tagHumor & SatireTommy Joe and His Pa Ch. 01

Tommy Joe and His Pa Ch. 01




The opening scene is a dusty, unpaved road in rural Arkansas. It is just before dusk and Tommy Joe and his Pa, Lester, are bouncing along in a rusty old pick-up truck.


Tommy Joe: "Pa, we got to git us a woman for the farm."

Lester: "Ha, for the farm? You mean a woman for you to do!

Tommy Joe: "Well, that too, but she could cook meals and clean up for us."

Lester: "You're just horny. What's wrong with Rachel over in Fallin' Creek? I know you've been doing her."

Tommy Joe: "Yeah, but sometimes I don't like it because her Pa likes to watch and all of her kids keep running in and out while we're doing it. Once in a while her 19-year-old daughter, Ida watches too and I kinda like that. But then, I really like it when her Ma watches cuz' she plays with my balls and scratches my ass while we're doing it. I guess shouldn't complain, Rachel only charges me $3.00."

Lester: "$3.00? Shit, she charges me $5.00."

Tommy Joe: "But Pa, she said you was bigger n' a horse and she was always sore for a couple of days after you had been there."

Lester: "How in the hell could she know how big I was? She is so fat she don't even know if'n you got it in the right place. She must weigh 300 pounds. Sometimes her Ma does me and I think she may even be better at it than Rachel. But she won't do it if her ole' man is around."

Tommy Joe: "Well, all this talk about it has got me hornier n' a billy-goat. I'm hard as a hoe handle. Right now, it's so hard I don't think a cat could scratch it."

Lester: "We'll be in town soon and we can stop at 'THE HOUSE OF DE-LIGHTS' and see Rosie. I thought you got plenty when you were overseas with the army."

Tommy Joe: "I did but some of them foreigners were strange."

Lester: "How so?"

Tommy Joe: "One gal in France only wanted to do it with her mouth, and if that weren't enough, she wanted me to do her with my mouth. I liked it when she did me but when I did her, she tasted like old fish. In Germany, there was a gal that always wanted to be on top. She would ride me like I was a horse and keep on going long after I was finished. Sometimes I'd have to buck her off to get rid of her. Then there was one gal in London who had the same plumbing as we do. I think she was from Transylvania because she said she was a transvestite or something like that. We were playing around in the dark corner of a bar and she grabbed my business. When I grabbed hers, she had a hard on just like me. She wanted me to do her from behind but the MP's cleared the place out and sent me back to the base."

"But I think the strangest one was way out in the desert in Iran. Some guy riding a camel came up to our bivouac with two gals walking behind him. He charged $7.00 American for a go at either one or $10.00 for both. There was 42 soldiers camped there and most of them did one or the other of the women. Some guys did both of them. I was number 3 with the skinny one so it wasn't too bad. I never did get to try the other one. It might have been better but they kept them long black dresses and facemasks on. They just laid down, side by side on the sand, and pulled them dresses up enough to bare the part we needed to git to. You just had to stand around and watch until it came your turn. I understand, that later on, they got sand in their pussies and it wasn't much fun. Some of the guys rubbed themselves raw doin' it."

Lester: "I would have liked to see that. We didn't have much of any thing like that in Nam but there was a few girls that would do it for money. The problem was I had to send almost all my money home to your Ma."

Tommy Joe: "I heard tell you were overseas when I was born."

Lester: "Yep, and had been for over a year. I sure was glad to get back and see your Ma. I hadn't had a chance to be with her for all that time. I think that I did her too many times the first few weeks. It wasn't long after that she run off with that Bible salesman."

Tommy Joe: "Well anyway, tell me about Rosie."

Lester: "Rosie ain't bad, she's just a little old, maybe 60 or so but she knows her business. She's got three other gals working for her but I don't want to talk about Dora the redhead. Clara is fat and I think she may be pregnant. I know she sure does smell bad. The last one, Maybell, is the skinniest woman I ever knew. Once when I was doin' her, she jabbed me with her knee so hard I fell out and never did finish."

Tommy Joe: "Are you gonna do Rosie?"

Lester: "Yeah, she's soft all over and has the biggest boobs I ever seen on a woman. I don't want you to mess with Dora and I don't think you'd like Clara. You're young so you could work around Maybell's bones. I think she's about your age, 25 or so. You'll be laying down so it won't matter that she's a lot taller'n you."

Tommy Joe: "What's wrong with Dora? That was the name of a gal you was married to once wasn't it? Is that Rosie's up ahead?"

Lester: "That's it, the place with all them red lights and the sign that says 'HOUSE OF DE-LIGHTS'. Pull in along side that tour bus. We may have to wait a while cuz' I think that bus belongs to the baseball team from over in Mule Shoe. Just never you mind about Dora. It's none of your business."


