Too Hot to Handle

I'd been married all of my life to a woman who had grown more shrewish and frigid as time had passed, and so ugly both physically and spiritually that I could hardly stand to be in the same room with her anymore. She had become, as I grew wealthier and more successful, a real cunt. She flaunted my wealth, and my success, as if it was her own, and treated other people she deemed her 'inferiors' with the utter contempt that only one who has no appreciation of an honest day's labor can bestow on another human being. In short, I had after twenty years of marriage grown to hate the bitch.

And then I noticed a funny thing. All of my friends and associates were married to middle aged menopausal lunatic bitches, and we were all being driven to an early grave by these monstrously foul creatures who took, took, took, and felt hostile and annoyed if life made any demands of them. This included having sex with us, their husbands, which they now seemed to feel was beneath them. As I looked at my wife - and the other women like her married to my friends - I wondered what the options were as most of were approaching fifty years of age and few of us are what the ladies today call date-bait.

And let's face it, at fifty we're no longer studs capable of fucking a woman for hours on end; sometimes not capable of fucking at all without the help of Viagra or some other such potion. And younger women need sex; how else can they get pregnant and tie their men down to a life of slavery and servitude? And once these creatures have their babies, watch out! The well runs dry, menopause hits, and any semblance of a sane and happy life disappears forever.

Options?

Hookers? Can you spell pelvic inflammatory disease, crabs, gonorrhea, syphilis, or any of the other delightful diseases that lie in wait for the hapless middle aged man in those waiting arms? And let's not even talk about the lonely and degrading prospect of a series of emotionally meaningless encounters, and how that will surely degrade the man's spirit over time. So, let's try another option.

The younger woman option is fraught with peril. Unless you're lucky enough to find the one woman in a million who doesn't have that biological time bomb ticking away in her womb, you're only buying a short term fix. Any young woman worth her DNA is going to be out hunting for some sugar daddy with a Private Banker at Chase, or better yet, Credit Suisse, and she'll borrow your sperm and rope you in to servitude or alimony payments so ridiculous you'll wish you were dead. So while she may be the fuck of the century, look out! Time ain't on your side.

Even if the woman in question is biologically incapable of child baring, that doesn't mean she still doesn't harbor such ambitions. Ever hear of adoption, amigo? And chances are she's infertile due to ovarian cancer, and you ain't seen baggage until you've tried to carry that load. This one will rope you in with a really good fuck, then while away the rest of your life chasing her Prozac with vodka, and spending every dime you make trying to buy her way out of your misery at every shopping mall within a five hundred mile radius. Sounds good, huh?

An older woman? Come on buddy, really. Only fags and really horny teenagers go after women over forty. And lesbians.

On the woman front, that leaves necrophilia. I don't want to speak for everyone here, but this one leaves me cold. I mean, really, who wants a cold pussy. On the other hand, you won't be bothered with idle chit-chat and 10k a month Nieman-Marcus bills. So, who knows, might not be such a bad choice after all! But, yeah, I'm kidding. So shoot me!

So, dogs, sheep . . . Ain't no way, Jose. I read somewhere that about 16% of all young men report having their first sexual experience with an animal. You know what? I'm in the other 84%. I love pets, but ain't know way I'm going to love my pet.

So, we're down to men. I know what you're thinking, hey, I did too. Really unappetizing. In this regard I have a real problem . . . I like the way women look. I like tits, and a woman's legs are just too much for me sometime (ask my wife about that one sometime . . . she had killer legs until she fell in love with chocolate ice cream). Sorry gay guys, you just don't cut the mustard as far as I'm concerned.

So, at any rate, one of my real old friends got married again recently . . . to another guy! He immigrated to Canada so they could live as a married couple . . . imagine that! True love!Well, he decided to have a bachelor party for all of his poor indentured male buddies at a really fun place in Montreal, and he promised no overt gay stuff, so off we went in this huge caravan driving up from all over New England to Canada to celebrate one of our own making the big switch. A lot of our friends didn't come, you know, because of the gay thing, but who cares. We were intent on sending off our bud with a real bang.

