To Love a Stray Ch. 15

"What could we have done that didn't tear the clan apart?" Mitchell demands. "It was already too late to prevent what happened to Rosy. Jazzy just had a near fatal attack of her illness so the Board would refuse to acknowledge her as Matriarch of the clan if Wade and Marissa were thrown out or killed."

"If Edwin ever comes on this property and Mitchell or I get a chance, he's dead," Sam says in a low deadly tone that tells me he is speaking the truth.

"So Rosy walked out of the cage and straight into a relationship with Micah?" Doc asks sceptically. "You expect me to believe she wants to be with a tom?"

"At times she seems to want a relationship," I say between gritted teeth. "Other times she tries to hide it and acts like she's ashamed of what goes on between us. She sets the physical boundaries. If she doesn't want me so much as touching her, I don't."

The admission tastes bitter in my mouth and I look away from everyone. Outlined so simply my relationship with Rosy seems little more than what she briefly shared with Chris Inness for a while - an alliance for sexual satisfaction.

"It might be nothing more than the hormonal drive of her pregnancy," Doc states firmly, "an instinctive drive to make the strongest, most dominant male protective of her."

I turn my head to glare at Doc; his words voice my biggest fear about the relationship between Rosy and I. I want more than to be the choice she was forced into; I want her to be with me because she wants to be.

"Frankly I think this situation is sick and twisted," Doc says tightly. "I will need to think about what I will tell the Board about this."

"Think about how it'll affect Rosy and Jazzy," I say quietly. "They're the victims in this, and maybe Marissa."

"I'm going to try to talk to Rosy," Doc says dismissively before heading towards the lounge room and the door on the far side.

"Doc," I say and he pauses as he glances back over his shoulder at me. "None of this is Rosy's fault. Please don't upset her asking her a heap of questions at the moment. Let her get better first."

Doc doesn't say anything only turns away and heads towards the bedrooms.

* * * * *

Rosy:

"Rosy, hey Rosy, you awake?"

The voice startles me awake out of a half doze and I snarl as I roll over to face whoever has come to harass me this time. I realise with horror I can't smell or hear Donovan and force myself into a sitting position before trying to get to my feet. My body feels heavy and clumsy and some part of my brain tells me it is because I need to eat and drink.

"Rosy, you're safe remember. Rosy you're home and safe." The voice sounds familiar and I stare at the figure in the doorway.

It takes me several seconds before I recognise Doc and the room I am in. I let out a shaky sigh and ease myself back down to sit with my legs curved beside me. I feel my unborn baby stretch and kick his protest at my abrupt awakening and I look down as I rub the slight swelling where he lies.

"Your baby moving, is he?" Doc asks quietly as he walks into the room.

I glance at him and nod before looking down as I feel the baby roll before becoming still once more. Its movements are still strong but less frequent and I am sure my inability to keep food down is starting to affect it badly.

"Does he move a lot?" Doc asks gently.

"Not as much as before I got so sick," I admit.

"You're dehydrated which will make you tired, weak, and unable to keep food or drink down easily while it makes the baby weak and inactive. I can give you another injection to stop the nausea so you can keep what you eat or drink down," Doc says and I look at him as I remember Micah telling me something similar.

"It seems like you're always wanting to inject me with something or other," I tell Doc with a half smile. I mean it as a bit of a joke but it comes out almost like an accusation.

"Want to? No, I'd prefer not to but sometimes - like now - it is in the best interests of the health of the individual," Doc says gently. He holds up one hand to show me the disposable syringe and vial of medication he holds.

"Maxalon to help stop the nausea," Doc tells me softly.

"And I get to eat and drink in a little while?" I ask hopefully even as I stretch out on my side and bare the top of my hip for the injection.

"When Wade told me you decided to use condoms instead of the injection this last heat, I figured it was because you disliked others jabbing you with a needle," Doc says once he has completed the injection.

I can't help my jerk of reaction as I turn my head to look at him. My stomach does a weird flip-flop and I look away hurriedly. My mind is suddenly filled with a million and one thoughts and questions. What can I safely say to him? How much of what was done to me is public knowledge? Will saying anything at all get us both into trouble?

"Ever heard of a thing called a matebond?" Doc asks when I don't say anything.

"No," I answer cautiously.

"But you understand what werecats call mates? Married couples," Doc says quietly.

