Trials of Love Pt. 02

You are the only person who has shared my life, my body and my love for the past ten years. You are the most wonderful and loyal man, and I love you so much that it physically hurts not to have you by my side.

Four months ago, you walked away from me because of my own foolish actions. I met an opportunist man who briefly made me doubt my love for you. You weren't able to be with me for those last months of my world tour, and this man took advantage of that. He worked his way close to me. I thought he was a business colleague and a friend, and foolishly I didn't tell him you. You were such a special part of my life Peter that I selfishly didn't want to share you.

My husband, my love, I promise you that nothing happened. His proposal was as big a surprise to me as it must have been to you. I can't imagine what it must have felt to watch him declare his love for me in such a public way after I'd refused to publicly acknowledge our love. I promise you that I wasn't smiling at his proposal; I was smiling because I'd just seen you enter the room.

You disappeared, and nobody knows where you are. I know you flew to Switzerland, but we can't find out where you went from there. I don't know of any other way to contact you, so I'm hoping that you still care enough about me to view this site, and read this letter.

Your loving wife

Kayla Ortiz-Ryan

Below was a letter to her fans.

To my loyal fans

I'm married and have been for the past eight years. I'm sorry that I felt it important to keep it secret, but at the time I felt justified with my decision. A decision I've recently realised was a big mistake.

Who is my husband? His name is Peter Ryan. He's the one who has shared my life, my body and my love for the past ten years. He is the most wonderful and loyal man, and I love him so much that it physically hurts not to have him by my side. The rumours of boyfriends, lovers and affairs were just that, rumours; he was my rock.

I did a very foolish thing, I betrayed my husband. I met an opportunist man who made me doubt my love for my husband. Four months ago Peter left me, and I have no idea where he is. I need to find him to apologise and beg him to come home.

This latest tour was to be my last for several years as we planned to settle down and start a family. Now I'm on my own, and I want my husband back.

To you my fans, please if you see or hear anything about Peter, I beg you to contact me through the email link on the web page. I have posted a photograph of Peter below. I need to find him and correct my mistake and his misconceptions.

Gratefully

Kayla Ortiz-Ryan

Below this letter was a photograph of me, one cropped from a photo taken at a family get-together earlier this year.

There was a long silence as I stared at the screen. Did I want to believe her that nothing had happened? Something had to have occurred. You don't just make a public proposal without an assumption that you would get a yes in reply.

As I put the iPad down, Caroline said, "If you hadn't told me who you are I'd never have recognised you from the photo. That full beard and your longer hair make such a difference to your appearance."

"Hiding wasn't the reason I grew them out."

"I guessed that the beard suits you, though."

So did you?" I asked pointedly.

They both looked at me sheepishly. "I emailed her while I was at the airport," Caroline admitted. "I must have sounded convincing as I got a reply within minutes asking me for a contact number. A woman called me and asked a lot of questions and where you were. She was very surprised that you were living on a boat."

"Yah, I never told Kayla that I was buying the Nevermore. I suppose I better see if I can find my phone. I guess she'll be trying to call me."

"Haven't you been checking your messages," Cassie exclaimed.

"Not since the night I heard Nigel propose to her. I switched it off when I got on the plane, and I haven't switched it back on since. I threw it in a drawer when I got on board, and it's been there ever since."

Cassie looked at me in shock, she couldn't contemplate a life without a phone permanently attached to her hip. I retrieved my phone and switched it on, amazingly there was still a half charge after all these months.

Once the phone had connected to a carrier and found a signal, it was constantly pinging and chiming for the next five minutes.

I groaned as I looked at the list of missed calls and texts. It looked like I'd pissed off a lot of people with my disappearing act and probably lost a few friends as well.

I left Kay's texts to last, I'm not sure why. I suppose I didn't want to read anything that would make me doubt her sincerity.

Stephen was really pissed off with me. In his first messages, he was insistent that he knew nothing about what had gone on between Kay and Nigel. Considering what I'd seen, I wasn't convinced of his innocence. When he discovered that I'd sold my share of the agency his texts became ballistic. Then I found one from him that said that he and Kayla had convinced my buyers of selling my share back to me. 'You owe us a lot of money', was the gist of his last text.

