"Tips on Writing Dialog," Said Smokey!

"Our proverbial geese are cooked." —Delilah Gainey, "Redefining Punishment...Again"

"Penny for your thoughts." "... a Penny saved is a Penny earned." —Penny James and Cesse Helmsley, "Lost And Found"

"... I think my kid stepped on a crack. But I just mean metaphorically. I don't have any children. Or goats." —Vikki Bowman, "Through Thick And Thin"

"All right, lucky shot; I'll give you that one. Gloves're comin' off now, Grandma." "Oh, I believe it's more than just the gloves in your case, kiddo. And watch whom you're calling Grandma." —Noelle Beckman and Sylvia Quibley, "The Art Of The Squeal"

"I think every generation sees us—and not just us, all LGBTQs—a little more enlightened. We may never have complete 100% vindication, but I like the way things are going. It may be dark in the closet, but it's just getting brighter and brighter when you come out." —Dora Cunningham, "Friends And Live-Ins" (part two)

"... not exactly a royal flush. Although I kinda think of it not so much what's on the cards themselves; 's more like the cards that're already on the table make it hard to play mine. Y'know, how stuff affects me and how I handle it." —Andi Jackson, "Eleven"

"... You know what, I should be straight with you. Even though I'm gay. To be completely honest, I'm a compulsive liar." —Dori Young, "Lying Young" part 1

"... you can come and go, do what you need to do, and when I get off work we can hang out. And we can do anything you or I want, hon. Whatever floats our fancy and tickles our boat." —Lilly Amshire, "Housekeeping!" part 2

"... my Mom and Dad set up this job interview for me with this guy Chris MacIntosh. 11:30 Saturday morning. Right on the nose. And they were really counting on me to not blow it. Th-the interview, I mean, not my nose." —Jenni Wolbert, "The C.F.N.F. Club."

"Blind [lesbian] dating: dangerous. Shortsighted dating? Possibly okay." —Dawn Kerringer, "Rerouted"

*****

"... one thing you should always totally do is be yourself. If you're, like, bogus and phony, they can smell that a mile away. And they really like it if you're mondo expressive ... Oh, and one thing you never wanna do is, like, go totally cliché ... Wicked awesome to meet'cha, E." —Tabby Weeks, ("Erica Versus The House")

Spectacular vernacular. The quote opening this segment is from a story set in the '80s. If you were around back then, you may have guessed that already. There is another semi-period piece I wrote a number of years ago, partially set in the same decade. And I'm sure they won't be the last. I still love the '80s, all the elements of pop culture comprised therein. I also wrote a more recent one set in the '90s, focusing more on the '90s "slanguage"...ugh, now there's an ugly portmanteau for ya. I grew up in the '80s and '90s, but the only thing I really enjoyed about the latter decade was making fun of it. Well, that, and the fact that the world was doing well economically.

Since very early on, each story I've written has had a very specific year, date and time setting. Most of them have been set in the present relative to when the story was written. Then there are the few mentioned above, the period pieces. I think that helps lend perspective. Imagination supplies the rest, of course, but I believe if you have a concrete fix on when your events are taking place, you can gain a bit more realism by taking yourself to that date or era.

That could just be me. I'm not suggesting you start adding time-and-date headings to your story segments like I (...then again, I'm not suggesting you don't either), I'm simply explaining this part of my process. When you write dialogue, it's helpful to have these sorts of walls, if you will, to throw stuff against and see if it sticks. If it's pertinent or adds to the storyline, your characters can be discussing the weather, or approaching holidays. They can be gabbing in the morning about what they're going to do today, or summarizing their day in the evening. They can bring up their birthdays and how long it is till the next one.

On the broader spectrum of time, going back to this section's first paragraph, you've got the proposal of eons to consider. Your story doesn't have to have a set year or era, of course. But if it does, be true and respectful to it. Track down some TV or literature from the period and examine the original dialogue therein, back when this year or decade you're focusing on was actually happening. Or listen to time-appropriate stand-up comedians and any then-topical subjects they joked about. (Humor, after all, is of course funny because it's true. It's a cliché, but an accurate one.) You can use slang from your chosen epoch—especially if you feature young characters—and make some time-relevant pop culture references. That too helps take Readers back and feel a bit nostalgic. Sometimes it's nice to go revisit those simpler times in our lives. If laboring to really get the Reader to that specific point in time, you can lay it on a little thick (be careful). As with all decisions writing a story, exercise your best judgment.

