To Love a Stray Ch. 15

There is only the sound of our breathing, his heavy and mine fast beneath his hand, as he watches me for a few seconds without saying anything. I concentrate on the words he has uttered, letting them pull me further from my memories of the time with the strays.

"I just wanted a chance to try to get your attention, get you to consider me. I was so desperate I went about it the wrong way," Edwin says with a deep sigh. "I felt like I was always competing with my younger brother and trying to live up to Wade's expectations of me."

"As for how I viewed Micah, getting away from his constant company and out from under our father's critical eye has made things so much clearer. We're different; where I always worked hard and struggled to get what I wanted, everything seemed to come so easily for Micah. Now I can see how he worked hard to do things as well. Only difference is he'd stop and think things through if he was having trouble. I used to just try to make my way work. And Wade was always saying things like, 'I wish you were more like Micah' or 'I can easily replace you with Micah if you can't do the job right'." A soft groan comes from Edwin as he rests his forehead against the wall and I try to ease away from him, but he is immediately focusing back on me so I hold still.

"I knew what Wade ordered me to do was wrong. I knew I should just turn around and walk away but I was hoping it was my way back home. I knew it was wrong when I went into that room, even before you started screaming at me. You just stood there and let me walk right up to you and start touching you but there was that part of you that screamed at me and I knew you didn't want me so I stopped."

I blink as I remember how Edwin had stood looking down into my face for several minutes as he held me. I remember how he had been struggling to find something to say, opening and closing his mouth silently, before he shook his head and kissed me, silencing my tirade.

"I couldn't think of anyway out of it for either of us. Wade had your future all mapped out, Williamson kitts. One way or another he would ensure it happened so I made my decision. I knew Micah would step up and do the right thing by you. If I hadn't done as ordered, Wade would have tried to order Dwayne to do it, or even maybe Justin or Donny. Or simply..." his voice trails off and I scream behind his hand as his meaning hits me. I struggle hard for a few moments before my panic starts to ease as it occurs to me I no longer have anything to fear from Wade -- he is no longer in a position of absolute power. Not as long as Micah and Mitchell are in charge and are there to protect me.

"I'm sorry Rosy, sorry for what I did to you. If I had stopped and thought it out properly I could have gone to Micah about it, but I was so used to competing against Micah." Edwin says almost desperately.

"I hope you don't hate this kitt because of what I did to you. I hope knowing you're having a kitt isn't as terrible to endure as it was the first time. I'm sorry, so sorry," Edwin says, his voice breaking as he stops and swallows several times. "I know I can't ever expect you to forgive me but I can't forgive me either."

Edwin slowly eases his hand from over my mouth and turns away slightly so he is no longer holding me against the wall. I swallow nervously and raise a hand to my face; I can tell from the burn of the blood rushing back into the skin on my face that I will probably have bruises tomorrow.

"Why tell me that?" I ask in a nervous whisper. I don't understand Edwin or know why he would tell me all of this.

"I want you to know I am aware of how wrong my actions were. Please don't tell this kitt it will never amount to anything because of the fact its sire is bad. Don't do that to a young kitt," Edwin says unhappily.

"It's a boy. I'm having a boy," I say quietly as I feel my hatred for Edwin begin to ease.

"A boy, I'll have a ... I'll have a nephew! You are with Micah aren't you? Micah will look after you, the guy is crazy about you." Edwin says and manages a slight smile. "If Micah is the father in this boy's life I know I won't have to worry about him. After getting out and really mixing with other clans I finally realised I don't have to compete with my brother; we're different in a lot of ways, different but in good ways. One thing I regret is I'll probably never get the chance to tell Micah how proud I am he's my brother and have him know I mean it." Edwin says with a shake of his head.

"Why tell me this?" I ask suspiciously.

"I don't know," Edwin says with a shrug. "Maybe something in me still hopes we can at least be friends or just that you don't think I am a disgusting bastard to be squashed under your foot."

I can see the sadness in his eyes and his rueful smile that fails to reach his eyes. He looks away from me for several moments before looking back at me.

"Can I touch your stomach? I promise I won't hurt you," Edwin says gently. There is a slight desperate edge beneath his voice and I remember how he was the most persistent in touching my belly when I was carrying the twins I lost. Edwin looks away with a quick brush of his hand over his face and I feel my hate and resentment loosen its hold a fraction more.