What I did note was that while he adamantly denied knowing anything about a relationship between Kay and Nigel. At no time did he confirm Kay's claim that she and Nigel didn't have a relationship. Again I couldn't help thinking regardless of Kay claim about her innocence, a person just doesn't propose marriage unless they expect a positive answer. Something must have happened be-tween them.

I looked at Caroline and Cassie, then switching it off again I put the phone into my pocket. "That enough for tonight," I said in a jaunty tone. "Didn't you offer to feed me this evening Caroline?"

"Yes ... but don't you want to talk to your wife first?"

I shook my head, "Not really, there's still too many inconsistencies in the stories, and I just don't want to deal with them tonight. I'm hungry, and I need to think about my next move. Caroline, I trust Paul, but Carrie I don't know Tom, so I'd be very grateful if you don't discuss my situation with him."

The two women gave each other a look then agreed. Caroline said, "Come on then we've got steaks to grill and wine to drink. And we need to save Paul from the walking ... err Tom."

Cassie gave her a funny look and then they headed back to their boat. I had a quick wash and changed into clean jeans and a t-shirt. I almost left my phone to charge, but at the last moment put it in my pocket.

I almost felt sorry for Tom when I met him, the aroma of 'big brother does not think you are worthy of dating his little sister' was heavy in the air. Tom was a pleasant enough man in his mid-thirties. What he lacked in brains he sure made up for in looks, damn him!

He was British, much to my surprise. I'd always assumed that all surfers were American or Australian. I was partially correct, he had grown up surfing the waves of Cornwall before moving to Australia to chase the bigger ones. It was there that he'd met Cassie the previous year.

Tom and Paul were on deck trying to have a conversation as Paul was preparing the bbq. I was treated as Paul's saviour. He waved me aboard, and I greeted both of them.

"The women are down below, they'll be up in a moment," I was told. "What do you want to drink?"

"Beer would be nice," I replied as I settled down on one of the chairs on the aft deck.

Paul called out, "Caro honey. Peter's here, and can you bring him up a cold beer."

There was an acknowledgement and a couple of minutes later Caroline, and his sister came on deck carrying the meat for the grill and a handful of beer bottles. After placing them on the table, I was greeted with a hug and a kiss from both of them.

Cassie gave me a long expectant look. "So, has she called, have you called her?"

"No and no, and let's leave it please," I said. "I still have my doubts, and I need to be in a right frame of mind before I talk to her."

Cassie wanted to say something else, but Caroline hushed her. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment. Tom was looking from Cassie to me, then to Caroline and Paul. It was evident that he desperately wanted to know what was going on, but we ignored him.

Paul trying to change the subject to a safer one, broached a subject we hadn't gotten into the evening before. He asked me what I did. Because as he said, "You're too damn young to be retired!"

"I'm an author," I admitted. "Not a very good one but I sell enough books to make ends meet."

"That's not true," a voice from the dockside behind me declared. "He's a brilliant writer."

I knew that voice, it sent shivers down my spine. A shot of adrenaline pulsed through my body as I went on alert. I shot Caroline a sharp look.

"You couldn't leave it alone could you," I muttered.

"You need to talk," she replied without any hint of embarrassment.

I slowly turned to see Kayla on the dockside. She looked somewhat forlorn. A hopeful expression on her face. She was wearing a loose blue cotton dress, an old favourite of mine. For a moment I thought she'd put a bit of weight on then dismissed it. On her hand glinted our rings. Beside her, there was a black roll on flight bag. On the road behind her, a taxi was pulling away.

"Am I welcome?" She asked in a voice laced with uncertainty.

After a moment while I just stared at her. Caroline shooting me a disappointed look said. "Of course you are. Paul take Kayla's bag and put it on Peter's boat. You, young lady, come here and let's get you freshened up after your trip."

I was beginning to understand that Caroline was the human equivalent of a Force of Nature. Nothing was going to stand in the way of her attempt to get us back together.

I bowed to the inevitable and called to Paul. "You better put her bag in the guest cabin."

