To Have, & Have Not

The scene continued, and seemed to be almost torturous to Amanda. Quickly, she sat up, grabbed the remote, and turned the TV off. She threw the remote onto the floor, and began to weep.

Shocked, Rick stopped massaging and turned to her. "What is it?"

"I can't take it anymore. I feel like everywhere I look, it's sex, sex, SEX! It's too much! I should be able to enjoy sex!"

Rick was still stunned, but spoke. "So what's stopping you?"

"Myself. Did you know I'm a virgin?"

Rick sat silently for a minute, trying to choose his words carefully. "I had an idea. I wasn't sure. It was none of my business, so I didn't ask."

"I think about sex. A lot. I want it to be special, and right, and amazing, and..."

Without another word, she jumped on top of Rick, and began to kiss him. Rick was still trying to digest the earlier shock when this happened. He'd wanted to taste her for so long, he kissed her back while wrapping his arms around her, pulling her body on top of his. Instinctively, she mounted him, her legs spread apart on top of him. She could feel his penis beginning to harden inside of his shorts. His hands gripped her hips as she slowly, almost subtly began to grind against him. Her nipples hardened as their kiss continued. Rick wanted to be inside of her. He's wanted that almost from the moment they met, but the longer their friendship had gone on, the more intense his longing became. He had initially become attracted to her physical attributes, but the more he was around her, the more attracted he was to everything she had to offer. He loved her humor. He loved her intelligence. He loved her compassion. He loved so many features she had, that he did not. He wanted to have her, but he also wanted this to be her night.

Amanda abruptly ended their kiss, and looked at Rick, somewhat frightened. Rick took her hand in an effort to comfort her.

"What, Amanda?"

"I'm scared of what I'm feeling right now. I've never really had these thoughts before."

"Can you tell me what you're thinking?"

"I'm thinking that...I want to be with you. I'm thinking that I trust you more than anyone I've ever known. I'm thinking that nothing has ever felt more right than this moment. I'm thinking that I want you to teach me...how to be with a man."

Rick contemplated what she had just said, momentarily. "I'll make you a deal. I don't want to teach you how to be with a man; I want to teach you what it's like to be with me."

Amanda smiled at him lovingly. Before she could speak, Rick added, "On one condition: NO inhibitions. Not tonight." She nodded her approval, still a little nervous.

Rick pulled her back to him, and began to kiss her again. She wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him with more furor than she'd ever known. She was in a state of mind and body that she'd never found herself before, but was quickly growing to like, particularly because she was sharing it with Rick.

Rick stood up, and took both of her hands in his. "Come on." He began to lead her back into her bedroom. She was anxious, but willing. She allowed him to lead her into the most private place she knew. They moved onto the bed, still kissing, but now laying beside one another. His hands moved up and down her body, touching her legs for the first time. He slowly slid his hand inside of her shorts, touching the cloth of her panties, and then sliding past that to feel her buttocks. She emitted a feeling of comfort at his hand's placement, and began to realize that her thoughts of being with him were about to come to realization.

Rick had made love to Amanda many times in his mind, but never imagined he would get to actually have his wish. In his fantasies, he had never dreamed of anything smutty or dirty with her. He held her in the highest regard, and wanted to make this night the most special one in either of their lives, but particularly for her. She needed, deserved, and seemed to want it.

Rick stopped kissing her enough to look at her beautiful green eyes again. Her eyes confirmed that she wanted this. He moved back to her, and began to kiss her neck. She gasped as she began to run her fingers through his hair. Her breathing increased slightly as his hand pulled her hips next to his. He began to grind his crotch into hers, slowly but rhythmically. Amanda was beginning to let her guard down for the first time in her life. She could almost feel the fear diminishing, and felt it being replaced by passion and eroticism.

Rick pulled her upright, and then slowly removed her shirt from over her head, never losing eye contact with her. He wrapped himself around her, and removed the clasp from her bra. Immediately, her hands went to her breasts cupping her loosened bra between her breasts and the palms of her hands. Feeling more confident by the moment, she slowly began to lower her hands, revealing her breasts to a man for the first time. Rick's eyes immediately moved to admire them, as he cautiously reached his hand out to touch one. Amanda smiled with delight at his approval of her body, and shivered when his hand touched her breast.

