To My Dearest Friend

To my dearest friend,

You have no idea of what it's like to not be touched or loved for so many years on end, and then have the one person you've loved since you were little come back into your life. And then to actually hear the words "I love you" after all this time. It's like sunshine has come back into your days, like the air has returned to your lungs, like maybe, just maybe, you might finally get to feel a man caress your back once more, run his hands through your hair, kiss you until you can't think, and do all those things to you that you've had to do for yourself for so long. So much time has gone by for me, I'd literally forgotten what it feels like to have someone else share in my ecstasy. You are the only one I ever really wanted to do that, and yet you're the one person who hasn't.

I miss you so much the littlest things bring you to mind and my body aches for you constantly, and yet it's never known more than a few of your kisses and some tentative gropes, first when we were young, and then again just a few months back. And all the while, I was hoping, praying, wishing, begging and pleading inside for more.

However, my fear at doing or saying anything that might break the fragile thread binding us together again also meant I couldn't tell you what I really wanted, afraid of losing what I had gained. And then, to find out your own fears of losing it, too, made you decide we can't be more than friends crushed my hopes, but not my love or my desperate desire to feel your bare skin on mine, to breathe you in, feel you inside me, taste you, be one with you until we both had cum so many times we could barely move.

My body still yearns for you so much that my mind has tried to fill in the missing pieces, the secret desires fueling my fantasies now that's all I have left. And so, my dreams have become my life, where my heart now lives, keeping its secrets safe from you, so that you don't feel any pressure to give than you are able. But I can't help what my mind does with you -- it won't let you off the hook so easily.

My nights are filled with thoughts of you stripping me bare, grabbing my hair, and forcing me to my knees. I long for you to have me suck your cock, feeling it fill my mouth, getting you so hot and hard you fuck my face until you can't help but cum in my throat. Then, I want you to tie me up and show me just what that whip you wear can really do on my fair bare skin, until I beg for mercy and possibly beyond. By now I'd be so wet and desperate, I'd do just about anything for you. (Actually I've been that desperate this whole time...) I'd be begging to be able to cum myself, either by my hand or by yours, or pleading to be fucked and fucked hard, anything just to have you on me or in me, to feel you up against me. I'd want it in my hot juicy pussy or in my tight ass, whichever you desire, just as long as it was you fucking me, pinning me down with those strong hands, that tight body, taking what you want, filling me with your cum.

For you're the only one I've ever wanted to fuck me and use me like that, over and over. No one else has ever made me want him the way I want you -- I get wet and slippery inside just thinking about your voice, your lips, your eyes, your hands, your chest, your back, your cock. Imagining it's you at night while I entertain myself (wishing you were fucking me or licking my clit or spanking me or even having you watch as someone else did that to me) has made me cum longer and harder than I ever thought possible, to the point of covering the sheets with my pussy's pleasures in an ever increasing pool between my legs. But once the cumming starts, the hand tends to stop or to pull the toy away, so I know I've been missing out on being able to feel what's really possible when there's 2 doing the pleasing instead of 1. I can only imagine what it would be like to have you do that for me, someone who won't stop once I started.

To have it be you, the one person I've ever loved, would truly be heaven, but I guess it's not meant to be. But if I can't have you, I'll just stick with myself as I have for so long -- sex just for the sake of sex doesn't just have the appeal it once might have had, especially now that you're back in my world, even if it's only as a friend. You've ruined me that way. At least I still get to hear your voice on the phone every once in awhile, and maybe we'll see each other again down the road here and there, spending time doing the things friends do with each other... In the meantime, you have and will always have my love, my longings and my dreams...ahhh, my dreams...

Me