Transylvanian Roulette Ch. 01

"Before you kill me," said the old man, "let me tell you how I got this way."

Funny how vampires suddenly want to stop for a chat when you have a sharpened stake jabbed into their ribcage. What the hell, I thought, I might as well humour him.

The story he told me made me realise that this was going to be a case that Nicole would be interested in. Nicole is the supernatural affairs editor for "World's Most Dangerous Sex Acts" magazine, and we have worked together many a time.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Van Helsing, David Van Helsing. All right, so you've never heard of me, unless maybe your a reader of the previously mentioned magazine, but I bet you've heard of my old great grand-daddy, the great Professor Van Helsing. Well, I'm in the same line of work, killing vampires, and other supernatural creepy-crawlies. The only difference is I sometimes like to fuck them first. Call it a penchant, call it an eccentricity... All right, call it down right perverted if you like, but I like to get me a little monster pussy from time to time. Once I even sucked a Fuckubus, er, I mean, fucked a Succubus. Doesn't mean I'm soft on the critters. Hell, no. I always kill them afterwards. Not only does that rid the world of some mighty dangerous creatures, but it makes sure no monster kids turn up on my doorstep in ten years time calling me Daddy.

Many a time Nicole has come along with me on one of these adventures to record the event for posterity. I could write the story myself but who'd believe me. Nicole is my expert witness, and she takes photos. And, all right, sometimes she saves my ass when I get myself in too deep.

You could say she plays Dr. Watson to my Sherlock Holmes.

Of course Sherlock Holmes and Watson never fucked. Or at least if they did, Watson never wrote about it in the stories. Nicole and I, on the other hand, fuck like bunny rabbits whenever we are on a mission together. Danger will do that to you. Either that, or it'll make you piss your pants. It can go either way.

"It all happened about six months ago, when I was making my way home from the pub in the early hours of the morning," the old man explained. Of course he was speaking in Romanian, this being Transylvania and all, but I'm translating it here for your benefit. "I was making my way through the pass in the mountains when thunderclouds started piling up in the sky and I could tell that the downpour would occur any moment. I had to find shelter. The only place nearby was the old castle. I knew that some folks held it to be haunted, but not being the superstitious kind, I went up to the front door. I found it ajar. I knocked but there was no answer, so I entered hoping to at least keep the rain off, even if I couldn't find a bed for the night. I found the place deserted. Wherever I looked, upstairs and down, I saw not a soul. Eventually I decided that if the castle was not occupied there would be no harm in me sleeping in one of the beds. The linen smelt a little stale, but it would at least be warm. I found a small servants bedroom under the stairs and decided to use it. In case the owner of the castle should turn up unexpectedly I thought it would be best to be found in the servant's quarters.

"Getting undressed I crawled into the small bed. I slept only fitfully in this strange environment, and at some time after midnight I was awoken by the sound of footsteps in the corridor outside. They seemed to be coming closer.

"I pulled my head under the bedclothes and tried to pretend to be lump in the mattress.

"'Greetings, traveller," came a smooth seductive female voice from the doorway, indicating that my attempts at concealment had been unsuccessful. "I thought that I would just come up and see if there was anything I could do to make your stay a little more comfortable.'

"'Something about the way that she said 'come up' instead of 'come down' made me a little uneasy. The main bedrooms were upstairs. All that was down stairs was the cellar.

"When I finally got up the courage to stick my head out from under the blankets, I found that I was being addressed by one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She was tall and slim with snow white skin and ebony hair that fell freely to her waist. Her eyes were emerald green and held me with a look that made me want only to do her bidding, whatever that might be. She was dressed only in a gossamer thin night gown of antique design which being nearly transparent did nothing to conceal the rosy red nipples that tipped her milky breasts or the wild growth of jet-black pubic hair that decorated the area between her defiantly spread legs.

"As my eyes ran up and down her gorgeous body my cock stiffened and stood up beneath the bedclothes. She noticed this and her eyes focussed on the place where the blankets were rising circus-tent-style.