"Strays don't marry as a rule," I say as I look away. "The tom just has to be strong enough and mean enough that no other tom tries to touch the female involved. Only the strong get any choice in the matter,"

Even I can hear the bitterness in the words I utter. They come out in a low almost snarl from between clenched teeth.

"Married couples who have been together for several years, usually five, six or more years, they are so close they seem to be able to read each others minds, finishing sentences for each other or saying what the other is thinking," Doc says quietly.

I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I turn my head to watch Doc uneasily as I wait for his next words. I suddenly know he has more to say, that he's building to a point.

"There's more to it than knowing their partner real well," Doc says gently. "When a couple become mate-bonded they have this connection, they can feel how the other is feeling and even speak telepathically to each other..."

Suddenly my mind is flooded with the memories of Kendal, Vaygar and Jasper's voices, the wrongness of the feeling of them being inside my mind. Only now their voices and presence feel disjointed and out of focus, blurred and distorted as if I am drunk.

Mine, mine, mine...

The words echo in my mind, a faded mockery of Kendal's voice ringing in my ears.

"I'm not going crazy! I'm not going crazy! I'm not! I'm not!"

I realise I am in the far corner of the room with my hands over my ears as I scream the denial. I grit my teeth and swallow my own screams as I realise I am once more the scared child my father found after he came home that fateful day to help me after a large black cat changed into a man before raping me. I was left doubting my own sanity when I fled the crash most believed killed my father. I remember thinking I was going insane as I ran from the shadow-cat at the scene of the accident.

I struggle up past my memories until I am no longer that traumatised child but a strong individual. I know now that werecats are more than science fiction and that bad things do happen to good people. But I am strong; I can run fast and far to remain free. And when my demons invade my mind I know how to make them disappear into a dark void, far from the coherent thoughts in my mind.

"I'm not crazy," I say between clenched teeth as I glare at Doc.

"No, you're not crazy at all," Doc says very gently as he sits on the far corner of the bed I had been on. "But someone either tried to make you believe you were going crazy or he made you feel like you were."

"Doc?"

I turn my head slightly to see Micah and Sam just inside the door. Suddenly I don't want to see them or have them near me. I feel like my mind and emotions are spinning out of control and I don't want them witnessing the moment I crash and burn.

"Get out! Get out!" I scream almost hysterically. I watch them back out of sight and I listen as they hesitate a moment before moving away down the sunroom.

"Rosy," Doc says softly, "it's Kendal Darnel's voice you think you hear in your head, isn't it?"

I look at Doc hurriedly and narrow my eyes as I glare at him in suspicion.

"You learnt to cope when he could force his way into your thoughts, and you will learn to cope now he is no longer in your mind." Doc says calmly. "You need time to adjust."

"You make it sound as if it is as simple as having an arm or a leg removed," I say disdainfully.

"No," Doc says with a grin, "more like having a large benign tumour removed."

"How do I keep from letting some other arsehole crawl into my head?" I ask tightly.

"You only get involved with honourable toms who would never harm you in any way," Doc states evenly.

I look away as I bite my tongue to stop my words. I never intended to get involved with Kendal or Vaygar, and Jasper had been kind and loving until he met the Darnels. I close my eyes and give a tired sigh; it's all too hard to try to figure out at the moment. All I want to do is have something to eat and drink and go back to sleep.

"Rosy?" Doc's softly enquiring voice makes me jerk my head up to look at him as I realise I have been sitting motionless for several minutes trying to work out what I believe of what he has just told me.

"Is Kendal Darnel the only one who you heard in your head?" Doc asks gently. "Or was he the strongest one?"

"It didn't matter how strong he and his father were when I was on heat or how hard they fought with the others," I mutter under my breath as I look away from him.

"I hope what I've told you helps you in some way," Doc says and I look his way to find he is on his feet and has moved closer. "I've been told that when one of a pair dies that the matebond will fade out quickly. But obviously it isn't very pleasant."

"At least now I know I am not crazy. I just hear voices in my head," I mutter. "And I can't exactly say I see ghosts but I do hear them..."

I stop muttering to myself as soon as I realise I am doing it. I hunch forward to rest my forehead on my drawn up knees and begin to rock back and forth as I wish for that strong but gentle presence I still associate with my father. I haven't felt that safe and secure since ...

