Train of Thought Ch. 01

So how does this end?

This is what I was thinking, over and over again, as I sat and looked at my Black Berry at the last text I had gotten. I didn't know what to make of it. Scratch that; I knew exactly how I wanted to take it, but I was not a hundred percent sure. No one ever truly is, are they? How could anyone be so sure as to translate the words from their teenaged daughter, words so laced with sexual innuendo and illicit promise, or words all but flirtatious from a young woman at the peak of her sexual powers. One could take it either way. Men, on the one hand, would take it one way, and women would think nothing but innocent words from a girl in need.

But I'm sure I'm getting way ahead of myself here. For your sake, I probably should begin at the beginning.

At 19 and almost midway through her sophomore year at a prestigious university in Connecticut, Erin had, in our eyes, failed miserably. She had never been a top scholar in school, yet her social tendencies went into overdrive once she tasted the freedom of living in a sorority house. Janet, my wife, and I decided that expert partying and drinking were not viable majors in college, so we pulled her out and enrolled her into a city school in downtown Manhattan. She protested, of course, but the alternative was to drop out altogether and get a real job in the real world and earn her own way through life at such a young age. Erin wisely chose the former and grudgingly moved back home in the suburbs of Westchester.

"You realize you'll have to show her how to take the train and then the subways, right?" Janet chided me. "She's not familiar with public transportation, you know."

I nodded. Erin had grown up in the burbs, being taxied around by Janet in an SUV for most of her life, and then enjoying her own Volkswagon when she could drive. The city was no place to drive and park on a daily basis, not for a poor and struggling college student. So I agreed to take her for the first few trips since I worked in midtown anyway.

It took some convincing, but Erin finally relented in getting up earlier than her first class and riding into town with me during rush hour. And the argument didn't end there. I did not particularly approve of her attire for classes: despite a sensibly large sweater, Erin picked out some form-fitting black yoga pants, so popular now among young women. A few years ago, I recalled that pajama pants were all the rage. Now they had been replaced by tight, form-fitting yoga pants. Usually something most men liked on women, but this was my baby girl! Though as she walked about in the kitchen during breakfast, I noticed that she was not particularly a little girl anymore. Erin was about average height at 5'8", and was built like a shapely dancer. Her cheerleading days in high school had sculpted quite a beauty, if I had to admit aloud. My first thoughts, of course, were of a protective dad wondering how many frat boys got to stare at her lithe form. I drank my coffee and tried to concentrate on the Journal.

We kissed Janet goodbye, still groggy in bed, and headed for the commuter rail. On most days, I was able to squeeze into a seat. But on this particular morning, since we lived closer to the city, the train was fairly full. Standing room only.

"Dad, this sucks," Erin whined.

I shrugged. "Well, what can we do? This is the best way into the city. It won't be too long," I lied. We shuffled in and stood close, her back to me as we squeezed somewhere near the middle of the rail car, between a heavy Hispanic guy in a suit and a little Oriental lady with her two large bags of clothes. Erin did her best to keep from having to touch the Hispanic man, and I tried to keep my distance from the bag lady with my own computer bag. The train moved on and we were jostled, sometimes lightly, other times a bit more forcefully.

Of course, since we were together, it seemed natural that Erin lean closer to me than to any stranger, so when the train bounced up and down and left and right, she nudged me time after time, her athletic, yet wonderful ass bumping into my crotch. And of course, as nature would have it, a man could only react in one way, assuming he was still able to. I pressed my lips together and tried to read the paper, but my loins continued to notice the occasional pressure of a young woman's ass bumping softly. It was no wonder there had been so many stories of sexual harassment on crowded trains. I thought of the Japanese having such a problem in their over-crowded subway system. Here, in Connecticut, it was the same. Only this time, it was my daughter!

I could hear Erin sigh angrily several times throughout the ride, but I kept quiet about it. No need to start a fight in the middle of a crowd. We rode on, bumping and nudging all too often. I tried my damnedest to push my thoughts in other directions, but I was losing this battle. Her sweet and buoyant ass brought on fantasies and desires so forbidden, I should have been locked up for thinking such things!

The ride finally ended and I was embarrassed by my throbbing hard-on. I kept my computer bag in front of me as Erin and I made our way through Grand Central Station. I would show her how to pick up the next line to get to her destination downtown. When Erin heard this, her eyes went wide.

