TJ Ch. 09

The EMT's stabilized Sean's right arm as best they could in a splint, then strapped him to a backboard. I couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes. When the EMT's started wheeling Sean towards the ambulance, I tried to follow them. Coach Wilson said they wouldn't allow me to ride with him so not to even try. The whole thing took about fifteen minutes.

I turned to run to my car and ran directly into Robert. I vaguely remember hearing him tell Coach Wilson to let Kevin take Sean's truck and meet us at the hospital. He held me tight to his chest while he guided me towards the gate that led to the parking lot. I heard a car unlock and he sat me down. I wasn't paying attention and he surprised me when he asked for my keys. I blinked and looked around at my surroundings. I was sitting in the passenger seat of Robert's car.

I didn't argue or question him. I pulled my keys out and handed them to him. I heard him say, "Follow us to the hospital in Teej's car. I told Coach Wilson to let Kevin follow in Sean's truck once the game is over."

Robert was weaving through traffic, going around cars like they were standing still. He did still stop at the stoplights and stop signs. He called Mr. McNair over the Bluetooth to let him know Sean was hurt during the game and had to be taken to the ER. Mr. McNair said he would meet us at the hospital since he and Aaron had just gotten back in town. It took us about twenty minutes until we were pulling into the ER's parking lot. I figured it had been about thirty minutes since Sean had been taken off the field.

Once we got out of the car, we both ran through the ER's doors. I looked around and immediately noticed Aaron and Mr. McNair speaking to a nurse. I was about to run over to them when Mr. McNair started following the nurse through the locked doors leading into the emergency room.

Aaron turned around and noticed me. I ran up to him and I think I might have been crying because he wrapped his arms around me and said, "Hey, he's okay. He's awake. They're waiting on the X-rays to see how bad the break is. Jacob just went back to speak with the doctor. Come and sit with me while we wait."

While he was talking to me, he led me to the waiting room and sat me in a chair. He took the one next to me and Robert sat on the other side of me. A few minutes later, Josh ran through the doors looking for us, followed closely by Lori. I remembered Lori had ridden to the game with Robert. About fifteen minutes later, the waiting room suddenly flooded with visitors. The first to arrive were Jarrod, Stacey, Mike, and unfortunately, John. I pointedly ignored him. The next to arrive were all wearing cheerleading uniforms. The only ones I noticed were Jenny, Amber, and to my surprise, Rachel. I ignored her as well. The next group had Kevin, Castro, Patrick, Ethan, Mark, and Chase. The football players all looked like they had taken a shower but didn't bother fully drying off. They were followed by most of the remaining team, including Coach Wilson. The only people missing were Smith, Rogers, and a couple of their cronies.

Kevin sat next to me grinning big time. I asked why he was so happy and he said, "So, the referee called a roughing the passer penalty. That gave us fifteen yards and first down. Patrick came in and handed the ball off to Castro, who ran it in for a touchdown. We ended up winning by ten points."

He must've heard the frustration in my voice when I said, "That's great."

His smile broadened. "You haven't heard the best part yet. There wasn't a lot of partying or cheering in the locker room. Even Smith and Rogers were quiet and not making eye contact with anyone. Finally, Mark went up to them and asked Smith how the guy got past him, then turned to Rogers and asked if his cousin really had to hit Sean so hard."

I interrupted him before he continued, "What? That was Rogers' cousin?"

Mark, with Chase by his side, nodded. "Yeah, the four of us, Smith, Rogers, his cousin, and me, were on the same flag football team when we were younger. Anyways, when I asked them, they both got defensive asking me what I was implying. Before it went any further, Coach came in looking mad as hell and called them into his office."

Coach Wilson took over then. "I don't know if what happened was on purpose, or if they had planned it. All of us knew I couldn't prove anything. So, I did the only thing I could. I told them they were both benched for the rest of the season unless they could prove they knew how to be part of a team. I told them if they said anything to anyone in a negative way, they were both off the team. They were mad as hell but accepted it. They said they would prove to me they could be team players. The fact neither of them are here right now doesn't work in their favor."