He grinned back at me and waved in acknowledgement. There was a flurry of activity as the women took Kayla below deck, leaving me alone with a bemused Tom. Not that it took a lot to bemuse him I'd quickly discovered.

"So man, you know this woman?" He asked. Then before I could answer asked, "Who's the writer, you or her?"

Christ, I thought, Caroline hadn't exaggerated, he wasn't the brightest soul on the block. He'd better know how to use that dick of his, cos he's not got much else going.

"I'm the writer," I explained. "She's Kayla Ortiz, a world famous concert pianist, and I suppose still my wife."

"Cool, that hottie's your old lady. So what does she play?"

I looked at him in exasperation, I'd just told him. "She's a classical musician."

"Yah cool, I understand, but what does she play. Is it like a guitar?"

Fuck me, how dumb is this dickhead. I was now in complete agreement with Paul. The world would be a far, far better place if he were removed from the gene pool. Please God, I hope he's firing blanks.

"No, she's a pianist, and she plays the piano," I said.

I was saved from more of Tom's revelations by Paul as he clambered aboard.

"I've put the bag in your cabin, I hope that ok."

I sighed, I'll deal with it later.

"We've got steak and prawns for the barbie, is that going to be ok for her?"

"Should be, unless something drastic has changed in the past few months."

Paul gave me an odd look. Then he started putting the steaks on the bbq. The women reappeared. Caroline and Cassie had broad grins, and Kay had a small apologetic smile.

"You kept the boat a big secret didn't you," she said in a careful tone.

"Yes, well that was the point, it was supposed to be a hidie hole for us in case the press got too intrusive after the announcement. Only the broker and I knew about the purchase."

"I guessed that. The private detectives I hired haven't been able to find you."

"Again that was the plan," I pointed out with a trace of sarcasm.

I was sitting on a padded chest, and she came and sat down beside me. "I'm not going to bore you with countless protestations of love," she said as she took my hand. "Because I know, you know that I do, and nothing has changed. Well one thing, and that's your fault."

I stared at her; did she really think that it would be so easy? She was the same Kay I'd loved all these years. But I wasn't sure I could dare love her anymore. I already felt pain at her apparent infidelity with Nigel, and now it was my fault.

"So it's my fault that some dickhead decided that you and he were friendly enough that it was alright to propose to you."

"No, that was all mine. I was so stupid, I really didn't know how serious Nigel was becoming. I thought he was just a good friend."

I shook my head, "That makes no sense at all. Do me the common courtesy not to insult my intelligence. It didn't seem like he was at all confused. He was convinced that you were in love with him. He chose the words of his proposal carefully. And it was obvious that he expected you to say yes. Why would he think that Kay?"

She looked upset then gave me a sad smile. "I may have led him on a bit. I was lonely and missing you, and I wasn't in complete control. He took me out to dinner a few times, and I let him kiss me. But I honestly thought he knew I was married and I only thought of him as a friend."

"Did you actually tell him you were married?"

She shook her head, "Not in so many words, but I was sure he knew."

In the background, I heard Tom hiss, "What's going on, who is she?" And three people shushed him. I had come to think that what he lacked in brains, he made up for in entertainment value.

Both Kay and I glanced at each other and smiled. I guessed we'd just become their entertainment for the evening. Well, if the food is as good as it smelt maybe they'd earned it. Paul gave us our plates, and we both ate as we talked.

I gave her the option, and asked, "Do you want to discuss it here or later in private?"

She grinned back and whispered in my ear, "And spoil their entertainment! There's nothing I need to say that I want to hide, and I know I'm going to embarrass myself."

I loved how we both thought the same. In fact. I knew I loved her more than ever. Which made my need to understand what had happened and why Nigel had felt she would accept his offer of marriage so critical. The old saying 'there's no smoke without fire', kept coming to mind.

"So there are a few things I need answers to," I said, and I held up a finger for each one as I asked it. "One, did you sleep with him? Two, why did you change, we've been apart so many times before and we've never strayed? So why now, was it something I did?" I carried on like this for several more salient points that had been festering in my mind these past few months.

