Trials of a Planeswalker Ch. 01: Rising

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A meteor erupted forth, screeching towards Blayne with deadly accuracy. He barely managed to get out of the way as the meteor blew the top half of the building apart. Such wanton destruction was causing a lot of death and destruction and Blayne was fighting for every inch.

"What's this? Blayne, you have made a folly bringing your dear sister here." Bolas growled triumphantly, "You will pay for your insolence with her life."

Without a moment wasted, Bolas opened his maw and let forth a crackling storm of fire towards Shyara. Blayne's heart stopped and he cried in defiance. A bright beam of white light shot from his hand as fast as light itself. It struck Robin before the torrent of flame had engulfed them.

A light brighter than the fire that had engulfed them emerged from the blaze. Shyara and Varia were completely unscathed and Robin floated above them in her angelic form.

"Thank god." Blayne sighed in relief when he saw his sister unharmed.

Varia said something to Shyara and the great lioness roared loudly. They charged forward at Bolas, her mane trailing holy fire as dark magic poured forth from Varia. Dark spirits of all manner appeared around them and flew towards Bolas. They served as a useful distraction for Shyara to hit Bolas. She was large, but not when compared to Bolas. She grabbed for his head, trying to dig her claws and teeth into his eyes.

Robin raced behind them with her wings beating quickly. She unsheathed her sword and swung for Bolas' neck.

"No! Get back!" Blayne yelled, launching forward.

Before he could reach them Bolas reacted violently. He spun in a torrent of black magic, tearing the top of the building off and sending it flying. Shyara, Varia and Robin were all knocked away. He stood atop the rubble of the building, looking tall and regal. The sound of the concrete and steel crashing into the other buildings was deafening.

Shyara caught herself easily, keeping Varia in her saddle. Robin's wings snapped open and she also righted before crashing.

"Stay back you all. This is my fight and I will finish it!" Blayne yelled over his shoulder.

Robin floated over to Shyara and spoke to Varia, "Is he mad?! We can help!"

"I... I think... I hate to say it, but this fight... it's on a totally different level than us. I am a powerful sangromancer and if I could somehow get ahold of Bolas' blood, I could end him..." Varia said worriedly.

"Then do it! Kill him!" Robin interjected loudly.

"It's not that easy. He's a being of great power and to take over someone's very blood, I have to be stronger than them. I am not stronger than Bolas and he would kill me if he got the chance. No, we just need to be here for Blayne." Varia hung her head in depression.

"Damn it." Robin cursed, her wings beating softly.

"We should probably get back a ways." Varia suggested and they retreated to a good distance.

Blayne floated before Bolas as they stared at one another. Neither wanted to give ground or make an opening because the first one to slip would die in an instant. It disturbed Blayne greatly how he felt right now. Not because he was scared or because he felt sick, that was quite the opposite.

He felt so alive.

Never in his life had his senses been so acute. Time moved at a crawl and every breath took an eternity. His mind raced on adrenaline and mana in a way he never thought possible. But beyond that, he also felt very calm. Like his time on Idena when he had been meditating with Nishok, his heart beat steady and his breath came in a controlled manner. He knew any moment could be his last and, it wasn't that he was okay with it, he was just accepting of it. He relinquished the weight on his shoulders, the knowledge that a whole world depended on him. Instead he took up a mantle of love. He simply desired to protect his sister and his lover. They were all that mattered to him right now and he felt light as air.

Bolas made the first move, crouching and releasing black mana from his hands. It grew in a cold and dead cloud around him. The screams of the damned could be heard from it and Bolas poured forth the power of death itself. It came forth like a fog of darkness as it rolled over the sides of the building. He brought his claws up and it swirled around like a whipping wind. A single touch would tear his soul from his body and end the fight. Bolas fought with an unnerving ruthlessness and he showed a determination to win at any cost.

However, Blayne was completely steady and calm. He observed as time moved slow around him. He didn't know if it were adrenaline or his own magic, but he could watch Bolas' each action with an aching slowness. As the swirling death moved forward, Blayne kept his senses attuned to Bolas, searching for his opening.

It seemed like hours or days had passed when he finally moved. Bolas dropped his left arm ever so slightly and it created a disturbance in the death cloud. The action was all Blayne needed and his eyes snapped wide as he reached for his full power. He thought up until now that he had been fighting with all he had, but it took this near-death stillness and quiet to make him truly search his soul and find the real power of his Planeswalker Spark.

Like lightning itself, Blayne moved. He surged through the opening in the cloud of darkness and he released all the power he had in a great explosion of lightning. The detonation created a wave of power that moved invisibly outward, rippling over the buildings and streets around them. Following behind it was a blast of power so strong that it shattered concrete, tore steel and vaporized glass. Bolas took the full force of it, shattering many of his bones and tearing his wings to ribbons. The building beneath them shattered into a trillion pieces before starting to fall. Many of the other buildings near them were also shredded in the milliseconds following the spell. Nearly a quarter mile of New York was annihilated in Blayne's final attack.

Lightning surged all about, streaking into the sky and crackling to the buildings below. The sound of the destruction rippling about them was like nothing else and then the world came rushing back. Sound returned to Blayne's ears as a huge portion of the city toppled. Bolas fell with it, crashing into the dust and rubble below. A great plume of concrete dust filled the air and obscured Bolas from view.

Blayne breathed out in the moments of silence that followed the destruction's aftermath. He immediately felt the weight of the men and women he likely slew with that attack, but the damage Bolas could've rought if their fight carried on. If he had left Manhatten, then millions more could've died. At least their initial fighting drove many to flee the area. As the dust settled, Blayne let out an audible groan.