He began to massage her left breast slowly, alternating between looking at Amanda's face, and her breast. He gently guided her back, to lie down again, as he moved his mouth to her stomach. He began to kiss and lick her stomach, moving back and forth, up and down. Rick realized as her hands moved up and down his back that he was still fully clothed. He stopped his licking, and sat up.

"Take off my shirt." he ordered, gently. Amanda sat upright, and took the bottom of his shirt and slowly began to roll it upward on his body. Rick raised his arms, and Amanda slid the shirt off of him, and tossed it to the floor.

"Now touch me." Amanda barely hesitated to reach out and feel her lover's skin. His skin felt magnificent to her. Rick breathed deeply, as he felt her touch him. He was now kneeling on the bed, wearing only shorts. She noticed that his penis was beginning to harden again. Rick noticed that her eyes had moved to his crotch. He began to stroke her hair.

"Do you want to see it?" he asked. She had only seen 'it' in anatomy classes in college, and the occasional show on the Discovery Channel, but she had never actually seen one, touched it, held it, had one in her mouth or any other orifice. She nodded yes, still staring at his crotch.

"Remember I said 'no inhibitions'? That starts now. Sex is about the ultimate intimacy between two people, and not just physically. Say 'I want to see your cock'".

Amanda looked shocked. She couldn't imagine that she would ever say this word. She looked nervous again, but Rick did his best to put her at ease. "It's OK," he said. He realized that he might have made her uncomfortable; the exact opposite of what he'd promised her. He contemplated apologizing, thinking that he'd just ruined the moment. He was kicking himself on the inside, when...

"Show me your cock."

She said it. It was humble, but assertive. Her guard was starting to lower even more as her eyes shifted to Rick's crotch. He slid his hands inside of his sweats, and began to force them down to his knees. Amanda's eyes opened as she viewed her first penis, three-quarters erect. She felt something that she'd never felt before inside of her; a combination of curiosity, longing, and another feeling that she couldn't describe to anyone. It felt like nothing else she'd known, but somehow she knew that Rick would be able to relieve her of this feeling.

"What are you thinking?" Rick asked.

"I'm not sure. I do know that...I want to touch it."

Rick lay on his back while Amanda stayed upright, her eyes still locked on his cock. She removed his shorts from his legs, and tossed them to the floor. For the first time in her life, she was alone with a man, and he was completely naked. Her hands began to move up his legs, towards his crotch. She rested to his side when she reached his cock, and took it in her hands. She examined it, as if she were the first person to ever see one. She lightly massaged it, and stroked the shaft. She then looked at Rick, who was anticipating her next move. Her eyes reflected a kind of sadness.

"What is it?"

"I don't know what to do. I want to please you, but I feel embarrassed."

Rick sat up, and embraced her. "Don't be," he whispered in her ear. "You are completely turning me on. Just relax, baby."

Amanda loved that he called her that. Baby. Somehow, she felt like she was his at that moment. His saying that also seemed to be the confidence booster that she needed. She pushed at Rick to lie back down, and she put her mouth back down near his cock. Again, she took it into her hands, studying it closely.

"Put it in your mouth" Rick told her. She moved her head to the base of his shaft, and began to gently kiss it. She loved the feeling of power she had doing this to him. She also loved the look that he had on his face, while he watched her, waiting for her next move. Her confidence rising, she took the head of his cock into her mouth.

Rick moaned his approval. Without removing his cock, she looked up at him to verify that he was enjoying it. There was no mistaking that he was. His hands reached down to touch her skin again, as it had become his newest addiction. She began to take more of him into her mouth, inch by inch. Her hand moved to his scrotum unconsciously. Instinctively, she began to massage it as, after twenty-eight years, she started to suck her first cock.

Rick began to slowly thrust in her mouth, and she could feel him growing fully erect. Her nipples hardened with excitement, and Rick could feel her breasts resting against his legs. She moved her mouth up and down slowly, but with earnestness; this was clearly what she wanted. The more she sucked him, the more she wanted to. Her hands began to move up and down on his shaft, increasing the tension. He rolled his eyes back in his head, and allowed his pupil to have her way with him.