No one, not Jazzy or Donovan or any of the toms have asked to touch my belly in the few days since I have returned. Sometimes I wake in the night and can feel Micah's hand resting on the swell of my stomach but he quickly moves it when he knows I am awake. Micah doesn't touch me a lot - nowhere near as much as he used to - none of them do. Donovan is the only one who is quick to lay down on a mattress with me and hold me while I slip in and out of sleep.

I'm beginning to feel that they can still see the filth that clings to me from the room I was locked in. That they can smell the stink of stray I can't seem to wash from my skin.

"You'll keep your hand on the outside of my clothing and stop touching me when I ask you to?" I ask uncertainly. I don't care this is Edwin asking; it is someone wanting to share this wonderful experience with me.

And why wouldn't he? He was the one that got me pregnant. The thought comes unbidden.

Edwin looks back at me startled. "Whatever you say," he rushes to reassure me. "If you say only a moment then I'll abide by that."

I hear the desperate hopefulness in his voice and give a slight nod but he merely continues to watch me with hope filled eyes. The need to feel someone touching my stomach, feeling the kitt move fills me. I smile hesitantly, nervously and glance down at his hands before looking up to meet his gaze.

"Just put your hand on my stomach," I say, and then rush to add, "but do it lightly and gently."

Edwin's gaze flickers between my face and his hand as he slowly moves it to where he can easily touch my stomach. He meets my eyes and raises his eyebrows without touching me.

"You sure you're alright with this?" he asks quietly giving me the chance to back out of my offer.

"Just do it," I say tightly. The fact that no-one has wanted to do this since I returned home burns within me and part of me desperately wants this tom who got me pregnant to acknowledge our child. Even though I know he will never be called anything other than Uncle by this kitt, something in me needs this one brief acknowledgement.

Edwin's touch is very light against my skin, barely felt through the layers of my shirt and jeans. I feel my unborn kitt kick at the slight touch and a faint whimper comes from Edwin as I shudder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he says as he pulls his hand away from my stomach and catches me by my upper arms to steady me. "I won't touch you again."

"Give me your hand," I demand as I grab one of his hands and pull it down to my stomach to place it firmly against me. Beneath the touch I feel the kitt roll over and I hear Edwin's sharply indrawn breath. I whimper my need for his touch, for any touch, just as long as it is contact with another werecat.

I know it is wrong to allow it when Edwin moves closer and slips his free arm around me. I know it is wrong to let this tom cuddle me close as our kitt rolls and kicks beneath his hand but I am so starved for this type of contact I can't help myself and hold still as he rubs my stomach.

I offer no resistance when he lifts his hand to gently hold my chin and tilt my face up towards his. He searches my eyes for a few moments before lowering his head and I stiffen in his light hold as his lips touch mine softly.

I keep my eyes open focusing on the magpie that sits on the edge of the guttering of the quarters. It cocks its head from one side to the other before taking flight. I hold still not responding to Edwin's kiss even when he cups one side of my face and presses down against my lower jaw making me open my mouth. His tongue slips between my lips and tastes me several times before he groans and settles his mouth over mine more firmly.

I tense in his arms and push against his chest. It's too much and I suddenly want to be free of his embrace. I want this to end. I turn my face away and he gives a soft sigh of regret as he straightens away from me.

"Edwin, don't be stupid man," an unfamiliar voice says close by and I give a startled squeal as I jerk away from Edwin to face the stranger. I recognise Edwin's work partner and eye him uneasily.

I cover my mouth with one hand as I try to work out why I stood there and allowed Edwin to kiss me. Every time he has kissed me in the past has led to trouble. Have I learnt nothing from my experiences with him?

"Rosy, do you remember you met Jacob before?" Edwin asks softly. "Jacob is my work partner now."

"It's bad enough you're talking to her like this," Jacob says in a low hiss. "If any of them catch you kissing her like that..." he lets his words trail off at the slight noise of several individuals approaching, and he turns to face the front of the building.

"Yeah, you wouldn't want to let any of us see you kissing Rosy," Malcolm's enraged growl has me turning towards the sound of his voice as he steps around the end of the building followed by Timny, Mikkarl, Callum and Kirby.

I can only wonder at what they have actually seen or how much they have deduced from what Jacob said as I drop my hand from my mouth and wrap both my arms around myself. Edwin takes several steps forwards to stand between the others and me.

