Triad Ch. 04

The articles were more damning. Anna and Sean were an 'item,' in gossip parlance. The two were nearly inseparable, and despite the point Sean was married with a new child, and Anna was living with two 'partners' -- Abby and me, love had apparently flourished between the leading stars as filming of their movie continued. Apparently, the reader was informed in one article that as filming ended the pair had some tough decisions to face about their future together. All three sounded like Sean and Anna planned to run off into the sunset together and live happily ever after, leaving wives, children, and partners adrift.

I went on the Internet and checked out Facebook and some of the other social media sites. I found some consistent backup to the stories from yet other media sources. Each time I found something, I felt weaker and weaker, and tears started to fill my eyes. I finally started crying.

Abby had been writing out on the porch, and she wandered into my area of the house and saw me she exclaimed, "Jim, what's wrong?" She was beside me in an instant, with her arms hugging me.

"Anna's ... something is going on with her." I pushed the articles to her and pointed at my computer screen that had the last of the online articles I'd found on it.

Abby scanned the articles and tossed them aside. "This is trash talk ... don't you think? The pictures are fuzzy, and the paparazzi would love to create some drama, so they chose us."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I hope you're right. We'll know more in two days."

The two days dragged so slowly, and in every waking moment I found myself 'awfulizing' about Anna and Sean. I played out all these scenarios in my head, but they each had a common theme: Anna, who I loved, left us just as the media predicted.

I thought that Abby might be immune to what the tabloids had said, but her cavalier attitude about the articles still created a crack in our utopian existence that even affected her. We were both quiet and near sullen.

We often took long jogs in the packed sand along the beach, sometimes running for a couple of miles in rare silence. Usually, we were talking and egging each other on in some way. Those two mornings, we ran and ran almost as though we were hoping to lose the horrible possibilities about Anna in our wake. We were silent except when after seven miles or so, we reached a breakwater, and I suggested we head back.

We cleaned up and were ready for Anna's arrival hours before she was actually due. She'd flown from Costa Rica to JFK, and then caught a commuter flight to the Cape airport where a local limousine service was picking her up.

Abby and I were sitting on the front steps of the house when the limo pulled in. We tried to be smiles and welcoming with hugs and kisses. It had been over two months since we'd seen Anna and we'd missed her dearly, but the pall of her potential misdeeds hung over our welcome and tempered our responses.

We got Anna's luggage into the house, and I took it to the guest bedroom she used as a changing room. The Cape house lacked a lot of closet space even after my renovations.

As I came back from the bedroom, Anna was standing in the middle of the living room looking at Abby, and then at me. "OK. What's going on? Who died?"

I didn't say anything, but I walked to the coffee table and laid out the three tabloids to face Anna so she could read the headlines. They screamed about Anna's infidelity.

I said in a pinched voice, "There's a pretty consistent story there and in many of the online 'zines and Hollywood observers that indicates something is going on with you and Sean Jordan. Is there?"

Abby and I found the answer in the long silence that followed my question. I'd hoped for a fast denial, but we heard nothing but our breathing.

Anna dropped in an armchair and whispered, "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you in my own way, not have you find out like this."

Abby gasped, "Are you leaving us?"

Anna nearly shouted, "NO!" After a silence she added, "Unless you want me to leave." The last words barely made it from her mouth because she choked up.

"Explain what's going on, Anna," I insisted.

Anna covered her face with her hands. Tears came to her eyes, and then to ours. She said, "This started about a month ago, almost as soon as we got to our staging area in Costa Rica. We were spaced out in a bunch of rented homes and condos in the Dominical region, on the Pacific -- near Panama." She sighed, "Oh, God, this is harder than I thought it would be."

Neither Abby nor I said anything, but we did sit together on the sofa facing Anna, our attention riveted on her.

In a choked up voice she continued, "We did the first few days of shooting, and everything was just fine -- normal and professional. That Friday we were doing a love scene down on the beach. I was topless -- quite normal around there anyway, and Sean and I were doing this sexy scene at sunset. The director kept shooting the scene over and over from different angles for nearly an hour until it got too dark."

Anna sighed again. She cried, "By that time, both Sean and I were so worked up we didn't want to stop. He had been whispering all sorts of sweet things to me while the camera rolled ... and I guess I did to him too. We were hot for each other and for some release."