Just then, Jacob McNair walked through the doors from the emergency room. He walked directly to me and let me know what happened. "Sean's arm is broken. They just finished putting it in asplint. They're taking him for an MRI now." He then started looking angry before he continued. "I swear, I could grab him and shake him right now. Sorry, I'm a little upset with my son right now. A couple of weeks ago when he was hit hard during practice, he evidently got a concussion. He didn't let anyone know he was having symptoms. He didn't want to be benched. Tonight, he got another concussion before he had time to heal from the first one. Actually, counting all the concussions he's had, tonight's was the fourth one in three years. The doctor had told him after he got the second one last year, if he received another concussion it was important to let everyone know so the doctor and coaches could monitor him. Since he didn't let anyone know he was having symptoms from a couple of weeks ago, this concussion is bad."

Coach Wilson interrupted before Mr. McNair could continue. "I can't let him play anymore. There's no way I'm going to risk him getting permanent brain damage if he gets another concussion. Even after he's healed from this one, he can't play anymore. I'm sorry Jacob."

"It's not your fault. He knows he messed up. He knows he's not going to be able to play football again. He also knows he probably won't be playing baseball next season. He's really down about that, I just hope he doesn't get too down. As far as the concussion from two weeks ago, he told me the only symptoms were some headaches and some mild ringing in his ear. Things he could easily hide. He knew he only had one concussion before he was going to be watched by his doctor. He didn't want to stop playing."

"Why didn't he move after he was hit? I thought he was unconscious or something," I asked.

"He lost consciousness for about thirty seconds, he thinks. He said when he came to, he felt disorientated. He also knew his arm was probably broken. It was too painful for him to move, so he stayed as still as possible. Anyways, they're keeping him here for evaluation and will either let him go home tomorrow or Sunday."

Since everyone was gathered around us, they all heard what happened. People started leaving, asking us to let Sean know they hoped he got better soon. Patrick told us he and Ethan wanted to stay, but Ethan needed to get home. I let him know I would call him the next day and let him know what was going on. Castro, Jenny, Amber, Mike, Jarrod, Stacey, and fuckface oops, I mean John left with them. Soon, Robert, Lori, Kevin, Josh, Mark, Chase, Coach Wilson, Aaron, and Mr. McNair were left with me.

With the chaos of everyone leaving, I ended up sitting by myself for a bit. That didn't last too long before Chase sat next to me. I hadn't had a lot of interaction with them this week, so I didn't know much about them. It took me by surprise when I felt Chase's hand on my shoulder. I looked at them and asked, "I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive, but do I refer to you as him, her, or them?"

Chase laughed, "No, it's fine. I'm glad you asked, most people don't care enough to ask. If you see me and my hair is pulled back like this, I'm usually Chase and you can say him. If you see Chasity I prefer her. When I'm Chasity, I'll either have my hair down and fixed, or pulled into a high ponytail. If you're referring to me in general, them is fine. Are you holding up okay?"

The question took me by surprise. He could tell because he continued, "Everyone is running around here worried about Sean. I am too. But, nobody's asked you if you were doing okay. I can tell you're worried about him. I saw your face right before you jumped over the railing. I could tell how much you care about him. Seeing someone we love get hurt like that hurts us too."

"Wow, thanks for asking. I'm okay now. I was in a haze after they loaded him into the ambulance. Not knowing what was going on was one of the scariest things I've been through. I felt so helpless. The only time I felt close to that was at the beginning of summer after my parents were killed in a car wreck. That's when I found out Robert was my biological father, and I had to move down here."

He hugged me tighter. "I'm sorry TJ."

We sat in silence for a few moments before I asked, "When did you figure out you were genderfluid? How have you managed it at school?"

"I'm not sure I can pinpoint a specific time. I've always known I was different. There were days when I was younger I wanted to play dress up and wear makeup I would borrow from my older sister. Then there were other days when I didn't want to look like a girl at all. My mom's a psychiatrist, so she's always been more liberal as far as letting me and my brother and sisters be who we want to be.

"I guess I was about eight or nine when she asked me if I felt like I was a girl or boy. I looked at her and asked, 'Why can't I be both?' When I started puberty, she asked me again and I gave her the same answer. That's when she knew for certain I was genderfluid and told me I could be whomever I wanted to be whenever I wanted to be. She asked me if I would prefer to be called something else when I felt like a girl. She let me know Chasity would've been my name if I had been born with female genitalia, so Chasity was born. She took me shopping and bought me almost a full wardrobe of girl clothes and make up. I've always looked androgynous, so it was easy to switch back and forth.