He was aching to be inside of her, but he first wanted to show her what it felt like to have her entire body appreciated for its beauty. Rick abruptly stopped Amanda, which caused a slight wave of uncertainty in her.

"Am I doing it wrong?"

"NO! Amanda, you are amazing. It's just time for me to make you feel a few things." He placed her on her back, kissing her lips again. She kissed him harder than she did before, feeling more at ease with him than she had any man in her life. She had longed to be touched, and she was finally getting her wish, and with the perfect man for her.

Rick kissed his way down her body to her breasts. Her nipples were still erect, and waiting for his mouth. He looked up into her eyes, watching him, and said, "They're beautiful, Amanda...just like you." Amanda smiled at him in return, not quite sure what to say. Before she could think of anything, he took her left breast into his mouth, tickling her right nipple. "OOOH!" she cried out. The warmth of his mouth cupping over her breast was even more than she'd imagined.

He continued to suck her breasts for a few minutes, alternating between them, and then he began to kiss his way further down her body. The closer he got to her pussy, the more her body trembled with anticipation. He settled in his face between her legs, and wrapped both of his arms underneath her thighs. He began to blow lightly on her moistened slit. Amanda's breathing was at a fever pitch. She had grabbed tightly onto the blankets on the bed on which she lay. She continued to bunch fabric into her hand as she could feel Rick's breath getting closer and closer to her. Very slowly, he began to slide his tongue inside of her.

"OMIGOD, OMIGOD, OMIGOD, OMIGOD!" Amanda shouted, as his tongue was penetrating her soft, pink flesh. Her juices flowed with anticipation of him entering her. Rick was watching her reactions from where he was, and enjoyed watching her somewhat torturous reaction to his teasing manner. He considered sliding his finger inside of her, but he wanted her to experience another kind of penetration first, so he waited.

He slid his tongue around inside of her, quickly locating her clitoris. In twenty-eight years, she had almost always been able to resist pleasuring herself, and never produced an orgasm for herself. Now here was this man with his tongue inside of her, pleasuring her for the first time.

Rick sped up his tongue's movements over her clit. He even began to jerk his head back and forth, whipping her clitoris with his tongue. Amanda began grinding her pussy over his face with more intensity. Her body began to tighten, as she felt something internally that she had never felt before. She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew it felt good. As if she'd received an epiphany, she said,

"I'm going to come."

It was said in a normal tone of voice, almost as if she were asking herself. Realizing what she had just said, and the vastness of it, she said it again, only with far more vigor and volume. "Oh my God...Rick, I AM GOING TO COME!"

She shouted as loud as she could, as if she was able to speak for the first time. She didn't care who heard her, or what they thought. She felt a kind of freedom that was unimaginable to her before tonight.

Rick took her soft hips into his hands, and braced her body as she erupted. Her inner thighs were quivering as she climaxed.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!! OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAHHHH!!!"

The release she felt was incomparable. She collapsed on the bed, and was trying to catch her breath when she uttered "Thank you." Tears were welling in her eyes when the words came out. She had just experienced something that she couldn't describe to anyone if she'd tried. The combination of emotion, satisfaction, passion, and fulfillment she felt right now were unsurpassed.

"Lay back, baby. The night is just getting started." Following her lover's orders, she laid back on the bed, and relaxed. She only wanted to feel what she just felt again. She laid back, and allowed Rick to take control of her.

Nearly an hour had passed, and Rick had produced six orgasms for Amanda with his tongue alone. He hadn't penetrated her with his fingers, or anything else. He only wanted to taste her, and have her enjoy being tasted, teased, and titillated. He'd chosen to enhance her experience by massaging her breasts, gently pinching her nipples, and only removing his mouth from her pussy when she requested a moment to recover. He decided, however, it was time to consummate their friendship.

As Amanda lay on her back, Rick pulled himself to her on the bed, making sure her legs were wide open. She stared at him lovingly as he prepared to enter her. Looking down at her, he said,

"This was supposed to happen tonight. It was meant to be you and I."

"I know." was her only response, still a little teary with emotion.

