To Have and Have Not

She wouldn't take the risk. I just KNEW that. I felt utterly simple minded.

She said gently, "Being a woman I know that she ACTUALLY thought. She thought that she had the situation under control. That was because she didn't intend to cheat. There was no malicious intent, no mens-rea in the legal sense.

"She's not a total slut right?"

I said with some anger, "Of COURSE NOT. She is very controlled. She has an excellent self-image. She has never come CLOSE to inappropriate behavior with ANY other man except this dude."

Marigold looked like I had just confirmed something.

She said, "Then I assume that you realize that any woman with even a modicum of self-respect does not plan to get fucked outdoors, in the middle of the day, in a public setting where any stranger could wander idly by.

"If she had met him at the Sheraton, then she was probably planning to cheat. But her meeting him in the middle of all of the moms and kids and bugs and wildlife in a public park indicates that she had nothing on her mind besides conversation."

"She is willful right? Thinks she is smarter than anybody else? She just assumed that the consequences of the first discovery would get her past her fatal attraction to the guy.

"And that meeting with him again was no big deal. It was not something you would divorce her over as long as it stayed platonic. And she was also probably testing herself, in order to be sure that she had closed that door.

"But, by placing herself in that situation she underestimated the guy's intentions and how far into him she actually was.

"He clearly connived to put her there because he realized that she was still vulnerable. And all he needed to do was to give her a little push to send her over the edge.

"He chose that specific setting because he knew that she would never meet with him if he suggested something like a motel room.

"So it was a cleverly planned seduction on HIS part.

"Letting herself get lured into that trap was pure blind arrogance on HER part. All beautiful women think that they can control ANY man. That was her chief mistake.

"Let me ask. Do you think that she ever fucked anybody else while you were married?"

I said huffily, "Certainly not!"

I was sure of that answer. There was just no way. We were together too much. And I knew Sarah too well. I was absolutely confident that I would have been able to tell if she had gone down that road.

In fact, I was getting weird vibes from her the week before she was going to fuck Shithead in Chicago. And she hadn't even done it yet.

The goddess said, "So getting physical with this guy was her only misstep. And it was because he pursued her relentlessly.

"Plus he was some kind of walking phallic symbol. Is that right?"

I said, "That about sums it up. He looks like somebody who stepped off the cover of GQ. And he knows his stuff when it comes to seducing women."

She took a sip of her drink, set it down and contemplated for a minute. It looked like she was trying to frame a thought. She said, "Notwithstanding her intention to do it in Chicago, do you think that she ever actually fucked him before you separated? Did she admit to blowing him, or jacking him off?"

I said, "God no! I KNOW that she didn't do that. The furthest he ever got was to play with her tits. When I broke that up he was around second base and heading for third."

She said, "And you divorced her for THAT?!! What in the world was going through your mind? Are you THAT naïve about sex?

"If you were still married to her and I unexpectedly reached over and started massaging your dick, do you think that would justify her divorcing YOU? Is that something you would accept as fair?"

I said with some heat, "Of course not!!"

Then I just sat there staring at the enveloping fog. It had been so clear for over two years. Now this superbly self-confident woman was sitting across the table relentlessly chipping away at my certainty

I said in a voice loaded with irritation, "Are you condoning infidelity? Because that's what it sounds like? She would have fucked him in Chicago if I hadn't stumbled into the situation by sheer blind luck. And she looked like she was going to fuck him in the park the second time. That's a fact.

"It doesn't matter that she didn't actually consummate anything with the guy. She would have fucked him no doubt if I hadn't kept interrupting things.

"I even concede that she might not have planned to do it the second time. But she yielded to his line of bullshit and in doing that put herself in a place where he could get a shot at her. That disrespected me and our marriage.

"I knew after the first incident that she would never leave him alone. The second occasion just cemented that fact. The guy was a lot better looking than I am. And I had my pride to consider."

She looked like I had finally revealed the true underlying cause and it disappointed her.