"But, Dad, I thought you were taking me all the way to school today. It's my first day. I don't really know where to get off."

Jesus, I know where I needed to get off! I thought lasciviously. I really needed to get to the office and relieve myself in the men's room before my co-workers saw what I was wearing today!

I gave Erin a blank stare. "I thought you would be able to..." But her pleading eyes and pouty lips melted my heart, as always, and so I agreed to go all the way with her.

We climbed into yet another packed train. This time it was worse than the commuter line. People in New York City have no qualms about jockeying for position in the subway. Their space was their space, no matter how tight the squeeze. So Erin and I wormed our way in and this time, her ass was firmly up against my angry cock. Since we were in the middle and I was too far from any hand holds, I placed one hand on her shoulder to steady myself.

"It's fine, Dad," she said over her shoulder.

As the train leapt forward, Erin stumbled back and into me. My other hand instinctively went to her waist to steady her and to steady me. Pulling her tighter into me, there was no doubt she felt me. No way to hide it now. There was a hard rod poking into her ass cheeks and a very uncomfortable father feeling guilt and shame at pressing his manhood to his little girl's ass. But I was also a man enjoying the feel of a young woman's firm ass nudging and bumping into my cock. I could not deny that fact, daughter or not.

"Sorry, honey," I whispered into her long brown hair. "I...it's just so tight..in here..." The words were already out before I realized what it must have sounded like. I sighed in exasperation and Erin, thank God, said nothing. The train rode on, bumping and grinding, our bodies meeting and parting in the close quarters. It was not unlike sex, albeit amidst a hundred other people surrounding us. It was enough to make my mind run amok, yet not enough to fully satisfy.

Eventually, the ordeal (or pleasure) ended and we filed out onto the bright sun and freedom. She was smiling cheerfully as we got closer and closer to her school and I wondered if it was due to the excitement of her first day, or because of the very nice ride we had just shared. I chocked it off as wishful thinking on my part.

"You okay now, hon?" I said. "You nervous about the first day?"

"I think I'll be just fine, Dad." We hugged and she kissed me sweetly on the cheek before hurrying off to the administration building.

I turned and headed back to midtown. The day would not be a productive one, I knew, as thoughts of her body against mine dominated every moment.

Erin decided to stay at school later for her first day so she could explore the buildings and classrooms. Sadly, I rode back home on packed trains without her. At dinner, I told my wife about our first ride together and how happy Erin looked to be going to a new school. When she finally came home, all we shared was a brief glance and soft peck on the cheeks goodnight.

That night, of course, I took it out on Janet, fucking her hard and fast, and satisfying her to a muffled orgasm.

"Wow, babe, what's gotten into you?" Janet asked as we lay in our sweat and blankets.

"I don't know; had a tough long day. Needed to release."

"That's fine with me, babe. Goodnight." She kissed me once more and turned on her side.

My thoughts wandered back to the train rides with Erin and my cock began to harden once more. It was a sin, I know, thinking of my daughter in such a way. And even more a sin to think of her while I fucked my wife. I was a sick bastard.

As I got ready for work the next day, I was surprised to see Erin up also. She was cheerfully bustling about the kitchen, getting her cereal and coffee, and offered me my own cup.

"What's up, kiddo?" I said to her, sitting at the table and grabbing the Journal. "You got an early class today, too?"

She shrugged. "Not until 10 o'clock, but I thought I'd ride in early anyway. I don't suppose the trains will get any lighter around 8 or 9, right?"

I shook my head slowly. "No, I guess not." My mind went into overdrive.

Today, Erin wore a green and black pleated skirt, with the hem just above the knees, and a tight long-sleeved black jersey. Certainly much more sensible, but the show of pale skin of her legs still allowed the imagination to wonder what mysteries were held further up.

We kissed Janet in bed again and headed for the commuter rail. Thankfully, I thought wickedly, it was another full car and Erin and I had to squeeze between our fellow riders. This time, Erin had to avoid bumping into two teen girls, chewing gum and texting furiously. She looked over her shoulder at me with a smirk, shook her head, and rolled her eyes, as if to say, was I ever that silly?