"'Show me your cock,' she ordered, letting me know that I was to be her love-slave.

"I threw back the covers and unveiled my manhood. I liked the way she smiled as she looked at it. What I didn't like was the thin trails of drool that were seeping from the edges of her mouth. There was something unnatural about this woman. But her hypnotic eyes and the snake-grace with which she moved her hips entranced me. As she strode towards me I could almost feel in advance the rough carress that her forest of pubes would give my upper thigh. Sure enough she lifted a long white gossamer-shrouded leg and straddled my left leg. I could feel her wetness trickling over my thigh and dampening the sheet below. A pale, deathly cold hand wrapped itself gently around the hot hardness of my stiff cock, and she bent slowly to take it in her mouth. It was when I felt her long wet tongue encircle my prick that I realised that she was not human. By then I didn't care.

"I have a rather large cock," the old man explained, starting to pull down his pants.

"That's O.K." I reassured him. "I'll believe you."

"Anyway, no woman could ever fit the whole of it in her mouth," he told me. "But this woman, or thing, made love to the whole of my cock. Not just that, but my balls as well. She didn't take it into her mouth. Her mouth came to it. She had a tongue like a snake's tongue, only thicker and wetter. It slithered out of her mouth and down in circles around my cock, dripping saliva as it went. When the whole of my cock was wrapped in her wet tongue and the tip of it was tickling my balls, she started to wank me off with it. It was the best blow-job I'd ever had. No human could give a blowjob like that.

"And she wasn't a human. She was a vampire. Once she had me in her spell, she made no attempt to hide her fangs. I could see the razor sharp ivory carressing the purple veins of my cock lovingly.

"It is blood, under high pressure, that makes a man's cock stiff. Female vampires don't bite a guy in the neck. The funny thing is when it gets to that moment, you know what they're going to do, but you wouldn't stop them for the world. They say the female preying mantis bites her mate's head off a the moment of ejaculation so that his whole attention is on what he is doing. The brain only gets in the way of pleasure. As I ejaculated in a spray of one part cum to 99 parts blood into the vampire's mouth, death took my mind long before it came for my body, which floated away on all encompassing tide of ecstacy.

"A week after my death, I arose from my coffin and began to feast on the blood of the village maidens."

His story was at an end, and I added the full stop with a swift hammer blow, which drove the sharp stake deep into his heart.

"You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" asked Nicole when I told her the old man's story.

"But you've seen plenty of vampires before," I replied, "why should you start getting sceptical now?"

"Oh, I believe she's a vampire," Nicole assured me. "But are you really trying to tell me that there's a better cocksucker in the world than me."

"That's what I'd like to find out," I told her. "But first I'd better sample your technique once more, just to allow for a fair comparison."

Out of respect for the delicacy and good taste of my readers I will draw a discreet veil over the scenes of licencious carnal activity that followed this remark.

What? You're not delicate, and you don't have good taste, and you want to hear all the juicy details?

Well, all right. But don't expect this scene to develop the plot any. It's just a gratuitous sex scene.

Nicole, keen as ever to demonstrate her truly prodigious cock-sucking talents, dived head first beneath the sheets. As her soft warm hands grasped my rampant stiffy, she cocked a long, sexy leg over my head and settled her soft pale bottom cheeks gently on my face.

I sighed in ecstacy as she slipped my hard cock between her soft wet lips and lapped the sensitive head with her hyper-active tongue. Meanwhile, I relished the feel of her dark pubic hair roughly massaging my face. I began lapping up her free-flowing pussy-juice, and sucked her stiff little clit into my mouth, where I teased it unmercifully with my tongue.

Nicole slurped away happily on my cock, while a steady stream of saliva and precum ran tantalizingly over my balls.

Eventually, after what seemed an eternity, I felt the tremor of orgasm ripple through her creamy thighs as they gripped my face in a loving embrace. At the same moment, I pushed my cock hard against the roof of her mouth and unloaded a geyser of boiling jism down her tender young throat.

