TJ Ch. 01

He turned to Kim and said, "Babe, I have no clue what the fuck he's talking about. I was at my grandparents all weekend. This faggot is making shit up." He turned back to me and said, "Get the fuck off my property." He slammed the door and I heard it lock.

That's when I remembered hearing somewhere that Scott had a girlfriend, I never asked him about it because it didn't matter to me then. It wasn't my business. We were just fucking, so I put it out of my mind. Scott and I didn't run in the same circles at school, so I never saw him except on Saturday nights. Therefore, I never saw him with Kim.

I got back in my car and started driving home. I was beyond hurt. My parents were dead, my brother was my father, my nephew was my brother, and the guy that I was finally ready to admit I liked after almost three years of whatever we had together just turned his back on me and beat me up. When I walked into the house, Robert yelled at me, "Where the hell did you go?" He marched out of the living room. When he saw my face, he said, "What the fuck happened to you, TJ?"

"What do you fucking care? Huh?"

That's when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and almost laughed. It was Scott. I sent it straight to voicemail. This happened two more times before he tried to text me. I looked at the text message which read, "She's gone, pls talk 2 me. com bck over."

Then he tried calling again. When I sent him to voicemail again, he left a message. I did listen to the message. "TJ, please talk to me. Kim's gone. I had to say that shit because she's been my girlfriend for a few months. I told her we couldn't go out on Saturday nights because I had to go to my grandparents every weekend. Just call me back. I meant when I said I wanted more. I just had to keep appearances for Kim so she wouldn't say anything to anyone."

By the time the message was finished, I was already in my room. There was a knock on my door and Robert asked, "Teej, can I come in so we can talk?"

When I didn't answer, he opened the door and saw me crying on my bed. He asked again, only softly this time, "Where did you go? What happened to your face.?" He went to put his hand on my side and I winced. He demanded, "Timothy Jackson, what the fuck happened to you?"

I said though my tears, "Scott kicked my ass when I walked in on his girlfriend giving him head. He called me a faggot and pushed me down, kicked me in my ribs, then kicked me in the face. He turned his back on me, just like everyone else."

"Please Teej, don't do this to me. I've always cared about you. You're my flesh and blood." Robert put his head in his hands. "I didn't turn my back on you. I wanted to keep you, but Mel put me in an impossible situation. Mom and Dad loved you, you know they did. They took on my burden and took care of you."

"Your burden? That's what I was? A burden?"

"Shit Teej, that's not what I meant. You were never a burden on me or Mom and Dad. Mel convinced me you were better off with them. She told me she wouldn't be able to take care of you and Josh, she said she didn't want to raise another woman's kid. I was in love with her. Josh was on the way. I did what I thought I had to."

"Do you remember that conversation I had with you when I was twelve? When I finally figured out it was almost physically impossible for Mom to have had me when she was forty-seven years old. I asked you point blank if it was possible that I might have been adopted. You told me that I was crazy, and not to mention it to Mom. You told me it would upset her too much. You could've told me then. You didn't want me to say anything to Mom because you were too chicken shit to tell me the truth."

Then we heard a voice at the door say, "That's not true Teej. He told me my mom wouldn't let him tell you. She threatened if he ever told you that she would leave and take me. He said he knew if she left with me, I wouldn't be able to see you anymore. He knew how much I looked up to you. He didn't want to keep me from you."

Josh walked into the room and saw my face. "What happened to you? Who did that?"

Before I could say anything, Robert said, "TJ went to Scott's after he left the lawyer's. Scott was umm busy at the time and got mad at TJ and beat him and called him names."

"What do you mean umm busy? We met him Saturday night. He wouldn't leave Teej's side. I thought y'all were like together. What could he possibly be doing to make him beat you up?"

I started, "He was getting head..."

Robert cut me off, saying, "Stop. Josh doesn't need to know about all of that."

Josh said, "Dad, please. I know about head. I might not have had the pleasure of experiencing it yet, but remember, I'm gay. Gay guys like to watch porn and some of us even like to read stories online."

Robert actually stuck his fingers in his ears and said, "Nope. Not listening. You're lying. My son knows nothing about sex. Umm I mean sons."

I smiled, knowing that was the beginning of the healing we needed, and said, "Too soon. You're still my brother."