As yesterday, each bump and grind of the train on its tracks caused Erin to push back into my waiting hardness. She did not linger long, but she did not avoid it either. It became our forbidden dance, yet one not spoken of or acknowledged. It was perfectly fine by me.

When we got to Grand Central Station, I walked her to her rail. She looked at me expectantly, yet neither of us said anything. I wanted her to ask me to ride with her, but I knew it would seem ridiculous since she now knew the way. And she didn't ask me to join her because—well, it would be admitting certain things. And neither of us were prepared to go there. Not yet.

So I spent the day again thinking if Erin and her sweet young body, nudging mine, touching my hardness, making me think so many bad thoughts. I spent the day wondering what she was thinking. Was she thinking about me too? Was she wondering if I knew that she knew that we had shared a forbidden ride together again? Was she thinking of me in that way? Did she enjoy the ride? Did she know I enjoyed it and would happily continue to commute with her for the rest of her college career? Sick, sick, sick, I knew, but my fevered brain could think of little else.

By lunch time I had finally worked up enough courage to text her. Not my wife. My daughter! Since it was her first week of a new school, I thought it would not be inappropriate to text her. I had not done so in the past, relying on Janet to relay information back and forth. But because I felt as though Erin and I had shared—something—I could not define what, it seemed all right to communicate without Janet this one time. God, I felt like I was cheating on Janet by simply texting our daughter! But in a way, I guess I was. I just didn't believe it then.

ME: Hey kiddo, it's Dad. How are things going?

Moments later, with my heart pounding in my ears and my hands shaking visibly, she texted back.

ERIN: Hi Dad! Of course I know it's you! Things are fine. Great actually. Classes are good. Easier here than at the other place.

ME: Glad to hear that. Okay...just checking in with you.

ERIN: ok ttyl

I sat and stared at her innocent words and wondered why my heart rate was still high. Was I wanting something to be said? Was I expecting some sort of admission? I was a fool. Erin thought nothing of our ride together and I was a fool to think otherwise. Shaking my head, I went back to work, slightly disappointed, but mostly embarrassed at my boyhood foolishness. I was like a pimply-faced teen trying to ask the popular cheerleader out on a date.

So to ease my tensions, I called Janet and talked to her for a while. The ride home was again a lonely one, despite having ridden it for several years now. It just seemed more empty without Erin near me. Close. Feeling her body against mine.

The next day seemed innocent enough. We went through our routine, kissed Janet goodbye, and headed for the train. For a Wednesday, the commuter line seemed even fuller than normal. We climbed on board and jockeyed for a position close to the corner by a door. I was able to put my back to the train car wall and Erin stood with her back in front of me, as usual. As the train moved forward and jostled about, gravity played its part and caused her to bump into me. But since I was secure with my back against the wall, I offered to steady her movements by placing my hands on her waist. She did not pull away or protest and we silently agreed to this new arrangement.

Since I did not want to crush her, my tender hold around her waist still caused her to bump into me, so I held her more firmly against me, her soft ass against my hard shaft. Again, she did not pull away. Erin seemed to accept and settle in. I was in heaven for the rest of the ride and when we said our goodbyes at Grand Central Station, both of us smiled secretly as we walked away.

ME: you doing okay, hon?

ERIN: Yeah. Really good, Dad.

ME: Sorry about the train rides. You're right, they do suck. Long time having to stand.

A very long pause ensued and I thought she had not gotten my last text. I was worried that I was pushing things too far.

ERIN: I don't mind it now. At least we get to ride together. Better you than bumping into weirdos on the train.

I was grinning as I read her text.

ME: I don't mind it either. I kind of enjoy it now.

ERIN: Kind of?

My heart was racing at this point. Was she being

flirtatious, challenging me? Or was I reading something into nothing?

ME: No, hon. I like it. I do.

ERIN: Good.

And that's how we left it for the close of Wednesday.

On Thursday, she wore dark purple yoga pants and a pink cotton zippered hoodie, with a tight grey shirt underneath. She smirked at me and said, "I know you don't approve of this casual dress, but it's comfortable on me and I like it."

I shrugged. "You're old enough to make those choices, hon. I'm okay with it now."

We kissed Janet goodbye and climbed into our crowded train. I made sure to get a corner position again and we resumed our favorite poses. This time, to my mortification, Erin whispered over her shoulder, "Dad, I...uh...I can feel it, you know."

