Tribute

Note: This character is a college student. Also, no vivid sexual scenes will be described in this story.

Part I:

I blinked confusedly as I really began to wake up. What in the world was that dream coming from? I rolled over on my side, tucking my blanket tighter around my back and shoulder in the process. Inwardly my mind was spinning.

It was a good dream. Actually, it was heavenly. I never wanted to wake up. I had been dreaming that this man I met on the street knew me, I knew him, and in front of anyone and everyone I launched myself into his embrace (and I have never met anyone I cared about that much to show physical affection to in front of anybody). He held me and said he missed me, and I missed him. I have never felt such deep emotions for anyone—not even my own mother. I had shout his name, "Elmo", when I had seen him. He had incredulously said my name, "Natasha" before I had even looked up to notice who had called me.

Aside from a stupid puppet, who could possibly be named Elmo? Traditionally, the name is very honorable. "Protector" sounds much better than "puppet character" any day.

I had felt protected... loved, wanted, missed, and happy. I can't remember a time I was that happy.

Behind me a squeaky yawn is heard. Then a swiping motion on my hair as my dog Esquivo helps remind me that he needs to go out to pee.

"Alright, alright!" I playfully grind out as he wags his tail. I stretch and step out of the warm covers, the ones I know I won't get to see again until late tonight.

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The hallway filled as students poured out of their just released classrooms. I sat on the floor, finishing a written outline before I'd be able to get home and get it printed. I struggled to concentrate at the task at hand. It wasn't the students milling past, as always, but it was that dream. With that Elmo guy. Whoever he was, I wanted to see him—if he was real. I'd always had realistic dreams, but this one stood above the others. Normally I could control little parts of my dreams, make a person say this, have them order a latte or something. Elmo had his own identity. He called my name in my dream. I didn't see him before he saw me. He said he missed me before I said I missed him. It felt like there was a history I should know about.

Maybe he was my Guardian Angel, or something.

By now I had given up on the outline. My backpack was zipped closed with all my supplies inside. I wait as the rest of the students cleared out before I got to my customary seat I inhabit every class period.

The day carried on like usual. Nothing amazing. Nothing sporadic. Just a day in the week, that was to eventually polish off a month, and before you knew it, it would be another year.

Friends were people I didn't have. Unless you count Esquivo. He was my only living friend that I knew really well. I could chat with people. I could consider them a good acquaintance. But beyond that I didn't have friendships that could not be dropped within a day's notice. I had a life that I could pretty much walk away from and never look back at. Nearly everything in my life was a 'filler'. Aside from Esquivo, I had nothing important that needed me around.

While it sounds sad, it certainly is freeing. Every day I was thankful that I didn't have children of my own crawling all over me. Or have some sort of average responsibility I didn't want; like being married to some terrible person I didn't even like. I was sure to be glad for the little things. However, that song by Chuck Wichs says it all, "When You're Single".

Though Esquivo was considered a friend, he wasn't the talking kind. He couldn't say any words that would ease my soul when I was discomforted or hurt. He just barked at me if he wanted to go out to walk, jog, or pee, or see if I'd be foolish enough to let him outside without a lead on. Esquivo is a husky mix who only has a few things on his mind; running around being a high mark on his list.

I wanted that soul mate friend. The type of person you could be yourself around without being uncomfortable. Someone who didn't treat me badly because they thought it was okay to do. Or think I was stupid because my sense of humor was different than there's. A true friend.

Clearly I hadn't found one yet. If they even exist. If one did for me, it was probably Elmo. Later while I was walking with Esquivo, I realized that there is no way Elmo was real—because there would be no acquaintance part of the friendship, or whatever there was between us. Not only would he stand out because of his name alone, but his voice would register with me--that, and his kindness. I would recognize him instantly. And nobody just walks into their soul mate friend like that. At least, not that I had ever heard of.

That night, while sitting on my bed in the dark, doing an upside down braid in my auburn hair, I hoped Elmo would visit me in my dreams again. Because even though I am a loner, I craved that companionship that not any other person could fit.

When slipping into sleep, I thought I could feel someone sitting on the bed beside me. Esquivo only laid by my feet, so I know it wasn't him. Either way, I wondered.

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"I miss you"

I felt his fingers near my temple as he brushed part of my bangs back. I sat with my back resting against his chest, sitting within his bent and splayed legs. His left arm rest against my left arm; which I now slid my hand over to feel his warmth.

"I miss you too, Elmo," I replied. The corners of my eyes pinched as my heart did. Elmo seemed to feel the same since he then held me closer with both arms.

Inwardly I knew I didn't have much more time with him, that we would have to go on and leave each other alone. For how long, I wondered internally while I rest my lips against the skin of his arm.

My blurry eyes focused on my cell phone's screen, the alarm's song waking me. Normally I had no qualms waking to Bryan Adams "Everything I do", but this morning happened to make the tune a dismal opening to the day.

I sat up on the bed, the empty feeling settling within my heart. I hugged my arms around my chest. "I still miss you," I whispered while my throat grated to a close. Heat settled behind my eyes. "I'll always miss you."