"Rosy?" Mikkarl's softly questioning voice reaches me and I walk towards my clan's warriors.

Edwin places his hand lightly on my arm as I go to walk past him and I hesitate for a moment as I meet his gaze.

"Thank you for hearing me out," Edwin says very gently in a voice the others would barely be able to hear.

"Get your fucking hands off my sister!" Sam roars with rage and I look up to find him striding towards us from the main house. Behind him I see others but don't take the time to see who they are as Sam strides towards us in fast angry movement.

Sam's face is etched deeply with rage and I instinctively move towards Malcolm and the others. Sam's stride falters slightly when he gets closer. His expression hardens as he looks me in the face and then he is throwing himself at Edwin.

"No!" I scream as fists fly and there is the meaty thud of fists meeting flesh. I don't want this violence. I'm close to making my peace with what occurred between Edwin and myself.

I realise Edwin isn't fighting back, but merely trying to block the worst of the blows that fly towards his face and torso. I go to step towards the two combatants but I am grasped firmly from behind and I smell Malcolm as he tries to turn me away from the bashing; it's not a fight when one combatant doesn't fight back. I find my face pressed firmly against his shoulder and I hit out with my fists while I kick and stomp with my feet in an attempt at making him let me go.

"Stop it!" I yell but I am ignored other than being held back out of reach of the action.

"Let her watch," Micah says tightly and I look towards his voice startled.

He is standing back with Mitchell who is holding Jazzy with her face pressed against his shoulder as he watches Sam beating Edwin. Micah's eyes are hard as he looks at me. He meets my eyes and then pointedly lowers his gaze to my mouth and it is then I realise he either saw the kiss or there is clear evidence of it on my face.

"Stop them," I implore but Micah looks away from me to watch Sam continue hitting Edwin without any resistance. "Make Sam stop," I beg but neither Mitchell nor Micah looks my way.

"That's for Edwin getting you pregnant and simply walking away from his responsibilities," Steven says in a hard voice as he moves to stand beside his brother. "You'd better make up your mind which brother you want."

I turn my face towards Sam and Edwin stunned. Do they think I was playing Micah and Edwin off against one another?

I watch as Sam knocks Edwin off his feet. There is angry muttering and I glance towards Micah and Mitchell to see Wade and the four visiting Alphas.

"Call your tom off," the old grey haired tom snaps. I recognise him from when Wade told me what my punishment for stealing his car would be - I think his name is Cantrell something or other.

Why isn't Wade doing anymore than standing there with a worried look on his face? Surely he can do something to help stop this.

"That's a bloody disgusting lack of control," Cantrell snaps. "Mal, that's one of your warriors getting the insides beaten out of him, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Mal Inness answers and looks towards Jacob.

"Call your tom off or can't you pair decide who is in control?" Cantrell asks disgustedly as Sam lands several hard kicks to Edwin's body while he is on the ground.

"You'd better break it up before there's some real damage done, boys," Kurt Black says evenly and I send him a gratefully look.

"Sam owes him," Mitchell snarls and I catch the savage look he directs towards Wade.

"Break it up and this can be discussed and worked out," Kurt says calmly.

I look hopefully towards Micah and Mitchell as I try to ignore the thuds as Sam continues to hit Edwin who has regained his feet. Micah doesn't look my way; he simply continues to watch with a look of angry satisfaction on his face. It is Mitchell who meets my gaze for a few seconds before he drops his gaze to my stomach and then meets my eyes once again.

This is their revenge for Edwin going into the cage, getting me pregnant and then walking away! It's not just Sam and Mitchell; Micah is enjoying seeing it happen as much as Mitchell.

"Make it stop please Mitchell. Our brother is better than this," I beg softly.

For a moment I think he is going to ignore my plea but he gives a shrug, takes a deep breath and calls out strongly.

"Sam!"

Sam lands one last hard punch and backs off several steps, breathing heavily as he turns his head to look towards Mitchell and then Micah.

"That'll do," Micah says and turns his head to look at me. I see the hurt deep in his eyes before he looks away from me. He makes no attempt to approach me or comfort me even though I am so upset that tears are running down my cheeks and I can't stop them no matter how hard I sniff or how much I wipe my eyes.