I turned beet red and was horrified. Of course she could feel it, you fool! Now she was acknowledging it and she didn't sound as if she were inviting further molestations from her father! I was choked up. I had gambled so dangerously and I had lost.

I cleared my throat. "I'm so sorry, hon...it's just...well..."

"I know," she whispered back. "You're a guy. You can't help it. I get it. Don't freak out." She sighed again and I was deflated.

My hands dropped from her sides and she turned her head to look back at me, a question on her face. I swallowed and shrugged at her.

Then she whispered, "What...I mean...what can I do? I don't think we should..I mean...how will you get rid of it?"

I was speechless. My mouth opened and I couldn't speak. I shook my head. Then I blurted out, "It's just that your back side keeps bumping into me. Why don't you turn around and face me."

Without much fuss or fanfare, Erin maneuvered around until she was facing me. We looked away from each other and saw that no one around us was noticing much, since it was all so close and confined. The train jostled and she fell into me, causing her to push her mound now so dangerously close to my aching cock. I instinctively put my arms around her and pressed her to me.

"Jesus, that's not helping any better," I whispered.

"I know," she said. "I can tell."

"Sorry."

Then, Erin looked to her left and then to her right. Then she looked up into my eyes and whispered, "Well...maybe I can...help you with it. I guess. I mean, how else will it go away?"

My mouth went slack and my throat dry. What did she just say, my sweet innocent daughter? Not so innocent now, I suppose. Before I could answer her, I could feel Erin's hand snake down between us and she grabbed onto my throbbing cock.

Slowly, without doubt or preamble, Erin began to pump up and down, on my pants, up the length of my hardened rod. I was panting, trying to catch my breath yet breathe normally for the people around us. No one could see. No one would know.

I licked my lips as she expertly brought me to new heights. It did not take long. Two days and nights of fantasizing about her was enough to set me off. I grit my teeth and groaned into her hair, her soft, fragrant, straight brown hair. I knew I was a mess inside my pants, but I did not care. My t-shirt, my dress shirt, pants and suit coat would hide our crime.

I was perspiring and blissful as we stepped off

the commuter rail and walked slowly to her subway station in Grand Central. We were quiet. We had no words for what just happened and neither of us wanted it to get weird now.

Erin was the adult for both of us. She reached up and gave me a quick peck on the cheek, like normal, and wished me a good day. She turned and walked quickly to her train and I walked to my office in a daze.

Later, at lunch time:

ME: Thank you, Erin.

ERIN: ;)

ME: I mean it. You made an old man very very happy today.

ERIN: Not so old.

ME: Okay then. You made a dirty old man very very happy.

ERIN: not so dirty...:) well...maybe a bit sticky.

ME: Ha ha. Very funny.

ERIN: It's what my major is. Being funny.

ME: You have a master's degree in being beautiful and sexy and ...everything else!

ERIN: Thanks Daddy ;)

ME: no..thank YOU! See you tonight.

Dinner with Janet and seeing Erin back at home was so painfully normal and plain and usual. It made me shiver inside, knowing what we had shared. We had cheated on Janet, my wife, her mother! Well, we hadn't gone all the way, but it was still very wrong. So why was my mind occupied by nothing else? Why did I think of nothing but what the next day would bring?

So Friday came and Erin was dressed very appropriately in a yellow flower print dress. I told her so.

"It's not that what you were all week was inappropriate, but this dress, hon, really brings out your beautiful brown eyes and your flawless skin. I'm serious."

"Thanks, Daddy," she beamed.

We kissed Janet goodbye and I could tell we both anticipated today's ride. I stared down at her sun dress, watching the slow and steady heave of her young pert breasts as we stared at each other for a long time. She stood facing me and my hands crept up to her waist. I pulled her close and she smiled slightly. Then, her hands were slowly working my zipper. I swallowed as I felt one of her small hands go inside of my pants and start to feel the blood-engorged snake inside.

We remained staring into each other's eyes as she brought me to another glorious and euphoric ending.

When we got to her subway station, she reached up and this time kissed me softly on the lips. It was still an all-too brief and chaste kiss, yet it was on the lips, a kiss we had never shared. So soft, so intimate, so much feeling and meaning behind it.