tagHumor & SatireTravelling by Airplane

Travelling by Airplane


I rarely go anywhere. I think I've been on a plane no more then six times in my life. I just recently flew from Ottawa to Toronto. I truly believe that I broke all the rules in regards to having a smooth trip. I hope that no one follows this example. This is a warning to others on how not to travel.

Arriving at the Airport

When they say to be at the airport at least an hour beforehand for domestic flights, don't listen. It really isn't necessary. My flight was at 4:30pm and I arrived at 3:45pm. Well, I mean I drove onto the grounds of the airport at that time. I still had to find the parking lot and find a parking spot. By the time I entered the terminal and got to the express check in, it was 4:05pm.

Did you know they won't let you check in that late? Thank heavens I had checked in online the night before, but the rude airline attendant made me go up a floor to the regular check in. After waiting in line, I was given my boarding pass. I then had to go back down the stairs and through security. Did you know you can't bring water bottles through security? I don't remember being told that so I thought it was my duty to tell the scary looking security guard that being hydrated before and during a flight will reduce your chances of catching any colds or viruses. He was not amused.

I did finally get through security and was the second to last person on the airplane. It wasn't that bad really. I had a big bag and I don't think I hit too many people as I made my way to the very last seat on the aircraft. I really don't understand why they want you there so early.

Check Your Departure Time

My return flight was at 2:30pm. I knew that I told everyone when my flight was. I got to the airport at 1:50pm. That was better then the last time right? Once again, the express check in didn't like me. It was like that computer had communicated with the machine I used in Ottawa. I bet it told the Toronto machine how dumb I was for checking in so late. Either way it wouldn't let me check in. Thank heavens the ticket desk is on the same floor in Toronto. After waiting in line, I was told my flight was leaving in ten minutes. "Ten minutes!" I yelled. I was told in a very patronizing manner that my flight was leaving at 2:10pm, not 2:30pm. I really don't see the difference between twenty minutes, but I guess it's a big deal for the airline. I was allowed the privilege with a seventy-five dollar charge to go on a later flight. I felt so special. I mean it was like winning a prize. I was allowed the privilege of sitting in the Toronto International Airport for an additional two hours.

Waiting Area Etiquette

I found my gate and sat down. I needed a few seats since I had my suitcase and my carry on bag. There was no time for me to check my luggage and they do allow you two bags so it wasn't a big deal. I'm not the only one who drags a big suitcase onto the plane and tries to stuff it into one of the overheard cabins. In any case, I needed one chair for my luggage and one for my carry on bag. I decided to do some writing so used another seat as a desk. When people starting arriving at the gate they gave me dirty looks. I don't know why. I mean maybe they wanted to sit down, but I think that should be their punishment for showing up early enough that they need to sit down and wait. I mean when I flew to Toronto I went straight from security onto the plane. No need to sit down. These people should have either arrived before me and taken the seats first or showed up later so they didn't need to sit down.

Airplane Etiquette

Once you are in the plane, it's best to start chatting with the person next to you right away. Talk about random things. It's always a good idea to see if they are afraid of flying. A quick comment about how unsafe air travel can be is a great conversation starter. You can also pretend to be afraid of flying yourself and be the neurotic passenger who thinks everyone is a terrorist. Otherwise, make sure to lean against the person next to you to encroach on their personal space. If you have a window seat, you should go to the washroom at least twice. That way you can step over him or her, accidentally stepping on their foot. This will guarantee they will have a horrible flight and in turn, you will have a good flight.

Home Sweet Home

I did get home without any problems. I was at the airport two hours ahead of time and that left me lots of time to get to my gate and wait. I guess that's why they ask you to be there so early.

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byPrincessErin© 0 comments/ 12430 views/ 0 favorites

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