Bolton added that Capone was actually furious that so many had been killed, as he, rightly, suspected that such a body count would draw federal attention. The St. Valentine's Day Massacre was the beginning of the end for Capone. Even more upset, claimed Bolton, was the normally cheerful George Ziegler, who sat quietly throughout his birthday party that same day, refusing even to open his presents or blow out the candles on his cake. According to Bolton, Ziegler mourned as if he had lost his own brother in the shooting.
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@carnel flower
While you make toast of a fine loaf remember this- you didn't bake it. Go eat wonder bread if that's all you crave. Our whole grain might be more fiber than you can digest but we'll enjoy it all the same- even if it's more nutrition than one might expect from our kitchen.more...
Missed Opportunity
I’m not sure which target you were aiming to hit with this post, but I think it’s safe to say it missed the most important one of connecting to a readership interested in gay erotica. I hear crickets chirping. Barely a ripple. No emotional or sexual connection. Little feeling, little love being returned.
As a mere, lowly, humble reader who loves hot and loving gay erotica, my advice to improve your writing is to know your audience. That you did not do. And it’s too bad, because the story here is so unique, original, hot and tragic. It could have been so good. But the writerly ego got in the way, from beginning to end. From the A/N to the rah rah writing style to the ending history lesson, it all pushes me away.
I still read it, begrudgingly. Shit. Missed opportunity. Ditch the blather about yourself. Stop thinking about your “writing.” Make it easier to read. LOVE your audience. Seduce them.
Grab onto the most important erotic and meaningful crux of the story: the glance exchanged between the two at the end. That is what had the potential to break my heart.
Your mere readers on lit want to be moved and turned on, not impressed with you or your writing. This seems more suited to circulation in a writing class, amongst a writing group, whatever. Could very well be published in a more high brow journal. But this is lit. You want to slum with us, then respect us. I found the whole damn thing an insult.
Now I think I’ll go read Fraternity Slut.more...
BRAVO!
This gem is so polished you could cut into the iciest heart with it. I cried at the end. You really captured the bitterly cold world that was 1929. They were difficult characters to love no less understand but you made me fear for their lives and hope for their happiness. You stayed true, never trying to steal empathy or cheat by endowing them with modern attributes or modern thinking. They were a product of their time, murderous animals that longed to be human. I loved this. You have achieved greatness.more...
really interesting
we've all heard of the st. val day mass. but it wasn't ever told like that ;) I really found it to be admirable that you could do several things at the same time...you took a real event and adapted it to this story of these two men so creatively, you did a good job of bringing the language and setting to life taking the reader on a trip back in time and you created this ill-fated romance between two men and made it really sad, entertaining and hot in turns. The only parts that broke my heart were the story about his kitten and the poor dog losing its owner! But, really great job all around. I found the part where they're arguing over the bodies of the 'mick and his chippie' with their pants around their ankles to be hilarious. You really brought the emotional connection between the two hit-men to life and it was really powerful at the end picturing him seeing his lover there with little time left in the world. i wonder what was really behind Shotgun George's mood that night. might have made an interesting story for real. But, I'm sure it wouldn't have been as good as this one. Great job.more...
Only one way to say it ~~~> BULLS EYE!
This may have been your maiden voyage through the waters of gay male, but you made the trip like you were piloting a drug runner's cigarette boat and darting in and out of the canals of Miami with the DEA hot on your heels...and left them wondering where you disappeared to at the end!
Quite honestly, this is one of THE BEST short stories I have read in the nine years I have been a part of Literotica. Everything done to perfection whether it was historical detail or creating sexual heat...and everything in between. I can't think of a single suggestion to give you that would improve a single sentence, which should help explain why this story has the score it does in the contest.
A few other authors here in GM attempt to run the bases with a period piece and/or utilizing highly specific locations and background settings. But they tend to create something quite rushed and lacking enough that they stumble rounding second and end up spending the rest of the inning lusting for home plate from third base, because the story just doesn't blend the set up and eroticism like it should.
You, on the other hand, not only smacked it over the left field fence with the bases loaded, but also broke the windshield of the most expensive car driven to the game, a couple hundred more feet out in the parking lot. CONGRATS! I am happily mashing my finger on the five star button and will look forward to more of your talented contributions to this category. JKDmore...
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