The two men approach the door and ring the bell. An eyeball peeks through the peephole then the door opens. A woman (Maybell) with stringy blond hair, well over 6 feet tall and weighing less than 100 pounds opens the door and greets them.


Maybell: "Hey Lester, come on in, how you been? Ain't seen you since last week. Who's the youngster?"

Lester: "Hi Maybell. This here's my boy, Tommy Joe. I figured it was time to introduce him to some of the finer spots in our town."

Maybell: "Nice to meet you Tommy Joe but you're gonna have to wait. We got us an automobile salesman's convention from over in Mule Shoe. There was so many of them they rented the baseball bus and got here about 3 hours ago. Most of them finished and went to the bar down the street. I think there are still 3 or 4 upstairs. I just did my last one a couple of minutes ago."

Tommy Joe: "Nice to meet you too Miss Maybell. What do you think Pa?"

Lester: "Well, hell, I was looking forward to gitting it on with Rosie. You think she'll be too tired Maybell?"

Maybell: "Naw. Rosie's got a leather pussy. She can do it 15 or 20 times in a row and never get tired or sore. Look, here comes Clara down the stairs now. She must have finished with her last guy. Hi Clara, where's your guy?"

Clara: "He went down the back stairs. Hi Lester. Who's the pretty boy?"

Lester: "Hi Clara. This here's my son, Tommy Joe."

Clara: "OK, does Dora know you're here?"

Lester: "No, and it's none of her business. Don't tell her."

Clara: "I won't. I hope you're not here to see me. I'm pooped. I think I did it 8 or 9 times in the last couple of hours. I know you like Rosie and the boy can do Maybell if he likes."

Tommy Joe: "Pleased to meet you Miss Clara. I would be happy to do Miss Maybell if'n its ok with her."

Maybell: "Why, what a gentleman. I would be honored to have you do me. Lets go upstairs. Your Pa can settle up with Rosie when she comes down."


Tommy Joe and Maybell disappear up the stairs and a moment later two men, and a very heavy older woman, barefoot, with big breasts, and clad only in a bra and Bikini panties descend the stairs. The men leave without saying anything to anybody. The woman, obviously Rosie speaks...


Rosie: "Hey there Lester, how's your pecker hanging?"

Lester: "Pretty good, but it's not hanging right now, it's standing straight up."

Rosie: "Well good for you. Do you want me or Dora or Clara?"

Lester: "Rather have you. Clara says she's tired and I had more than enough of Dora."

Rosie: "OK. Clara, you go on about your business. Where's Maybell?"

Clara: "She done gone upstairs with Lester's boy."

Rosie: "Dora is still upstairs doing her last one. OK Lester, let me catch my breath and dust off my pussy and we can go upstairs and have a go at it. I could stand a drink first, how about you?"

Lester: "I wouldn't turn down a little something that'd make me cuss and stagger. Could I feel your behind while you're making the drinks?"

Rosie: "Sure, no problem but don't you go sticking anything in there 'till we settle up."

Lester: "I wouldn't do that Miss Rosie. I need for you to lay down and let me do it proper like."

Rosie: "I wouldn't mind laying down some, it's been a busy day and I ain't as young as I was when I first started this business. Here's your drink. All I had was Bourbon and branch water. We need to settle up before we go much further. Is your boy doing Maybell?"

Lester: "Yeah. I guess they are already at by now."

Rosie: "OK, That's $15.00 for you, $10.00 for the boy, and I can throw in the drink for free cuz you're such a good customer."

Lester: "How come you charge me $15.00 and only $10.00 for the boy?"

Rosie: "Cuz I know you. You'd wear the skin off my pussy if'n I'd let you. Besides that's the volume discount rate. Hell, I charged them car salesmen $25.00 each and another $5.00 for "destination preparation". Lets go upstairs but I don't want you goosin' me on the way up."

Lester: "I wasn't goin' to, you got skidmarks in you drawers."


Lester and Rosie start up the stairs. Meanwhile, Tommy Joe and Maybell have stopped at a bedroom door only to find an older, very fat, bald man asleep on a sofa in the hallway. He is completely nude except for his shoes and socks.


Maybell: "Damn! That was my last guy. I told him to go down the back stairs. I wonder where the rest of his clothes are? Well, don't worry about him; I'll get our handyman to put him in the bus. Lets go into my room and you take off your clothes while I call Juan."

Tommy Joe: "Should I leave my boots on like he did?"

Maybell: "Naw, take e'm off. It don't matter how wild it gits, we ain't gonna leave this room. OK, The janitor's gonna take care of the guy in the hall. You can hang your pants on the chair there. WOW! That's a lot of meat, you sure do take after you Pa."