"As far as school, I was picked on at first. But, I've always had the attitude- if you don't like me, fuck you, there's the door. Plus, when my mom first suspected I was either trans or fluid, she enrolled me in martial arts. She said she wanted me to be able to defend myself if I needed to. It doesn't do the bullies any good when the person they're pushing around throws them to the ground. Once they figured that out, they left me alone."

I stood up and pulled Chase with me. I gave him a big hug and said, "Thank you both for asking if I was okay and answering my questions. And by the way, I think you're the perfect person for Mark. I'm sorry I didn't speak to you much this past week. The fact you showed up and John introduced you as one of his friends, I guess I prejudged you."

He pulled back from me and looked me in the eyes. "John and I are not friends. He has no respect for people's boundaries. The first time he asked Mark if he wanted a repeat of last week in front of me, I told him exactly where Chasity's high heel would be planted if he tried it again. He thinks other people's relationships are jokes. His excuse is all gay guys cheat, so everyone should be fair game. Except he did say Sean was his ex and he hopes they'll get back together soon."

"They were never together. He was Sean's first and they only messed around a couple of times. Last Friday night, he told me Sean would be his again. I told him he was a psycho-stalker. I really think he's going to get himself hurt one day when he tries to force himself on the wrong person. I know if I catch him touching Sean ever again, I'll kick his ass."

Mark walked over to us and asked, "Teej, why are you hugging my boyfriend?"

I looked at Chase with a raised eyebrow. He said, "If I'm Chase I'm his boyfriend. If I'm Chasity I'm his girlfriend. If he's not sure, I'm his significant other. I know it sounds tragically generic, but it's the best we can think of." He released the hug and turned to Mark. "Are you ready to go? Patrick's brother is home this weekend, so him and Ethan are coming over to your place tomorrow."

At the mention of Patrick's brother, Mark actually growled. "If that asshole says anything about Ethan ever again, I'll kick his ass into next week."

Chase replied, "You'd have to get in line behind Patrick."

I interrupted, "What did Patrick's brother do to Ethan?"

Josh was sitting close enough to overhear us and spoke up. "Ben is nothing but a bully. He's about five years older than Patrick and when Patrick was five or six, he would beat him up and tell him if he told their parents he would get in trouble for fighting and get a spanking. When their mom finally noticed the bruises on Patrick's arms, Ben had to find new ways to pick on him. That's when he started calling all of us names, and why Patrick didn't think anything about picking on me four years ago. He didn't want to disappoint his brother by being a faggot, since that's one of the most popular words in Ben's vocabulary. Anyone smaller than him who can't fight or doesn't play sports is automatically a faggot. So, you can imagine what he says about Ethan."

"He's so scared of Ben, he can't even speak in front of him," Mark let us know.

A nurse walked out to speak to Mr. McNair. He asked who TJ was and when I raised my hand, the nurse asked us to follow him. We stepped away from the crowd and he told us, "Sean's being transferred to a private room." He then turned to me and asked, "I guess you're TJ?" I nodded, and he continued, "Visiting hours are over, but he's asking to see you. You two can go up and see him, but only for a few minutes. He needs his rest. He'll be in room 316."

When the nurse left us, I let Robert and the rest know what was going on. Mr. McNair told Kevin to take Josh home in Sean's truck and stay the night, since he wasn't sure when he would be home. We headed to the elevator and up to the third floor.

The door to Sean's room was partially opened, so I knocked on it before entering. He was sitting up in the bed, staring at the wall across from him. He glanced our way briefly before looking down at his lap. He looked sad and lost. It broke my heart to see him sitting there. Mr. McNair went to his left side and placed his hand on Sean's shoulder.

"I came up to tell you goodnight. I'll be back in the morning. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

Sean didn't answer him, he just shook his head.

"Alright, son. You get some rest and remember I love you. I'll see you in the morning."

He crossed to me and place his arm over my shoulder and asked me to walk him to the door.