"When can I eat?" I demand of Doc as I hurry to stop my thoughts. "Micah said he would make me poached eggs on toast."

"You feel up to eating?" Doc asks gently.

"I need to eat and sleep to get my strength back," I say more sure of myself when he doesn't refute my claim.

"I'll go tell Micah you're hungry," Doc tells me as he moves back to the end of the bed. "What do you want to drink? Juice, warm milk, cup of tea?"

"Juice, whatever juice they have cold," I say with a glance towards the doorway. I am fairly sure someone would be lurking out of sight as they listen to make sure I am not about to go crazy at Doc or something.

I stay where I am sitting when Doc leaves the room, and out in the sunroom I hear the soft murmur of voices near the hallway and begin to relax. The feeling of being out of control is fading and I lean back against the corner as I let my feet slide forward on the floor until my legs are stretched out in front of me.

I rest the back of my hands on my thighs as I slip into the deep breathing exercises I learnt in therapy. In through the nose, and out through the mouth; in through the nose, and out through the mouth. Breathe in the calm; exhale all the bad memories. Breathe in all the scents of my clan; exhale all the harm the Darnels planned for me.

"Rosy? Rosy, I've got your food for you," Micah's voice cuts into my concentration, startling me and I jerk back against the wall with a startled hiss.

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from fright and I take a deep breath as I try to calm myself. I am relieved when Micah makes no attempt to move closer and my feeling of being cornered begins to subside.

"I poached some eggs like you wanted," Micah says evenly.

"And toast?" I ask hopefully as I suddenly become aware of the hunger gnawing at my stomach.

"And toast, and juice," Micah says with a relieved laugh and half smile.

It strikes me that I have been distant and prickly with those who only want to help me. I give a tired sigh and climb to my feet laboriously. I climb back onto the bed and settle myself comfortably before glancing back at Micah. He is still standing just inside the doorway and I attempt a smile for him.

*****

Micah:

I sit on the end of the mattress and watch as Rosy eats hungrily. Two entire days have passed since Doc started treating her nausea to try to help her recovery.

"Do you feel up to going hunting in a few hours?" I ask her quietly.

Rosy looks up at me as she chews on a mouthful of stir fried vegies before glancing towards the kitchen. We are sitting on a mattress in the lounge room and several others are in the kitchen getting their own lunch as we eat.

"It'll be great if you could," Jazzy says as she comes from the kitchen carrying the last of the food Mikkarl prepared to tempt Rosy's appetite.

"I don't feel up to changing yet," Rosy says as she looks down at her plate.

"That's okay," Jazzy says before I can say a word. "Don't let any of us make you feel you have to change before you feel you can, or you want to."

"Maybe you'd like to go outside again like you did yesterday," I say gently.

"That would be nice," Rosy says as she looks my way with a hopeful smile. "And I can stay outside for several hours like yesterday?"

"We can put a tent up in case there is some rain in these clouds, put a mattress and blankets in it so you'll be comfy if it turns cold," Mitchell says as he comes in from the hallway.

"Good idea," I agree with a glance toward Mitchell before looking back at Rosy. I am pleased to see she has eaten all that was on her plate, but when Jazzy goes to put more on the empty plate Rosy shakes her head.

"I'm comfortably full," Rosy says moving her plate aside.

I resist the urge to ask if she feels sick. Doc not given her medication before this meal hoping her body was recovered enough to prevent her being ill.

"Cantrell Yates is due to arrive in half an hour," Mitchell reminds me as he heads for the kitchen followed by Sam, Dwayne and Justin.

"Mal Inness, Kurt Black and Dan Doctrill should get here any time now," I tell him.

"Kurt Black contacted me just before I came in. He and Danny were about fifteen minutes away," Mitchell calls over his shoulder.

"Kurt Black is Jeddah's brother isn't he?" Rosy asks.

I look her way and notice she seems much more relaxed today then the last two days, plus the prospect of visitors doesn't seem to worry her.

"Yeah, he's your uncle," I confirm. "Dan, Danny Doctrill is a new Alpha. His wife Kaytee had her third son two weeks after the meeting you went to."

"Will Kaytee and the kitt be here today?" Jazzy asks hopefully.

"Not today," I tell her and she pouts as she looks at her half finished food.

"It's not fair," Jazzy grumbles, "I haven't seen him yet."