Grabbing his hardened cock, he slowly entered her. His eyes opened wide as she felt a man inside her for the first time in her life. She was so wet that sliding inside of her was easy. He focused on her facial expressions as she took him inside of her. Slowly, he began to thrust inside the tightest pussy he could imagine. Rick had been with several women, but never a virgin.

Amanda wrapped her legs around his body and reached out to touch his chest as he pumped away. His cock was like steel inside of her. She never imagined sex could be this good. She listened intently to the moans coming from Rick's mouth, and was fascinated that she was providing this kind of pleasure to someone she felt so much for, as well as receiving a deal of pleasure in return.

She began to buck her hips in perfect rhythm with his, pulling him as deep inside of her as she possibly could. He began to pump faster, then faster, until he reached a fever pitch. He stopped, and pulled her over to the side of the bed as he stood up. He held her legs in the air as he re-entered her, and began thrusting inside her again. He rested her left leg against his body, and used his thumb to massage her clit. Amanda's eyes rolled back in her head as she enjoyed the sensation of Rick penetrating her, and clitoral stimulation at the same time.

Her hands reached out to touch any part of him that she could. She wanted to feel all of him. He took his hand away from her pussy, and grabbed her wrist. Placing her fingertips on her clitoris, he told her "You do it."

It was as if he knew that she'd never pleasured herself. Twenty-eight years had passed, and she had never experienced anything that rivaled this. She began massaging her clit. It felt like freedom. She felt like she was participating again, and adding to not only her pleasure, but his. His eyes watched her hands as she massaged her pussy furiously, his cock crashing inside of her the entire time.

"Oh God...Oh yeah...Amanda, I'm gonna come...!" With that, he pulled himself out, and ejaculated all over her stomach. Amanda looked down at his cock to witness his come erupt all over her body. She wanted to see the result of how she made him feel. The immediate warmth of his sperm provided yet another kind of gratification to her.

Rick climbed back on the bed and collapsed beside of her, exhausted and panting for air. He had poured every ounce of energy he had into her. It was amazing, and surpassed even the fantasies he'd had of her. Amanda snuggled herself next to him almost immediately, and he wrapped his arms around her in kind. Not a word was spoken between them, and it didn't need to be. Allowing the silence and moment to speak volumes for each of them, they peacefully fell asleep in one another's arms.

Morning came quickly, and sunlight began to beam through Amanda's bedroom window. Slowly she awakened to the sensation of Rick's touch. He was already awake, and had been tracing his fingers up and down her bare body for a while now, and was examining every part of her. He was memorizing every detail of her skin, from head to toe.

She smiled at him as she awoke. "Good morning."

"Amanda...I love you. I know that I shouldn't, and that we have no chance to have a successful future together, but you can't help who you care for. I've never known anything that was as right or as perfect as last night. I hope that you feel the same."

She was moved by his honesty. She felt she owed it to him to be honest, as well.

"Rick, I've thought so many times of how I'd want to be with you. Not physically, per se, but as a couple. I've tried to envision a scenario where it would work, and I have to admit : the odds are stacked against it. I want a house full of children one day. My faith is also a huge part of my life. I can't lie to you though...I love you, too."

Rick and Amanda fell into one another's arms, holding each other tightly. They had shared everything before, but deep down, they just knew that they couldn't be together.

"I've never understood why people said 'I don't want this night to end'...until last night. I wanted it to go on forever. You have no idea what it was that you made me experience. I now know what love feels like. You also made my first time...more than special. 'Special' doesn't even approach what last night was to me. I have no regrets. There were times when I wondered what it was I was waiting for. Sometimes, it was about marraige, other times it was about faith. I realized last night what it was about. It was about being with you."

Rick was touched by her words, and attempted to mask his own heartbreak. He knew that he could give everything to her, but they would both end up sad, because of the obstacles between them.

"Last night was an anomaly. It was a ripple in time, as far as I'm concerned. Nothing that happened between us last night will change how I feel for you. In fact..." His words trailed off, as he began to stifle back his own emotion.

Amanda sensed his sadness, and felt that this moment was about happiness, not being melancholy. There was only one thing she could think of to make them take their minds off what heartbreak tomorrow might bring. She took his head into her hands, looking into his eyes.