She said, "You are telling me that you just handed her over to that asshole because you felt THREATENED? You didn't fight for her, just surrendered without firing a shot because your ego wouldn't let you challenge another man for her affections

"I am not condoning infidelity. But I AM suggesting that the intention to cheat is different than actually committing the crime.

"It's the difference between standing in the window and actually jumping.

"Until the person jumps there is STILL the opportunity to change their mind. But you just TOOK OFF rather than stoop to competing with somebody else for her. I can't believe that you didn't do your absolute best to talk her off the ledge.

"If you really truly wanted her you would have fought to keep her. She hadn't done anything unforgivable yet.

"You should have had it out with both of them on the spot and gotten some resolution. At least that way you would have walked away knowing that you'd given it your best shot."

I didn't like the way this conversation was going. It made me sound like a pathetic weenie, instead of the noble man of principle that I had always viewed myself as.

She said, "Let's get to the crux of the matter here. Did you ask her about what happened afterward? Did she tell you how she ended up flat on her back?"

I said, "I never spoke another word to her after I left. She tried to talk to ME but I wouldn't let her."

She shook her head and said, "Do you think that she loves him like she loved you? Are they together?"

I said. "No, I don't believe so. He's still married. And they don't work together because they fired him the next day.

"But of course I could be wrong. I never see her and nobody will talk about her in my presence. She has tried to call me on every major holiday but I don't take her calls."

Marigold sat back and regarded me with a look of fond amusement. It was like I was a backward child, silly and naïve but I couldn't be blamed for being that way.

I got what she was thinking. I am not a total idiot. This divine creature had made me see that I had abandoned my wife for no other reason than the fact that a more attractive guy was trying to take her away from me.

Sarah is a woman that any man would want. She had approached but not crossed any unpardonable lines. While at the same time she had declared over-and-over that I was the man she wanted.

Nevertheless, I had not fought any pitched battles to keep her on my side. There were no last ditch attempts to save the marriage. No competition whatsoever.

I took one look at my rival and the moment she wavered I bailed. My little voice shook its head ruefully and said, "You are a complete and utter pussy my friend."

Marigold looked contemplative for a moment and then seemed to reach an important decision.

She pawed around in her little Coach purse. Then she pulled out a hundred and absent-mindedly dropped it on the table like I would a dollar.

She rose briskly and took me by the hand pulling me to my feet.

She said, "Come on. You need an attitude adjustment."

I was totally bewildered. She had gone from grand Inquisitor to mental health professional in a split second.

We rode down to the suite level and she walked us to her room. It was one of the Terrace Suites, nothing too ostentatious, just totally luxurious. I was gaping at it like the country bumpkin I was.

She hadn't said a word to me since we left the Top. She just walked into her suite and proceeded directly into the bedroom.

The understanding was that I would follow. It was just assumed.

So I trooped along behind her like a little wooly lamb. Did I mention that she was a force of nature?

I was not getting the slightest tawdry vibe from this. What I was sensing was that I was about to undergo some kind of transcendent learning experience, where she was the teacher and I was the student.

And the lesson actually had nothing to do with the sex, which was clearly imminent.

It had the aura of renewal about it. There was no mistaking it. This earth-bound angel was about to bestow a miracle of enlightenment on me. It was like she was preparing to move me to a higher level of awareness. And it would restore my nerve and my lost perspective.

I wondered if she turned water into wine as a sidelight.

I still wasn't sure what I thought about the situation. But Old Lucifer had no misgivings. He was raring to go. That was a total surprise. He had just lain there quietly since the day I closed the door on Sarah.

Marigold turned briskly toward me, almost business-like, and stepped out of her skirt. Then she laid it on the chair next to the bed. She removed her blouse and put it and all of the gold on top of the skirt.

I saw her body revealed for the first time. Her hips were extremely full and muscular with a narrow nipped in waist and then a well-developed back, with a little indentation in her spine all the way from her shoulders to the two deep dimples in her huge delectable buns.

