To Have and Have Not

I started to stand up but she grabbed my hand with both of hers. The emotions playing across her face were terrible to behold.

She said with ache in her voice, "Now you have to listen to me."

I politely sat back down.

She said, "I was devastated when you left I just sat in the house and cried for six straight months. My work sucked. I felt like everybody there thought I was a slut. And they knew why you divorced me.

"But even though you were gone I wanted you to be proud of me. I know you wouldn't respect the sniveling wretch that I had become. So I pulled myself together and started to get back into the world. I concentrated on work and I started dating again.

"Over the last 20 months I have slept with a half dozen men and none of them did anything for me, it was worse than nothing. It reminded me of what I had lost. And I would cry afterward even though we had been divorced forever."

She looked at me with infinite sadness and said, "I know it sounds insane. We were living separate lives but I felt like I was being unfaithful to you. I realize that was an absolutely pathetic state to be in."

She smiled ruefully and added, "Needless to say those guys didn't hang around for very long after I explained the reason for my hysterics."

Like I said, she has a delicious sense of irony.

"Steven is a nice young man but he is not the love of my life. YOU are. I had a complete and total breakdown last night after he fucked me. It must have been the result of being in your arms earlier.

"I told him what the problem was. He knows how much I am still hung up on YOU. And he is history now too."

Another sad, ironic smile. I felt only elation, no jealousy.

I smiled sheepishly and said, "You have no idea how much I have learned in two years."

There was no way I could explain how blindingly sudden that revelation actually was. Saint Paul and I probably could have compared notes.

She gave me a forlorn grin and said quietly, "Me too."

She added with deep emotion, "So the question is, when we love and need each other so much, why are we apart?

"You did some really stupid and hurtful things and so did I. Two years have passed and we are different people now, at least I know I am.

"I have spent hours in introspection and I have a much better understanding of why I do things. I have learned how take control of my own life."

I said, "So what are we talking about here? I only wanted to beg your forgiveness. I was not trying to get back in your life."

She said with hopefulness in her voice, "Do you want to be?"

I said, "That's a ridiculous question. Since the instant I laid eyes on you almost 12 years ago I have never wanted any other woman. The chance to have what we used to have would seal up the bleeding crack in my heart and I could be whole again.

"But how could we possibly do that."

She smiled and said, "You always think way too much. Two long years have passed. It feels like an eternity. In essence, we are total strangers sitting here.

"I have had to learn from my mistakes and carry on with my life. And you have too. We are different people than when we were married. And we probably have a lot to relearn about each other.

"So as far as I'm concerned I just met you. But I think that I might want to get to know you better."

She leaned toward me and took my hand in both of hers. She gave me the hottest look I have ever seen from her and said, "We should just treat this like a normal date and take it from there sailor."

She was an absolute terror that night, wilder than I ever remembered her.

The minute we got in the house she stepped out of her dress and dragged me into the master bedroom by the front of my shirt.

Watching those big magnificent buns twitch as she walked in front of me in a thong, had Old Lucifer feeling very young and randy indeed.

My little voice was scratching its head and wondering, "When did she start wearing thongs?"

Then she turned and just ripped my shirt open, buttons flying everywhere and fell to her knees and dropped my pants like a pro.

She proceeded to gobble Old Lucifer like it was a very hot day and he was the last ice cream cone on earth.

She had obviously expanded her skill set a great deal in the previous two years. She had never done anything even close to that in our entire marriage.

Of course pure jealousy reared its ugly head. But this time the little voice in my head reminded me to "shut up and enjoy it." I was the one who had cut her loose. And I had no claim on whatever happened in the interim.

She was in essence a different woman than the one who I had married and then divorced. And I had to start seeing her that way.

I was about to cum when she pulled off me and frantically dragged me toward the bed.

Since she was holding onto Old Lucifer with a grip of steel I had to go along or I would have parted company with my favorite appendage.

The frenzied aggression was a new thing too. But I suppose you learn to be that way when you are single and horny.

She turned toward me and without further ado threw both of her arms around my neck, put her right hand behind my head and dragged me down to the hottest kiss she had ever given me.

Her wide sensual lips opened underneath mine and I could feel her tongue probing my mouth. The sensation of that contact made her moan loudly.

I threw my arms around her and hugged her to my chest. Her huge boobs pillowed out between us. She was breathing rapidly now, caught up in the feeling. Her moans were getting louder.

She freed herself momentarily from my grasp, and agitatedly unsnapped her bra letting it slide off of her shoulders. She held it momentarily to her breasts with crossed arms. Then she dropped her arms.

What fell out were those two gorgeous breasts that I knew well and positively loved.

Her boobs are magnificent, full, meaty, high and proud, with two big dark nipples sticking out like something in a pornographic cartoon.

I had seen them thousands of times before. But it is like listening to the first notes of Beethoven's Ninth. You might have heard it, but it still profoundly moves you.

I had an overwhelming desire to suck on them. I knew that Fuckface had done the same thing. And for the first time ever it gave me no heartburn.