Nicole was quite a cock-sucker. I had to hand it to her. Since it was so dark under the blankets she never would have found it if I hadn't.

Once she had wriggled back up from beneath the blankets so that we were facing each other I gave her a tender little kiss on the tip of her nose while I gently fondled her soft warm bottom with one hand and teased the stiff little nipples on her small but luscious breasts with the other.

All right, now are you satisfied? Can I get on with the plot? O.K.

Some time around midnight, Nicole and I were sleeping, our nude bodies cosily entwined, a cool summer breeze blowing in the open window, when I was awoken by a loud squeaking noise.

No sooner had I opened my eyes than something wet and smelly splattered on my forehead and ran into my right eye.

A large vampire bat was flapping around over our bed.

Only when I had managed to chase it out of the window did I notice that it had left something else besides the mess of runny excrement that I was in the process of removing from my face with a corner of the bedspread. There on the bedside table was a note.

Opening it, I read the following message:

"If you think your plans are hidden from me Van Helsing, think again.

"This village is my territory. My eyes are everywhere, they see all.

"You do not frighten me. No man can resist me, not even the great Van Helsing. You, like all the others, will succomb.

"I invite you to join me in my bed tomorrow evening. I know that your cock is swelling even now at the prospect. Swelling with the blood on which I will shortly feast.

"You have not long to wait, Van Helsing, to see what it is to be part of the night brigade, the midnight feasters...the blood-drinkers... Ha, ha, ha..."

You've really got to despise someone who writes their laugh down in a letter. But I have to admit, she was right about the state of my cock.

When I woke Nicole to tell her about the note, she took one look at my stiffy and came to the conclusion that I had just woken her up for a midnight quickie. Not wanting to disappoint her, I decided that telling her about the note could wait.

Nicole whispered sweet nothings in my ear as I bounced her up and down on my cock, one of her luscious bum cheeks clasped lovingly in either hand. Her stiff nipples rubbed deliciously around my bare chest like a pair of pencil erasers. It wasn't long before she came, screamingly delirious obscenities in my ear.

Then she wanted to see me cum, so I pulled out of her and let her jerk me off. She licked her lips with delight as she saw the tide of creamy cum spurt from the eye of my cock and run down over her hand, which she continued to slide up and down my slippery, spunk-coated prick.

Once we had had a chance to catch our breath, I showed her the note.

"This means that we are going to have to be extra careful," I explained. "If we are going to sneak you into the castle, we are going to have to use supernatural means to do it. That means a visit to our old friend Griselda."

Griselda was a witch whose talents I had had reason to make use of several times before.

As we were approaching Griselda's house in the dark woods near the village the following morning, a disgusting sight met our eyes.

Griselda, a not unattactive woman with long red hair, large breasts and hips that, if she were a truck would require a "Wide Load" sign, was sitting at a small table in her front yard. A cat was standing on the table, and Griselda, holding its tail up, was engaged in kissing its anus. Nicole and I both gagged at this revolting sight.

"Be't not true, my dearest Crowley, As't been said so oft to me, That the future I can spy, When i do kiss your nether eye," she recited.

"Oh," she said, when she saw us approaching, "I was just in the middle of casting a spell. Let me introduce you to Crowley, my familiar,"she added, gesturing towards the cat.

"It looked like you two were getting a little too familiar for my liking," I put in.

"You can talk, Van Helshing," she scolded me. "If I catch you one more time, jerking off in the bushes while me and my sisters are trying to dance skyclad 'neath the full moon, I'll turn you into a piece of slime mould."

"I don't know what she's talking about," I pleaded, when Nicole shook her head and gave me one of her 'disappointed' looks.

"All right," said Griselda, finally warming to my infinite charm, as we shared a pot of herbal tea, "what can I do for you this time?"

"It's that vampiress who lives in the castle on the hill," I explained. "I've come to kill her, but in order to do so, I need an invisibility potion for my friend here."

