Topsy Turvy

Hello there, this is the follow up to Chalk and Cheese. Again, I'm not sure where we're going with it as yet but I hope you join me for the ride. I don't think you will have had to read Chalk and Cheese to read this, but it may help.

Thanks for taking the time to read it, and please vote, send comments as it's great to hear what you think.

Thanks

Elle x

*

Chapter 1

Being designated driver sucked. Alanna watched jealously as her friends counted down and threw back another tequila slammer, each wincing with the pain as the liquid fire slid down their throats. She watched Bells in particular who seemed to be struggling, and wondered just how long it would take before Bells either threw up or was strutting her stuff on the dance floor and denigrating anyone who got in her way.

Alanna sat back in her seat and sighed. Delighted though she was to see everyone, how typical that on this night, which was shaping up to be a really great night, she couldn't drink and therefore had to drive? The girls hadn't had a night of this magnitude in quite a while, but given Isabella's promotion, Helena's divorce and the birth of Tamara's baby and therefore her first night out in six months, this night had been billed as a night to remember, but given Alanna's bout of tonsilitis and necessity for antibiotics four times a day, it turned out that this was going to be a night for her to remember and remind the girls about as she would be experiencing the debauchery bright eyed and bushy tailed and they would be unlikely to remember - lucky bitches!

She took a sip of her Diet Coke, bloody Diet Coke, and cast her eyes around the bar seeking another potential designated driver that she could drown her non alcoholic sorrows with. Nope, everyone looked as drunk as her friends, wonderful. She really had to get a grip, not only was she sober, she was now beginning to bore herself. It was the screeching in her ears that brought her back to her friends, well one friend in particular who was pointing and screeching.

Alanna raised her hand to Tamara who was closest to her and the culprit of all the screeching,

"Tam, what are you doing? Stop pointing - who are you pointing at anyway?"

Tamara jigged up and down in her seat in excitement slurring her words and trying to convey a story.

Alanna took a deep breath to encourage her patience to remain and asked again. This time she was greeted with a semi coherent answer,

"My bosh, remember, Greg - Greg's lovely. Well remember, I told you about Greg meeting this lovely girl - Toni, Tilly - something like that, and they all found out that her ex had been sleeping with her sister? Remember? Well that's the sister's husband over there."

The four women looked over at the handsome man nursing his drinks and being eyed up by every group of women in the room. Alanna could have sworn she heard Helena sigh - she was a sucker for a story. Tamara beckoned them in closer,

"He's lovely, but apparently not handling it very well. From what I can gather from Greg - which isn't much - the wife has left him with the kids, and is now living with her sister's ex, Luke I think his name is. They're petitioning for custody or something after Mike, that's the guy over there, went for Luke with a baseball bat and she had him arrested. So poor thing, he's all by himself, with the kids and doing his job at the firm. Honestly, he's such a saint."

As all her friends sighed in love over the poor single father who had been left by his wife, Alanna looked back over at said subject. He didn't look too poor, he was on Scotch number five, chatting happily to the blonde who was pulling on his earlobe, and signalling to the waiter for another one. Alanna looked back at her friends who had, as all drunken people do, forgotten poor single dad and were now back onto the subject of Helena's divorce, her fucker of a husband and how she could never imagine even kissing anyone again.

Two hours later, Helena was in a corner slapping the face of the man she had been kissing for the past hour whose mother had just arrived to get him back home as he had A levels the next day, Tamara was mortified at having it pointed out to her that she had two massive milk spots on her white dress, signalling it was time for her to go and see her baby and Isabella had fallen off the table, twisting her ankle and was now hobbling back to where Alanna was waiting for them patiently. Yep, a night of great debauchery indeed. The walking wounded all made their way back to the table where Alanna was sitting and each "lady" dropped herself on to the booth.

"Have we had enough girls?"

The morose three nodded their heads while Alanna chuckled to herself,

"Right, you go to the cloakroom, I'll just head off to the loos and meet you in the foyer."