After settling in at the hotel near the planned party, we all got together for drinks in the lounge downstairs. We tossed a few down and talked about the party, like, what we were going to do if a naked guy jumped up out of the cake kind of stuff. Lots of laughs, but every one was really kinda nervous, too. Well, anyway, we hopped a bunch of cabs and headed down to the nightclub where the party was going to happen. Lot's of strip joints and hookers lined the street, which was a good sign as far as I was concerned.

In we went, hoping for the best and expecting God knows what. Phillip, our friend getting married, had a private room all set up on the second floor of this place, so up we went. The place had a nice dinner ready for us, and cigars and brandy . . . you know, all that really relevant guy shit. After dinner we sat around shooting the same old shit we'd been shooting for two decades running, and enjoying the hell out of it.

So, in comes this hooker, I'm thinking, cause who else but a hooker would do one of these affairs, right? This chic has it all, too. I mean really nice hair, fairly mean hooters, not any fat around the middle, and best of all, what appears to me to be about the best legs I've seen on a girl in years. She slipped off her dress and revealed her pure white skin and slinky white lingerie. She was sexy as hell, too. The whole garters and stockings and high heels thing. My pecker was at DefCon Two and ready for launch, you know what I mean?

At any rate, this girl - said we could call her Brandi - strutted around the room a few times. Really showing off her stuff, too, and everyone was like really enjoying the show. Lots of tents on the trouser fronts. After a minute or so of this she dropped to her knees right in front of - ME! Before you could say 'wanna blow job, buddy' three times, she was between my legs and had my pants down around my ankles and my cock in her mouth. God-all-mighty could that girl give head! I'd say I lasted less than three minutes, and I hadn't even popped a Viagra! The girl made her way around the room, not taking no for an answer, and blowing every one in the room save Phillip all the way to orgasm. Chic swallowed, too!

Well, after she'd done us all, she stepped to the middle of the room and dropped her panties, revealing a really nice seven inch long cock. Phillip, you dog! A couple of the guys got up right then and beat it; didn't come back, either! Phillip had his laugh, though.

So, the girl parades around the room with her cock sticking out, stopping in front of each one of us and asking if anyone is going to take care of her. Me, I'm looking at these killer legs in white stockings and pumps, thinking this 'girl' really is hot. So she comes around to me and hangs that cock right in front of my mouth, and says "How about it, baby?"

Well, ain't no tellin' why I did it, but I took that cock in my mouth and grabbed her waist and pulled her to me, and just like I knew what I was doing, I went to town all over that pecker. I bobbed and twisted and jacked that thing like I was the Pro from Dover, and pretty soon I could feel that cock twitching and pulsing. The girl, well, whatever, was about to pop and she at least had the courtesy to ask if I wanted it. Well, hell, I did, and I told her to fire away, too.

She got really wound up with that and grabbed my face and pumped away, and within a few seconds she was dumping a load and a half down my throat. What a weird sensation! Like snot, only worse, cause there was a whole lot more of it! Hell, I was really pretty shook up by this, but my friends were hooting and hollering and clapping like I had just hung the moon or something, so I looked at my friends trying not to turn too red in the face, and gave them the thumbs up . . . you know, right manly and all that shit.

Well, the girl gets right down in my face and kisses me, then tells me thanks, and if I ever want to see her again if I come back to Montreal to give her a call.

So, what do I have to say about that?

I ask her if she'd come back with me to the hotel!

And, hell, she said yes! Hot damn!

So, not too long after that I was headed to the Hilton with the best cocksucker I'd ever had - and with the best looking legs I could remember seeing in years - and I thought it was funny as hell, and I wasn't nervous one bit. Brandi was a blast to be with, kinda feminine but still aware of what it is to be a guy, but with none of the bullshit that comes with the territory when you're out with a woman. You know, you can tell the same kind of jokes you can with the guys, laugh about how funny cunts look, tell blond jokes, that kinda shit.