Part II:

Months passed. Spring break had crept up on me, and I was certainly surprised by its appearing.

The dreams had persisted off and on. I did my best to forget about Elmo entirely. It sounds crazy, I know, but for someone who wasn't even real to be stealing my attention that much—it was just mental torture for me. I knew that our fake friendship had to end when I was measuring any guy who spoke to me (in a too interested fashion) to Elmo.

Not to say I did stop doing that anyway. I didn't put myself out there to ever get hit on. One, was because I completely lacked any clue about the rules and know-how of courtship. Unless a guy walked up to me and sang a serenade or fought another guy in hand-to-hand combat for my honor—I wouldn't even know he was interested in a vague way. Blunt asking would be the only way a guy could get me to catch the drift. Two, I couldn't see myself with anyone but someone like Elmo.

I couldn't even say what Elmo physically resembled, facially. I knew he was taller than me. Cliché, I know. Honestly I thought my "soul mate" would be around my 5' 5" frame or shorter. When you are born from shorter parents, and your siblings are also on the shorter side too, you tend to lean towards the shorter crowd. Anyone tall seemed like a different species to me.

Something about Elmo screamed "masculine male". He wasn't overbearing, or aggressive. He didn't strut around in my dreams doing manly man things. I never dreamed about him in the nude either. No six-pack abs or bulging biceps. But whatever it was about him, none of the guys I had been around oozed that pheromone. The average college guys I had met just didn't turn me on at all. For a while I was concerned because men didn't arouse my flirtatious side, and neither did women. I was beginning to think there was really something wrong with me.

In all my twenty-two years only one guy had, had the drive to come up and ask me out. I felt bad for him as he and I sat at a table, me too nervous to eat, and him trying to bring up a comfortable conversation.

Why couldn't I relax? If it was a guy who was just a friend, I could chat and hang out for a while. Suddenly the term 'date' is used and I am as skittish as a wild horse. Not to mention I didn't meld well with this guy's expletive-filled humor or brash talk. I did my best to be kind and not ruin the date by saying what I was thinking—we have nothing in common.

Not that I need to have something in common with someone I date. I just think if the guy is a hard partier, friend-of-everyone, from the money-does-grow-on-trees family, and talks like the ghetto bit him...he and I are not going to mesh the best. Besides, with the way he is, he has got to be able to find a better girl on campus who would just love his every pore. I wasn't that girl.

Everything was different with Elmo. While I was attracted to him, I also felt comfortable enough to sit in his embrace. To kiss and be kissed by him. To be a couple. When we chat it was the same sync and level I understood and thrived at. For a fake guy, I loved his company.

I play for keeps. I have avoided the dating scheme of things because of that. If I am meant to find someone, they will have to literally run into me somewhere. I don't want to hit-and-miss. It can't be that important to me if I won't even try.

These were my random thoughts as I hopped on a bus. I'd left my bike at home because I felt more like intermittently walking today. To save time I used the bus to connect me to the street that the grocer was on.

The day was beautiful, late afternoon. Sunset starting, clear blue skies with a few clouds appearing. A smooth, warm, breeze softly brushed by. People were clocking out of work here and there; walking the streets or hailing buses and cabs.

If it wasn't so busy at this time I would have skipped the bus and walked Esquivo. I really did need groceries though. Peanut butter and canned corn don't go far. Thankfully my mom is an animal person, so she delivers Esquivo's dog food when she visits on a regular every other month basis.

Aside from her and my similar personality, we aren't much alike. I guess that is what bothers me most about anyone I meet, or know. I haven't found one person I can be me around. Not even my family. It's not like I have a graveyard of skeletons in a closet or anything. They just don't get me. However, from what I understand, everyone has that. That is the same problem for so many people.

From my vantage point in the bus I watched the sidewalks with the teeming people. The blank eyed, auto-pilot, style of most of them. It was depressing.

Some guy glanced up at the bus as we passed a corner.

Elmo.

I blinked again. The man lost in the crowd. I really had to let go of that imaginary fellow. I felt a pull to look again, to seek out the doppelganger, but I resist and let my eyes follow over the sidewalks outside the window again.

Less than three blocks after that incident the bus stopped and I stepped off. I had to backtrack to get to the grocery store. As I walked I still felt that pull.

I dodged and dove through the small spaces available through the crowds as I ran, past the grocery store I originally was out for anyway.

Then I saw him.

He was the only one who stopped to stand still as the crowd surged around us. He didn't have to say the words that I thought.

Is that you?

The corners of his eyes tightened as a sweet smile emerged--exactly as I had seen him do so many times before...but this time in the flesh. Next thing I knew my fingers were splayed open as my hands rest along his back. My legs were tucked along his sides as he held me close. Our heads rest alongside each other, our temples touching. He had a briefcase he had been carrying. Now I didn't know where that was and I doubt he did either.

"I've-"

"-missed you," I finished. When he pulled back slightly, I turned my face towards him. Beautiful is the word that came to mind as I felt his smile against my lips.

At least, I think that is how our reunion would be. If Elmo was real.

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