She looked so vulnerable as she listened to me. She seemed to shrink into herself. I felt guilty, so I put an arm around her at which she gave me a grateful smile.

"First things first," she said. "No, I never slept with him, nor with anyone else, since we first met in case you're wondering. I did let his kisses go further that I should have. Peter, I'm truly sorry, I know that this is not what you want to hear, but I enjoyed it when he caressed me."

She moved closer, seeking reassurance from her physical contact with me.

"It was nothing that you did. I was so nervous, those last couple of months of the tour. We'd made the decision that we were going to start a family, and I'll be honest the thought of being pregnant scared me, and it still does. Stephen and the recording company were pushing me to carry on recording even though I'd told them about us wanting a two-year break. Nigel is their VP for classical records division. He came to try and convince me to change my mind."

"Was that why his phone contact was 'D' for diamond records?" I asked in a manner that made it sound like I already knew.

She nodded, "He must have changed it in the contacts list when he got his assistant to transfer the data from my old phone to the one they gave me."

"And the ring tone?"

"I had told his assistant how I use custom ringtones so he would transfer them from the old phone. He must have added one for his boss."

"So why did you delete his contact after I answered his call that morning and change your phone back?"

"I didn't really, I just changed his contact back to Diamond Records and got rid of the custom ring tone. I called him back while you were in the shower and I realised how his conversation would have sounded to you. Yes, I know you answered it. Why didn't you tell me, I would have explained. And l changed the phone back because I could see that you were upset that I wasn't using the phone you'd bought me for Christmas."

"Kay, I was worried, there was something different about you. We'd agreed that we would inform the world about our relationship, suddenly you wanted to wait. Then he called, and it sounded like you'd had plans to meet up that evening. Let's be honest, even our lovemaking those last months was different, more frenzied, desperate, as though you needed to prove something. I convinced myself that you were overcompensating for being unfaithful."

"I just missed you so much. He'd made me doubt myself, and I needed you to fuck my doubts away." Her hand came up, and she let her fingertips trace the line of my chin under my beard. "I wasn't myself, I wasn't in control of my emotions," she whispered so softly I almost didn't hear her.

I continued, "Then for the first time that I can remember, you tried to suggest I would be happier if I didn't attend a reception with you. Well, I know why now, seeing Nigel propose to you sure explained that."

"I didn't mean it like that. The damn thing had been taken over by Nigel ..." She felt me stiffen at that statement.

I snapped back, "Yah that would have been fucking nice to have known in advance. How do you think I felt, left standing outside like a pillock. That fucker Nigel didn't put me on the invite list - nor did Stephen."

I tried to calm down, but I failed miserably. My voice rose as I continued. "The three of you just pissed off after the concert. You knew I would be joining you backstage. I'd sent you a text which you'd replied to. Then what happens, I have to chase you halfway across Manhattan, and when I finally get in finally that nightclub, I'm just in time to hear him propose to you."

"He implied a great deal of intimacy with you," I almost shouted the last words. "I believe he said something like 'We are no longer just business colleagues, we are so much more.' What the fuck was I expected to think; that you'd been fucking him and now planned to marry the man - I assume after you divorced me."

"I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what that must have felt like. I'd just spotted you at the back of the room. Then Nigel ruined the evening and my life when he made his stupid declaration of love. By the time I'd recovered, you'd gone. I almost caught up with you outside the nightclub. Then I made Stephen take me back the hotel, but you'd already left. I was shattered. I saw that you'd packed and left - passport and all."

"But I still don't understand why Nigel was holding the fucking reception in the first place. As far as I knew it was supposed to be hosted by the agency backstage."

I could see tears streaming down her cheeks and Caroline went to console her, but Kay waved her away and answered my question.

"It was because I'd told Nigel that I wouldn't be doing any recording sessions in our off time. He and Stephen came up with the idea that we record some of the concerts that last month. Then they could release the albums gradually. I'm surprised you didn't notice the mics all over the place. Nigel really wanted to hold a party to celebrate the successful recording sessions. I didn't want to go to another party, so Stephen came up with the proposal that Diamond records sponsor the last night reception instead."