Abby urged her on when Anna had a long pause, "And?"

"And after the day ended and were dismissed slipped away, just the two of us. We went to the condo Sean was in ... and ... and ... we made love. We did it all weekend. We couldn't stop after that." Anna sobbed, "I'm so sorry."

I had tears running down my face and so did Abby. I probed, "And you just kept seeing each other after that?"

Anna just nodded.

I said, "So, what now?"

Anna sobbed, "I DON'T KNOW!" In a softer voice, she said, "We didn't talk about anything further. I know he has a family in California."

Abby stood and practically yelled in a pissed off voice, "And did you think of his family while you were fucking him?"

Anna sobbed and nodded, "Yes, I did. I thought this would just be a fling ... but then we got deeper feelings for each other over the month we were there."

Abby said, "So, what's he telling his wife? From the press I gather her name is Tracy; their little boy is named Garth. Is he extolling your virtues to her now?"

Anna shook her head and cried, "I don't know."

The room was silent for a long time, except for the occasional sobs from one of us.

Anna eventually asked, "Do you want me to leave? I can get a car into the city or someplace?"

I shook my head. "No. Stay. I don't know how this will end, but running away from where we are right now pretty much dictates a one bad ending to this." I turned to Anna, "Unless that's what you want?"

"NO!" she again protested. "I feel so bad for being ... unfaithful."

Abby said in a sarcastic tone, "But you'd do it again."

Anna nodded, "Honestly, I probably would in the same circumstances. I don't know. I didn't set out to do what we did or to feel the way I do about Sean. Suddenly, there we were ... with strange and romantic feelings about each other ... and a thousand miles from home. It all went in crazy directions from there."

I said, "Anna, this is important, and you don't have to answer it now, but do you feel that our threesome is something less than a marriage? Perhaps, that because we split our love between two others instead of one that you get less than what you hoped from either of us?"

Anna violently shook her head and looked embarrassed as the tears flowed down her cheeks, "NO. I just ... compartmentalized. I cheated, and I put our relationships out of my head. I rationalized because I was feeling so drawn to Sean. After that, even Tony, our director, said that the emotions between us made the film not just good but great. I suppose he figured out what was happening, but he never said anything."

Abby paced around the perimeter of the room, "And there was a price to pay for that." She paused and said, "You know that Jim and I feel violated -- screwed over? We trusted each other. Our fidelity was part of what made us unique."

I stood and announced, "I need to think. I'm going for a walk." Abby made to join me, but I put my hand up and added, "Sorry. Alone."

Anna put her head down and cried some more as I walked out the back door, and down to the beach. I headed west, later only vaguely aware that I had gone way beyond the small town and the concession stands. The sun dropped low, and then disappeared. Total darkness came, and it was only by chance that I found a path up to the road. I didn't have my cellphone with me, but I saw a couple sitting outside, and they nicely called the house for me. Abby came and got me fifteen minutes later.

As I got in the car, I asked, "What's happening?"

"Anna's in crisis mode. She doesn't know what to do. She wants to get back to the way things were with us, but she also wants to see Sean again. I'm sure that'll go over big in Hollywood and with his family."

I gave a wan smile, "So, she wants her cake and be able to eat it too."

"Yep, and just for the record, I'm pissed."

"Did you talk to your mother?"

"God, no. This would be way beyond her."

"I'm not so sure about that. She's a savvy lady. Besides pissed, what are you feeling?" I put my hand on her shoulder and rubbed in a compassionate way.

Abby looked at me, "Thank you for asking. I'm confused. I've got all sorts of knee-jerk reactions telling me to burn the bitch, and tell her to go pound sand, but then I watch her crying and the anguish she feels and I want to go and hold her."

"Let's talk to you mother. We need an outside voice -- someone that knows us, but isn't quite so tightly wrapped up in this."

We pulled the car up to the house, and then Abby ran over to her parents' house. I waited to be sure it was all right to drop in on them. A moment later Abby waved me in from the front door.

Jean was at the door as I came in. "Abby said you're having a family crisis."

Abby outlined what had happened to her mother who sat and listened. I could almost hear the wheels in her head turning as she processed the whole situation.

Jean finally said with a smile, "Why don't you invite Anna to come over too. I have nothing to say that she can't hear, and in fact it might help her figure out what path she wants to take from here."