"Any reason why Jazzy and Rosy can't come to the meeting?" Mitchell asks as he walks into the lounge room with a plateful of cold roast sandwiches.

"Other than the fact Wade and Cantrell won't like it?" I ask with a grin. "No reason at all."

"I'd rather sit outside in the sun," Rosy insists and I catch a glimpse of unease as she looks away.

"Okay, Rosy will be lazing around in the sun. Mitchell and I have to attend," I say glancing around those gathered close. "Sam, you had best come as well since you're now Head Warrior. Jazzy, you're welcome to come if you like."

"Justin and I can stay around here in case Rosy wants something while you're at the main house," Dwayne says from the kitchen.

"Might not hurt for Dwayne to come as well. He is the oldest son left here," Mitchell says. I glance at him and give a slight smile. I am glad he thinks for himself.

"You got a good point there," I tell him. "Anyone else you think should come with us?"

"Steven, your partner," Mitchell answers as he glances around. "Mikkarl, Justin, Malcolm and Timny can stay and make sure Rosy has anything she needs. Everyone else can find odd jobs to do close around the buildings."

"I just want to lie in the sun and be left alone," Rosy mumbles beside me and I look at her in concern.

She doesn't look as if she is going to be sick, and she's not pale; a healthy pink has returned to her complexion. Still, I don't like the way she is still seeking solitude as a werecat often does if ill.

"They can stay far enough away that you don't have to see them but they can hear you if you need them to get something for you," Jazzy says brightly. "Sometimes the way they all fawn over me annoys me too."

* * * * *

Rosy

The sensation of being watched pulls me from a light sleep and I sit up to look around. At first I see no one and no movement, but when I get to my feet and move to one end of the outdoor recliner I was using I am startled to find Edwin standing just a few feet away.

"Edwin..." my voice is shaky as I stumble over his name.

"I didn't mean to scare you Rosy," Edwin says softly and glances around uneasily. "I just want to talk to you by yourself."

My mind is foggy from my interrupted nap and some knowledge is niggling in the back of my mind trying to break through. I frown as I watch Edwin nervously; he glances around and licks his lips uneasily as he looks back at me. I suddenly remember he isn't supposed to be on Williamson land or near me and I take several steps backwards as I take a deep breath intending to start screaming for some of the warriors.

"No Rosy," Edwin's words are a hissed plea as he moves swiftly to clap a hand over my mouth while his other arm slips behind my back to hold me firmly against his body.

I scream beneath his hand but he only presses it against my mouth harder as I struggle to escape his hold. I only manage to bring my arms up between us and prevent my breasts being squashed against his chest.

"I'm not gonna hurt you Rosy, I promise! I just need to talk to you," Edwin whispers desperately near my ear. "I won't hurt you, I promise."

I can't help the whimpers of fear that escape me as I stop struggling. I don't want to waste my strength and not be able to fight if he tries to do anything to me. I am surprised to feel the solidness of the wall of the quarters at my back and try to twist away from Edwin's hold. Memories of Kendal holding me against the wall as he took his pleasure surface, I struggle to remember that Kendal is dead and it is Edwin holding me.

"Calm down Rosy, please calm down," Edwin demands. Knowing the voice belongs to a clan cat helps me calm down, but panic still tugs at me as I try to pull his hand away from my mouth. Edwin speaks once again but the words are lost in my haze of terror and I realise I can hear fear in his voice as well.

I manage to stop struggling and try to quiet the whimpers that still come from me. After what seems forever but is probably only thirty seconds Edwin moves so he is no longer using his body to pin me against the wall.

"Will you listen to me?" Edwin asks worriedly.

With his hand still over my mouth and his other hand against my right shoulder holding me against the wall, as he stands close by, I can only give a slight nod as I swallow the desperate sounds that try to come from me.

"I want to apologise for what I did to you. I don't expect you to forgive me but I need to apologise and I'd like to explain to you why I acted as I did," Edwin says on a long rushed breath.

I can hear his heart pounding and smell fear coming from him as he looks into my eyes. His focus flits back and forth between my eyes as if searching for something before a soft sigh escapes him.

"I really liked you, you know? Cared about you," Edwin's words come out sounding regretful. "I hoped that if ... I could see you were falling for Micah and it felt like he was always stealing everything from me. I hoped if we were together while you were on heat then maybe you'd get to know me and start to like me."