She unsnapped her bra and turned toward me. Her gorgeous breasts literally made me gasp. Nude, I could see that they were even bigger than I thought. And there was no sag whatsoever. They looked like two watermelons cut in half.

She looked at me questioningly but I was rooted to the spot. I had never seen such bounty.

Then she slid off her thong revealing a smooth totally bald pussy. It was perfect.

She was standing next to the bed now, unselfconsciously naked, posed like an ancient Greek statue and waiting for me. The look in her eye was speculative, like she was saying, "What have you got?"

I just stood there staring at that gorgeous body. She had a smooth woman's six-pack and above that a full ribcage. Sitting on that ribcage were two of the most beautiful breasts one could imagine.

They were huge but they were perfectly formed full and broad and round, they were arranged close together across her entire chest, giving her cleavage even though she was not creating it with a bra.

The nipples on those breasts were puffy rather than flat and they were currently very erect, almost like acorns.

Her neck was long and muscular. Her shoulders were broad for a woman, but they were incongruously vulnerable compared to the rest of her powerful female body.

Her legs were full and graceful with the muscle definition on her thighs evident, even under that soft womanly skin. Her hips were full with perfectly formed and very muscular flanks. The flat of her lower belly between her two prominent hip bones looked rock hard.

But her face trumped everything. Her beauty was heart stopping, centered on her huge deep, intelligent cat eyes. Those yellow predator eyes were looking at me hungrily.

She stood serenely, totally unselfconscious. She had inquiry written on her face. She was posed with one of those incredible thighs overlapping the other like a model.

She was still wearing her thigh high nylons and her four inch heels and the effect of that was like something out of the most sensual Parisian fantasy. It was like Toulouse- Lautrec himself had drawn it.

My level of need was building to volcanic proportions and the pressure was getting unbearable. Then something inside me snapped and I had to have her without any preliminaries.

I knew that she was in total control. And I was willing to surrender the power to her, which was a completely unique state of affairs for me.

She actually got a self-satisfied smirk on her face as I struggled clumsily out of my clothes and strode across the floor to take her in my arms. The feel of that hot body against my skin almost made me cum right there on the spot.

She turned her face up to me, she was a relatively tall woman. But I still had almost four inches on her. We kissed with open mouthed ardor. She was totally open to me, inviting me into all of her secret places.

Both of us were breathing, panting rapidly as our tongues dueled.

I walked her backward and laid her down on the bed, crawling up between her spread legs. She slid herself further back on the bed so that she was fully on it. She reached up over her head and seized the bars of the headboard arching her big beautiful breasts for our mutual enjoyment.

I fastened my lips on an engorged nipple, which was already extended as far as I had ever seen one of those captivating appendages get.

She cried out and bucked lightly against me, her red hot slit sliding up and down on my cock. The lubrication indicated that she wanted this as much as I did.

She was panting and moaning; her remarkable eyes were staring at me stoned with lust. She was forcefully humping her mound against me now, making little cries each time we came together.

I wanted the foreplay to go on forever. But the heat and excitement was too much. She rolled a rubber on me. She must have palmed it as she was undressing. It was a seamless gesture. She was clearly a master of the art.

I inserted myself in her. She gave a loud satisfied groan. And opened her legs wider to draw me deeper into her hot, tight, very wet passage.

The journey up into her was a study in silky smoothness with little nips and flutters. Then she threw her legs widely into the air above both of us and began to seriously fuck against me. She was gasping now, like she couldn't get her breath and yelling, just absolutely yelling, "Ahhhh Yesssss FUCK ME!!"

I was slamming into her so hard that the bed was banging against the wall behind us. She grabbed the backs of her knees and completely spreadeagled herself. Then she reached down and seized my ass in her red lacquered claws and pulled me further into her.

At that juncture, she started a series of rapid fire up-and-down movements while she urgently clawed my back, her fingers were like the talons of a bird of prey. She started yelling, "MMMMMM!! MMMMM!! COMMMING!! COMMMING!!"And then she sank her teeth into my shoulder.

Even in the throes of ecstasy I thought, "This woman is more cat than human!!"