Josh said, "So what does that make me?"

"A pain in my ass?" I tried to joke, but when he didn't laugh, I looked at him and noticed that his eyes were glistening with tears. I said, "Joshy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that and I didn't mean what I said at the lawyer's office. You've been my best friend since before I can remember. I didn't mean any of it. You're my brother in more ways than one. Can you forgive me?"

He said, "It hurt me when you said that. A lot. I know you didn't mean it, but hearing my best friend call me that hurt. After dad told me about the letter from Mimi, I understood. It doesn't mean it excuses what you said, but I know how upset I would've been if I had gotten that letter. Dad talked to me though, and I couldn't be mad at you. You've always been more like my brother than my uncle, now it's for real. Now, why the hell would Scott do this to you? Who was he with?"

"He got pissed at me because I walked in on his girlfriend giving him..."

Before I could answer further, the doorbell rang. Josh, being the closest to the front door, went to answer it. About a minute later, Robert and I heard "What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" Then we heard someone grunt and a something hit the floor. We both ran to the front door only to see Scott lying on the ground holding his groin. Josh kicked him on his side and said, "That's for fucking with my brother, asshole."

Robert went and grabbed Josh to keep him from kicking Scott anymore.

I walked over to Scott. "Get the fuck out of here and go fuck yourself. Let Kim know she needs to get a strap-on to keep you happy. Josh, come on, we need to pack my room up. We're moving tomorrow."

So, that's how the summer before my senior year started. I lost my parents, found out they weren't my birth parents, lost my nephew, gained a brother, kind of had an almost boyfriend, broke up with my almost boyfriend, had my almost boyfriend's ass handed to him by my nephew who is really my brother, and moved to butt-fucked Southeast Texas.

I haven't really left my room since we moved my shit down here. School starts next week. I'll be starting my senior year, not knowing anybody except my nephew/brother who is a junior. I went from being popular and generally well liked to the new kid in school. I know Mom and Dad loved me. I know they never would've wanted me to feel like I was abandoned. But sometimes the thoughts overpower everything else and I get pissed.

Scott tried to call a few more times. The phone calls and text messages stopped by the end of that first week after I made this post to my Facebook, Twitter, and all the other social media outlets: "I hope Scott can fuck Kim as good as he fucked me. Both literally and figuratively. BTW Kim, he likes it given to him hard and fast. Don't get too mad if he screams my name." I made sure I tagged both of them in the post. Vindictive? Yes. Do I regret it.? No. He hurt me bad. He kicked me when I was down, literally and figuratively. Okay I'll admit it was an asshole move to out somebody, but in my defense, I had had a really bad week. I eventually deleted the post, but since 300 people had already liked it and it was shared just as many times, the damage was done.

Actually, Robert kind of made me delete the post. I guess I would say our relationship is strained if I were asked to describe it. He's trying to be my parent. I still see him as my brother.

Logically, I know Robert didn't abandon me and that it couldn't have been easy for him; but I can't just jump right into a father/son relationship with him. For seventeen years, he was my big brother and I talked to him like brothers talk to each other. There were things I couldn't talk to my parents about; so, I talked to him. He knows things no parent should know about their kid.

Sometimes, I get pissed at Robert and my parents for lying to me for so long. But, after I get upset and Josh asks why, I remember that they all lied to me to keep Josh around. I truly believe Mel would've taken Josh away and kept him from the whole family if any of them had told me the truth. Josh is my rock now. I love my brother. When I find myself getting mad at him or jealous of him, I remember what he's done for me. I never want to hurt Josh again.

Josh still won't tell me the name of the guy he has a crush on. Now he's in love with the guy who calls him Little Buddy. He told me I'll be going to school with them, so I can't know who it is. He's afraid I'll say something to the guy. I wouldn't do that to Josh, unless I knew the guy would be cool about it. Josh isn't out at school, but I told him I'm not going to hide the fact that I'm gay from anyone. He said he'll have my back no matter what. The few friends of his I've met all knew me from Josh talking about his gay uncle that was one year older than him, and they've all been cool. I never heard any of them call him Little Buddy, so I don't guess I've met the mystery man yet.

This is going to be a tough year, but I'm ready. My name is Timothy Jackson Kennedy and this is my fucked up life.