I nodded. This was a wise choice, and I realized that to do otherwise would be to pit Abby, Jean and me against Anna. That wouldn't be good as I thought about it.

Abby ran next door, and two minutes later she returned with Anna in tow. Anna looked mortified to be there. She had continued to cry and carried a fist full of tissues.

Jean went to Anna and gave her a hug. Anna dissolved into tears, sobbing, "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." Jean just held her and patted her on the back in a motherly way. Gradually, Anna quieted down, and Jean pulled us all into the living room and had us sit.

Jean spoke in a very low and measured tone. "This is not something to get embarrassed about, except to the extent the general public seems to be in on your secret -- and that seems to be a great deal from what Jim told me he'd read.

"What you need to do is stop compartmentalizing your feelings for Abby and Jim, and separately for Sean. I have some observations. First, you are in this situation because of Jim and Abby, specifically, how you were able to form your threesome. You may not have thought about it, but you already knew you could love more than one person at a time." Jean turned to Abby and me, "And you do too. Anna, in your case, that eased how you started to feel about Sean, especially after those love scenes.

Second, you've been immersed in the somewhat artificial environment called Hollywood. In that realm, a thoughtful observer would say that there doesn't seem to be a lot of restraint in terms of forming and maintaining traditional relationships. Each of you will have to address how much influence that more permissive environment has had on your partnership, but I have to believe the words are 'a lot.'"

Jean chuckled, "Third, Sean Jordan is one of the sexiest men in the world. I would compromise my own marriage for a night with him -- let alone a month, but don't tell Don I said that. Put the sexiest man together with the sexiest woman, and BOOM. I have to say, what would you expect.

"It would be easy to get all wrapped up in the blame game and talk about fidelity and cheating and honoring your vows, and I happen to come from roots that made those principles to live by. What I've learned is that we TRY to live by them, but sometimes we fail. If we keep failing, then it's time to reevaluate why we made those vows in the first place and what you want to do about it. But if you see and learn from the failure, and something good comes out of it -- perhaps recommitment or redirection, then for me that's a more positive approach. You're all at that crossroads right now."

Abby said in a tight tone, "So, my anger is misdirected?"

Jean smiled, "Anger doesn't solve the underlying problem, and more often exacerbates it. Often it's a knee-jerk reaction because society taught you that response in that situation. If someone is unfaithful, you get angry. That's the plot of thousands of books and movies. If I had to recommend the emotions to carry to a situation like this it would be love and forgiveness. That doesn't mean to forget. What are the lessons? What are you learning? Later, you can ask what you want the outcome to be."

Jean turned to me and asked, "If this situation hadn't materialized, where would you be right now?"

I blushed, "Probably in bed, loving Anna who we haven't seen for weeks."

She nodded, "Then I suggest you go and do that. You don't have to have sex, but hold her. She's hurting and needs her partners to help her through this, even though you're all intertwined in this situation. She was lonely and horny, and found someone to help her; you can be the same kind of resource here and now."

Anna looked at Abby and me with caution. I could tell she expected instant rejection. The tears were streaming down her face.

I stood up, "THAT is a great suggestion. Jean, thank you for your wisdom. I think we may need more wisdom tomorrow or later, but for now, I think we can get through the night together." I looked at Abby and Anna, "And I do mean TOGETHER."

Anna looked surprised, even shocked at my attitude. Abby nodded in agreement with where we were headed.

The three of us walked to my house. I held Anna's hand as Abby led the way. We shut the place up for the night. I felt better, but I was far from recovered from the situation. We washed up, and I insisted that the three of us sleep together. We put Anna in the middle, although she broke into tears again for a while, and then I spooned in behind her naked body with my own and just held her. I could feel her body shake from time to time as a bout of crying passed her thoughts. Abby cradled her head to her bosom. We were awake a long time with our thoughts, and gradually we slept more from emotional exhaustion than from fatigue.

Later in the night I became aware of Anna softly putting her head on my bare chest. I could still feel the tracks of her tears on her face. I slowly wrapped my arms around her, and she squirmed in even closer to me.

Anna whispered, "God, I love you. I really do. I'm so sorry I didn't behave."

"Sssssh," I said quietly so as not to wake Abby. "I love you too, and don't ever forget it. Now, get some rest. We'll talk in the morning."