She continued to cum, bucking like a wild thing. Her powerful woman's body was bouncing both of us all over the bed as she humped back at me.

She had her legs wrapped around me and she was shouting over-and-over, "That's it!! Right there!! Give it to me baby!! Give it ALL to me!! Don't stop!! Don't ever stop!! Fill me up!!"

That did it. I shouted "OH FUCK, OH YEAHH! And I came in ways that must have changed the barometric pressure in her womb. I saw stars and rockets and nearly blacked out. Blackouts will happen when your blood pressure is probably registering somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 over 495.

We both came back slowly. That was the most intense sex I had ever experienced and she must have come three or four separate times in the process. So I imagine she was feeling a little worked out.

I slid off of her to lie gasping on the bed.

She eventually raised herself on one elbow, her huge right tit squashed against my chest and said, "You are an amazing man Davey. I know a lot about men and I can't imagine why you would ever feel threatened by any other male of the species.

"I bet your ex-wife is really missing what you just gave me.

"Now let me get you back in action, because this is going to be a long night for both of us. I really liked what you did to me and I need you to do it again, several more times, before you will be released from your duties."

Then a warm mouth closed over Old Lucifer.

I awoke with the sun streaming through the floor to ceiling windows of the suite. She was nowhere to be seen. I looked at the bedside clock. It was 7:30 AM. I had gotten perhaps four hours of sleep.

She appeared in the bedroom in one of those huge white bathrobes. She was carrying one for me.

I reached for HER instead.

By the way she reacted I could tell that she was done with me. It was nothing like the all-enfolding response her body had given me over-and-over the prior night.

She handed me the robe and said, "I ordered room service. I hope you like full English breakfasts. The woman was truly an angel. I could have eaten a Mastodon after the exercise last night.

I was gratified to see that she looked as well-fucked as I felt.

She had been almost preternatural last night. She was completely and totally giving, while being insanely greedy. It was just straight sex in a number of conventional positions. But her hungers and her physical strength made what we were doing seem almost divine.

I assumed that I had caught her interest because she saw a wrong that she knew she could redress. I realize that at its core it was just sex for her. But it was ALSO a gracious act of spiritual renewal.

Last night she had helped me to rediscover my manhood, to recover my courage and faith in myself.

I was also aware that she was doing the healing through her own superb sense of self.

This was a woman who simply operated on a different plane of existence. And she brought everybody she touched up to her level.

After one night with Marigold Wilson I felt stronger and more self-assured than I had ever been in my life.

More importantly, I was also aware that I could go back to Madison and do the right thing. She expected me to close the loop with Sarah. And I was not going to disappoint this superb woman.

She was so fundamentally lovely sitting there in the snow white robe with her perfect face and her tousled auburn hair. The sight of all that beauty made my heart hurt. She was assessing me with that intimidating feline gaze.

She said in a voice that would brook no argument, "You need to hunt her up now and finish the job. It is probably over between you two. But you can't leave things hanging the way you left them.

"You have to get complete closure with her or you are going to die an old and bitter man."

---

As I was riding in the cab out to SFO I was beginning to wonder whether the person I had made love to was actually real. Or if she was some heavenly spirit who had taken a break from her angelic duties to touch the lives of two humble people. The experience was THAT far out of the ordinary.

I was drained. Sarah is fantastic in bed. But Marigold Wilson was in a different world entirely. It was like comparing a National Champ to an Olympic one.

Bernie was curious about my evening but he didn't ask. He was flying on to New York when we parted company in Minneapolis. I got on the puddle-jumper to Dane County Airport.

I hate west-to-east travel because two hours of the day just evaporate. So I was getting into my place at sunset even though it was only early evening where I left.

I have a nice little condo off the Madison campus. It has an excellent view of Lake Mendota.

Sarah got the house. I got the boat. I considered it a fair deal. If it weren't for my little boat I would have probably gone nuts last summer. I practically lived on the water. The peace and tranquility of the big lake kept me from going off the deep end perhaps literally.