"Normally I wouldn't help you," Griselda admitted. "But that bitch is muscling in too much on the local virgin market. Her converts have been draining the local maidens so fast that we are having to import virgins from Saudia Arabia for our sacrifices. In this instance I can help you out."

In my line of work, a person gets used to the site of torn, bloodless flesh, with exposed tendons and arteries.

"I don't know how you can eat that stuff!" Nicole exclaimed as she looked at the tongue sandwich with extra horse-radish over which I was currently salivating. "How can you eat something that comes out of a cow's mouth?"

"Yeah, right," I said, feeling it unnecessary to draw attention to the original source of the scrambled eggs she was wolfing down hungrily.

"Do you really think this invisibility potion will work?" she asked examining the small vial full of disgusting green liquid that Griselda had given us.

"There's only one way to tell," I said.

Nicole unscrewed the cap and lifted it up to her nose gingerly. "Doesn't smell as bad as I thought. A bit like licorice," she commented, pouring a few drops on her scrambled eggs.

When she had finished eating her eggs, she stared down at her hands and waited for herself to disappear.

"You'll have to take all of your clothes off," I explained. "It won't make them disappear."

"You mean the whole time I am invisible I'll have to be naked as well? Isn't it a bit cold here for that sort of thing?" she asked.

"Don't worry," I reassured her, "Griselda told me the formula also makes a person immune to the cold. Anyway, its not cold here by the fire (we were in our room at the inn), so you can take your clothes off now."

"I don't see why I can't wait until I actually turn invisible," she replied.

"But then I won't be able to see your boobs, and pubes, and cute naked little butt!" I exclaimed, eyes wide and tongue hanging out. My own that is, not the one I was eating.

"Oh, all right," Nicole agreed, cool as ever in the face of my unabashed lust. "But you have to strip off, too."

"Not a problem," I replied, bending down to remove my shoes and socks.

A few minutes later and we were both starkers. I had forgotten just how gorgeous Nicole's nude body looked in daylight. The sunlight streaming in the window highlighted the paleness of her skin and leant an aura of tarnished gold to her dark auburn pubes. Even while basking in the heat of the roaring fire, her rosy nipples were erect. As was my cock.

"You really are a hopeless perve," Nicole complained as I gave her an idiot grin.

"Hey, look," I said, "you're starting to disappear."

It was true. I was beginning to see the pattern on the chair Nicole was sitting on through what had a moment ago been the solid glory of her nude body.

"I am, too!" she cried in astonishment as she looked down at herself.

A moment later the only sign of her existence was the indentation of her lovely bottom in the chair. Then that too disappeared. She must have stood up.

"Where are you now?" I asked. "Oh, there you are," I answered myself, as I felt her warm hand gently carressing my stiff cock. A moment later it was engulfed by the invisible wetness of her mouth. It was so strange to look down and see a tide of slick wetness gradually run down my cock from the tip to the base as she took me in all the way to the back of her throat. I was only in paradise for a moment before she released my saliva wet cock to swing back and forth in front of me.

"Imagine the fun I could have at a nudist camp," Nicole giggled, beginning to make the ominous "Dah-dah, dah-dah" sounds from the "Jaws" soundtrack. "All of those dangly, unprotected cocks, none of them suspecting that I was about to give them an invisible suck-off. Heh, heh, heh."

"I think the recreational uses of the potion will have to wait until later," I replied, somewhat pissed off that her enthusiasm for a nudist cock smorgasbord had left my own cock only half-sucked.

"Now where are you? Oh, shit, you're behind me," I cried, stepping on what I thought was Nicole's toe, but which turned out to be my own discarded shoe.

"Oh, dear," I cried, falling sideways onto the bed. "Wow, that invisibility formula must be an aphrodisiac as well. You've never licked me there before!"

"I think," said Nicole coolly from the other side of the room, "you'll find that you just sat on your tongue sandwich."