Bolas was gone.

He hadn't gone anywhere Blayne could see, he had probably Planeswalked or otherwise escaped. No doubt he would leave to tend his wounds, but after this fight, he would have to be much wiser.

Closing his eyes, he pulled off the necklace and expanded his mind. He used his magic to search for the Powestone. Shards of it were glimmering in his mind's eye, having shattered among the ruins below. He was pleased that Bolas had not made off it with and that it was well enough disposed of. He couldn't imagine that shards of a destroyed Powestone would be much use, especially because they were slowly losing their power as Blayne watched. The magic that had helped him locate the shards was dissipating without the whole orb to keep it together.

"Blayne?" Robin asked as she floated up near him.

"What? Yes! Hey sis." Blayne jerked as if he just woke up, "I'm glad you got out unhurt. What on earth made you go with Shyara and Varia? It's dangerous!"

"Because I could help! I did, didn't I?" Robin exclaimed, throwing her arms up.

"You could've died!" Blayne yelled, "Come on! We're going back to your apartment."

"I'm really glad I didn't get one in Manhatten." Robin snickered as she looked around.

"Robin... please don't laugh. You don't know how many people I killed here today to stop Bolas." Blayne's voice immediately fell and his eyes looked down.

"Oh yea... I know you did it the only way you could though. You wouldn't have let it happen if you could've stopped it." Robin said, grasping his hand.

"Let's just go." Blayne said softly.

*******

There were no celebrations, no victory party. They returned to Robin's apartment on the other side of the city and all headed inside. Shyara barely fit through the door onto the Balcony and she took up much of the living room, but Blayne didn't want to send her away. So she settled down near the couch and Varia took off her saddle and armor.

"She really is beautiful Blayne." Robin said, nervously running her hand over the glowing holy fire of her mane.

'Thank you.' Shyara said to her.

Robin started in surprise. It was the first time Shyara had adressed her directly inside her mind.

"Blayne, I'm glad you came back. I feel so much better with all this behind us." Robin sighed, sitting down next to him on the couch.

"I hope it is behind us. Bolas knows now that he is powerful, but he is not infallible. This realm is defended and I hope he decides it's not worth his trouble." Blayne sighed, still clasping the ruby tightly.

"Why're you still holding that?" Varia asked, pointing to it.

"What? Oh god, I had forgotten. I just didn't want to lose it. Here Robin, keep it safe. It's much more important than it was before." Blayne said, handing her the Mox Ruby.

"It couldn't be any more important than it was. You gave it to me. That makes it as important as anything could be." Robin sighed, looking over the glimmering ruby lovingly.

"Varia, would you marry me?" Blayne sighed, glancing to his left at her.

"What?!" Varia cried, starting in terror.

"I want you to be my wife, let's get married." Blayne said, clasping her hand.

"Yes! You can be my sister!" Robin said victoriously.

"Well?" Blayne glanced at her.

"Yes." Varia sighed, flopping her head back on the couch, "Who am I kidding Blayne, I will love you until the day I die."

"Good, because I plan on it being a long and happy life." Blayne turned his head to Robin, "We're gonna need a bigger apartment."

"Alright." Robin nodded.

It wasn't an unhappy ending to their quest, but it was finally over. Blayne felt like he wanted nothing more than to go back to a normal life...

At least for a little while.

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8 Comments
Wolfgang1955Wolfgang1955over 1 year ago

Could not read past page 29. Will not read 2nd part.

KybrdSmshKybrdSmshabout 2 years ago

I really like the premier, there's a lot of potential here. It's just a matter of refining that into something a little more coherent. Most of the chapters, I feel like a squirrel on cocaine, sprinting from one point to the next, weekly connected by narration and exposition that didn't reflect the actions of the characters. Setting is incredibly important but it feels like the bare minimum to imagine the scene is given only to be immediately followed by another event. A well written story needs reactions scenes to let the reader truly deliver into the story and characters. That can take the form of

single sentences or multiple paragraphs, all with the intentions of showing the character's reaction to the events, reflecting and elaborating on the character's' thoughts and feelings. Good characterization is not only how a character looks and is described, but how they interact with the world around them, something I feel was missing. Overall that pacing element needs some work even if it means stretching the word count if that would help the world feel more alive.

Art88Art88almost 5 years ago
Awesome

This story was awesome man great job, the plot was gripping and it was very well written thanks for the good read

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Too much.

At some point, somewhere around page 20 or 21, I just had enough. Too many not-so-subtle references and cameos; too much grandstanding; too much constant one-upping on the power level. Varia, whose character (up to page 20 or 21, at least) can be summed up entirely with four tropes, actually showed a bit of interesting character development which kept me reading for a while, but even that wasn't enough in the long run for me to put up with what had become a procession of samey vignettes, all following more or less the same layout.

In conclusion: an interesting concept but boring execution.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

I want to start by saying that this series has an amazing premise, and I really wanted to get into it. A few things prevented me from really enjoying it however.

The biggest thing, was an issue with basic female anatomy. The womb does not sit just past the vulva. That is the vagina. The womb very specifically lies beyond the cervix and is synonymous with the uterus. You described Blayne’s fingers or cock as inside of a woman’s womb several times. Unless they are of truly monstrous proportions and he also forced his way past their crevixes this is not possible.

Past that I felt as if there was too much direct exposition. We kept getting told that Blayne is incredibly smart, but I never felt like his actions or internal monologue reflected this. This was the same in learning about the world of Ravnica, we had all the Guilds thrown at us in the first few moments rather than being able to actually watch them work and interact. It would be nice to be immersed in the setting rather than just being told about it.

I hope that you keep writing and wish you the best of luck!

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