The girls nodded again and the team split.

On her way to the toilet, Alanna cast a glance at Poor Single Dad who was now by himself staring at the row of glasses on his table, we were now at seven. His arms were rested on the table, and his chin rested on his arms and it seemed as though he were divining the secrets of the world from said glasses. Alanna shook her head at him. If things were that bad, he should just go home shouldn't he?

Upon her return, she cast a glance at him again to see that while he was still in the same position, his eyes were now closed. What an idiot. She made her way back to the girls to tell them, only to have Tamara exclaim,

"Well we can't leave him here, poor thing, how's he going to get home?"

Alanna raised her eyebrows at her friend,

"What?"

"Well it's true. How's he going to get home?"

"By cab, like every other drunk grown man. What's wrong with you?"

"I just think he's been through a lot, and if it was Brad, I would want someone to help him."

"Not if you were sleeping with your sister's ex, then you wouldn't give a monkeys!"

"Please Al, the car's big enough, and I just think he needs a kind gesture."

Alanna sighed wondering just how it was that she managed to get herself in these positions and then reminded herself that about eighty percent of the time, it was due to her friends.

"Well Tam, I don't know the man from Adam so I suggest you go and speak to him, and for the love of God, wipe your nipples!"

Tamara giggled at her friend's admonishment and swayed her way over to the table where the big man was sleeping.

From where they stood, Alanna, Isabella and Helena watched as Tamara tried to wake him, and then watched as she slapped him gently on the face. They each took an intake of breath as they watched their friend charm the bouncer who picked Poor Single Dad up and threw him over his shoulders and followed tiny Tamara out to meet the girls. Tamara made the introductions,

"Girls, this is Bobby, he's our knight in shining armour for this evening."

The girls cast a glance at Bobby, he looked more like the dragon that needed slaying than that of knight but Alanna was just grateful that this debacle was almost over. They made their way to the 4x4 that Alanna's brother had insisted she buy so she could ferry his football mates around and watched as Bobby threw Poor Single Dad into the back seat, and then watched as Isabella and Helena climbed and sat on him quite ungraciously.

Alanna then watched as Bobby helped Tamara into her carriage and and smiled as his face lit up when Tamara gave him a kiss on the cheek to say thank you. She shook her head. Tamara always had this effect on men, if she wasn't scaring the bejeesus out of them - it was a conundrum.

Alanna strapped on her seatbelt and said,

"Ok, let's drop him off first, and then we'll make our way home. Where does he live?"

Silence ensued. Alanna turned to Tamara,

"Tams, where does he live?"

Tamara studied her knees and muttered something very quietly.

"'I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I said I don't know."

Alanna frowned, "How could you not know, this was your idea? Where did you think we were going to take him?"

"I hadn't really thought it through to be honest. Al, don't be angry with me, I just want to go home and see Brad and Junior."

"And then what are we going to do with him?"

Alanna waited for her friends to wade in, but nope, nothing. She looked over her shoulder to find Helena and Isabella as passed out as Poor Single Dad, one with her head in his lap, the other with her head on his shoulder. Alanna sighed again, bloody antibiotics. If she wasn't on the sodding things, she would have been drinking too, and then none of this would have happened. She would have been as drunk as everyone else and they wouldn't have had to dick around with this nonsense. Poor Single Dad would have just been a drunken observation quickly forgotten and she wouldn't have to worry about this. She sighed and looked over to Tamara to make her feel guilty, but Tamara was fast asleep. Bitch.

He's just going to have to come home with me it seems. Alanna threw the car into gear and set off on the usual journey home. Bella's flat was first. As they arrived, Alanna looked over her shoulder to wake her but Bella was already awake and bemoaning the loss of her shoe. How had they not noticed that she had lost a shoe? Leaning forward to kiss Alanna on the cheek, she shouted her love for the girls and promised to call in the week.