Tommy Joe: "Thank you, but I ain't nowhere as big as him. When I was in the army I got to notice that most of them city boys were kind of puny. How come your pussy is so shiny?"

Maybell: "I done shaved all the hair off'n it and I put a little bacon grease on it so things would go in smooth like. Most of the guys like it that way. Don't you?"

Tommy Joe: "It's OK I guess, I just never seen one nude before. Most of them look like a grizzly bear with its throat cut. You sure are skinny and you ain't got no tits at all. Your as flat as a man."

Maybell: Yeah, I know. I'm saving up for a boob job. You want me to lay down or what?

Tommy Joe: "You're gonna have to lay down; I don't think I can reach it while your standing up."

Maybell: "I meant did you want me to do you with my mouth or get on top?"

Tommy Joe: "Naw, I don't like them foreign ways, I want to do it American style. You just lay down and open up. That's it. WOW! It slid right in slicker than eel snot. You sure are roomy in there for a skinny gal."

Meanwhile in Rosie's room...

Lester: Um, um, um, you sure are soft. You smell good too, kinda like chicken and dumplings. You're nice and warm inside, and me bein' in there feels real good but I think it would be a lot better if'n you wasn't eatin' that sandwich."

Rosie: "Sorry about that but I didn't have any lunch and I got to keep my strength up. If you would quit pounding so hard, I could finish it and we could get on with our business, besides, you're makin' me spill my soda pop."

Lester: "OK, I'll slow down a little. I wonder how Tommy Joe is doin' with Miss Maybell. Oh, I like it when you squeeze the muscles in your pussy like that, it feels kinda like my milking machine out on the farm."

Meanwhile in Maybell's room...

Maybell: "Damn it, Tommy Joe, you been at it for more'n 20 minutes. I done cum twice, something I never do with a customer. My pussy's getting' sore, ain't you almost done?"

Tommy Joe: "UGH, if'n you'd put... UGH, some more of that... UGH, goose grease on... UGH, and quit talking... UGH, so much... UGH, and let me concentrate... UGH, I might be... UGH, able to git... UGH, it done soon... UGH.

Maybell: OH God, I think I'm gonna do it again. OH MY GOD, OH, OH...

Tommy Joe: "Me too... UGH, Yep, here... UGH, it comes... UGH... UGH... UGH..."

Maybell: "WOW, I done gone and done it three times! Jeeze Tommy, it feels like you're filling me up with a fire hose."

Tommy Joe: "Whew, that was worth doin'. Let me catch my breath afore we try it again."

Maybell: "Not on your life, one to a customer, but I'll say, you're much better at it than your pa. You just lay there and let me clean you up a little. First, I got to go clean myself up, it feels like there is a gallon of your stuff running down my leg."

And in Rosie's room...

Lester: "Rosie... Rosie! Are you OK?"

Rosie: "Ump, what? Oh, I must have dozed off for a couple of minutes. Are you finished yet?"

Lester: "Yeah, I reckon, but you was snoring. I wasn't sure what was happening."

Rosie: "I'm just tired, I had too many customers today and I feel kind of sticky. I think I need a bath. If you're sure you're done, pull that thing out of me and get dressed."

Lester: "Er, OK Rosie, but I need to ask you something."

Rosie: "I ain't giving you no freebies and I ain't gonna to do it again now."

Lester: "That ain't it. I need to find me a gal to work for me on the farm. Do you know anyone who would do that and maybe give Tommy Joe and me some now and then? You sure you don't want to do it again now?"

Rosie: "I do know a wimpy little gal that has been pesterin' me for a job, but you're so big, she might not be able to take you on. She likes doing it and says she can do it with a baseball bat so maybe she can. If'n you want to do it again it'll cost you another $10, or $15 if I have to take a bath first."

Lester: "Naw, I'll pass, I still got the milking machine at home. Tell me about this gal. What does she look like and where does she live?"

Rosie: "They are new around here. She's about 23 and says her Ma died last year and there's only her, her Pa and her four brothers. Come to think of it, maybe that's why she likes doin' it so much. She's kind of pretty but awfully puny; I don't think she weighs 85 pounds. Problem is, if'n I fix you up with her, I lose you as a customer and you've been spending $50 or $60 a week here since they put that oil well on your property."

Lester: "That's OK, I'll still come by and see you. I like the way you sweat when we're doing it and besides, I kinda like fat gals. I really just need somebody for Tommy Joe."

Rosie: "OK, I'll fix it up but it'll cost you $50 up front. Then you can come by and take it out in trade."


Chapter 2 to follow


Copyright © 06-19-2006 by E. J. Sheeran. All rights reserved. This work, in part, or whole, is not to be distributed, reproduced, transmitted or posted, in any manner, without the express written permission of the author.

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