," I giggle.

The other girl and I stood there nude in the corners of the smoky room. We each had our hands cuffed in black leather with a fine chain between the wrists. Our heads were directed down as our other two guests arrived, so I did not get a good look at them. The others talked, socialized as though it were any other intimate get together. Jimi approached me first and instructed me to go beside a black leather chair and get on all fours. The other girl was instructed to do the same near another chair. We were to be used as tables, footrests, whatever useful object that anyone required us to be.