To Pee or Not to Pee

Anyway, there was one young woman sitting on the back side of the bar entirely by herself. She (how do I say this nicely) had a rather boyish figure, but she was clearly female and the only one in the place. There were probably twenty empty bar stools on either side of her, so my choice of seating was obvious. I sat one bar stool away from her and ordered a beer.

She was probably in her early 30's, with sandy blonde hair cut in a rather short "page boy." She was wearing well worn blue jeans and a western long sleeve shirt; and though I didn't notice at the time, she was probably wearing cowboy boots. She was very "Tom Boy" looking and in a city like DC, she did seem a little out of place.

She was quite shy and I'm sure she felt pretty self-conscience as she was a long way from her normal environment; but after half a beer we started chatting. The place was still nearly empty and within 15 minutes I moved to the bar stool next to her.

I'm not sure all what we talked about over the next two and-a-half hours, but I learned that she was from Montana, she worked for the state and was on the first "out of state" business trip in her life. I also learned that she had just recently broken up with her long-time boy friend. And who would get ownership of the house they had built together with there own hands, was still in doubt, as was custody of their German Sheppard they had raised from a pup. I can't remember the dog's name, but she sent me a photo later, and he was a good looking dog.

The funny thing is that she repeatedly asked me if I knew she was girl when I sat down next to her. Well, frigging duh... I may not have known her sexual orientation, but there was never any doubt she was female. And the longer we sat and chatted and the more beers she had, the more and more apparent her sexual orientation became.

After almost three hours of drinking, eating and more drinking, she excused herself to the ladies room. Eventually even a cowgirl has to break the seal. While she was gone, I paid both tabs, hers as well as mine. She was still weaving a little when she got back and protested loudly (but not for very long) that I didn't have to do that and she could pay her own tab. She exclaimed that she was on an expense account, but when I reminded her that the State of Montana was not going to pay for seven or eight rounds of beers, she quickly agreed.

She tried to give me her hotel room number several times, which I declined. But as we both stood to leave, I suggested one of my famous walking tours of DC. She immediately agreed to that and off we went. I knew I was in for a very noteworthy walk, for as we reached the door of the bar, she grabbed my ass and squeezed both cheeks with the firmness of an old rancher sizing up livestock at a Montana cattle auction.

Moments later when we reached the sidewalk, I held her hand to cross the street. She let go of my hand and linked her arm through mine and almost drug me across the street as she started to run. As soon as we were safely on the other opposite curb, she unhooked arms and again grabbed my ass. This time goosing me so hard I must have jumped two feet. I didn't say anything (that I remember), but I was thinking, is this anyway to pickup up a guy? Of course maybe they do it differently in Montana.

We walked down to Pennsylvania Ave, through the Federal Triangle, past the Treasury Building, through Lafayette Park, in front of the north side of the White House, around that Old Executive Office Building and then down behind the south side of the White House. All the while, during my running commentary of the historical sights, she kept telling me she had to pee.

Of course there were no public restrooms anywhere in sight, and I kept telling her, she'd just have to hold it. By the time we got to the Ellipse on the south side of the White House, she told me she really had to go and this was it. Though it was probably after 9:00 at night by now, the entire Ellipse was pretty well lit and I wasn't sure what she was going to do.

Well, without another word, she took about five steps off the sidewalk, pulled down her jeans and popped a squat right there in front of me. I turned my back, one to give her a moment of privacy, but more importantly, to see how many people were watching us. We were only about 200 yards from the White House fence and I'm sure we were well in sight of the Secret Service.

Would the Federal Government consider this a political statement, or was it just one more case of a drunken out-of-towner trying to pick up some stranger at a local bar? We weren't arrested, so I assume it must have been the latter.

I did walk her back to her hotel, and despite several sincere offers, I turned down her invitation to spend the night. I was very flattered and I was attracted to her; but she was very drunk, 20 years my junior, obviously on the rebound over her boy friend, and of course I was married. We did exchange e-mails for a couple of months, but we were just ships passing in the night, and "drip dry" ones at that.

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Isn't it ironic that as natural a bodily function as peeing is, it is still something that society demands we do in private? And obviously, when the need is urgent and privacy is lacking, some of our funniest stories come to life. From birth through adulthood, natures calling can always offer us a good laugh.

I hope you enjoyed my stories and I'll leave you with thought provoking two questions:

1) Do men always stand to pee? I had a female friend ask me this once and I assured her that absolutely, other than our daily constitution, I have never known a man who didn't stand to pee. Well, now I've heard from several women who swear to me that their husband/boy friends sit to pee. Can this possibly be true?

2) Do you pee in the shower or do you know anyone that does? I heard recently on TV that peeing in the shower is common. In all my years, I have never heard of such a thing, but now I've heard from several friends who tell me, "Well, yeah ... of course I pee in the shower." Can this also be true, or are they just peeing on my leg and telling me it's raining?