I sat on the bed and pulled her to stand between my legs. Her breasts had actually gotten much bigger since I had last enjoyed them.

I hefted their weight in each palm. They were so big that the majority part of them still hung out past the edge of my hand.

She let out a loud groan and threw her head back overwhelmed by sheer sensation. I was sitting on the bed while I drove her wild working on her nipples. She was crushing me to her left tit. And she was making rhythmic ugh-ugh-ugh noises as I nursed that swelling red-hot nub.

She was on fire. Never in our extensive sexual history did I remember her being so turned on. She was just dripping. The smell of aroused woman was giving every hormone in my body a massive hard on.

She pushed me back, hastily scrambled up on the bed straddled me, and pushed her dripping thong aside. Then she roughly inserted me into her white hot passage.

As I slid into her she simply flopped on my chest. She was like a puppet whose strings had been cut. She seemed to have been rendered totally, inarticulate, making odd moaning, gasping and grunting noises and hugging me to her delectable chest. It was like she was cemented to the front of me.

She must have come twice while I was moving up into her and we hadn't actually started fucking yet.

It nearly killed her when I hit bottom and started to move. It put her into an absolutely brave new world of wild cries, frantic bucking and hyperventilating.

She went from lying on my chest to leaning as far back as she could with her hands gripping my thighs as she ground her clit into me. That set off more hyperventilating.

She started yelling, "OH GOD DAVEY!! IT'S BEEN SO LONG!! YOU FEEL SO GOOD!! FUCK ME, JUST FUCK ME!!

I was watching those huge tits shaking in a dozen different directions as she ground on me. She was making savage groans and cries. The expression on her face was intense passion. She was so wet that I could feel her hot juices dripping down my leg and onto the sheets underneath.

Then she came one final time. It was with a force that was mindboggling. Her tight passage began to spasm uncontrollably and she shrieked with the sensation. Her hips were a blur of activity and her abandoned cries were like the constant breaking of the surf.

She was just yelling, "YESSSSSS, OH GOD YESSSSSS!! IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!

At which point she halted dramatically. She was totally still. It was an almost weirdly spiritual moment. It was like she had reached some kind of sexual Nirvana.

Her passage was still milking me and she was panting heavily but she sat straight up straddling me with her strong legs gripping my hips.

The look on her face was almost unearthly serene.

Still astride, she put her hands on my shoulders, opened her eyes and focused directly on me. She was having a hyper-rational moment. I could see her incredible strength, vitality and essential wisdom in her striking blue eyes; as well as something else.

She was communicating without words what she had learned through loss. It was the simple fact that she knew that she had room in her heart for only ONE special man. And that man was me. It was the vision of the steadfast loyalty and the absolute commitment that she would give me as a result of that knowledge.

The insight that she had gained through intense grief would make her the most devoted and finest life companion that a man could ever want. And that newfound understanding would drive her choices for the rest of her life.

Chemistry is a funny thing. The attraction never goes away. And life had taught both of us the cost of not accepting that vital reality.

Some people just know things. Others have to learn them the hard way. Not recognizing how much we needed each other had led both of us to commit nearly unpardonable sins.

But we both understood the rules now. And it wouldn't happen again. She said with profound emotion, "I love you Davey. I'm yours. I will always be yours."

I knew in that special instant that she was my woman and I would be her man forever. But I still added with utter sincerity, "And I will fight to the death to keep you mine."

It was astonishing really. I had set out five hours ago to do nothing more than apologize to her, so that I could move on with my life.

Yet with no planning or forethought whatsoever it had all dropped into place. As the old Neal McCoy song put it, "There was no doubt about it. We were meant to be together."

And in whatever part of paradise that she calls home, Marigold Wilson finally got her wings.

EPILOG

The wedding took place on the terrace at the Union. Where else could it be? My bride was gorgeous in a simple flowered silk dress. My best man was a guy named Bernie. He had on his most elegant aloha shirt. So did I and fuck the tradition.

We exchanged the same vows we had made eight and

a half years earlier. But this time there was no question in either of our minds that these would be forever. All we had to do was look into each other's eyes to know that.

But I had also learned that it is part of my duty as her husband to guard my wife from all predators. And I was going to devote myself to ensuring she would always be mine.

As I had told my guardian angel, "You can only hit your thumb so many times before you learn."

And we had both learned the difference between "having" and "not having."

The return to our house and our life together was joyous. We hosted the wedding party in our back yard, the one we both loved so much.

As the last guests left I got us a couple of beers and we watched the sun go down. It had been a hot day. The cicadas started their age old rhythm.

I looked at her sitting in her chair, the one that she had always sat in during the most priceless moments of my life. She was my best friend and life's companion.

She looked at me and extended her bottle. We clinked the necks together.

She said, "Promise me that we will always talk about anything. Promise me that please. If we are honest with each other we will never lose this."

I said, "I swear on our absolute happiness that the instant I have a concern, ANY concern, you will hear about it. And I won't stop talking about it until we resolve it. I will never lose you again."

Then we both turned and watched the last sliver of dark red sun disappear behind the tree line. We were together and the peace and tranquility descended on both of us.