But don't go overboard with it, and let the references distract from the actual story. It's a line I've ridden and crossed a few times. It's true, the time references are fun, funny, and a bit of a guilty pleasure. But it's possible, and not too difficult, to get carried away with them. This whole point is basically to urge you to do your research, and be period-accurate with the way your characters will speak. Whether your story's set in 2018 or 1978, it's wise and advisable—if not to have your finger firmly fixed on the pulse of the given time's vernacular, then at least in the adjoining vein. And on a similar note...

*****

"Oh yes, yes, indeed. Me best mate Nigel, from grammar school. We'll probably sort out something to do together, but I'm sure he'd love to meet you as well. He's a great happy chappy; super-friendly. So, tell you what: why don't you let me give you me number, you can put it in your mobile, go take your shower, and then you can ring me ..." —Sophie Trimble ("A Night At Millicent's")

Respect the space, too, not just the time. That quote—again, as if you couldn't tell—is from a British girl. It's an example of the more drawn-out degree to which non-Americans distinguish their speech. I'm American, so all points like this are going to be centered from that perspective. "Millicent's" is about as "British" a story as an American writes. It takes place in America, but half of the dialogue and even a good deal of the narrative is Anglo-flavo(u)red. I've always been quite the Anglophile to begin with. And this protagonist, Sophie, loves being British, and loves hearing Americans tell her they like her accent. So she lays it on semi-thick with the accent and the Brit-speak.

This section isn't about British people—in particular—but about global geography, and the peoples and cultures contained in it. This pretty much parrots what the last one did: if you're going to showcase character nationality and reflect it in the dialogue, again, be accurate. Do your research. This naturally goes whether your figure is from another hemisphere, another continent, another adjacent country, or just another United State. So you've got a character foreign to your native or set land. First of all, as aforementioned, be respectful and true. Then, be natural and real in playing out your story elements.

All of my stories are set—at least in part—in a fictional Minnesotan city called Juniper. (Not to be confused with Garrison Keillor's legendary "fictional" Minnesota town Lake Wobegon.) It's in southeast Minnesota, part-way between Minneapolis, Rochester, and the Wisconsin/Iowa state lines. As a result, most of my main characters are natural born and raised Minnesotans/Juniperites. Then a number are from other areas of the U.S., having moved or visited to Juniper. Sometimes their dialogue reflects this, if the subject comes up. (See "Eleven," for instance. Some of "Eleven" is a bit of a love letter to MN.)

One thing accessible and likable to me about Minnesota is its German and Scandinavian settlement. I don't know a ton about Germany or its populace. But on the Nordic side, I actually do know a lot about Sweden, specifically, its natives and language. There have been some major Swedish characters sprinkled through a few of my works. Which is fun, because it presents the novelty of dialogue in another language. Especially one that is so obscure in the States. English is of course America's primary language, and Spanish is a very close second. Then French and German, and so on. If you speak another language and want to incorporate bi- or trilingual dialogue, I say it can be a good idea. It can give the story a unique taste, and the character a bit of exoticism. Don't, however, allow yourself to "show off" too much, or lord this over the Reader. Unless part of the plot specifically focuses on a character's language or heritage, keep it to a controlled level. If both or all characters speak the same language—and that language is separate from the narrative's—you might consider including a translation in parentheses. Not unlike the way television and movies slip in subtitles. And one other thing...

