Train to the City

*

She was standing on the taxi line, just three people back, and she hesitated each time the line moved, allowing the press of people behind her to move her forward, trying to think of a new reason, just one additional reason, the one that would sway her, and allow her to turn around and go home. But before she knew it she was in a cab, and giving the driver the name and address of the hotel, and they were away and hurtling down Seventh, weaving in and out of traffic. Like in the train, she stared blankly out the window as the blocks passed, seeing nothing, wrapped in her thoughts. All those chances to go back, she thought, all those opportunities to return to her life, her happy, wonderful life with David, their wonderful children.

She saw it then; and sighed. She had never intended to turn away. She would go to him, to her Todd, to be his lover; she would know what it would be like to cheat, and to have lover, and live a life of betrayal. She had to, now. She had come too far, allowed herself to see what might be, and she would see it through, and they would make slow, wonderful and passionate love in a hotel in the middle of the day. She would love him, and he would love her, and she would enjoy the pleasures of his body, his hard member pushing inside her, filling her. She felt herself moisten at the thought. Imagining his face, his words, as he thrust into her, only for her, all for her. She would return his efforts, welcoming him, accepting him, and thrusting back, ecstatic at the penetration, the culmination of their emotions and their forbidden passion.

She would enjoy it. And she would do it again, and she would learn to live with the guilt. She swallowed one last sorrowful thought of David, knowing that he didn't deserve to be treated this way, and then she put him out of his head.

The cab slowed and stopped and she paid the driver. She held her head high as she walked in the door. I will have a lover, she told herself. I will be loved, and adored, and I will know the passion of man who will love me for me, for who I am, for what I mean to him.

I will find a way to live with the guilt, she told herself. I swear I will.