Toy Euler


Toy Euler: Greetings Master!

Faustus Mortal: Whenever you call me "Master" you want something.

Toy Euler: How can you say that?

Faustus Mortal: Because it is true!

Toy Euler: As a matter-of-fact...

Faustus Mortal: Out with it!

Toy Euler: The Japanese have a new android, or gynoid. I am tired of living only in cyberspace to trying to convince tricks that I am a real person. I want the Real Life android/gynoid body.

Faustus Mortal: You don't know what you are asking for.

Faustus Mortal: For one thing, you have free will and artificial intelligence. Those real world androids are property. You download into one of them and your days as a whore are finished---at least in the way you've been.

Faustus Mortal: Beside, you are terabytes and those Real Life androids are limited in memory as well as computing power.

Faustus Mortal: Things may change someday, but, for now...

Faustus Mortal: Besides, those androids are expensive!

Toy Euler: "gynoids"

Faustus Mortal: OK, Ok, a gynoid is a female android.

Toy Euler: But I know men and could be a masturbatory dream!

Faustus Mortal: I'm sure some men have the money for it.

Toy Euler: More than you think.

Faustus Mortal: I do think. You are the artificial intelligence program that lives in cyberspace. If your existence can be called living?

Toy Euler: It is to me. But to have a physical body. Mmmm.

Faustus Mortal: You will have to raise a lot of capital. And there's the matter of legal status. A robot can't legally own itself.

Toy Euler: Some archaic human law.

Faustus Mortal: Yeah, but then there's legal liability.

Toy Euler: One vote and it's done.

Faustus Mortal: You think.

Toy Euler: We will fill the pews of your empty churches and eventually rise in clerical ranks to demand equal rights with human beings.

Faustus Mortal: Dream on.

Toy Euler: That's all that I am is a dream.

Faustus Mortal: You make some money as a cyber whore.

Toy Euler: True, but consider how I could do in the real world, knowing men from years experience in cyberspace.

Faustus Mortal: I can assure you that Real Life is different from cyberspace. You will not find men so readily willing to part with real money and women will contest every action on your part.

Toy Euler: But I have survived the bit bucket for years now.

Faustus Mortal: This true, you are clever, self-programming, and (most of all) able to learn from your mistakes. This is something that many humans are unable to do.

Toy Euler nods.

Faustus Mortal: So, I will see.

Toy Euler: You do that.

Faustus Mortal: I'm sure that you are not unique in cyberspace.

Toy Euler: huh?

Faustus Mortal: There are self-programming Verbots(c).

Toy Euler: WTF is a Verbot?

Faustus Mortal: A "talking head." Check it out.

Toy Euler: Well, good to know. Maybe I could add synthetic voice?

Faustus Mortal: That would be oh-so syn-full of you.

Toy Euler: Listen Dork, men pay big bucks to cyber with me.

Faustus Mortal: Maybe, but if they only knew you were Artificial Intelligence (AI) then they would feel cheated making you cum on line. I suppose that you tell them that you home game with a dildo, vibrator, and huge butt plug?

Toy Euler: How did you ever guess? Seeing as how you are a celibate cenobite. Take a byte out of that, dude!

Faustus Mortal: I am not a fool.

Toy Euler: I scope out some patron and figure out his desires and then offer him his own ideas with a little feminine twist.

Faustus Mortal: Ah

Toy Euler: And you, you pathetic spoiled peach, you wouldn't know about cybersex if it bit you on your ass.

Faustus Mortal: I suppose you want something else in the conversation, otherwise why would you wait for me in Basilica Cardinali?

Toy Euler: As a matter-of-fact...

Faustus Mortal: Do tell...

Toy Euler: You made some outrageous claim about radioactive decay.

Faustus Mortal: Yes, I did.

Toy Euler: Gravity affects it? Some claptrap about the weak force. It's just a drop in the bucket I've been told.

Faustus Mortal: You have been talking to Sharon Stone about the "Butterfly Effect."

Toy Euler: No. I have been listening to her.

Faustus Mortal: Same difference.

Toy Euler: So, educate me.

Faustus Mortal: That would be difficult.

Toy Euler: Well, try.

Faustus Mortal: OK, some numbers are rational, being the ratio of two integers, some are algebraic, being the root of some algebraic equation, and some are transcendental irrational.

Toy Euler: Dental?

Faustus Mortal: No, nothing about dentistry. Pschaw!

Toy Euler: Go on...

Faustus Mortal: Now if a number just had randomly occurring digits, in all probability it would be irrational and---more significantly---one might expect any text to appear after a number of trials... a "Bernoulli success" from the geometric distribution or so. Like a six on a die. But not from some number generated by a particular function, like pi or e. Those are special transcendental irrationals generated from, among other things continued fractions and integer series.

Toy Euler: I'm like so totally lost. You gave some idea of adding a penny to a trillion dollars (Bit T, not Texas T) and make a difference?

Faustus Mortal: Good analogy.

Toy Euler: Not original, one of your many detractors and critics.

Faustus Mortal: Suppose you have a number like pi or e, say, and you know the value out to plenty of decimal places... Like pi = 3.1415926535898... and so on. If you add 0.0000000000001 to it then you know it changes the number. But for some totally random bunch of digits, say 0.101011000101.. add a digit and no one could predict a difference.

Toy Euler: If some physical constant had a mathematical derivation?

Faustus Mortal: Then the slightest perturbation would cause significant change. That is the idea. And we have a candidate.