I looked at Sean and said, "Hey babe, I'll be right back okay?" He didn't respond or anything. When I went to give him a kiss, he wouldn't even look at me, so I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and walked out of the room.

Once we were outside Sean's room, he said in a low voice., "Stay with him as long as you can, please. Don't leave until they kick you out. I don't want to think about him being here alone and upset. I think you'll have a better chance to cheer him up some. Don't let him push you away."

I nodded. He patted me on the back a couple of times and started walking away. Before he got too far, I called out, "Mr. McNair!"

He turned around and walked back to me. "TJ, you can call me Jacob."

I smiled a little. "Okay, Jacob. I was wondering if the doctor told you how long he'll have to take off from school."

Jacob sighed. "He needs to take at least the whole week off. I guess it means I'll have to rearrange my schedule again to take off. He needs someone checking on him throughout the day."

"Well, I have a free period right before lunch, so I could spend the free hour and lunch hour with him, if Robert will let me, which I'm pretty sure he will. I can also pick up and bring his assignments with me. Then Josh and I could come over after school and stay with him till either you or Kevin gets home. I mean, if it's okay with you."

He regarded me for a few moments, then said, "If Robert's okay with it, yeah, I think that would work out. Oh, let Kevin know he can use Sean's truck for the week. Sean's not going to be going anywhere."

"Okay, I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow. Go get some rest. I'll let Kevin know about the truck."

I walked back into the room and Sean was laying down. He had his eyes closed, but I could tell he wasn't asleep. I'd spent too many mornings watching him sleep to know his breathing pattern. I sat in the chair next to the bed and watched him pretend to sleep, hoping he would talk to me.

Finally, after about five minutes of silence, I spoke up. "Are you just going to lay there with your eyes closed or are you going to at least acknowledge my existence?" I waited for thirty seconds before continuing. "You're the one who asked to see me." I was going to wait another thirty seconds, but then I noticed the tears falling from the side of his eyes.

I knew it would probably get me in trouble, but I really didn't give a flying fuck. I crawled into the bed and cuddled up next to him, placed my arm around his waist to avoid his cast, and held him. I whispered in his ear, "Shh, I'm here for you."

His voice came out as a croak when he asked, "Aren't you going to tell me it's going to be okay?"

"Is that what you want to hear?"

"No." He was quiet for a few moments before he said, "Teej, I've lost everything and all because I'm a selfish dumbass."

"Hey, don't call yourself selfish. You are the most selfless person I know. You go out of your way to make sure all of your friends are okay. I'm not going to argue the dumbass part though. Why didn't you tell anyone you were having symptoms?"

He sighed. "I wanted to play football. It's my senior year and I thought I wouldn't get hurt again. I'm sorry. What exactly happened? I can't really remember."

"The way I saw it was, number thirty on their team somehow got past Smith and he blindsided you. The tackle was hard enough I saw your head snap back. You dropped the ball before you hit the ground. Once you hit the ground...I never want to hear that sound again. I swear I heard the second your arm broke. I jumped the railing and ran out to the field. You weren't moving. I was so fucking scared.

"The ref called roughing the passer, Patrick called a handoff to Castro, who ran it in for a touchdown. We won by ten."

I thought about not telling him who the person tackled him was and figured he'd hear it sooner or later. "The guy who tackled you is Rogers' cousin. Coach Wilson benched Smith and Rogers. He said they could play again once they can prove they can be part of a team. He told me the fact they didn't show up tonight didn't help their case a lot."

Sean didn't respond to any of this. I wasn't sure if he already knew who hit him or what, but all he did was snuggle up closer to me. After a few moments, I said, "Oh, by the way, the ER waiting room was filled with people who were worried about you. You'll probably get a shit-ton of visitors tomorrow." Again, Sean didn't respond.

I'm not sure how long we laid there, me holding him tightly, before the night nurse came in and looked at us on the bed. She looked at me and said, "I'm going to walk back out of this door and wait about thirty seconds, then I'm coming back in. If you're still in that bed, I will assume you're the patient and since you don't have an IV line like your friend there, I'll have to give you a shot using this here needle." She pulled out a needle that was about three inches long from a drawer. "Your choice."