She wasn't real big. Like maybe 5'6" or thereabouts, and I'll bet she weighed about half what my wife weighed then, or about 125 pounds. Probably a size seven shoe, and pretty feet, real feminine looking. Not a hair anywhere on her body except her head, and that was a real nice brunette color, long and straight. Hell, she even smelled good! I was a goner, that's for sure.

So, we're driving along in the back of this taxi, and what the hell, I lean over and kiss her. Not a real wimpy kiss, either. I'm talking a real lip-lockin' tongue dancin' spit swappin' french kiss, and it made me horny as hell. I could look into her brown eyes as I pulled back, and she looked at me kinda shy, like she wasn't sure what was going on. She asked me if I was gay, or if I'd been with a girl like her before, and I answered not guilty on both counts, which kinda shocked her. She asked me why, and I told her.

I told her my wife made me sick to my stomach, and that women in general were beginning to get to me, but that I wasn't attracted to men as such, that I loved the truly feminine, not this ersatz lumberjack look that young women today seemed to enjoy. She kinda laughed at that, said she knew what I meant.

Well, we made it to the Hilton, and she asked again if I really wanted her to come up. And I told her again that yes, I did, and I was looking forward to fucking her ass off as soon as possible. She slipped on out of the cab, I paid the fare, and we headed up to my room.

As soon as I got the door closed behind her I went wild. I took off her dress, but told her to keep her stockings and stuff on. That shit turns me on, and I'm tired of having to apologize for it, O.K., ladies? I threw my clothes off and knelt between her legs and started to suck her off, and she got real hard real fast. Man, I loved the way she felt in my mouth, and I started to get hard from just sucking her cock. I thought about fucking her again right off the bat, but all of a sudden I really wanted to eat her cum again, and I told her so, too. I started sucking on her real hard, and jacking her cock while I sucked on just the tip of her cock. A little pre-cum oozed out, and I could taste it there on the tip so I played with it - nibbling and licking on the tip of her cock until she announced she was going to cum. Man, I dove back down on her cock, deep throated her, and then I felt another really huge load pouring into my mouth. Man, I was turning into a world-class cum-slut right there before her eyes, and I was fuckin' lovin' it.

So, my cock was doing the Statue of Liberty thing, and I tossed Brandi over and dove into her ass with my tongue, and I reveled in how clean she was. I reamed her out real good, then placed my dick over her asshole and slowly worked the tip of my cock into her. Not as tight as I'd imagined, but still a hell of a lot tighter than wifey's cunt. Wife was always way too special to even consider taking one in the ass . . .

I can't even begin to guess how many years it had been since I'd popped off twice in one night, but I could feel the second one looming off in the distance. Hell, then it was on me - well, no, it was in her - and I shot off a nerve shattering load deep into her ass.

I'll tell you a funny thing.

I asked Brandi to spend the weekend with me, which she did. But that wasn't enough. So I started coming up on weekends, which wife didn't mind at all. Then that wasn't enough, so I moved my practice up to Montreal. I divorced my wife. I asked Brandi to marry me, and she said yes. Phillip was my best man, and his wife (yes, you guessed it, he married one of the girls!) was Brandi's Matron of Honor. Hell, it really is a brave new world out here.

So, O.K., ladies, here's fair warning. Y'all gave up on the feminine thing, you gave up on taking care of yourselves, you've become fat and abusive self-righteous feminist bitches, and we men are tired of it. Right now, something better has come along to take your place. Something feminine, graceful, and not so full of their omnipotent superiority that they can't have fun with a man anymore.

And guys, you gotta broaden your horizons. Girls like Brandi aren't too hot to handle, they're just hot. And don't knock it 'till you try it. All you got to lose is the collar around your neck, and the chain around your cock. You simply ain't gonna get over how good a hard cock in your mouth feels . . . hell, even women know that much! And guess what? You don't have to swallow, but you'll probably like that, too.