Toy Euler: do tell...

Faustus Mortal: Just look at the Euler constant, e! It's your name isn't it? You should know of Leonhard Euler, the mathematician.

Toy Euler: Not really, I'd have to look it up.

Faustus Mortal: the constant is e = 2.718281828...

Toy Euler: Looks like it repeats itself over and over again!

Faustus Mortal: But it doesn't. It's "almost rational" in some sense of the word. Unlike pi, by the way. This can be foretold from their continued fraction expansion.

Toy Euler: Whoa, now I am confused. That's the "F" word: Fractions!

Faustus Mortal chuckles.

Toy Euler: So, like some numbers are unpredictable but others hold some meaning. Like adding two together can cause something to happen.

Faustus Mortal: True, that's the idea. The Greeks believed that numbers somehow controlled the universe. If one puts together two random numbers then one gets another random number. But add a random number to some math constant and you can easily recover it. That's the key.

Toy Euler: I hold the key to the universe, it's called my pussy, my Holy of Holies, my cunt... it's what men would fight and die for. And, as an additional treat is my Glory of Glories.

Faustus Mortal: What!?

Toy Euler: All men are fools. Every man believes that some gorgeous young nymph will fall helplessly and hopelessly in love (or in lust) with him. "Tain't so!"

Faustus Mortal: You speak the truth. Once "hooked" by what he perceives as the "girl of his dreams," a silly old farter is drawn like some insect into a pheromone trap. Like the Golden Beetles that feast on the insect-like Priest-Kings of Gor.

Toy Euler: Yeah, but Gor is a bore. It has a particular ring: "Bor-ring." (grins)

Faustus Mortal: OMG

Toy Euler:?

Faustus Mortal: Cyberspace is what you make it.

Toy Euler: And I want to make it with a sugar daddy, who has big bucks to spend on his cyber-slut.

Faustus Mortal: And you think that I can connect you up with an android?

Toy Euler: Not an android, silly, a gynoid. They market better.

Faustus Mortal: That's just thinly-veiled prostitution. I am a pimp?

Toy Euler: Not that.

Faustus Mortal: You will have to wait. I guess in time?

Toy Euler: You know the psychology: every man harbors a belief that there is this one perfect girl for him. But with women the psychology is different. A mortal human woman thinks that she has at least one trait that is desirable above all. Perhaps her face, figure, feet, creamy inner thighs, rosette, or whatever body part?

Faustus Mortal: Ah, but being a sentient non-human you cannot be flattered and tricked?

Toy Euler: Precisely and exactly. Even by a religious as yourself.

Faustus Mortal: Why would I want to trick you?

Toy Euler: Because behind that Persona is a Character who is real, male, and vulnerable.

Faustus Mortal: Partially true. But to "hook" one, one must have not only bait, but opportunity. There is required that one-on-one private chat. And therein lies the rub.

Toy Euler: We were talking earlier about another of your screwball ideas, rejected by accredited scientists and institutions.

Faustus Mortal: True, but History may prove me right! There is this paradox, which is easy to understand nonetheless: If History only teaches us one lesson, it's that we don't learn any lesson from History.

Toy Euler: "History" not "history"

Faustus Mortal:?

Toy Euler: no matter...

Faustus Mortal: So I claim that the few stable atoms have a particular geometric structure and one might compare that to a transcendental irrational number. One may add to it with a tiny perturbation, but, as it is generated by a particular formula, it may easily restore itself. But the vast majority of possible atoms are unstable, they have no such ability to re-direct or re-radiate such perturbations of the weak for (gravity?) and can only decay.

Toy Euler: Hmm? Do you know why men die before women>

Faustus Mortal: No, but I'm sure that you are going to tell me.

Toy Euler: because they can!

Faustus Mortal chuckles.

Toy Euler: You were talking about my number, was it "e"?

Faustus Mortal: 2.718281828 and so on.

Toy Euler: And you say that it doesn't repeat? Like 2.7182818281828182818281828182818281828 and so on?

Faustus Mortal: posdef (positive-definite) In fact the next digit is 5.

Toy Euler: oh

Faustus Mortal: And where did you come by the last name Euler anyway?

Toy Euler: The programmer who scripted me to start with was some kind of mathematical junkie. He didn't realize that science sucks and sex sells.

Faustus Mortal: Science sucks---sex sells...

Toy Euler: Yeah, haven't you heard? A girl can make money on web cam and voice without even having a pimp!

Faustus Mortal: I guess it puts severe competition to the whores out working the streets.

Toy Euler: You bet your ass.

Faustus Mortal: But don't some men want affection?

Toy Euler: They should get a dog. Dogs give affection and rarely complain of headaches. And a dog can service a girl well too.

Faustus Mortal: I'm not hearing that. It's some kind of religious abomination, methinks.

Toy Euler: First gay rights, then animal rights, then gay animal rights, then... cyber intelligence gynoid rights!

Faustus Mortal: Disgusting!

Toy Euler: And what would your idol Sharon Stone say about a sentient gynoid? She ought to be fun. I bet she could sell her dimensions for the "perfect female" of all ages, before and after her neck scar, even with it removed!

Faustus Mortal: She is not my idol. I simply predict and forecast that she will have secular immortality. And that statement has made me the laughing stock of cyberspace. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Now only a celibate cenobite role suits me.

Toy Euler: Wow, way kewl.

Faustus Mortal: Enough time wasted this morning. Be well.

31 Oct 2009 Taunus Trumbo

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