Sam looks at Edwin who is swaying drunkenly on his feet, and then he glances at me. His gaze flits from my face, down to my stomach and then back up to my face. He hesitates a moment and then steps towards Edwin swiftly. A savage flurry of blows knocks Edwin's guard down and one good solid blow knocks him off his feet. Edwin screams shrilly as Sam steps forward and grinds the heel of one boot savagely between his thighs.

"Sam!" I can't stop the horrified scream that comes from me and I stumble forward as Malcolm releases me.

"Bloody disgusting lack of control! There was no need for that!" Cantrell booms angrily and there are concerned mutters from others, but I am too upset to work out who are the ones talking as I stop several steps away from Malcolm.

I look from Edwin to Sam's hard-set expression as he looks at me, and then back to Edwin as he lays holding his groin and moaning. I sink to my knees as I stare at Edwin. I don't want to comfort Edwin; part of me is celebrating my brother's revenge even as my stomach rolls uncomfortably at the sheer savagery.

"You want to get rid of that tom," Cantrell mutters in a voice thick with disgust, "giving out a senseless beating and upsetting a she-kitt. Or is that how you lot intend to run things?"

"That wasn't very smart," Kurt says under his breath and I look towards him to see him shaking his head and glancing between Mitchell and Micah.

I look away only to catch Danny Doctrill watching me. When he notices me eyeing him he glances between Micah and Edwin then back at me.

"Mal, Ed needs medical attention immediately," Jacob says and I look his way to see him squatting beside Edwin and keeping a wary eye on Sam.

"You've let your man behave like a goddamned animal!" Cantrell snaps. "I can't see anything that could provoke a savage beating like that! You should hand out some hard discipline!"

"You keep out of it!" I scream coming to my feet. I can feel the tremors shaking my body from the horror of what I witnessed yet I know it was justified. "You leave my brother alone! Edwin slept with me and then turned his back on me even though he knew I would most likely be pregnant! Don't you go saying my brother had no right to do that!"

There is stunned silence from all around and then Danny Doctrill gives a faint nod.

"I'm not surprised. Any brother worth his kill upholds his sister's honour," Danny says quietly.

"Come on Rosy," Malcolm says gently behind me making me jump nervously. "Let's get you inside where you can sit and calm down. Mitchell, do you want Jazzy inside as well?"

I feel Malcolm's arms slip around me and then he is pulling me back against the support of his body. I glance towards Micah but he isn't looking at me and I press my lips together nervously.

"We'll all go inside." Micah announces glancing at Mitchell and Jazzy, then at Sam. "Doc, you'd best tend to Edwin. Can't have Cantrell going around saying I refused my own brother medical help."

* * * * *

Micah

Hurt and rage war inside me for control as I follow the last of my clan inside. Sam is waiting at the end of the hallway and I meet his gaze as I halt before heading into the lounge room where everyone else is waiting.

"I think I had best go have a shower and wash his blood off me," Sam says seriously. "I'll find out what's going on with Rosy when I get back out here."

"No I'm going to go in there and find out where I stand with her here and now," I say as I turn away. The sight of Edwin and Rosy still burnt in my mind, sparking the sting of rejection and anger I harboured.

"Don't be too hard on her," Sam says and I hear him walk swiftly towards the other end of the sunroom and the bathroom.

In the lounge room, Mitchell is sitting in one of the recliners with Jazzy on his lap. She is cuddled up against him with her head resting against his chest. Her face is pale and her eyes are red but there are no traces of tears on her face as she gives me a weak smile.

I spot Rosy over by the dvd cabinet pulling tissues from a box to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. Malcolm and Steven are standing close by watching her and I head her way, determined to get answers to several questions.

"Rosy, turn around and face me," I say sternly as I approach her.

She turns to face me and I don't miss the way she glances around taking in everyone's serious expressions. She crumples a handful of tissues in one hand and presses them against her lips while she folds the other arm across her ribs clearly showing her anxiety. I can see she is scared and probably wants reassurance but she isn't the only one.

"I want some straight answers," I say tightly. "What the hell were you doing out there kissing Edwin? You and I are supposed to be seeing each other, but you hide what goes on between us like it's some dirty secret! Then I walk out of the main house to see you standing out in the open kissing Edwin! There are Alphas visiting while we finalise taking control of this clan and you're out there cozing up to Edwin like he is your boyfriend! Where does that leave you and me? Or rather me?"