Toms Journey Pt. 02

Like fuck am I going on a ski holiday while my husband jaunts off to England to cheat on me with some tart he's met online.

This is what I find so hilarious about men. They think they're so smart but when it comes to sex they are just careless about covering their tracks. They have their mind on one thing and that is getting their cock wet.

I know his Facebook login and I check his messages when he's passed out cold on the sofa most evenings which.. yes I make him sleep on because he snores and quite frankly I don't want to share a bed with someone that pays me no attention sexually whatsoever.

I know he's not attracted to me anymore, I know he messages other women and takes the piss out of me. Why would I want to share a bed with him? This Leila must be stupid if she thinks Tom is in love with her. I've seen the messages between them, even though he deletes them after she signs off I've already read them from my desk at work - very entertaining I must say.

Tom is a serial cheat. He cannot help himself. Once upon a time I was enough for him but that's when we were in the first throws of romance and way before Katie was born. Life 'happened' he took out business loan after business loan and we nearly lost everything when his business collapsed. If it wasn't for my parents we would have been screwed. I lost respect for him and he lost interest in me. He became addicted to sex and got drunk every evening while I picked up the pieces and rebuilt everything he so carelessly almost lost us.

The last thing I want is a divorce, my parents split when I was Katy's age and i don't want that for my daughter so dammit I will put up with his shit and try to make the best of it.

It's the fact he thinks I don't know what he's up to on his little 'business trip' that pisses me off the most. I've seen what he's said about me. That I'm money grabbing. The audacity! I work night and day to provide a good life for my daughter while he can barely get any work these days because he's become an unreliable name in this town.

Yes, I was having a fling with Katy's horse riding instructor. He made me feel alive again, like a woman once more. Years of neglect from Tom had made me forget that I am a sexual being. I wish Tom would make me feel like that again, I wish he would make love to me like he used to do all those years ago but I can't even bear him being near me. Maybe it's because of everything he's put me through.

I listened in on them skyping a couple of weeks ago, he was in the lounge with the doors closed but I could hear clearly enough. It was as if he wanted me to overhear. I heard the things he said to her and i felt something I didn't expect to feel. Pangs of jealousy. I imagined it was me he was saying those things to and felt myself getting aroused. I went upstairs and I undressed.

I'm self conscious about my body. Especially since having Katy. My stomach never went back to the way it was, it's covered in silvery stretch marks and has lost its washboard appearance. My breasts are sagged and my nipples are large and dark, and my legs have varicose veins also from pregnancy. I always had to have the light off so Tom couldn't see. I used to be so confident before Katy. I was obsessed with the gym and always took pride in my shape. Tom said he loved how firm and slender I was. Why would he still be attracted to me?

I guess it made me bitter. I felt like he'd lost interest in me after Katy. I could never lose all the baby weight. I was a size fourteen now, my size 8 frame impossible to re attain. That's what he misses about me. I'm not the woman he fell in love with. That's what he sees in that tart Leila. I used to look just like that. I was his girl from Inglewood. Now I was a bitter, old, overweight nagging wife.

I lay on our marital bed and I touched myself. I was wet and I could feel my clit pulsating. I breathed slowly and heavily as I gently stroked my clit. It felt so good to feel sexual pleasure. It had been a long time since I had touched myself and months since my encounters with Jean Paul.

I inserted a finger inside myself and then put it into my mouth. I tasted sweet and my white juices sent electricity through my body. I fucked myself hard, really hard as I pictured my husband downstairs masturbating over pretty little Leila from Inglewood. I imagined him cum and pictured the look of pure ecstasy on his face. I felt myself start to cum so rubbed my clit, applying pressure and rubbing the hood faster and faster. Toms big hard cock in his hand, wanking over another woman flashed through my mind and my body let go of an almighty orgasm, my cheeks flushing and my heart pumping wildly.

Then I was alone, in bed and the sheets were damp where I had gushed everywhere. I laughed in spite of the situation. This was crazy. My husband was infatuated with someone else and here I was pleasuring myself over it.

So no. I'm as much going on a ski trip with Katy as he is going on a business trip to England.

I'm dropping Katy off with my mum and I'm getting on the next ferry to England. I don't know why or what im going to do.

Do I still love him? I don't know. This is mental. Where has uptight sensible 40 something Samantha gone?

I text him and asked him if the deal was hard. He hadn't so much as messaged me once since he left. He read my message and didn't even reply. I bet the only thing that was hard was that cock of his. My cock. And I think I want it back.