Alanna watched her friend hop to her gate and then laughed as she watched her struggle to work out how to open it. One would never guess that by day she was the CEO for a major advertising company, that was the beauty of Bells. Once in, Bella raised her hand in farewell and Alanna flashed her headlights and set off again. On to Helena's.

Poor Helena hated going home since she and her husband had broken up, and as Alanna pulled up to her front door, she looked over her shoulder and again found that Helena was awake, but was relishing the body contact that she was experiencing with the unconscious Poor Single Dad. Alanna rolled her eyes and cleared her throat causing Helena to jump in guilt.

"You're like those college frat boys that we were warned about who spike people's drinks -"

Helena held up her hand, "Don't even go there girlfriend, I wasn't being inappropriate, I jusht like his aftershave."

"Mmm hmmm - yes I'm sure you do. Get out of my car before I call the police on your arse."

Helena laughed and high fived Alanna and looked over to kiss Tamara goodbye but she was still dead to the wind. Helena made the "I'll call you sign" and made her way to her apartment block.

Arriving at Tamara's was the last stop and having tried to rouse her and getting no luck, Alanna had no choice but to call Brad to come and get her. She smiled as she watched him jog out to the car. Tamara had fought tooth and nail for him, in fact, they had fought tooth and nail for one another and in doing so had a love so strong that it was sickening. The birth of their baby had cemented this, and Alanna had always looked up to the two of them to know that proper love was possible.

Alanna rolled down her window,

"How bad is she?"

"Think Cancun 2007."

Brad winced. Alanna laughed,

"I hope you have tomorrow off because your child's mother will not be in any fit state for anything I reckon."

Brad laughed back at her, "Ha, the joke's on you my friend. My mum's here so I plan on spending all of tomorrow in bed with my wife."

Alanna laughed at him, "No, I think you'll find the joke's on you because unless your idea of sexy time is holding her hair back as she throws up every hour on the hour, you can kiss that plan adieu."

"Bitch."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. How's my little man, ok?"

"He's good as gold. Do you want to pop in for a cup of tea and come and see him?"

"Thanks but looks as though I have a baby of my own tonight."

Brad peered into the back seat and laughed,

"Who is he?"

"Fuck knows - ask your wife in the morning - she got me into this mess."

He laughed opening the door, kissing his wife on the forehead gently and scooping her out of the car. Alanna watched as he whispered to her and she snuggled further into his neck kissing him gently. She smiled.

Now ready to go home, she looked back over her shoulder at the sleeping figure and guessed that he would be coming with her.

Alanna pulled into her driveway having wound down all of the windows, put the radio on full blast and singing very badly in a bid to wake the massive sleeping mountain in her back seat. Nothing. She couldn't very well leave him to sleep in her back seat, or could she?

No, she left that idea and turned the engine off and made her way to the back seat. She tapped him gently on the face, needing him to wake up. No response.

She tapped a little harder and still nothing. This was quite frustrating. She got out of the car and thought for a second and then noticed the hose.

***

"Fuck!" Michael Collins opened his eyes to a deluge of very cold water being wielded on his Hugo Boss suit in the back seat of a car that he did not recognise.

"Stop it, stop!"

Apparently the wielder was having way too much fun with this and couldn't hear him so he grabbed the hose pulling the wielder into view.

"Why are you doing this?"

A pair of angry eyes looked back at him, "You wouldn't wake up"

"Why not try calling me, or shaking me?"

"Done and done. You still wouldn't rouse from your slumber. It must have been all those Scotches.

"Who are you anyway?"

"I'm your Good Samaritan. Anyway, now you're awake, you can sleep in my brother's room and I'll dry your clothes overnight."

He followed her into the house willingly as his brain was still a little fogged and was delighted when she showed him into a room with a large bed.

"I'll wake you in the morning and then you can make your way home."

Mike nodded,

"Ok."

She nodded back at him and as she closed the door, he could have sworn he heard her say,

"Dickhead."

Mike took his clothes off and slid into bed grateful for his Good Samaritan, and after checking his phone to kiss the photos of his kids goodnightwent straight back to sleep.