*****

"Just one more time, thanks so much for today, Lilly. It was just what I needed. I had so much fun." —Colleen Flowers ("Housekeeping!" part 2)

Have fun. Bottom line: it's the story itself that's most vital. Whether in dialogue or narrative. If you're writing along and catch yourself being distracted by an event or characteristic not integral to the plot, hit the brakes and throw it in reverse. Penning dialogue can and should be enjoyable, and a good helping of it can really help a Reader get to know your characters. And for heaven's sake, give it a semi-unique spin. Let yourself outside that box! This is a bit of a fine line. You don't want nothing but huge words that will make the Reader's head spin. But you also don't want mere dull phrases that get thrown and bandied about by ordinary folk all the time. You're a writer. The English language—or whatever language you're primarily writing in—is your home. Your Readers want to be entertained. That's why they come to these sites, or go to the bookstore. They don't want to be lectured, they don't want to be patronized or talked down to, and they certainly don't want to be bored.

Here's a good, easy way to have fun. Our shared medium in this community is erotica. Now, this is pretty basic 101 stuff, but it's good advice for a reason. It works. Indulge yourself. Get your personal kinks out there, in living color! You may feel alone in your fetish or liking for...anything, really. To be bracingly honest, it's human to feel that way. To go off on a slight tangent, we've been shamed as a species for a long time for our fascination on sex. Well, guess the hell what. There's a lot of stuff out there to be intrigued by, and believe it or not, there're more other individuals that share your interests or kinks than you think. Trust me on that one.

So feel that sense of freedom. Get your characters into it! Let them talk to each other while doing the deed—whichever deed they're enjoying. Let them laugh, let them cry, let them scream to the heavens how great it feels. It's good for them, and good for you. Your fetish may not be the most "common" one out there (what is?), it may even make you feel like a creep. Channel those feelings into energy and words on the page/screen. Reach out, muster the courage to put it out there. And whether visible feedback comes or not, people are reading. They may be skimming, they may have stumbled onto the page by accident, but who knows? Take a step back and realize that your work has claimed the attention of someone else for a moment. And how it may have affected them. There's nothing wrong or shameful in creating a character just like you, and building an entire story around them, flaws and all. In fact, it can be therapeutic. Your true feelings will come out in your execution. If you had fun writing it, the audience'll have fun reading it.

And try not to be discouraged by low numbers or negative comments. Or by no comments. Believe me, NO ONE knows how challenging this can be more than I do. But while lots of Readers are loyal enough to keep coming back to visit and spend a little time with you, they also have busy lives. And this is tough to hear (read), I know, but your stories aren't the only ones they're checking out. Don't get piffed off because they liked another story and not yours. Swallow the pride, suppress the ego. Pride and egos are dumb anyway. Be humble and modest, and that way people won't keep trying to knock you off your pedestal that you built yourself. Takes a lot of energy to keep getting back up there, doesn't it? Maybe take a break from writing and read that other story they liked. You might even like it too, or take something from it. Or, you might not like it. And that's okay. This was a hard lesson for me to learn, but we can't go into this just looking for the reviews. They're nice when they come along, and stories are going to represent valleys and peaks. Some are going to be better than others. Some are going to perform better than others. Just the way it is.

You can always come back to your Word document, or your pad and pen(cil). And for you non-Microsofters...I'm sorry, I don't know what you use. Point is...if you want to write, just do it. Sometimes it takes awhile for inspiration to strike. If it doesn't come naturally, or you're feeling lousy because your last story didn't do well, maybe just let a little time pass. Sometimes it's just what the proverbial doc ordered. These stories and characters are extensions of ourselves. And it does feel validating when people like them. So my final piece of advice is...and this might seem crazy, but hear (read) me out: just assume the Readers like them. At least a little. Clearly, not everyone's going to love what you put out there. You can't assume that. But even something small in the story—a character quirk, a bit of body language, a cute, clever turn of phrase...somebody's going to enjoy something. Take comfort in it. Know and be confident you're putting out something you believe in, that means something to you. And even if no feedback rolls in, imagine the Reader just sitting by her/himself awhile, finishing your story with a smile. Maybe a giggle, maybe an "awww"...maybe even a tear. You may not be aware of it, but someone's life might just be made a little brighter, or more inspired, because you placed a fictitious character on their screen and in their life...who figuratively and literally spoke to them in just the right way.